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Communists of St. Petersburg on Obama Victory

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It's Bidness Comrades... Just Bidness.... I'm expecting to see a fifty foot tall Gap Poster featuring His O'ness in the latest everyman sweater and scarf for the holiday season... Everyone will have to have one, they'll sell out, people will 'scalp' them on EBay for thousands more than their worth... It's for the Children...

Pinkey,

P'raps Theo should be Direktor of Conspicuous Compassion and Consumption. He is truly a President for our times, this Obama...

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Sister! Do you think that I have the makings for a Director of Consumption too? Well, if you think about it impalement is consumption but I rather expect that you meant another sort of consumption.

Or is that the consumption that Meow gets from time to time in the far east? Once he was here at Rancho de Rio Grande and woke up, after a particularly bad episode of huffing freon (which did <i>not</i> reveal those Swiss bank-account numbers) and Bruno had painted his toe-nails purple.

"Oh lord!," screamed Meow. "It's that goddamned Saigon clap again! Why don't they fix that? I've taken every pill and drug there is, and here my toenails are purple <i>again</i>! And I only rented that entire whorehouse one night. Just <i>one</i> night. Is that fair? I ask you, is that fair? Bill Clinton had the entire White House for eight years and I get the purple-toed clap after only one night in the best whorehouse in Saigon!"

"Meow," I purred at him, "you better get in your order for drugs from Merck because after his O'ness ascends to the throne, there will be no more medical research in the world and your toenails will have to remain purple."

I did not, of course, tell him that it wasn't the clap but Maybelline (she's all they say) that was making his toenails purple. There is still hope about those Swiss bank-account numbers.

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Maybelline?... Maybe it's Maybelline, but I've always thought Meow was partial to Mary Kay... and those Pink Caddies...

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Sister, I think that's your preference for Red, which is our patriotic color of course. But I wonder if Meow isn't aiming to be affiliated with the Queen of Cream, Estee Lauder. Once time, quite in his cups, he confessed tearfully to me that he aspired to be Clinique material.

"Theocritus," he sobbed. "You know how I care. When I come here, why can't I have Clinique?"

"Meow, you know I love you like the brother I had until he decided he wanted to inherit equally from our parents, but face it. You're a janitor-in-a-drum comrade, and nothing more."

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Never mind Russia. Putin is one of us! He has followed the Communist plan to a tee, and even had guys train Ayers (who trained Obama). And, now Obama is going to go after the chain dogs of capitalism in the USA, and turn the USA into the USSA. Rejoice, comrades!!!!!!!

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Labor members of Parliament already call us the USSA. And this is no joke.

mi
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<p align="justify">Comrades! In an effort to help spread Obama Facts to the reactionary web-sites, that don't allow JavaScript in the postings (like the very useful LiveJournal), I made a little web-script of my own, which creates ready images on the server:

<p align="center"><A href="https://bestobamafacts.com/"><img src="https://aldan.algebra.com/~mi/ofact/" alt="Best of Obama Facts"></A>

<p align="justify">Should the Party find my contribution acceptable, I'll set it up on a couple of servers for redundancy and post a more reliable URL.

Comrades,
I am sure that you know that the brainwashing proper party education begains in eary grade school where the kids even hold mock elections. Based on the large number of "teachers for Obama" stickers on cars in my kids' school parking lot, I knew that my offspring were being well educated. Oh! How proud I was when my oldest said she "voted" for the Obamessiah! Then my kindergardener said he voted for McCain..... I like to let my children teach eachother.
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Farmworker, I think that the child who voted for McCain needs to be sent to another reeducation camp kindergarten. Although young, it is never too early to begin their teaching. "Give me a child until he is five and he'll a bomb-throwing, radical Marxist forever"--Saul Alinsky.

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Peoples farmworker 197604 wrote:Comrades,
I am sure that you know that the brainwashing proper party education begains in eary grade school where the kids even hold mock elections. Based on the large number of "teachers for Obama" stickers on cars in my kids' school parking lot, I knew that my offspring were being well educated. Oh! How proud I was when my oldest said she "voted" for the Obamessiah! Then my kindergardener said he voted for McCain..... I like to let my children teach eachother.
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Indeed, comrade, let the one with the biggest shovel win (that's a pretty nice shovel, too - much better than mine which is shorter, blunt, and gives me splinters when I try to break rocks with it).

Is this picture, then, emblematic of the election outcome? As in
McCain supporter: I'm up to my neck in this crap!
Obama supporter: We will bury you! (pounds shoe on nearby bench and goes to take drink of Sunny-D)

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Sister, I just had some dealings with Wells Fargo's home-mortgage division and I'm quite sure that one of the people I was dealing with there is turned on in the morning by her computer and not the other way around. I suspect from her work that her monitor is on a bungee cord so that her swiveling eyes can follow it.

Therefore, ergo, and that is why I think that Publius may need a little <i>education</i>, which we so specialize in. Or you specialise in. Or Bruno just stares vacantly at.

I think that the hair-styling would be very appropriate.

Sister, I had a thought. We could arrange various stages of punishment for misbehaving party members.

For a minor infraction, having to dig an extra day or so in the beet and potato fields. This is for say not spitting after saying the name "Bush."

For a worse sin, having Bruno do your hair. This would be for watching Faux News.

Next up would be giving a pedicure to Our Many Titted Empress. This is for a horrible infraction, such as not spreading Socialism as much as possible, leaving money in someone else's bank account, or not groveling to me.

Or Sister.

And, as Betty will tell you, The PartyTM's most severe punishment, significantly worse than the second most severe punishment: Reassignment to The Party Necroproxy CorpsTM, is assisting Madam Speaker with her monthly enema.

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Dr., you can if you wish consider that the Party's worst punishment is assisting Madam Speaker with her monthly enema. Or you can look at it as a chance to get the bits and pieces of the egesta to the Democratic steering committee.

Where they will be made use of. And the other bits can go to Frank Murtha for his pleasure.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Sister, I just had some dealings with Wells Fargo's home-mortgage division and I'm quite sure that one of the people I was dealing with there is turned on in the morning by her computer and not the other way around. I suspect from her work that her monitor is on a bungee cord so that her swiveling eyes can follow it.

Therefore, ergo, and that is why I think that Publius may need a little <i>education</i>, which we so specialize in. Or you specialise in. Or Bruno just stares vacantly at.

I think that the hair-styling would be very appropriate.

Sister, I had a thought. We could arrange various stages of punishment for misbehaving party members.

For a minor infraction, having to dig an extra day or so in the beet and potato fields. This is for say not spitting after saying the name "Bush."

For a worse sin, having Bruno do your hair. This would be for watching Faux News.

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Next up would be giving a pedicure to Our Many Titted Empress.[/HIGHLIGHT] This is for a horrible infraction, such as not spreading Socialism as much as possible, leaving money in someone else's bank account, or not groveling to me.

Or Sister.

I have a belt sander! It'll get the job done in about 20 minutes.

--
ZB

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Zampolit, once I had some hardwood floors refinished. The first grit was the size of dimes. Does your belt sander take belts like that?

I am thinking that an acetylene torch might work too.

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Indeed it does, Comrade Doktor Theocritus!

However, I regret to tell you that an acetylene torch would not remove these nails, bunions, and calluses. But it would soften them up quite nicely prior to employing the belt sander!

--
ZB


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Zampolit, I understand your idea. Do you think that we could use the chemical experience of Dr. Strangelove for some sort of chemical regent in lieu of a softening cream? Before the torch before the belt sander. After all, the sinning prole must be punished but we don't want to kill them all. Someone must work.

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A long soak in SMO's sulfuric acid bath might do the trick or, better yet, we can mix a little concentrated hydrogen peroxide into the concentrated H2SO4 for a piranha etch solution bath! It just might soften things up a bit after a 3-hour soak. If that doesn't work, there's always ion-milling or laser ablation.

Once again, I must nominate Betty for the job of cleaning out the rancid puss and toe jam from beneath the MTE's toenails (with his teeth). I'm sure we can find some crime to convict him of. All in favor say, "Da!"


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Dr. Strangelove, you <i>do</i> know that our MTE doesn't have toenails. She has trotters. You cannot believe the difficulty she has in getting shoes which do not show off her trotters but make them look like feet.

Once, here at the Rancho, she was drunk (surprise! surprise!) and started musing, "Theocritus, baby"--here I projectile vomited; it was so bad that I reached for Bruno, god help me--"I'd give anything to have trotters like Petunia Pig. I mean that's one hot sow. And Porky will do anything for her, you know. I wish that Bill would do things like that for me."

"Maybe he would if you'd shine up my trotters like Petunia's."

Then she wiggled her trotters at me, with the chipped bits all flailing about, slinging the detritus all over the walls, and grunted, her eyes narrowed in pleasure in anticipation of a good trottercure.

I turned five shades of white but then she passed out.

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Amended:

Once again, I must nominate Betty for the job of cleaning out the pig excrement from the crevices of the MTE's trotters (with his teeth). I'm sure we can find some crime to convict him of. All in favor say, "Da!"

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Da. After all, Betty spends all his time either playing video games or saying "Ewwww." and let's give him something to go "ewww" about.

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Is not true... he has been busy irrigating the poodle fields... when I fell ill earlier this year, care of the ballistic poodles fell entirely on his broad but youthful shoulders and he has done a wonderful job... The poodle gun shall not be short of ammunition this year,

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Eeeeeewwww....
I mean, NO! NEVER!!!

I will not do it! The poodle gun needs to be tested! What will the glorious Obama think if he did not have a cannon to shoot poodles out of? Is that really something you want to be responsible for? Being good Party Members, I would hope not because responsibility is something we must avoid at all costs. Also, if I end up doing this, then I will be very, very upset and will hate you all forever because you hurt my feelings, and we're all about feelings. That's why the term "I feel" has replaced the term "I think" in debates and discussions.

And so concludes my essay on "Why I Don't Wanna".

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Betty is, after all, in charge of ALL the guillotines made here in the USofKKKA...

<img width="550" src="https://img402.imageshack.us/img402/251 ... elsvn3.jpg">

These 2 are dedicated to "The Children(TM)"....see the cute little baskets for their cute little heads?

awwwwWWW :)

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Ahh, yes. I remember the blood sweat and tears I had to beat out of those goons in the engineering department to get them to come up with these masterpieces.

The one on the left is part of the Little Tykes "My First Show Trial Execution" set. The guillotine itself is fully functional and works on both evil imperialistic male stereotypical GI Joe action figures and neighborhood children who have been deemed "dangerous individuals" by the party. We believe that it is good to have children do the work of the show trial and execution so that they are ready at an early age to take on the positions we will assign them.

To the right is the more expensive version. This edition is part of the "Party Member Children Only" exclusive suite. It comes with a sharper blade, fine redwood construction, polished brass hinges and metal accents, and the all important basket. After all, we don't want to spill blood all over daddy's new Siberian Tiger rug, now would we?

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Betty,what has come over you? You have turned rather verbose.
Must I carry the Inconsequential Postings standard on my own now? Damn.

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Don't worry, it's only temporary. I'm doing my art homework, and well, I'm looking for an excuse to not do it. The more time I spend here doing stuff, the less time I have to spend painting stupid pictures. At least that's how it works in theory. In practice, I'm only delaying everything so I have to rush to complete it at the last minute, so instead of dragging it out for several hours, I can just rush through it in half the time. And at half the quality! Not that I care. After all, it is art.

Stupid art.

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Premier Betty wrote:Don't worry, it's only temporary. I'm doing my art homework, and well, I'm looking for an excuse to not do it. The more time I spend here doing stuff, the less time I have to spend painting stupid pictures. At least that's how it works in theory. In practice, I'm only delaying everything so I have to rush to complete it at the last minute, so instead of dragging it out for several hours, I can just rush through it in half the time. And at half the quality! Not that I care. After all, it is art.

Stupid art.

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Exactly. Except I'm not waiting for creativity or inspiration to hit, I'm waiting for the point at which I need to do it before I risk a sub-passing grade. I think I made it. Now to sleep... and wake up at 7:00 to go the stupid class.

I hate art.

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Premier Betty wrote:Exactly. Except I'm not waiting for creativity or inspiration to hit, I'm waiting for the point at which I need to do it before I risk a sub-passing grade. I think I made it. Now to sleep... and wake up at 7:00 to go the stupid class.

I hate art.

Premier Betty,

Our most exalted youth of the Glorious Party! I salute you in your quest to become a Master of Art Expression for the New World of ? Tuesday. I ask though, why don't you send one of your clones to your dreaded Art class, especially since your cruel teachers scheduled the class so early in the morning. Do your clones not absorb infomation that you could download at your convenience? This would give you infinitely more time to attend to your duties, which are expanding as we converse. Try it and see if it works for you, Sir.

BTW - Since your are the Commissar of Cloning, how about cloning some more workers who can tell a beet green (ummm...yummy) from a potato eye. There seems to be a shortage of talent at the P'HK of late, and the Omnipotent One's inaugural is fast approaching.

your emphathizing Chef,

Che' Gourmet

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Betty, I am impressed that you had one guillotine made out of redwood. It's soft you know but weathers very well. You can leave that one out in the public square, <i>pour encourager les autres</i> for a very long time. It is soft so it will absorb a lot of blood but, hey, isn't that what a guillotine is for?

Ché, you do know that the inaugural feast for the Chosen One will actually have two tranches of food. For the normal people there will be brown rice and turnips, but for his O'liness, there will be the pope's noses of all the remaining bald eagles en brochette. We have to remove those symbols.

The new American symbol will not be a bald eagle, because the inaugural ball will have eaten them all. It will be a sow--a huge sow with 300 million tits.

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Lenin 'n' Thingies wrote:Betty,what has come over you? You have turned rather verbose.
Must I carry the Inconsequential Postings standard on my own now? Damn.

Yes L'n'T,

I was impressed as well, though Betty has still to develop a decent respect for art... but that too will come...

His current essay, "Why I Don't Wanna" is a great improvement on last year's classic, "You Are All Liars", which consisted of (and I quote exactly here...), "LIES!! Filthy lies from the lying mouths of lying liars!"

Slightly tautological, but also poignantly brief, and he has obviously developed a great deal in a short time.

Ahhh!.. Back in the Publik Skool Systema!... Clearly, this is a huge amount of work to have done for this semester Betty... as a result, YOU WIN!... though you are not the winner, as that would imply competition... so all your skoolmates are winners as well... You all win equally!..

Congratulations! (Though we'll have to work on your commitment to art... it is, truly, an important subject, with a history of subverting the establishment... not our establishment, of course)...

Ahhh... they grow up so fast...

By the way, I would like to preorder three of the Party Member guillotines for my younger cousins... please contact me privately regarding &tc. &tc...

Well done Betty... Well done!
SMO

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Sister, do you think that we could use the guillotines to chop up the Couric head when it can no longer be launched at Republican conventions? Bits of the Couric head could be put into the meals of rich RepuliKKKan meals.

Ché what would you use to mask the taste of the Couric head?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Sister, do you think that we could use the guillotines to chop up the Couric head when it can no longer be launched at Republican conventions? Bits of the Couric head could be put into the meals of rich RepuliKKKan meals.

Ché what would you use to mask the taste of the Couric head?

Comrade Jackson has asked that Betty make a guillotine specifically suited for chopping nuts.

As for masking the taste of the Couric head, I personally would recommend cilantro, but Ché might have a better idea.

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Dr. Strangelove wrote: As for masking the taste of the Couric head, I personally would recommend cilantro, but Ché might have a better idea.

My suggestion would be garlic. Lots of garlic!!!

--
ZB

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Sister, do you think that we could use the guillotines to chop up the Couric head when it can no longer be launched at Republican conventions? Bits of the Couric head could be put into the meals of rich RepuliKKKan meals.

Ché what would you use to mask the taste of the Couric head?

Theocritus... You promised to destroy the head! Why will you not take this seriously? It is an evil thing. If left, in any way, to poison anyone, it will be the end of us all, truly... not just our enemies. If digested, it will have effects similar to this...

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... and these zombie-like creatures will run amok, much like the dreaded kulak monster, though unlike them, these creatures are indestructible. It is an evil that not even I would loose on the world and which none of us would be safe from...

I beg you Theocritus, destroy that damned head already, and if you do not feel capable, please, let me before it is too late. It is already exerting an evil pull on you and your unwillingness to do what must be done is akin to the Ring in the Tolkien Trilogy...

One Head to feed us all,
One head to spawn hell,
One Head to cause our fall,
In chaos sound our death knell

So... Theo Baggins... it is time to give up your precious, you naughty little hobbit...

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It's too late, SMO, swim for deeper waters!


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mi wrote:<p align="justify">Comrades! In an effort to help spread Obama Facts to the reactionary web-sites, that don't allow JavaScript in the postings (like the very useful LiveJournal), I made a little web-script of my own, which creates ready images on the server:

<p align="center"><A href="https://bestobamafacts.com/"><img src="https://aldan.algebra.com/~mi/ofact/" alt="Best of Obama Facts"></A>

<p align="justify">Should the Party find my contribution acceptable, I'll set it up on a couple of servers for redundancy and post a more reliable URL.

This code should be set up not on the Cube but on Best Obama Facts. Let's talk - email me by clicking "feedback" in the top menu.

The Party looks kindly at your propaganda efforts, comrade Mi.

Red Square
Visual Agitation Directorate

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Sister, the Couric had holds no power over me. Why I see it over there, levitating in the Mag-Lev bottle, bathed in a cheery green light. bobbling up and down ever so gently...

It will help us Sister. It will help us. Sister, we need this Weapon of Mass Sneering.

Sister, I will keep the Couric head safe, and keep it with me.

....My Precious...My Precious...

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Commissar,

Does it float and bob in a perky fashion?

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Dr. Nyet wrote:Commissar,

Does it float and bob in a perky fashion?

Yes, all while screeching like a rabid chipmunk.

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Doctors, it floats and bobs in a perky fashion and no matter where you are in the room, the eyes follow you...

"Theocritus!", is whispers, "Theocritus! You know what we can do together. Theocritus! At least put me on your Steinway so I'll look right. Theocritus!"

Excuse me, Comrades. I feel the need to sit in front of the Couric Head and wonder at its strange awesomeness.

My precious...

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Premier Betty wrote:Don't worry, it's only temporary. I'm doing my art homework, and well, I'm looking for an excuse to not do it. The more time I spend here doing stuff, the less time I have to spend painting stupid pictures. At least that's how it works in theory. In practice, I'm only delaying everything so I have to rush to complete it at the last minute, so instead of dragging it out for several hours, I can just rush through it in half the time. And at half the quality! Not that I care. After all, it is art.

Stupid art.

Just get a grant, smear some poopy on it, stick it in a jar of pee, and you'll be back to your usual pithy posts in no time . . .

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
Premier Betty wrote:Don't worry, it's only temporary. I'm doing my art homework, and well, I'm looking for an excuse to not do it. The more time I spend here doing stuff, the less time I have to spend painting stupid pictures. At least that's how it works in theory. In practice, I'm only delaying everything so I have to rush to complete it at the last minute, so instead of dragging it out for several hours, I can just rush through it in half the time. And at half the quality! Not that I care. After all, it is art.

Stupid art.

Just get a grant, smear some poopy on it, stick it in a jar of pee, and you'll be back to your usual pithy posts in no time . . .

Yes, the crucifix in urine, feces-smeared Madonna genre will never be passé.

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Do you think so? Andres Serrano, the crucifix in piss, is an ethnic name. (Well, any name except Jones and Smith are but that's another point.) And who did the elephant dung and Madonna? It helps to have some ethnic flavor to it.

Betty, you have to become a Somali lesbian. That way you can get the grant, get rich, and parade around the world talking about art and never have to work again--except on how to keep the lies going.

But after a while you might start believing it.

...My precious...

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Chris Ofili did the elephant dung splotched on black Madonna piece. Say, doesn't Meow have a load of elephant dung stashed somewhere that Betty can use for his art class?

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I learn something every day from the Peoples' Cube. Somehow, I always knew our MTE had cloven hooves! Thank you for confirming that important fact, for the inspiration of the Collective.

Commissar Theocritus, as your amusing yet horrid anecdote reveals, timing is indeed everything. I would wager those trotters have been the last living memory of some sad proles who suffered a worse fate at her hands - er, hooves.

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Only if (1) it was prized by someone else and (2) if Meow can figure out a way to use it.

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Comrade Cat wrote:Commissar Theocritus, as your amusing yet horrid anecdote reveals, timing is indeed everything. I would wager those trotters have been the last living memory of some sad proles who suffered a worse fate at her hands - er, hooves.

Let us hope that our MTE does become SoS in the Chosen One's administration--I cannot believe that I'm saying this but that egregious, bossy, shrill, mean, dishonest, vicious <i>thing</i> would be the best one in government.

Evil, power-mad, conniving, lying collectivist bitch that she is, she at least isn't one of those people who is "bigger" than patriotism, in that repulsive European way. Well, they don't have that much to be proud of except a past they are going to let be destroyed because they don't have the confidence to defend it.

But Hildog wants the brass ring and she wants a big and shiny brass ring and she's mean and smart and would beat the holy shit out of people who needed it.

Instead of sitting down with terrorists and ending it with a group hug.

Go Hildog!

God. I'm going to be sick.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Doctors, it floats and bobs in a perky fashion and no matter where you are in the room, the eyes follow you...

Ah, the memories....

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Dr. Strangelove wrote:Chris Ofili did the elephant dung splotched on black Madonna piece. Say, doesn't Meow have a load of elephant dung stashed somewhere that Betty can use for his art class?

A sneak preview of Betty's version of our Savior's Mother covered with elephant dung and clippings from pornographic magazines:

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Che Gourmet wrote:
Premier Betty wrote:Exactly. Except I'm not waiting for creativity or inspiration to hit, I'm waiting for the point at which I need to do it before I risk a sub-passing grade. I think I made it. Now to sleep... and wake up at 7:00 to go the stupid class.

I hate art.

Premier Betty,

Our most exalted youth of the Glorious Party! I salute you in your quest to become a Master of Art Expression for the New World of ? Tuesday. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00] I ask though, why don't you send one of your clones to your dreaded Art class, especially since your cruel teachers scheduled the class so early in the morning. [/HIGHLIGHT] Do your clones not absorb infomation that you could download at your convenience? This would give you infinitely more time to attend to your duties, which are expanding as we converse. Try it and see if it works for you, Sir.

BTW - Since your are the Commissar of Cloning, how about cloning some more workers who can tell a beet green (ummm...yummy) from a potato eye. There seems to be a shortage of talent at the P'HK of late, and the Omnipotent One's inaugural is fast approaching.

your emphathizing Chef,

Che' Gourmet

He is in charge of the NIXON clones...there is only one P. Betty.

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Private Pravda wrote:He is in charge of the NIXON clones...there is only one P. Betty.

Not so! You have forgotten all about the Betty clondoms!

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Those are only for special occasion... and those big meetings we hold.

I specialize in Nixon clones, but I do dabble in the cloning of others... when it suits my needs.

And I refuse to call them clondoms. Clomes, yes. Clomedoms, no.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Betty, I am impressed that you had one guillotine made out of redwood. It's soft you know but weathers very well. You can leave that one out in the public square, <i>pour encourager les autres</i> for a very long time. It is soft so it will absorb a lot of blood but, hey, isn't that what a guillotine is for?

Ché, you do know that the [HIGHLIGHT=#92d050]inaugural feast for the Chosen One will actually have two[/HIGHLIGHT] [HIGHLIGHT=#92d050]tranches of food[/HIGHLIGHT]. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff][HIGHLIGHT=#00b0f0]For the [HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]normal [/HIGHLIGHT]people there will [/HIGHLIGHT][HIGHLIGHT=#00b0f0]be brown rice and[/HIGHLIGHT][HIGHLIGHT=#00b0f0] turnips[/HIGHLIGHT][/HIGHLIGHT], but for his O'liness, there will be the [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]pope's noses of all the remaining bald eagles en brochette. We have to remove those symbols.
[/HIGHLIGHT]
The new American symbol will not be a bald eagle, because the inaugural ball will have eaten them all. It will be a sow--a huge sow with 300 million tits.

Commissar Theocritis
Noted: [HIGHLIGHT=#00b0f0]Brown rice & turnips[/HIGHLIGHT]
New appetizer is noted: [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Popes noses of Bald Eagles en brochette[/HIGHLIGHT].
Also noted: NO PORK

Like I don't have enough to do, now it's a double sided Buffet for how many? See how color co-ordinated I am to organize this shindig?

your increasingly irritated Chef,

Che' Gourmet

PS Just who the hell around here is normal?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Sister, do you think that we could use the guillotines to chop up the Couric head when it can no longer be launched at Republican conventions? Bits of the Couric head could be put into the meals of rich RepuliKKKan meals.

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Ché what would you use to mask the taste of the Couric head?
[/HIGHLIGHT]

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]My Dear Commissar (pima) Theocritis,[/HIGHLIGHT]

Alright, already! Yes, Wolfgang, I know he's on the speaker-phone, again. How the hell am I gonna get anything done with his constant, ridiculous suggestions. (Just tell him I'm performing lobotomies on the RRR's for the main hors d' oueves, or something like that, and get me Dr. Idi Amin on the phone.) Maybe he can advise me on the Couric Head. (I don't know why he insists on keeping it. He's been babbling incessantly about some ring and my precious...whatever!...probably downing too many of those damn roofies)

picks up phone.....
Yes, Yes, many thanks my most respected Doctor, I will try the DEET (for the flies, and staring problem, heavy black pepper, Burdock Root, yellow dock, and dandelion root for the swelling, inflamed tissues of the mucous membranes, and burbur, you say? Gracias, Doctor. You have been of great assistance. No, I'm afraid I won't have time to come over to dinner. The Party has priorty, you know. See you at the Purge Inaugural Party. What's that you say, you think that you will be out of the country on that day? Well I'm sure the Party still holds you in good graces and I will pass on that you came to my aid. Adios' Che' out.


Back to the trenches, so much to do,

Che' Gourmet

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Ché, I mightily respect your culinary efforts. But I respect your knife skills more. And until I have delivered that full-body suit of Kevlar I shall control myself.

The double-sided buffet is really quite simple. Administer some appetite stimulus (think Fat Freddie's Cat when Fat Freddie blew pot smoke into a bag and put the cat into the bag), and merely put out the turnip and beet trimmings from, oh, the last few things that you've done.

Now for the Popes Noses of Bald Eagles. En brochette, of course. Personally I find that saucing something en brochette is problematical, because things tend to splatter all over my chic white clothes. I know that you can run a béarnaise under a broiler, though, which, if you practiced enough, might firm it up enough not to spatter my pristine and chic white clothes.

And as far as consulting with Dr. Amin? Might as well ask me. I am the personal chef and consultant for Dr. Amin. He relies on me for his culinary advice. For example, since you ask, when you feed people whom you might eventually eat, do not under any circumstances feed them with McDonald's. You cannot get the taste of the secret sauce out of the tenderloin.

But I do commend you on your diligence on serving your fellow man.

Just like Dr. Amin, who serves his fellow man. In large iron pots by Lodge.

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Dr. Strangelove wrote:It's too late, SMO, swim for deeper waters!

{{awful zombie flick with cute teeniebopper girl here}}

Ah, yes, I remember well this awful flick. Truly inspiring. I watched this clip just now while listening to the Beatles' "Across the Universe". Try it - it fits.

Che, I've hired some help for you in order that you might not shoulder this burden on your own. Here is an expert chef who can make for you some plenty good stew:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/mbs64GvGgPU&h ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>


And Betty, as for art, fall asleep on a piece of paper at your desk; while you sleep, your drool will congeal on the paper. In the morning, just take the paper, sign your name at the bottom, and entitle it "Impression of man sleeping." It will work - I promise or your money back (and since you didn't give me any money yet, here is my paypal account for services rendered: Paypalnot . Credit cards and money orders are also accepted).

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Commissar Theocritus wrote: Personally I find that saucing something en brochette is problematical, because things tend to splatter all over my chic white clothes.

Theocritus, I had an inkling this was you, but I now have confirmation. That must be Bruno behind you there.

Image

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Rex, the glassy stare in the eyes is right on. But Bruno <i>never</i> goes out with pineapples and mangos on his head. And that coat would cover up his fishnet stockings on those platform shoes.

He couldn't sing "Tico Tico" in his basso profundo in that coat, you know.

Also if I were the one in the front, I'd have OPM in <i>both</i> hands.

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Theocritus,

I am sorry... I had to take decisive action... We have taken the head...

As Bruno was simpering and wheedling to borrow your Amex Centurion card to do a little post Samhain, pre-winter solstice Yule shopping, thus distracting you (did you not notice the satin ankle strap size 18 stiletto's we'd bribed him with?... I know he's tall, but I thought you'd have noted the extra 7 inches in height - you were clearly more far gone that even I'd feared), we snuck the head away...

It was a close thing as La Couric's nail-on-chalkboard screeching nearly gave us away, but Bruno's wheedling tone is truly dissonant.... and loud enough to cover up the head's high-pitched squealing...

I am truly sorry... I know you must be lying in a ball, rocking back and forth, yearning for your Precious, but as we speak, the evil thing is on it's way to Mt. Doom (aka, Arenal in Costa Rica)... you will never catch us, so do not even try...

It hurts me, dear friend, to have to intervene in this way, but you were not yourself, and I don't think I could bear another iteration of our Golem discussion (one of our first!)... I feel horrible, but friends don't let friends... well... fall under the all-consuming influence of the disembodied head of an evil journalist thus putting the future of all sentient beings at risk... or drive drunk...

If you'd like a lift to the Betty Ford, or the Karl Marx Treatment Centre, I'll send a limo. You'll thank me for this Theo.... I promise...

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Oh. The Agony! The Agony! Sister, I feel that I've been disemboweled; all the stuffing is knocked out of me.

In only a few days I had become so accustomed to the keening Couric head. At first I thought, "Keep sneering at me, you bitch. That'll show you." But after I while I...saw something. There is something there, Sister, something...powerful...and precious...and...it needs me Sister, and I need it.

I was coming to a new relationship with Bruno. The head made me see his good points. The Couric head made me realize that Bruno doesn't walk into walls all of the time, just some of the time. Would I have noticed that without the Couric head? No, Sister, i wouldn't. I must have the Couric head back for my happy home life.

And, Sister, my power bills were lessened. I didn't need as much light. I could see in the dark, and in fact the light hurt my eyes. There's a lot of sun in West Texas, most of the time, but for some reason the Rancho de Rio Grande always looked like one of those Magritte paintings, with that lovely shadow and that welcome gloom.

The Couric head did all of that for me, Sister, all of that and more.

And Sister, I hate to tell you this, but the Couric head made me feel like a <i>man</i>. I found myself chanting, "Yes, I can! Yes, I can!" although I haven't a clue what I could but it made me feel real righteous to shout "Yes, I can."

So, Sister, I must have back the head. Sister, the Couric Head is all to me.

I don't care if I get Journo Spongiform Encephalitis or Krotchfeel Jacobin Disease, I have to have the head.

The Couric Head. My precioussssss......

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Weeelllll..... O-kay... but just.. OOPS! (head falls into Arenal Volcano)...

Sorry Theo.... gotta go... Mordor... I mean, Costa Rica, is coming to pieces all around us (no great loss as these f**kers let shark and dolphin poachers kill thousands of my brethren every year, only for the shark's fins, protecting the pirates who poach in these waters... we are carrying out a little side mission as I type this... see how those finger monkeys like having they're hands removed and dumped back in the Ocean, the bastards... that's right, Manuel... just try and swim with no hands and feet! pphthst skreee click click! Heheheh!)...

Alright... Theo... I'm serious... it is better this way and you cannot put the universe entire in danger, just so you can see in the dark... and you're crawling around on all fours, by the way, eating raw fish... didja know that?... have a look in the mirror... And no... No You Can't... at least, not this way.... Don't worry... as soon as we finish mining the Japanese whaling fleet we'll come and get you and sort you out... You won't feel a thing.

Until then, just let Bruno rock you back and forth while you sob... it'll all be over soon...

Gotta go... things are getting dicey here... we may have set off a tsunami...

(And so concludes MY essay, "Why Dolphins Should Run the World.")

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My precioussss! My precioussss! What will we do with the Weapon of Mass Sneering? How will we conquer the world without the Weapon of Mass Sneering!

Arrrgh! My Preciousssss!

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I'll have Bruno crush up some mandies to put in your guava martini...

Breathe Theo... just breathe... dru.. help is on the way...

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And I thought you were my friend, Sister. I'm crushed.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:And I thought you were my friend, Sister. I'm crushed.

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Sister, I miss the head. I can't live without the Couric Head. I don't give a shit about it being a Weapon of Mass Sneering; I want the head <i>for me</i>. I want to take the head the me, everywhere I go. The Couric head loves me, Sister, and it told me so.

And I don't mind walking on all fours in the dark. See all the rhinestones that Bruno has lost? I can find them now, when my nose runs into them.

But the furniture legs, and my teeth. My mouth is full of splinters and the furniture...

Oh Couric Head! Couric Head! Wherefore are thou, Couric Head?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:And as far as consulting with Dr. Amin? Might as well ask me. I am the personal chef and consultant for Dr. Amin. He relies on me for his culinary advice. For example, since you ask, when you feed people whom you might eventually eat, do not under any circumstances feed them with McDonald's. You cannot get the taste of the secret sauce out of the tenderloin.

But I do commend you on your diligence on serving your fellow man.

Just like Dr. Amin, who serves his fellow man. In large iron pots by Lodge.


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Well, well, my dear Dr. Strangelove and Commissar Theocritus

Very nice video, except they forgot the fava beans. Ha! ha!

You will accept my dinner invitation, of course.

Image Remember - I am His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshall al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC ['Victorious Cross'], DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular, and Professor of Geography.


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Fava beans! Fava beans! I am so sick of fava beans! They don't go with anything but Lecter and I always thought that he was a fraud. Oh sure, a serial killer and smart and all that, but what did he know about cooking?

Nothing. Nothing I tell you. Most Reverend Dr. Idi, you remember the many banquets of yours that I have supervised--"How to serve your fellow man" was the most successful. Is there anything in them which indicated that I would consent to have a fava bean on any plate under my supervision?

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You need to serve them up with a nice Chainti.


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Dr. Strangelove wrote:You need to serve them up with a nice Chainti.

Yo Doc, new party drink:
Image Mad Dog Bling Bling

Tho, be up-front, I like rosie with a skirt under the Shepherd I-10 overpass

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Bling Bling













I'm just going to respond to every post with youtube videos.

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Dr. Strangelove wrote:Bling Bling
{{{annoying and amusing series of videos here}}}

A doctor after my own heart. After all, the written (or typed) word is so passe - look where the video clip got us on November 11, after all. LOL. ROFL. BBL. WTF. STFU.

PS - you can't have my heart, it's already willed to the poor when I die.

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Dr., er, they take a long time to watch, when one does.

Marxist wrote:Tho, be up-front, I like rosie with a skirt under the Shepherd I-10 overpass

Why not be truly rad and do it on north Kirby in front of the Munster House? About <a href="https://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en& ... 6">here</a>

After all, that would really shock the rich pigs.


 
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