Conflict In Lebanon For Dummies

We can never underestimate the importance of proper screening of individuals who narrate history for the masses - from news services and talk shows to school teachers and entertainers. As the great progressive leader Joseph Stalin may have said, "It's not what really happens, it's what we write about it that matters."

To our credit we have a firm grip on all of the above. One of the most prominent members of the academic community in this respect is Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD, who has kindly written for the People's Cube a brief yet masterful summary of the recent conflict in the Middle East. Not only does it correctly capture the way the events were covered by world's progressive media, it is also destined to enter the annals of history as the sole unquestionable resource for social scientists of the future.
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The Progressive History Of Conflict In Lebanon
by Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

Historical Revisionism is the reexamination of historical facts, with an eye towards updating historical narratives with newly discovered, more accurate, or less biased information, acknowledging that history of an event, as it has been traditionally told, may not be entirely accurate. Taking this idea even further, Professor Kurgman has pioneered a new trend in social science called "Futuristic Revisionism" that deals with "updating news reporting with more accurate and less biased information in real time" as the events unfold. Besides the benefit of helping the unwashed masses to develop the correct view of world events, this approach is meant to create a desired view of events for journalists and historians of the distant future, when all the memory of current events will have been completely erased (e.g., next election cycle)

In the summer of 2006, the Zionist populace of Israel, spoiled by joint ventures with Intel and Motorola, and their biotechnology inventions (which were all stolen from the Islam anyway) unanimously decided, "To hell with technology and commerce; we need to murder Lebanese civilian babies instead."

The Zionist war-machine then developed a clever trick called "boomerang rockets" - launched from Israel into Lebanon, hundreds of them boomeranged back into Israel, fooling the world community about their true origin. This went on for quite a while without much effect, until two Zionist soldiers ran into the unsuspecting arms of workers for the Social Service Agency Hezbollah, and said, "Bring us into Lebanon, so that we can kill your civilian children for our religious rituals."

The Hezbollah workers bravely resisted, but the two Zionist soldiers prevailed, and invaded Lebanon. Immediately, other Zionist soldiers couldn't resist the temptation and they too began to invade Lebanon in droves, to slaughter children and steal body parts.

Their Prime Minister Ehud Olmert proclaimed, "To the Lebanese people, we say, 'We are not fighting so that you will offer us something. We are fighting to eliminate you."

Two days later, the Israeli-Lebanon border was jammed with cargo vehicles, returning with Muslim body parts to use in their so-called biotechnology inventions.

Disgusted by such disproportionate aggression, the civilized world from China to Nigeria to Russia and France objected - but as role models for peace, they were ignored.

Meanwhile, the Zionist populace used this war as a pretext to loaf. By the thousands, the descended into their underground dens of sloth, and passed the time defiling the Koran and celebrating the Mossad's 2004 attack against school children in Beslan (disguised to make look like the work of Muslims). To quote one Zionist, "We keep lots of matzo in our underground resorts for the Beslan celebration. Between that and our 2001 attack on the Americans, it's a continuous party down here."

But finally, Hezbollah struck back by holding peace rallies. All over Beirut, one could hear the cries of "Peace Now!" as Islamic clergy walked arm-in-arm with oppressed progressive minority groups such as The Transgender Alliance of Allah, The Rainbow Caliphate, Freegans for Islamic Justice, Purple Jihad, Green Party of Islam, as well as a variety of Sunni and Shia gay and lesbian organizations.

The Zionist guns and bombs were no match of the Islamic Words of Peace. The invaders had to back down - but promised to return for more slaughter some other day. And so, the Social Service Agency Hezbollah went to work, gaining stature as they quietly helped the victims of the Zionist War Machine.

As the war drew to a close, The Hezbollah leader, Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, in a powerful speech, pleaded for a better future: "When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" The post WWII culture of not wanting to interfere with the Soviet Union's expansion of international revolution reaped rich rewards for all of Eastern Europe, and also for many fortunate citizens of Central America, Africa, and Asia. Similarly, we expect that the drive to not interfere in the Middle East (except for stopping Zionist aggression with ceasefires) will also benefit millions by way of exporting multicultural religious ideals throughout the region, into Europe, and across the oceans. Please note that this may be the last time we hear from Professor Kurgman, as he has decided to terminate such enjoyable activity as writing because "it is morally wrong to enjoy any activity and feel happy when others suffer." It is wrong to be happy when children in Amerikkka are starving under the merciless forces of capitalism, when Zionists continue their extermination of the indigenous Sun People, when Republican Christian zealots are imposing a theocracy on us. Instead, the Professor decided to join the world in its immense suffering and to suffer along with it and on behalf of all those others who are suffering. And we invite you, dear reader, to suffer with him. If you are moral, you will.

 

We will all suffer if Comrad Professor Kurgman cannot post new enlightened responses!
 

Comrade Professor!

Good news!

You have just been awarded your 4th Ph.D in the precise science of Kumbayology at Tehran U.

This also comes with the prestigious Ahmadinejad Chair for the Humanities.
Congratulations!

Laika
 

That was the funniest piece I've read in a long time.  I laughed so hard I couldn't help crying! Great job.
 

Zee KGB vill be very Angry if dis is a Cuver-up NYet???Ver Is dee FATIMA women ???Zee BuuR-Gur King Man isk alll-soo Missink....Ha... Der isk sumthink Veery Bad Goink on heeer!!!!
 

Welcome Zionist Lap Dog!

I have been very lonely here at Cube as one and only lap dog of Revolution. Da!
Now I have another bum to smell besides my own. Very nice!
I see you had garlic bagels and lox for breakfast. Sometime we knosh?
In Steeler Nation we have saying "Triple Oy!"

Laika
 

Quote:

In Steeler Nation we have saying "Triple Oy!"

In mu-ther Russia ve haf sayink eef sum-think smelz blame eet on dog eef he haz knot been eetin yet, Bee- sides vear isk Steeler Nation In remote Siberian vildernes I haf never herd of sucth place. No Hard tac for 2 veeks for you!!
 

Quote:

vear isk Steeler Nation In remote Siberian vildernes?


General Ivan, must I remind you that you are mere General. Cube Politburo shoots Generals who don't tow party line, just like 1938. One phone call to Premier Betty and it's Gulag for you if not the Mark VII. (Depends on how Premier Betty is feeling that day).

Here is map for Steeler Nation:

Plenty of vodka rations to be found here.

http://www.post-gazette.com/steelers/st ... s_list.asp

Laika
 

Laika the Space Dog

Welcome Zionist Lap Dog!

I have been very lonely here at Cube as one and only lap dog of Revolution. Da!
Now I have another bum to smell besides my own. Very nice!
I see you had garlic bagels and lox for breakfast. Sometime we knosh?
In Steeler Nation we have saying "Triple Oy!"

Laika

Many thanks for the kind welcome, Laika.  My title, however, is figurative, as I am not an actual "dog", so to speak.  I am merely a proud vehicle of propoganda for the Zionist "Reich" Wing, if you will (though even as a figurative Zionist Lapdog, I am, of course, no stranger to excessive bum-sniffing).  Were I an actual dog, I would not have any time to post here, as surely my Zionist overlords would be utilizing me to chase after and maul defenseless Palestinian children, as part of the effort to drive this ancient and 100% peaceful people from the nation they have inhabited continuously since the dawn of mankind.  (Unfortunately, like many Zionist Lapdogs, I cannot claim to be an EFFECTIVE vehicle of propoganda, especially in a bastion of Progressive thought such as this heralded forum).  

Ironically, you are correct that I did enjoy a garlic bagel for breakfast.  That you were able to smell this from space is rather impressive.
 

Were I an actual dog, I would not have any time to post here, as surely my Zionist overlords would be utilizing me to chase after and maul defenseless Palestinian children,
Yaaa dis cood bee very eefecteeve toole for New KGB Trainiink vonce vee haf swept de vestern Cap-eetole -ist frome dis errf  ..eextra garl-lick  Bagel Rashh-ons for ewe...
 

Laika the Space Dog

Quote:

vear isk Steeler Nation In remote Siberian vildernes?


General Ivan, must I remind you that you are mere General. Cube Politburo shoots Generals who don't tow party line, just like 1938. One phone call to Premier Betty and it's Gulag for you if not the Mark VII. (Depends on how Premier Betty is feeling that day).

Here is map for Steeler Nation:

Plenty of vodka rations to be found here.

http://www.post-gazette.com/steelers/st ... s_list.asp

Laika

Well, I am happier now that the workers revolt has been stopped and that guillotine production is back up to normal. I see nothing wrong with letting him go with a stern warning and a smack upside the head with a shovel.
 

Quote:

Well, I am happier now that the workers revolt has been stopped and that guillotine production is back up to normal. I see nothing wrong with letting him go with a stern warning and a smack upside the head with a shovel

Sohrry Betty (and coom-Rads) Shu-vel vas alretty Brocen froome More-al Beatinks hear at Gulag may-Bee ven Laikias newe shu-vel coombs ene vee kan ewes eat.