During the recent meeting with President Obama, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao minced no words when he stated that "immediate action is necessary to keep a once prosperous nation" from falling flat on its face.
"If the U.S.economy collapses, so will China because we are so heavily invested in your country," said Wen Jiabao. "We thought we were investing in a nation of the world's greatest entrepreneurs, but a recent analysis shows that America has become little more than a home to overpaid union workers, whiney media, and spoiled welfare recipients. Our fears were confirmed last year when Americans elected you, Mr. Obama, as their president. But, to use one of your own expressions, America is too big to fail and so we will have to bail you out. This is no longer your decision. As your biggest creditor, we will now decide how to get the best return on our investment. You got elected on a vague promise of change; now we're giving you the specifics."
Mr. Obama was then given the following list of changes designed to fix America:
In conclusion, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao assured President Obama that "failure is an option." If the United States doesn't regain its former status of a self-sustaining and productive nation by 2012, it will become property of the Chinese government and open for a full-scale colonization under the name of New Taipei. "This is the kind of change we're talking about!" said Wen Jiabao, paraphrasing Mr. Obama's most successful campaign slogan.
Red SquareSell off Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac to the highest bidder with a special "buy one, get one free" incentive. Eliminate subprime mortgage programs.
Red SquareResettle those Americans who advocate green collective lifestyle to Cuban tobacco plantations with no electricity and polluting farm equipment, where they will toil the rest of their days in fields fertilized by own excrement.
Quote:Stop subsidizing industrial and agricultural concerns, ethanol plants,and wind farms. If they can't stand on their own, let them fall andgive way to those that can.
WhoopieSorry, I have too much invested in being a mealy-mouth malcontent. Me too. I quit thinking once I got a degree. Isn't that what it's for?
Commissar TheocritusWhy are we listening to the Chinese? Just because they know a thing or two about totalitarianism doesn't mean that we should listen to them.
Grigori E.R.Just a thought?
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