THE RESULTS: Find your number in the Guilt™ hierarchy
+551 to +800 G-points = Non-person
You and your life's work are barred from being mentioned in media publications for inadequate guilt. Ineligible for re-education. After the Revolution subject to Revolutionary Tribunal Che Guevara style (shot in the head without trial). Everyone you ever came in contact with has been contaminated with you lack of guilt and is therefore also guilty. We will find them, too. You are all incorrigible corporate war-mongering Zionist terrorists; The People™ will continue to resist your capitalist attacks by any and all means.
+301 to +550 G-points = Patriarchal chauvinistic war profiteer
You are an unfeeling tool of the capitalist class and a menace to the state with your utter lack of guilt. Barred from working in educational, media, or entertainment industries which requires great guilt inducing abilities. Not qualified for government grants or any other public assistance for the truely guilt ridden. Re-education strongly advised. After the Revolution you and your family will be arrested and relocated to a place where The People's Scientists will remove your societal guilt.
+101 to +300 G-points = Selfish capitalist pig
The only way for you to redeem your filthy guiltless existence and feel better about yourself is to donate the amount that matches your score to the People's Cube for your lack of guilt. Donations are to be made here (see People's Cube donation link in left sidebar). Print out and show the receipt to your local Kommissar. After the Revolution one receipt will be redeemable for one Get Out of Gulag coupon. Not for sale. Not transferable to family members. Violators shall be subject to Revolutionary Tribunal Che Guevara style.
+100 to -200 G-points = Moderate centrist
You have neutral guilt, neither good nor bad, but you arouses great suspicion with The Party™ for your lack of guilt. Expect to be placed under continuous surveillance. Eligible to work in the media but only as a token "conservative commentator." Grants or any assistance from the government and charitable institutions denied.
-201 to to -400 G-points = Idealistic progressive
Entitled to government grants and promotion within the administrative hierarchy due to your undeniable guilt. Recommended for media appearances and awards to help spread guilt among the masses. As a trusted member of the community you will be placed on only intermittent surveillance. We will count on you to provide us with useful information on your guiltless neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family.
-401 to -600 G-points = Selfless supporter of socialist revolution
The sense of entitlement and glorious Party™ guilt is strong with you, comrade! Indeed, you are qualified for public assistance in the amount that matches your Guilt Assesment™ score. Print out your guilt score and bring it to the local Kommissariat to redeem for one of the following: (A) free NPR broadcast by members of Media Workers Union, (B) free indoctrination by members of Teachers Union, or (C) free entertainment by the best state-sponsored members of Artists Union who will place a cult object of your choice into a bucket of urine.
-601 to -800 G-points = Hero of the Revolution
Qualified for a position of a media darling to help spread guilt among the masses, most-talked-about celebrity, the sexiest man / woman / transgendered person alive, and positive role model for the young generation. Entitled to winning national and international prizes in the field of the Party's choosing - from Oscar, Nobel, Pulitzer, Emmy, and Golden Globes to the prestigious "Pinky's Beet of the Week at the People's Cube Award and Bumper Sticker."
-801 to -900 G-points = Protector of The People
Congratulations, Comrade! The People welcome you as an Ultimate Guiltless Member of Society! Call the Obama Administration and tell them you are entitled to leadership positions inside the government, non-profit, and community organizations, as well as subservient media, educational, or entertainment branches.
Your level of Guilt™ is calculated in G-points. Print out the results of your societal guilt and staple the Guilt Assessment™ to a copy of your government-issued ID card. If requested, present it to the arresting ACLU officer.
Guilt & Progressive Morality™
Progressive morality encourages us to forfeit happiness and cultivate the feeling of guilt instead.
Guilt & Progressive Mental Health™
Guilt is a healthy sentiment that gives you the brazen strength of a martyr as you sacrifice your happiness to The Greater Good™.
Guilt & Inner Discovery™ from The Wonders of Guilt
A "process of inner discovery" usually results from a progressively heightened sense of shame, guilt, and self-loathing.
Guilt As Motivational Force for Change™
The eternal motivational force that keeps a progressive going is typically a daily dose of Starbucks coffee combined with the dialectical struggle of opposites - the feeling of being a victim of oppression and the feeling of guilt for oppressing the others at the same time.
Guilt & The Capitalist Opressor™ A thoroughly cultivated atmosphere of guilt associated with profiteering, forces guilty capitalists to donate even more money for progressive causes.
The more a guilty business "gives back to the community," the heavier the aura of shame and guilt on the one side - and the bigger the sense of entitlement on the other.
Guilt & Propaganda™ Use the P-word to to instill guilt and neutralize warmongering agents of capitalism. Works like a charm! E.g., when you try to enlighten someone about the absence of choice in the free market system and they ask you to prove it, simply put up your palm and scream "Propaganda!" Observe the agents of capitalism cower in fear and guilt.
Guilt & Hate Speech™Admonishing a guilty capitalist lackey for Hate Speech™ is like a bullet of guilt. Anything can be guilty Hate Speech. Even if someone dare even mention favorably anyone else guilty of Hate Speech.
Guilt Inducing Bullet Words™ Mean-Spirited™, Mean™, Bully™, Hatemonger™, Homophobe™, Mysoginist™, Warmonger™, Rethuglikan™, Redneck™... or anything deraugatory towards the White Male Opressor™.
Guilt from the Guilty Groupthink
Warning: include(./red/config.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/57/5940557/html/includes/sqlinkswidget/guilt-sqlinks.php on line 16
Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening './red/config.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/php5/lib/php') in /home/content/57/5940557/html/includes/sqlinkswidget/guilt-sqlinks.php on line 16
Warning: mysql_connect() [function.mysql-connect]: Can't connect to local MySQL server through socket '/var/lib/mysql/mysql.sock' (2) in /home/content/57/5940557/html/includes/sqlinkswidget/guilt-sqlinks.php on line 21
Could not connect