Capitalizing on the enormous success achieved by Democrats with the display of children at the inauguration ceremony, the new leaders are proposing to take this strategy even further and manage the situation in Iraq with the help of Care Bears™.
WASHINGTON, Jan. 6 - Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker Nancy Pelosi sent a letter to President Bush urging him to reject any plan that could potentially result in a military victory in Iraq. The leaders warned that a surge in troop levels might further antagonize al-Qaeda's already-overtaxed fighters, and cited the dangers of U.S. victory to the future of the Democratic Party, liberal media, and world's progress towards socialism. The two leaders called on the President to heed the will of the anti-American forces, make up with dictators in Iran and Syria, and recognize the need to abandon the silly notion that all people are born equal and desire freedom.
Many in the military and in the Bush White House have cast an immediate and abruptly skeptical eye on the plan. While we have seen no official comment from the Pentagon, several issues have been raised by laymen that require further analysis. "The success of the Care Bears in dealing with Professor Coldheart has been well documented, but will they succeed in Iraq?" says Wesley Clark, a retired four-star general who currently leads a political action committee Securing America. "I'm not even sure the Care Bears would want to leave Care-a-lot for deployment."
Every Care Bear wears a bright-colored tummy picture that tells the world its name and special area of caring. While this is helpful in civilian areas, it may prove a hindrance in a combat zone. In addition, the patented "Care Bear Stare," so often used to great effect by the squad, may be in conflict with the Geneva Conventions.
Herb Finkler of the non-partisan ACLU states, "The Care Bear stare is clearly a psychological weapon with a severe long-term effect. To use this weapon on men whose only crime is desiring to detonate themselves in a crowded market is unconscionable."
While the details and efficacy of the plan remain up in the air, one thing is clear. The Democrats are not the party of "cut and run," but are indeed the party most interested in an effective and humane outcome in Iraq.
|Wish Bear: "We do love everyone in the Middle East. But we also love people everywhere, so we might have trouble staying for a long time."||Speaker of the House Pelosi: "Adding more combat troops will only endanger our Jihadist allies to the breaking point for no strategic gain. They helped us win the House and we're not going to disappoint them. The same goes for our radical base at home."|
Quote:Caring Mission: Invokes the inner child within a suicide bombing attacker
Quote:Caring Mission: Invokes the inner child within a suicide bombing attacker
Laika the Space DogMy inside sources at the Kremlin have leaked information to me
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