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Who Is Party Member Number One?
By Comrade Otis
05.07.08



Number One, the man behind it all. When you get all wet and he tells you it's raining you can believe Number One.

FULL TEXT >> (13) Comments
Barack Obama, Arab Interloper?
By Commissar Maksim
05.07.08

Hillary's Hubby Is Still The First Black President


Federal law requires that to claim a minority status, you must be at least 1/8 of the descriptor or 12.5%.

Mr. Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's side. He is 43.75% Arabic, and 6.25% African Negro from his father's side.

His father was officially classified as "Arab African" by the Kenyan government.

If elected he'll become the First Arab-American President.

His entire campaign is based upon a lie. Because of this I say Hillary is the rightful winner of the primary.

Obama Lied, Hillary's Campaign Died.

And if that's not shocking enough, researching his roots reveal that on his father's side, he is descended from Arab slave traders.
A Day on the Contribution Trail with the Chairman
By Commissar Pupovich
05.05.08

Comrades, I know you have seen some of the ups and downs of getting your quota of contributions and appropriations that are so necesseary for us to achieve the final goal of the World of Next Tuesday. But have you ever considered the horrid scenes that the Chairman has witnessed? Sadly, due no doubt to the depression and starvation that has resulted from the war mongering Bush regime, there has been an upsurge in resistance to our efforts. I would like to show you just one recent scene the Chairman came across on one of his missions. It's not for the weak of heart,




"Them rats! Them dirty, cold-blooded, sore-headed, stinkin' Proles! Them ThoughtCrime™ Thinking, atrocity-committin' skunks ..."

FULL TEXT >> (9) Comments
The Current Truth About Cats and Dogs
By Commissarka Pinkie
05.04.08

To Commissar Pupovich and Comrade Mousey-Tongue:

Lately I have witnessed a disturbing trend on what I once thought of so fondly as The People's Cube.

Every time I log on, I don't know if I'm on The Dog's Cube or The Cat's Cube.  An interspecial feud--or vendetta, if you will--is being waged between Dog and Cat on at least three different threads.  It's like a virus, and it's spreading.

Moreover, your constant squabbling over these past few months threatens to split and ultimately fracture The Party.  I need not tell you of the many ways our enemies will exploit that in the months to come.  

Already they're nitpicking over things like who Mousey-Tongue associated with in the National Guard over thirty years ago.  Or whether Pupovich thought he could pander to people like me, showing his softer, more gentle, sensitive and--dare I say--feminine side by wearing pink for his interview with that mendacious popinjay O'Reilly.  It really makes me lugubrious, when you two pinheads (Pup and Mousey, not O'Reilly even though he's the biggest pinhead of all) should be concentrating on The Real Issues.  

My sources (the same ones who told all those Green candidates that Bush would nuke Iran before the end of April--which he did, but the shameful corporate media refuses to cover it because they think they'll sell more papers and get higher ratings beating that Miley Cyrus photophlap into the ground). . . what was I saying?  Oh yes--my very reliable sources inform me that The Party's enemies are paying Big Fur Hat to muddy the waters, stir the pot, so to speak, by creating Big Hat Envy among Party members to distract them from what Pupovich and Mousey-Tongue are doing to The Party.  In fact, it's even possible that Big Fur Hat is an operative for the hatemonger Rush Limbaugh.  

Either way, his chaos tactics are working.  Everyone is now whining and wringing their hands over the size of everything from hats to signature blocks.  

This must stop!

Obviously, the first step toward doing that is to Raise Awareness of this crisis.  Copy and paste this post at all Progressive sites.  Stand on the street corner holding up signs and chanting slogans.  Wear your awareness ribbon!  Write to your representative, demanding that they pass an immediate resolution against the Pupovich/Mousey-Tongue Vendetta.  And above all, never underestimate the power of hand puppets.  

The next step is to contain the unrest you two critters have caused.  Therefore, you will consider this thread a cage for your on-going death match.

FULL TEXT >> (60) Comments
Black Messiah Is Gonna Set The World On Fire (The Kinks)
By El Marco
05.03.08

THE KINKS recorded this song about Jamaican black theology in 1978. Ray Davies obviously learned firsthand that racism calls no color home. This is a rare protest against one flavor of black racism. As a 16 year old traveling alone in Jamaica in 1972 I met more than a few prophets. Some crossed the blurry line towards the messiah side themselves. It was as if every third man was possessed with the need to lead the world to the Promised Land, each by a different route. Haile Saliase was one messiah candidate even though he totally rejected the nomination.

In the 1980s I lived eight years in the Dominican Republic. The entire time I never ran into anyone even remotely inclined towards this way of thinking. The Spanish Catholic and the English Protestant culture spawned two completely distinct minds. But I digress.
...

FULL TEXT >> (2) Comments
Make a Short Political TV Ad!
By Red Square
05.02.08

Here's our chance to make a 25 seconds political TV ad to be selected for broadcast not by network apparatchiks, but by people who will see it on the Internet (the apparatchiks still can veto it if it doesn't meet the FCC standards). Read this exchange, then post your ideas. You can use both your sense of humor and your sense of serious.
...

FULL TEXT >> (34) Comments
Building the New Progressive Voter!
By Commissar Pupovich
05.01.08

Political Science No Longer "Fiction!"

The Department of Political Engineering (DOPE) has announced a new program to build the new progressive comrade  while at the same time enabling the Party to make former non-persons whole again using cutting-edge medical technology that's regrowing human tissue, in some cases, on the backs of volunteer mice.

The new technology uses volunteer, politically reliable voter's own stem cells to grow skin, muscles, tendons and even bone. The Party Commissar General Surgeon described it as being similar to a salamander regenerating a lost tail -researchers want to take amphibian technology and use the same concept for both live voters and necro proxy voters.

"Sadly, the technology is still in it's early stages, and it is not expect to be ready in time for this coming elections in November" according to an anonymous researcher who has not been cleared to comment.



There has been speculation that this technology has already been used with devastating results, but the Department of Political Engineering could neither confirm nor deny this.


FULL TEXT >> (36) Comments
Sensitivity Training for the Masses
By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
04.30.08


Comrades,

I have decided to mandate that everyone undergo intensive sensitivity training due to the white patriarchal corporate-controlled media’s decision to bombard us on a daily basis with the so-called "racist" comments – which are really out-of-context comments – made by the honorable Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Below is a video series made by America’s premier Tolerance Nazi, the Godmother of White Guilt herself, Ms. Jane Elliot, who will help us all feel the plight of those we oppress on a never-ending non-stop cycle. This video will help you walk in the shoes of those you oppress so that your guilt will drown out whatever feelings of rage you may have developed after hearing the so-called "offensive" comments made by the honorable Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Each video clip is roughly nine minutes or so long. After the clip finishes, the corresponding part will appear in the menu for your collective enjoyment. There are 12 clips in this series and all are worth viewing to get a good glimpse of what Party-mandated sensitivity training looks and feels like.

RE-EDUCATE YOURSELF, COMRADES!





FULL TEXT >> (16) Comments
Kevin's Cult Groupthink!
By Beelzebob Brown
04.30.08

Comrades in the USSA! As you approach the glorious November revolution, it may be time to consider the variety of groupthinks, summits, talk-fests and committees to be formed by your new leader, to give The People the illusion of improvement an explosion of feelgood progressivism!

If you need ideas, look no further than down under where Chairman Kevin launched his 47th and most public forum yet; The 2020 Summit.



This is the perfect model of the progressive groupthink, with a celebration of The Best And Brightest ™ journalists, script writers, comedians, potty-mouthed youth radio announcers, actors, prostitutes, green groups and artists gathered in glorious taxpayer-funded orgy of ideas, ideas and ideas. More money for the arts? Check. Want to talk about doing something about Global Warming? Check. Want to "end disadvantage"? Check. Want to "be able to dream"? Check. Want to get the ideas reduced to vapid t-shirt cliches? Check. Hope? Change? Check.



Want to be a part of bringing up all the same re-hashed crap ideas pre-determined by Chairman Kev and The Party fresh, new, revolutionary ideas to draw attention to yourself be a pioneer of Hope and Change? Check.

And all packaged in a glossy conference where your Chairman Prime Minister can chase celebrity autographs. Or in your case, where BHO can be surrounded by swooning, fainting womyn. As a hand-selected summiteer, you will be guaranteed to emerge to smiling, adoring, cheering masses.

Get the jump for the post-November revolution, get on the list of your Best And Brightest ™ now, put your ideas together, bring your whiteboard, a marker, (autograph book), hope and a desire for change.

FULL TEXT >> (8) Comments
I Denounce Myself!
By Commissar Pupovich
04.26.08

Comrades and Fellow Travelers...

I have been troubled these past few months, and tonight have came to the only conclusion possible. It is something I must do, not for me, but For the Party, For the Common Good™, and For the Children™.

Regretfully, I have felt that there has been a slackening in the values that the Party holds so dearly. Sure, there has been a lot of lip service to the values and needs of the Party, but it seems there has been a slackening in the discipline and committment needed if we wish to achieve the Glorious World of Next Tuesday. Perhaps this is due to the recent uncertainty that has creeped in due to the rise of Obamaism. I remember a time not that long ago when the party was solidly behind the Empress and no dissent was even imagined. True, there are some who would say this is healthy for the Party, and perhaps it is, but it has perhaps caused some distraction. It is one thing I hope to correct. In addition, we have seen a most welcome increase in the number and diversity of comrades here at the Cube. But they have yet to see the Party at it's best as I have been fortunate to have seen from a close, too close view 3 times.

So Comrades, Commissars, esteemed members of the Poliburo, it is my sincere hope that you will see my love for the Party, my devotion to the cause of World Socialism, and dedication to the World of Next Tuesday as I throw myself upon my own shovel for the Common Good™.

I do have but one wish, and hope. If it is not too much to ask, I would request that the Chairman act as my defense council till I am proved guilty.

I DENOUNCE COMMISSAR PUPOVICH!

Among the charges:

I have engaged at times in promoting competition, both between species and between teams, having boasted openly about my beloved National Champion LSU Tigers.

I have questioned the usefulness of continued promotion of Global Change theory.

I have questioned the Party's support of Islamic terrorism.

I have implicated other comrades in ThoughtCrime™ with the aim of moving up in the Party. (Hmmm, I suppose that could be an argument in my defense.)

I have failed to turn in 100% of the contributions and appropriations I have collected and set aside some for my own good. (Perhaps that will also be a good defense?)

I have on a few occassions, either failed to promptly report ThoughtCrime™ or Wrecking committed by other comrades, or have been too lenient at times in correcting said behavior.

Again comrades, I know this is a rather shocking thing for a Commissar to do, but I do this out of my love of the Party, and the sure and certain hope in the Peoples Justice™.

I throw myself on my shovel... and pray that the Chairman, or perhaps Laika will come to my legal defense as required by Party regulations.


A revolution without firing squads is meaningless.
V. Lenin

FULL TEXT >> (117) Comments
Goto page 1, 2, 3 ... 79, 80, 81
   
 

 
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand


Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
 
 
14.gif
Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it

International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma

Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator






North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!



Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools


Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich



Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise


Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich

Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare


Stop and smell the Sharpies

Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy



Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month

NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes



Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"


click here





Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment

Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"

Hillary distances self from Rush Limbaugh but not from his Operation Chaos: "I can no more disown him than I can disown the crossover Republican voters"

Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself

New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey


KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next'
Hillary picks up endorsement by Supreme Superdelegate

London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard

Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg

USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp

Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote


Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!'



Hillary's empty pants suit collection evokes yawns

Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint

John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement

To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam

NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama

Rhett Butler Clinton and Scarlet O'Clinton's house in ruins. Plantation empty. New supply of undocumented workers expected soon



NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp

Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General
Brokeback Mountain loses climber
NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on Mars


Las Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers

Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib

Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak

Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign


Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope


Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners

Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change



Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday

Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win

Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course

Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
High school Meth teacher starts new class


Holy Mitt!

Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000%

Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick

Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive

"How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway
Truthers: "Clinton bomb threat was an inside job"

Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate
Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad


New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline.
Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish'
NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others


Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough

Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress

Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news"

US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November

Hillary: I've always been a Yankees Red Sox Fan


Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit.
LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead

USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller

Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home



Reid: The war on fire is lost

Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire

Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California

NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires

Hillary: Rush Limbaugh's abuse of power proves need for Fairness Doctrine

Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far.

Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore

Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed?


San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault

Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark
End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France

Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!"

Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland"


Cheney to Hillary: I find your lack of faith disturbing

Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!"


Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics

Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants
CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground"
Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"


Hillary silent about connection between her Healthcare plan and the Skull & Bones Society

Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart
Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming
Hillary: Some people have skeletons in their closets,
I just have Hsus


To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama

Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes.

George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam
Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers
John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care
Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't kill
Democrats select 2008 presidential slogan:
"Death to America"


Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense
"Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues
Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's death

New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face


Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison

Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry
China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists

Al Gore to recall the Internet


buy a T-shirt



Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month

First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle

Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead



William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package

Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis
Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program
Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos


Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability


London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings

Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"


Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos"

Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship

click me

Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric

Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it?

US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in Iraq

US Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for?

Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"

MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!


Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page

As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem"


Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant



Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory
Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain"


Troubled by vanishing bees, ...ush and ...lair meet at the White House to share concerns


Pope Benedict XVI laments the deep divide between Marxism and capitalism in Latin America

Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey

Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists"

French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results

Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture



Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely



Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time




Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids

ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists'

Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops

Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling

Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision

Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases



Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro-
mote Global Warming Jelly


New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system


Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket

Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!"

Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up

Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards
Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries

Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again?
Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues

Hillary: "If elected I'm going to hunt down and destroy all America's enemies starting with David Geffen"

Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial



House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED

Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission



North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright

Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission



Is it time for Pinochet yet?



see CITGO think HUGO CHAVEZ


Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History




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