Al Gore uses Earth Day to unveil two new Inventions to save Mother Earth from ravages of humans: The GAIA HAT to deflect sunlight into space and The Gorbels Cube In Orbit to cool Mother Earth by partially eclipsing the sun once each orbit.
Gore's invention to save us from getting "too hot" is mainly known by its acronym, "GAIA HAT," which stands for "Gore's Aluminum Invention Abating Hot Air Temperatures," but it's also known by an alternate acronym, which stands for "Dynamic Universal Climatizer Ending Hot Air Temperatures."
How does it work? It defects heat from sunlight harmlessly into space.
Skeptical scientists pointed out that "the angle of incidence always equals the angle of reflection" and that, therefore, the shape of the GAIA HAT would deflect sunlight downward toward Earth rather than into space. Gore extinguished such skepticism by explaining the GAIA HAT's high-tech design: Covering its entire surface are microscopic bevels so that the angle of incidence is always 45° and thereby guarantees the angle of reflection is always 45° so that the heat from sunlight is deflected horizontally through Mother Earth's atmosphere to pass harmlessly into space. "Ingenious," said the now formerly-skeptical scientists, after studying the technical diagram of Gore's "micro-bevels" (above right) as well an actual photograph recently taken by the Hubbell Space Telescope (above left).
Although a GAIA HAT is valued at $199.95 each, Gore is philanthropically making them available to the public at the sacrifice price of two for $19.95 via infomercials known as "Mother Earth Informational Nuggets Keeping All Mortals Progressively Following" (MEIN KAMPF). The MEIN KAMPF infomercial for the GAIA HAT inspires the masses to derive joy from the collective power of 6 billion people cooling Mother Earth by wearing the hat. Anyone who's been watching the History Channel, the Science Channel and the Discover Channel knows that "for the public good" all those channels are now inserting into almost every program brief but subtle assertions of the dire consequences of Earthlings failing to heed Gore's warnings based on what has now been legitimized by the Nobel Prize Committee as the Official Scientific Orthodoxy of the 21st Century: HuMANs Must Stop Getting Mother Earth Too Hot.
Gore also released an "infomercial" video not only marketing the GAIA HAT and showing how it works but also unveiling the Gore Foundation's recent, highly-secret launching of The Gorbels Cube into orbit to help cool Mother Earth by eclipsing the Sun once each orbit. Said Gore, "keeping that secret until the orbiting Gorbels Cube became operational was quite a challenge."
Above is the GAIA HAT video in YouTube's format. The best quality embeddable version is in the original wmv format at http://PoliSat.Com/GAIA_HAT-HQL.htm.
One of the results of Gore's tireless work to prevent the dire consequences of his warning being ignored is that he has earned the title "GAIA HOME," which stands for Gore As Infinitely Attentive Husband Of Mother Earth." This honor was first revealed in the wake of the highly successful "Lights Out Hour" for 2008 when Gore simultaneously unveiled his creation of "The Gorbel Cube" and announced his proposal for a "Lights Out Decade." In that same event, Gore also provided startling insights to refute what he says his skeptics claim-- i.e., that "Mother Earth is Flat."
However, a faux controversy promoted by bitter critics who "cling to Puritanical Beliefs" initially (but, thank Lenin, only briefly) marred the premier viewing of the GAIA HAT video. The "controversy" arose from the segments illustrating Gore's assertion that the scientists who formulated his humans-cause-Global Warming theory used "the best computer models." Fortunately, the infinitely cool "MacBoy" made an appearance in the Garden of Edenization to quell this controversy as the nerdy PC Guy was trying to disrespect GAIA.
The nerdy PC Guy had falsely (and stereotypically) suggested it would be proper to try to find a "hole" in GAIA, but MacBoy devastatingly exposed the patently misogynistic nature of PC Guy's behavior. (PC Guy picked the apple to expose GAIA and lead to the revelation of a "hole" in GAIA.) But the unflappably cool MacBoy quickly countered PC Guy's efforts by stressing the importance of the "wholeness of," rather than any "hole in," GAIA.) Soon all humans will learn that it's the coolness of advocates of Global Science that make it scientifically sound rather than the old-fashioned "scientific method," which Modernist equate with those boring, nerdy scientists still "clinging" to the now-outdated maxim, "facts first, then conclusions."
Perhaps the most brilliantly stunning part of the video is the segment capturing The Gorbels Cube eclipsing the sun. Said Gore, "Designing, building and launching into orbit The Gorbels Cube while maintaining total secrecy until it became operational was a challenge not unlike it would have been if the United States were to have kept the Apollo Moon Program totally secret until after Armstrong set foot on the moon. That we did it, however, is testament to how much we've remained true to the collectivist wisdom exemplified when The Party kept Yuri Gagarin's historic mission completely secret until it became operationally successful.
The video also captures the rapture of the Creative Geniuses among us who witnessed the first eclipse of the sun by The Gorbel Cube. Watching the eclipse gave them goose-bumps and caused them to momentarily break into goose-steps, but they quickly recovered and resumed their positions in the Gorbel Salute. Robert Redford, whose Sundance Ski Resort already plays a vital role in cooling Mother Earth (skiers know that snow-covered slopes reflect sunlight and heat) by marketing ski chalets socially-responsible ways to get Carbon-Offset Credits from the Gore Foundation.
Perhaps the most excited person was Cheryl Crow, who, after witnessing the awesomeness and coolness of the eclipse asked, "Will this be so effective in cooling Mother Earth that I will no longer need to follow my "1SPSTSME" regimen?" Hearing that, Rosie O'Donnell asked Michael Moore, "What's a '1SPSTSME regimen'?" Moore said, I've never been able to follow that regimen because I'm so much larger than Cheryl, so the best I can do is follow a 1000SPSTSME regimen." Rosie said, "But you still haven't told me what "1SPSTSME' stands for." It was then that Leonardo DiCaprio, to save Michael Moore embarrassment, whispered to Rosie that it means "One Sheet Per S__t To Save Mother Earth."
Perhaps the most encouraging part of the video was the finale which revealed how much GAIA HOME's pioneering science has become accepted by so many of Mother Earth's now-fomer prodigal sons and daughters. See image to the right; also, scroll-down further (or click here) for a larger view. This includes such luminaries as Al Sharpton, Joe Lieberman, Nancy Pelosi, Barack Obama, John McCain, Hillary Clinton and even Newt Gingrich. Others unable to attend this event and who had sent their sincere regrets over being unavailable include The Governator as well as Right-Wing Evangesist Pat Robertson, who is Sharpton's "team mate" in new "Global Warming Will Kill Us All If We Don't Stop Getting Mother Earth Too Hot NOW" commercials funded by Chairman Gore's beneficent generosity and philanthropy.
The ending of the video bodes well for the future of The Collective. Its powerful message gives us the audacity to hope that in the near future, all skeptics will have become assimilated into what Chairman Gore tells us is now a First Principle in Twenty-First Century Orthodoxy. In the interim, however, Chairman Gore is developing a second Gorbels Cube soon to be placed into orbit. This new Cube will be much larger and will not only double the number (and effects) of eclipses of the sun but will also house those anti-social "deniers" of the Truth of GAIA HOME's theory, known by the acronym "WHAM-BAM METHANE," which stands for "Woman-Hating, Anti-Misanthropic Bullies And Misogynistic Men Are Making Mother Earth Too Hot And Naked Environmentally."
Red SquareTo think that all this time my cat and I have been doing it wrong...
|(Go to page: 1, 2)||Anonymous||102||181182|
|Laika the Space Dog||10||3143|
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests
Rubiks & Rubik’s Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.
Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine
Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET
Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths
Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'
Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State
President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise
Police: If Obama had a convenience store, it would look like Obama Express Food Market
Study finds stunning lack of racial, gender, and economic diversity among middle-class white males
NASA: We're 80% sure about being 20% sure about being 17% sure about being 38% sure about 2014 being the hottest year on record
People holding '$15 an Hour Now' posters sue Democratic party demanding raise to $15 an hour for rendered professional protesting services
White House describes attacks on Sony Pictures as 'spontaneous hacking in response to offensive video mocking Juche and its prophet'
Obama: 'If I had a city, it would look like Ferguson'
Biden: 'If I had a Ferguson (hic), it would look like a city'
Obama signs executive order renaming 'looters' to 'undocumented shoppers'
The aftermath of the 'War on Women 2014' finds a new 'Lost Generation' of disillusioned Democrat politicians, unable to cope with life out of office
White House: Republican takeover of the Senate is a clear mandate from the American people for President Obama to rule by executive orders
Democratic Party leaders in panic after recent poll shows most Democratic voters think 'midterm' is when to end pregnancy
Desperate Democratic candidates plead with Obama to stop backing them and instead support their GOP opponents
Ebola Czar issues five-year plan with mandatory quotas of Ebola infections per each state based on voting preferences
Fun facts about world languages: the Left has more words for statism than the Eskimos have for snow
African countries to ban all flights from the United States because "Obama is incompetent, it scares us"
Obama: 'Ebola is the JV of viruses'
BREAKING: Secret Service foils Secret Service plot to protect Obama
Revised 1st Amendment: buy one speech, get the second free
Sharpton calls on white NFL players to beat their women in the interests of racial fairness
President Obama appoints his weekly approval poll as new national security adviser
Obama wags pen and phone at Putin; Europe offers support with powerful pens and phones from NATO members
White House pledges to embarrass ISIS back to the Stone Age with a barrage of fearsome Twitter messages and fatally ironic Instagram photos
Obama to fight ISIS with new federal Terrorist Regulatory Agency
Harry Reid: "Sometimes I say the wong thing"
Elian Gonzalez wishes he had come to the U.S. on a bus from Central America like all the other kids
Obama visits US-Mexican border, calls for a two-state solution
"Hard Choices," a porno flick loosely based on Hillary Clinton's memoir and starring Hillary Hellfire as a drinking, whoring Secretary of State, wildly outsells the flabby, sagging original
Accusations of siding with the enemy leave Sgt. Bergdahl with only two options: pursue a doctorate at Berkley or become a Senator from Massachusetts
Jay Carney stuck in line behind Eric Shinseki to leave the White House; estimated wait time from 15 min to 6 weeks
100% of scientists agree that if man-made global warming were real, "the last people we'd want to help us is the Obama administration"
Jay Carney says he found out that Obama found out that he found out that Obama found out that he found out about the latest Obama administration scandal on the news
"Anarchy Now!" meeting turns into riot over points of order, bylaws, and whether or not 'kicking the #^@&*! ass' of the person trying to speak is or is not violence
Obama retaliates against Putin by prohibiting unionized federal employees from dating hot Russian girls online during work hours
Russian separatists in Ukraine riot over an offensive YouTube video showing the toppling of Lenin statues
Obamacare bolsters employment for professionals with skills to convert meth back into sudafed
Joe Biden to Russia: "We will bury you by turning more of Eastern Europe over to your control!"
In last-ditch effort to help Ukraine, Obama deploys Rev. Sharpton and Rev. Jackson's Rainbow Coalition to Crimea
Al Sharpton: "Not even Putin can withstand our signature chanting, 'racist, sexist, anti-gay, Russian army go away'!"
Mardi Gras in North Korea: "Throw me some food!"
Obama's foreign policy works: "War, invasion, and conquest are signs of weakness; we've got Putin right where we want him"
US offers military solution to Ukraine crisis: "We will only fight countries that have LGBT military"
Putin annexes Brighton Beach to protect ethnic Russians in Brooklyn, Obama appeals to UN and EU for help
The 1980s: "Mr. Obama, we're just calling to ask if you want our foreign policy back. The 1970s are right here with us, and they're wondering, too."
In a stunning act of defiance, Obama courageously unfriends Putin on Facebook
MSNBC: Obama secures alliance with Austro-Hungarian Empire against Russia’s aggression in Ukraine
Efforts to achieve moisture justice for California thwarted by unfair redistribution of snow in America
North Korean voters unanimous: "We are the 100%"
Leader of authoritarian gulag-site, The People's Cube, unanimously 're-elected' with 100% voter turnout
Super Bowl: Obama blames Fox News for Broncos' loss
Beverly Hills campaign heats up between Henry Waxman and Marianne Williamson over the widening income gap between millionaires and billionaires in their district
Biden to lower $10,000-a-plate Dinner For The Homeless to $5,000 so more homeless can attend
Kim becomes world leader, feeds uncle to dogs; Obama eats dogs, becomes world leader, America cries uncle
White House hires part-time schizophrenic Mandela sign interpreter to help sell Obamacare
Kim Jong Un executes own "crazy uncle" to keep him from ruining another family Christmas
OFA admits its advice for area activists to give Obamacare Talk at shooting ranges was a bad idea
President resolves Obamacare debacle with executive order declaring all Americans equally healthy
Obama to Iran: "If you like your nuclear program, you can keep your nuclear program"
Obama: "I'm not particularly ideological; I believe in a good pragmatic five-year plan"
Shocker: Obama had no knowledge he'd been reelected until he read about it in the local newspaper last week
NSA marks National Best Friend Day with official announcement: "Government is your best friend; we know you like no one else, we're always there, we're always willing to listen"
Al Qaeda cancels attack on USA citing launch of Obamacare as devastating enough
The President's latest talking point on Obamacare: "I didn't build that"
Carney: huge ObamaCare deductibles won't look as bad come hyperinflation
Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as offensive to most Americans
Poll: 83% of Americans favor cowboy diplomacy over rodeo clown diplomacy
Obama administration gets serious, threatens Syria with ObamaCare
Obama authorizes the use of Vice President Joe Biden's double-barrel shotgun to fire a couple of blasts at Syria
Sharpton: "British royals should have named baby 'Trayvon.' By choosing 'George' they sided with white Hispanic racist Zimmerman"
Nancy Pelosi extends abortion rights to the birds and the bees
Hubble discovers planetary drift to the left
Obama: 'If I had a daughter-in-law, she would look like Rachael Jeantel'
FISA court rubberstamps statement denying its portrayal as government's rubber stamp
Every time ObamaCare gets delayed, a Julia somewhere dies
GOP to Schumer: 'Force full implementation of ObamaCare before 2014 or Dems will never win another election'
Janet Napolitano: TSA findings reveal that since none of the hijackers were babies, elderly, or Tea Partiers, 9/11 was not an act of terrorism
News Flash: Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) can see Canada from South Dakota
Drudge Report reduces font to fit all White House scandals onto one page
Obama: the IRS is a constitutional right, just like the Second Amendment
Jay Carney to critics: 'Pinocchio never said anything inconsistent'
Obama: If I had a gay son, he'd look like Jason Collins
IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy
This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester
White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago
Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country
Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
The Fine Report
Sad Hill News
Looking at the Left
Red Planet Cartoons
Death By 1000 Papercuts