Redesigned by popular demand, this new deck of Obama poster parody playing cards contains new characters, revised captions, improved images, and - keeping pace with the government expansion - now contains 56 cards instead of the usual 52.
The back design has also changed: "To each according to his hyphen" has been replaced with a more proper name for this project: "American Agitprop in the Age of Obama: Heroes and Villains." This is a perfect Father's Day gift. Hurry - Sunday, June 16 is getting close!
He makes a list and checks it twice. He gives to the naughty what he takes from the nice. He drives from house to house in an armored truck. He is St. Dick, Santa's twin brother.
Awestruck taxpayers greet him with chronologically ordered receipts lest they lose their first dependent. St. Dick wishes them many returns and disappears with their checks until the next jolly tax season.
And here's another heartwarming story of St. Dick and his little helpers, the progs, keeping the spirit of Taxmas‚ĄĘ alive.
I would like you to consider the difference between a mother and the government. They say a mother's love is enduring. So is the funding for a government program.¬†
They say a mother's love will never die. Well, neither will a government program, especially once it's been enshrined as a civil right, a national treasure, and yes, even a so-called third rail.
They say a mother's love is forever. So are government entitlements.¬†
At this point you must be asking, "So what's the difference between Mother and the Government?"...
[PROG WAY OFF]
Homeschoolers will not escape the Common Core - at least those who take GED tests.
Once Common Core is nationally implemented and federally enforced, public education will become just another word for a forcible indoctrination of our children to induce them to give up their parents’ political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas. This is the dictionary definition of¬†brainwashing.
The infamous enemy of the people, Oleg Atbashian, has another subversive story in the¬†American Thinker:
According to¬†voter registration records, Ariel Castro, the Cleveland kidnapper, is a registered Democrat. Why is this important? Whenever a crime or a scandal captures national attention, the pattern in the mainstream media is to either identify the culprit as a Republican or hold silence - in which case we can rest assured that the culprit is a Democrat.
This is our spoof of a new¬†anti-gun sign
by Shepard Fairey, who is also known as the artist behind the famous Obama "Hope" poster.
That the anti-NRA poster looks Orwellian is not a coincidence. Fairey probably believes he has a spiritual channel directly to George Orwell. But Orwell advocated gun ownership and even left us¬†this powerful quote
:¬†"That rifle on the wall of the labourer’s cottage or working class flat is the symbol of democracy. It is our job to see that it stays there."
Post-May-Day depression is a growing malady that affects progressives each year, usually beginning late in the afternoon on May 1 and continuing until the morning of the next May Day.
For some, it is simply a result of too much sign-making and short-range marching with very few people giving a damn; for many others the causes range from substance abuse to the frustration over their inability to force the wonderful progressive world order on the unenlightened by government mandate. While most left-wing agitators in the U.S. and other free nations experience mild symptoms, some others are subjected to an almost paralyzing agony.
These helpful tips explain how dejected collectivists around the world can combat May Day depression by just taking a few simple precautions.
A day of action to save the earth from farmers, ranchers, mining, timber, oil, chemical companies, and anyone else who seeks to utilize the planet's resources to enhance, enrich, and extend the lives of people worldwide.
Characterized by the media's massive awareness drive to (a) remind the world that U.S. capitalists are raping the earth, stealing its riches, and causing environmental problems; (b) advocate a greater government control of land, resources, and industries; and (c) increase the ever growing white male guilt levels.
A great way to hijack spring cleaning and politicize the rebirth of nature.
Our previous celebrations of Earth Day / Lenin's Birthday:
Commissars at the White Fortress have announced that a¬†Saudi Arabian traveling pressure-cooker salesman, who happened to be watching the Boston Marathon and coincidentally was hospitalized because of unexplained chemical burns, is being quickly deported in the¬†interests of world harmony and international friendship
The Department of Crime Redistribution issued a memorandum saying that Middle Easterners had fulfilled their international violence quota through their hard work in Afghanistan, Syria, and Mali, and so no further international terrorism could be attributed to them this fiscal year.¬†
As many Soviet kids did in the 1970s and 1980s, I occasionally tuned my shortwave radio to Voice of America or the BBC Russian Service, hoping to hear their alternative take on world events and, if I was lucky, get the latest rock-music updates. One of the functions of the Iron Curtain was to keep us, the "builders of communism," blissfully unaware of the outside world. All our news had to be processed by the state-run media filter and approved by the formidable censorship apparatus.
As experts ponder the implications of America's stepping-back from world political leadership, finance professionals are openly discussing what the world will be like without the US dollar as the primary unit of international and domestic trade. In the meantime, American businesses are considering the benefits of a new economy¬†based on food stamps
"While the dollar's future is glum, the food stamp is on its ascendency," said a financial analyst at the non-partisan Cloward-Piven Strategy Institute in Washington, DC...
Since mid-twentieth century, [redacted] citizens have been growing more concerned about the number of [redacted] working or residing in their midst. All such [redactions] are henceforth considered 100% unexceptionable, free of any [redacted] harassment, frisking or interrogation.
Members of this sub-majoritarian community, now called [redacted] in recognition of current media sensibilities and stylebooks, have barricaded themselves in [redacted] loci...
We created a special category in our Zazzle store just for this design. Available on shirts, posters, mugs, bags, and postcards.
This original design signed by the artist, Oleg Atbashian, has been selected as a campaign logo and is being used for fundraising for the Margaret Thatcher¬†statue in her birthplace, Grantham, England.
MORE ABOUT THIS STORY >>
"Two, four, six, eight - now it's time to smash the state!" chanted the angry mob. One protester climbed up a flagpole in front of the Justice Department. To the cheers and delight of the crowd, he cut down Old Glory and in its place raised a Viet Cong flag. Police fired tear gas. The mob chanted, "Tear the f***g state down!"
This was the so-called "March Against Death" in Washington, DC, on November 13, 1969. The chant was the rallying cry for the Weathermen, the violent terrorist group that instigated the riot...
First, your subject line. Oddly enough, "Oh no, not again" is exactly what I always say every time I see one of your "Have Stupidity, Two Presidential Election Losses, Please Help" pleas in my inbox. Even odder still, it's about the dumbest subject line you could use for an e-mail that despite the not-so-juicy tidbit of gossip and link to yet another useless petition, will ultimately send me to a page asking me to click on whatever amount of money you think I might deign to send you today.
Second, my name is not Laura.
With the launching of the¬†BRAIN Initiative
¬†to map the human brain, we at¬†The People's Cube can't help but wonder if his results would match our¬†previous findings: The Democrat brain is radically different from the Republican brain.
An atheist group that tried to block the display of a¬†Ground Zero Memorial Cross
¬†in a collection of 9/11 artifacts, is determined to fight a U.S. District judge's decision that the cross-shaped steel beam found in the rubble at the site of the World Trade Center was "non-religious" and thus didn't infringe on their right to believe in Nothing.
While many non-aligned atheists have expressed their non-concern with display of the Cross, American Atheists, Inc. dismisses these people as "non-practicing Atheists" or "secularized secularists" who don't take their non-religious beliefs seriously.¬†
It is essential that all children obey their teachers, as servants of the State, without question.¬†
Therefore, children exhibiting the symptoms of mental illness, such as the need to move around during hour-long political lectures or the desire to talk while a commissar-instructor is presenting them with important political teachings, must be immediately medicated into a docile state of passivity. This way, all impediments to proper ideological formation can be abolished through corrective political pharmacology.
The more children are successfully diagnosed as disabled, the more of them can join their parents in the great joys of equality and collectivization through State disability benefits.¬†
The People Cube is eight years old!
Within this period we have posted twenty million articles that were viewed by sixty four billion people in more than five hundred thousand countries.
Our stories were quoted on ninety million websites and translated into seven thousand languages.
Our mail room workers responded to sixty eight million fan emails, and the site membership has exceeded ninety nine hundred million registered users.
Rumors that this unparalleled success has been achieved through forced labor, torture, and imprisonment of staff writers, graphic artists, and network engineers are nothing but bourgeois propaganda perpetrated by the world-wide imperialist cabal.
See previous glorious celebrations >>
APRIL FOOLS DAY IN PEOPLE'S CUBE HISTORY
If David Kempf wins the mayoral race on April 2, a bronze statue of Free Cheese based on the People's Cube design is going to be built in Oklahoma's third largest city, Norman. There's no reason why he shouldn't, since he just received our official endorsement, which he alsoannounced
¬†on his website.
Our relationship started after we noticed incoming web traffic from David's campaign website. We traced the link to a¬†section dedicated to Free Cheese
. In a humorous way, the candidate for Mayor of Norman described his attitude towards free government cheese, which he defined...
Our article in¬†Front Page Mag
Notions like "sacrifice" and "ecstatic righteousness of youth" may sound admirable, but Grathwohl, who lived underground with the real characters, witnessed "a world of hatred, drugs, and free sex." He saw, up close, a gang of thugs who admired the¬†Manson killers
, plotted bombings, murders, and political assassinations, and aimed to overthrow the constitutionally elected US government. There is nothing sacrificial about terrorists who shoot up a police station and boast, "Our lawyers will make fools of the pigs."
The Weather Underground was not anti-war; it was pro-war. It waged war on the United States, in close consultation with foreign enemies of the U.S. in such places as Hanoi and Havana.
Dictators are¬†a very important part of everyone's lives. They unconditionally share with us other people's wealth even when we don't ask for it - and all they want in return is our approval and total compliance. Whether we are at home, at work, or relaxing with friends, our beloved dictator is always kindly watching our every step, protecting us from our own bad choices and unhealthy urges.
But there inevitably comes a time to say "good-bye." The loss of a tyrant leaves a tremendous hole in our lives and the grief can be overwhelming.
Thankfully, today's technology gives us several comforting alternatives, ranging from vacuum sealing to freeze-dry preservation.
Some conservatives have claimed that the recent $1.5M federal study of why lesbians are fat and the $2.7M federal study of¬†why lesbians have higher 'risk for hazardous drinking'¬†are wasteful and downright silly.
However, as Figures A and B to the left show, this information is vital to our national security and foreign policy.
Instead of cutting funds, we should expand this research to more areas, spending a minimum of $2M on each study as per the list below...
In an historic move to heal wounds between the U.S. and the Zionist Apartheid State, President Barack Obama has started the first international diplomatic tour of his second term with a stop in Israel.
In an equally historic move, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reached out to Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas with a request to make peace with Hamas so that they could resume joint rocket attacks against Israel for one day.¬†
Ever since I signed up at the BarackObama.com
website to request a free bumper sticker, I have been receiving regular friendly emails from various people I never met, who share with me their concerns and life stories. All these different people have one thing in common: they write to me in the same caring, soothing voice, using the same simple words and sentences.
Among the many¬†parodies of Obama's "Hope" poster
¬†we made during the 2008 elections was Margaret Thatcher's image captioned as "Iron." It has been since a popular selling item at our¬†online store
But last month we were also contacted by the treasurer at the¬†Grantham Museum
¬†in England, who asked for permission to use this image in their campaign for a¬†Margaret Thatcher statue
¬†in Grantham, Lincolnshire, where the future Prime Minister was born and raised.
Grantham already has a statue of its native son, Sir Isaac Newton; it is only fair that it also has a statue of its native daughter, whose contribution to politics might be as important as Newton's contribution to physics.
According to unnamed reliable sources, the White House is set to announce the formation of the Federal Bureau of "Quotations" to oversee media citations of all official White House announcements and denials of previous announcements.
In future, all media citations must fit within strictly defined classifications: unnamed, well-placed, unnamed well-placed, un-quoted, official, unofficial, official unnamed, official un-quoted, official well-placed, reliable, unnamed reliable, well-placed reliable, official unnamed well-placed, and unofficial un-quoted unnamed well-placed reliable...
Inspired by the dramatic improvements in New Yorkers' health and well-being after he banned smoking and junk food, as well as¬†large sodas,¬†salt,¬†trans fats,¬†Styrofoam food containers, and loud earbuds, Mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced that the NYPD is organizing a Food Felonies Unit (FFU) to further combat the proliferation of food crimes.
Nicknamed "Double-F-U," the newly-formed unit is expected to be involved largely with restaurant menu supervision in its crime-prevention function...
Are you typically lost when co-workers discuss current events around the water cooler? Do you have trouble figuring out the national debt or who that Ben Ghazi dude is, but you know exactly what's on Britney Spears' grocery list?
If you think you only deserve fun answers to all life's questions‚Ä¶ you're right! This primer will help you look smart and morally superior in any political discussion. Just memorize these big words, explained in easy terms you already know from¬†TMZ
and¬†The Daily Show
Credentialed specialists in political cosmology and government-approved astrophysics are grappling with a mind-bending possibility: what if there is some force other than government power that is responsible for the world in which we live?
This unexpected schism is caused by recent experiments at the Large Handout Deficit Collider, in which generated sequester particles did not cause the universe to implode as predicted.
The original plan called for shooting highly charged irresistable Keynsian public stimulus forces at immovable wealthy private capital objects, in the hope of creating enough monetary fusion products...
Recognizing Naomi Wolf's past achievements in bashing Western civilization, the Qatari-owned news network Al Jazeera is¬†now in negotiations
¬†with the renown author of¬†The End of America
to offer her a job as an official on-air jihadess.¬†
Al Jazeera fanatics are now invited to send tips on their next terrorist attack directly to Ms. Wolf at her¬†contact email
, so she can set up her satellite truck and report live from the scene, beating the infidel networks.
While some opponents have contended that Sen. John Kerry, the newly-confirmed US Secretary of State, misspoke when he identified democratic reforms in Kyrzakhstan
, people throughout the tiny, Central Asian republic are disappointed that Americans are unaware of their existence.
Though largely cut off from the world with no TV or radio services, Kyrzakhstanis do receive some outside news through visitors they kidnap along their borders and hold for ransom, which is the second largest source of income...
A controversial government study today revealed an astounding conclusion: free lunches are expensive and lack nutrition. All copies of the study have since disappeared and the members of the blue-ribbon panel which produced it have not been seen since it was released.
President Obama condemned the results, alleging that the panelists were "receiving bread under the table from the restaurant industry."
"It's nonsense," said the president. "Michelle and I get free lunches all the time and they don't cost us a thing...
Forced by the sequestration to trim $85 billion from the country’s $3.6 trillion budget, President Barack Obama announced today that he would not deploy the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Harry Truman to the Persian Gulf as part of¬†his plan to disband
¬†the entire United States military.¬†
"I warned Congress that these cuts did not have to happen," Obama said at a White House press conference. "The Republicans could have turned them off at any time by just compromising and raising the taxes I requested. So now they have forced me to lay off the only non-essential government employees I could find, which just happens to be all the members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard. As of midnight Friday, the United States is indefensible."
Granted, a mixture of mud and sugar could make you partially invisible to the next drone - but wouldn't the wiser tactic be to become completely invisible to the entire U.S. government and mass media altogether? All it takes is learning a few useful facts about the American political establishment.
Try these 23 alternative tips: if used as directed, people in Washington will either pretend you don't exist or they will alter your public image until you become unrecognizable - even to yourself.
Oscars 2013: First Lady announces the long-awaited merger of Hollywood and the State.
Now that the U.S. government has officially finished its transformation from a Culture of Character to a Cult of Personality, next year Barack Obama is going to win Best Director. And while George Clooney, Ben Affleck, and Tony Kushner will be busy rewriting the U.S. Constitution, Harvey Weinstein will be the new President...
February 2013 marks the 100-year anniversary of the ratification of the Sixteenth Amendment, authorizing the collection of a national income tax and the creation of the Internal Revenue Service. As a duly self-appointed member of the Inner Circle of the Party, I hereby issue an executive order proclaiming 2013 as...¬†
The Year Of¬†Coercive¬†Redistribution
In celebration of this momentous milestone, let's take a trip back to the thrilling and heady days of yesteryear and see just how far we have come in the science of Progressive Wealth Redistribution.
Ever since the Republican annihilation in the 2012 elections, GOP insiders have been trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel at the bottom of the abyss. According to media experts, there is no hope left for the "Stupid Party" outside of begging for scraps from the triumphant progressive table.
"We need a way to be relevant in the Great Age of Obama," stated washed-out evil genius Karl Rove. "No thanks to the Tea Party, who turned us into an elephant's rump faction with such fringe notions as fiscal sanity.
With the announcement of the¬†indefinite suspension of nuclear refueling
¬†of the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the White House has signaled a new shift in naval technology - away from costly and potentially hazardous fossil fuels, towards non-toxic and environmentally stable wind power.
Not letting Republican obstructionism of the budget process go to waste, President Obama's national defense team is putting together a plan to retrofit US warship with 'tried-and-true' sails, taking advantage of free, naturally occurring wind, rather than...
Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.
Do not jeopardize your livelihood for a night out having fun. By observing the following tips, you can still have a great time and live.
Vatican insiders today report what is an apparent "testing the water" move by the White House to suggest President Barak Obama as a possible replacement for retiring Pope Benedict XVI.¬†
Father Guido Sarducci, unofficial Vatican spokesman, confirmed that a "highly placed person" in the administration had floated the idea of naming Obama the Vicar of Christ on Earth when Pope Benedict steps down at the end of the month.
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney was quick to state that any talk of the President leaving his current office to assume the duties of the supreme pontiff was irresponsible. "We are quite sure that the President would be able to fulfill the duties of both roles simultaneously," Carney reassured reporters.
He admitted that becoming pope would entail a step down for someone who is already Obama, but in his well-documented humility the President would be willing to do so to set the Church straight...¬†
With over 8 million people¬†mysteriously disappearing from the US workforce
¬†during President Barack Obama's first term, experts are working on a number of theories to explain this riddle, the most commonly mentioned reason being alien abductions occurring throughout the US on an extraordinarily massive scale.
"Since we can't blame it on the economy, the only conceivable explanation is that someone is taking people out of the labor market by force," said Malcolm Lenivie...
The wildly popular comedy series "The Office" has just been given an injection of hilarity with Hillary Clinton's decision to play "World's Best Boss" in the tenth season of the multi-award-winning show. Producers believe that the previously organic succession of Dunder Mifflin's incompetent but lovable managers - from Michael Scott to Robert California to Andy Bernard - will be seamlessly completed by the former Secretary of State, who is expected to bring with her plenty of baggage and surprising international connections.
Rebranding the show as "Hillary Clinton Office," the coming new season already has a website, HillaryClintonOffice.com
, which provides enough eye-popping teasers to have fans salivating, but gives away few spoilers.
As negotiations for the US withdrawal from Afghanistan have once again¬†come to a halt
, the Taliban Supreme Council has offered to level the playing field by sending a group of 400 battle-hardened Taliban peacekeepers to the U.S. city of Chicago, to help pacify one of the most violent regions in the Great Plains area of the North American continent.
With many years of combat experience in violent areas of their own country and having fought rebels, insurgents, villagers, urban militias, rival drug lords, as well as Soviet and American occupying forces on foot, horses, camels, donkeys, and trucks, they may be just what the Chicago city officials need to pacify their own population and bring the¬†recently publicized murder rate
Ushering in a new era of openness in the notoriously secretive intelligence community, the Defense Intelligence Agency is now¬†directing male and female employees alike
¬†to stop suppressing their inner desires and sexual fantasies simply because they work for the government.¬†
Historically known for their all-business, i.e., homophobic and misogynistic approach towards employee behavior and appearances, the new DIA leaders now encourage their closeted staffers to pile on the makeup and express their sexuality by wearing skirts, paint their nails, 'not be afraid of color,' and participating in 'Queer Eye for the Spy Guy' professional development training.
"The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community is encouraged by this new sign of openness to our lifestyles among the shady individuals who collect and organize military intelligence for the Pentagon...
To shame the nonbelievers, the White House released a photo of President Obama shooting a gun - with a warning that "the photograph may not be manipulated in any way."
The People's Cube collective responded to the challenge accordingly.
This is, perhaps, the best and largest collection of Obama bitterly clinging to his gun and clay pigeons...
We all know the People's Cube as the politically correct¬†re-educational tool
¬†whose purpose is to prepare the masses for the glorious Progressive World of Next Tuesday.¬†
However, Obama's re-election has already happened on Tuesday as planned, ushering in the arrival of the glorious Progressive World without any further interruptions. As America is being fundamentally transformed into a completely different entity according to Marxist blueprints, the People's Cube has also made a dialectical quantitative leap and transformed itself into a new, somewhat different object.
The Department of Homeland Security wants Americans to fight back against violent gunmen with the most effective means of self-defense without the risks associated with gun ownership: Kung fu.
The DHS has¬†recently posted a training video on how to use such items as scissors
¬†to defend against an armed assailant. But this only the start in what DHS officials believes will be a popular transformation of American culture, from gun-toting cowboys to high-kicking martial artists.
¬†to the masses, the team of People's Cube operatives consisting of Comrade Red Square and Mrs. Red Square embedded themselves into the hotbed of the paleo-conservative movement - the¬†"Future of Conservatism" Summit
¬†organized by the National Review Institute in Washington, D.C. (Jan 25-27, 2013).Their mission was three-fold:¬†
1. Deplete their conservative budget by eating free conservative food and drinking free conservative spirits.
2. Uncover the schemes that the conservative conspiratorial cabal is plotting for our future, by eavesdropping on sources who spoke under the impression they were among "their kind."
Hit with a drastic decrease in membership among traditional industry and government workers, the American Labor Unions have finally decided to return to their roots, re-examine their policies, and remember the original reason for their existence, which is to manipulate elections for political gain.
With this in mind, as well as to replenish their dwindling ranks, AFL-CIO is about to capitalize on its accumulated influence by organizing federal, state, and local politicians into a brand-new union of their own...
A three-part series by Oleg Atbashian published in the American Thinker this week:
In his quest to continue fighting against the War on Womyn, which he serendipitously discovered during the 2012 campaign, President Obama today proposed a major new expansion of Abortion Rights for Womyn.
The centerpiece of the new campaign is the legalization of so-called very, very, very late-term, aka "retroactive" abortions, which some deem controversial as they lead to a fetus being aborted long after it has left the womb, in most cases up to a century or more.
"This is of great value to society," said Dr. U. Jenics, abortion rights advocate at the University of Deth at Goolag. "Many incurable diseases, such as climate change denial syndrome or chronic gun ownership, do not manifest themselves until well after birth...
The US State Department announced on Thursday that 100,000 college students would be send to China by 2014 as security for US debt obligations to the People's Republic of China.¬†
Under the '100,000 Strong Foundation,' announce by President Barack Obama during his 2009 visit to China and sponsored by the US State Department, US college students would be sent to study in China to assure Chinese officials that, despite uncertainties regarding the US budget and frequent political tussles on the debt ceiling, the debts to China would continue to be paid.
Comrade General Secretary Nguyen Phu TrŠĽćng
of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam issued a formal statement today regarding Comrade Charlie Rangel's demands for the reform of the American South. Speaking on behalf of the Communist Party of Vietnam, the General Secretary, saluted Comrade Charlie for sympathizing with Vietnam's struggle to pacify and reeducate its own South, culminating with the Vietnam War and victory of Socialism in a united Vietnamese State.
"Clearly, Comrade Charles understands the struggle that we Vietnamese had with our Southerners," said Comrade Trong in his remarks telegraphed to Comrade Secretary of State Hillary Hughovna Clinton.
High ranking officials have confirmed that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton lip-synched her testimony before the US Senate yesterday regarding the Benghazi Incident, following the hot new trend of 'Beyoncéing
,' or lip-synching to a recording when one is not prepared, according to anonymous sources inside the State Department.
Clinton arrived at the Senate hearing still recovering from festivities related to the President Barack Obama’s inauguration on Monday and Tuesday, and felt unprepared to speak live before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee...
The Universal Unionization Section of the Department of Organized Labor for the USSA has launched an investigation into news that a Drug Use Enforcement Agency officer obtained a non-unionized prostitute
for two Secret Service Police officers in Columbia, who were detailed to protect the Party Chairman, Comrade Barack Barackovich Obama during his April 2012 visit to the South American nation.
The Section launched its probe after a review of Columbian law, which does allow some prostitution with 'tolerance zones,' but offers neither Unionized collective-bargaining rights nor Universal Health Care to sex workers.
As a result, the DUEA officer and two Secret Police officers are suspected to have violated Party discipline, which forbids all contact with non-unionized workers...
Last week, the British Socialist Commonwealth's Committee for Redistributive Algorithms appealed to the Directorate for Minorities Ranking of the Office of the Commissar for Equality Enforcement under the Dept of Social Egalitarianism and Redistribution for clarification and guidance on the matter of the proper social ranking and victimhood status of Transsexual Males-to-Females in light of Feminist concerns that their victim status was being jeopardized by improper categorization.
In short, BS Party members from the Feminist Caucus are questioning whether Transsexual Males-to-Females meet the proper classification of Female in order to qualify for Victimhood status...
Golden state leaders expressed shock and dismay today when the State Treasury announced that income tax revenues for the last quarter had dropped to near zero in spite of a recent increase in the effective income tax rate to 100%.
"This is not possible" said a visibly shaken Governor Jerry Brown as he sunbathed under a full moon at the state capitol. "Before every one of the umpteen-odd times my administration has raised taxes, we've commissioned studies by prestigious universities on the potential effects. Each of those studies concluded people really don't care about tax rates
and that quality-of-life issues, like being able to sing Kumbaya on the beach while stoned, are more important to the public.
It was a cloudy, overcast mid-November morning just before Thanksgiving when Roseanne-Cher Moonbatt's daughter Freelunch suddenly began screaming at the top of her lungs and crying, "Mommy, mommy, it's gone!!! WAAAAH!" The 27-year old had been re-checking her student loan account online and was disappointed to find her huge balance due had not magically gone away as she was hoping.
But her distress turned to horror when she looked out the basement window and discovered her pet unicorn Hopealong-Changedy had disappeared without a trace. The animal was a gift from the 2008 Obama campaign where she had worked as an unpaid Twitterer and, along with her degree in Justin Beiber Studies, was one of her most prized posessions.
More than lavish vacations and golfing, Emperor Obama valued appearances, which consumed a bigger share of his government's budget than the army, the people, or the economy.
One day Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid informed Obama that they could dress him up in a way that would make him even more appealing to his fan base than he had ever been. At the same time, these new magic clothes would be invisible to the low-brow conservative knuckle-draggers, who didn't support his policies.
• How do I sign a check on the front?
• Why stop at Gun Free Zones? We should also create Crime Free Zones!
• I voted for Change, so how come things are still the same?
• The National Socialist Party had nothing to do with Socialism, right?
• We have weekends off, thanks to unions. If enough people join unions, we can get the other five days off.
• My body is my business, but so is what other people earn.
• Why read the Constitution when you can watch the Daily Show?
• Voting "D" = free stuff. Voting "R"= bummer, I'll have to work.
• We keep voting democrat, but we're STILL poor.
• The First lady is like Kim Kardashian, except with other people's money.
• Someday I'll live in my OWN basement.
If you're unhappy because things didn't go your way in 2012, you're not thinking positively.
We don't know how lucky we are until we know what things could have happened - but didn't.
Here is a helpful list that may help you think more constructively.
The Masses are in need of regulation, and with the unanimous election of Comrade President Barack Barackovich Obama, the Party has been able to harness the ardent desires of the People for greater implementation of Socialist doctrine.
Regulation and laws free the People from worrying about making bad decisions that have consequences. By following the regulations set forth by the Party, workers and peasants of America will not have to be concerned about making decisions that may lead to mistakes that will be inconvenient or prevent them from receiving their fair share of social benefits.
Those without proper education are ignorant of the benefits of freedom through regulation.