A year of hopeless misery has passed, to be replaced by a year of disastrous crises:
DO YOU FEEL MISERABLE AND GUILTY? YOU SHOULD--BECAUSE THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! OBVIOUSLY, IN THE PAST YEAR YOU DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH!
"I'm just as miserable as you, but I'm only one person," you whine. "What can I do?"
I'm glad you're miserable - and that you whined, my friend--for that means you are a true Progressive! But that is not enough. You MUST raise awareness about how miserable you are and how much you care! You MUST call everyone's attention to the issues of grave concern to all of us who worry what others might say about us a hundred years from now!
You MUST make a resolution that every day of this year, you will make at least ten people around you feel guilty and miserable. Spread the guilt! We are here to help!
FORWARD THIS LETTER TO 10 PEOPLE. EACH RECIPIENT MUST FORWARD IT TO 10 MORE PEOPLE, WHO IN TURN WILL EACH BE INSTRUCTED TO FORWARD IT TO 10 MORE, ETC.
As soon as the number of guilty and miserable people reaches a tipping point, progress will occur.
YOU MUST NOT DELETE THIS LETTER, NOR THROW IT AWAY. YOU CANNOT IGNORE ANYTHING IT SAYS. YOU WILL NOT FIRE BACK AT THE SENDER WITH HATE SPEECH LIKE, "Why don't you move out of your mother's garage, get a job, and stop sponging off my tax dollars?"
THE DEBATE IS OVER!
IT IS A MORAL IMPERATIVE THAT YOU FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS IMMEDIATELY; OTHERWISE, THE CHAIN WILL BE BROKEN AND THE FOLLOWING ATROCITIES WILL DESCEND UPON US:
Children will starve due to cancellation of school lunch programs, the elderly will be forced onto the streets, hurricanes bigger than Katrina will strike the U.S., flooding cities as far inland as Dallas and Denver - cities which, due to Bush's siphoning of funds to the illegal war in Iraq, have NO LEVEES AT ALL!
Ice caps will melt, drowning hundreds of millions of cute baby polar bears with big brown eyes, darling baby seals with sweet button noses you just want to rub with your own, and adorable baby penguins with happy feet.
The world's oceans will rise, killing all inner-city residents because Bush-controlled FEMA will keep secret from them that they need to get the hell out of there.
Another justice will retire from the Supreme Court and get replaced by a knuckle-dragging extremist who will tilt the court rightward for generations to come. This will result in the violent deaths of millions of women from back alley abortions, and the births of millions of babies who will be snatched away by predatory military recruiters, shipped to Iraq, and murdered for Bush's unquenchable thirst for blood and oil.
Finally, Bush will confirm our worst fears since the stolen 2000 election and proclaim himself absolute dictator of Planet Earth - FOR LIFE!
BY NOT ACTING NOW, YOU WILL BECOME BUSH'S WILLING ACCOMPLICE! IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, FORWARD THIS LETTER AS INSTRUCTED!
If you do, in three days you will receive the following:
- 100 carbon credits
- 1,000 necro-proxy Democrat votes, good any year at any polling place.
- 10,000 signatures you can apply to any petition for a resolution that states any of the following:
ACT NOW! CHAIN LETTERS DON'T SEND THEMSELVES!
Quote:He said that thousands of children in Africa die because their parents can’t afford a $4 vaccine, and then he made me cry when he chided me for spending $4 on my cup of coffee
Quote:Try Cafe du Monde Chicory coffee as a properly progressive drink.
Commissarka PinkieHillary Grail
DO YOU FEEL MISERABLE AND GUILTY? YOU SHOULD--BECAUSE THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! OBVIOUSLY, IN THE PAST YEAR YOU DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH
Quote:Try Cafe du Monde Chicory coffee as a properly progressive drink.
Laika the Space DogHmmm...something is missing.
Comrad BubalaskyHmmm...Lenninade? Is that like Jonestown Flavorade™?
Commissarka PinkieYou MUST make a resolution that every day of this year, you will make at least ten people around you feel guilty and miserable.
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