Since the initially successful effort by academia to ban US military recruiters on campuses has had frustratingly little effect on the overall recruitment numbers, the non-partisan organization "Professors Against Unfair Recruiting Practices" (PAURP) is pushing for a change in strategy to undermine the US military in wartime. The so-called "Academia's New Iraq Strategy," designed to boost morale and guide activist professors out of an apparent quagmire, calls for a surge in numbers of "terrorist" recruiters on campus, as well as extending invitations to representatives of the Cuban, North Korean, and Venezuelan militaries.
"If Bush is sending 20,000 more troops to Iraq, how can the enemies of neocolonialism compete with those numbers without a fairness doctrine when it comes to recruitment?" Dr. Palimpsest said at a fund-raising event held yesterday in Seattle. "My colleagues in the academy are worried that their students are only getting one side of the story. In the interest of tolerance and diversity, as well as leveling the playing field - or should we say battlefield - we must redress the recruiting balance by boosting the numbers of recruiters from various so-called 'terrorist' organizations, communist regimes, and any group that opposes and resents American capitalist success."
Mr. Sayf Hazem, a representative of Hezbollah and the biggest donor of the Seattle fundraiser, says it's about time. "We've been discriminated against for too long on the college campuses of America," Hazem stated in a phone interview. "We know thousands of American students are depressed and suicidal. If we can get them to take a few Jews with them when they off themselves, then it's a win-win."
Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, Secretary General of Hezbollah:
The more enterprising militant Islamic groups have hired U.S. marketing firms and are developing aggressive strategies and slogans to rival those of the U.S. military. Here are a few of the snappier ones:
"Islam is the Shizlam!"
"For you, we'll make it 73 virgins!"
"Martyrdom is the new black!"
"We're all about some collateral damage, bitches!"
As eager as ever to augment their numbers, terrorist groups are focusing on the skills and experience that their recruits will acquire. Such skills, Hazem argues, will prepare young jihadis for future careers in many fields, especially those involving the handling of explosives, making devises that require timers, crop dusting, cargo container inspection, hazardous material truck driving, and pharmaceuticals, to name a few.
|Man in the street interviews:|
To protest military recruiters is just silly. If you really believe that the country should have no army, you have the political means at your disposal, to promote and elect those representatives who would pass such a bill and vote on it. Disbanding the army would, of course, endanger all the other citizens, so such a measure would never get passed. That's because the Founding Fathers have given us the greatest fool-proof political system that protects us from this sort of inanity. And that is why these nutjobs want to change our system through non-constitutional means.
|If you think logically, these protests can't be about gays in the military. They're about crippling America's ability to defend itself in a time of war. They think if America is hit hard enough they'll be able to change our system - at the cost of many thousand American lives. That's a criminal intent.||The "anti-war" label is misleading. These people aren't really against war - they're against America winning a war. With their Che Guevara shirts and all, they'll surely support a war that suits their ideology. Incidentally, a war that suits their ideology would be a war against America.|
BranishI hope this alliance and mutual offensive is a major step in the destruction of the U.S.!
Quote:In a related story, House Democrats have just introduced a bill making it a hate crime to use the epithet "terrorist" when referring to members of radical Islamist groups that are bent on the destruction of Western civilization and use lethal violence toward this end.
Quote:"Also undistinguished are pithy efforts like “Making a Difference” or “A Distinctive Approach.” Anderson University touts its “Excellent Performance” while Bethel College encourages you to “Take the Next Step.” Warner College invites you to “Join a Community” and Calumet College of St. Joseph says “You Can.” Can what?"
Premier BrezhnevI propose that we also open Soviet military recruitment centers on campuses.
Comrade OtisHowever, we can open Venezuelan military recruitment centers on campus! Millions of young college students would love to become the soldiers of socialism if only but given the opportunity. They would fight any war under that banner.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko(I'll meet you at the Purple Panda tonight, Dr. P. Bring those graduate students with you - oh, and a crate of Propaganda.)
Premier BrezhnevI propose that we also open Soviet military recruitment centers on campuses.
Premier BrezhnevYou are a genius! If they do join the Venezuelans, Soviet advisors would be doing the training anyway. The Soviets will pick the best of the best and take them to Russia for further training.
FrontPage MagazineFebruary 5, 2007
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