Did you ever ask yourself is your economy big enough? Do you feel insecure about the pork in your portfolio? Do you want to stop your Dow Jones from shrinking at the most embarrassing moments? It is finally possible with the only economy enlargement product that works. You can become a lean, mean and fierce economy-stimulating machine in just days! Satisfy your community's dream of having a representative with a massive Stimulus Package. Enhance, enlarge and upsize the economy today! Stop settling for second best, get your huge bailout here!

Recent discoveries in social science have shown that, like everything else that the government touches, the economy can also grow beyond its current size and last long in a fossilized state when fully stimulated. Forget the old, flexible, trickle-down economy of the past! The new Economy Enlargement Stimulus Package will penetrate your community from the bottom up, distributing satisfaction equally for everybody.Unlike tax cuts, Stimulus Package delivers results that are permanent. This is why nine out of ten TV economists call this life-changing product a breakthrough in the history of economic enlargement. Economic growth, as we know it, will never be the same.

FACT: In a recent survey by the New York Times, 67% of all voters admitted that they are unhappy with the size of the economy. Voters view politicians with a larger economic package as being more electable and capable to deliver pork to their districts. An overall larger economic package also means a larger distribution area, which stimulates more taxpayers, resulting in a more pleasurable experience for both you and your community.


Submit your own Economy Enlargement success stories below.
____________________________________
WARNING: Economy Enlargement Stimulus Package works through the process of economic fossilization. Bi-stimulus package may be required in certain areas of New York and San Francisco. If the economy stays fossilized for more than four years, contact a Republican representative in your area.

Special thanks to Commissar Obamissar V for pointing in the right direction while being reaffirming and stimulating.

Check with your doctor to make sure you are healthy enough before taking The Stimulus!"

"88% of women agree: Size Does Matter!"

Dear Mr. Obama--

I didn't really believe the ads when I first saw them, but I decided, "what the heck? I've always had a small economy and often wished I had a bigger one." So I swallowed my pride and pulled the lever. WOW! In just a few short weeks I felt like my economy had swelled tremendously. Suddenly my economy was just as big as all the other guys...at least I think that's what happened. I'm still a fry cook at Mickey D's and make just enough money to pay for my cell phone, IPod downloads, lottery tickets and "smokes,"--you know, the essentials--but suddenly it seemed like I had just as much money as those stupid guys who didn't drop out of school. As long as the market keeps tanking, I'm livin' large!

I had the incredible luck of meeting the great one just today, and do you know what I said to him?

I said: "Is that a stimulus package in your pants, or are you just happy to tax me?"

Citizen's

The idea of "artificial enhancement" for my economy is so embarrasing! For years, all I needed was a "spread sheet" or "bull market" to "get it up", so to speak. Shouldn't I just continue to look at my wife's checkbook balance to get stimulated? If I concentrate on her "balance" long enough, I generally can "rally" my economy on my own. However, I am afraid she might go "feudal" on my economy, so all my options are on the table. If my economy is "stimulated" for more than four hours, should I seek medical attention, like the T.V. ad suggests? Additionally, I am fearfull that my friend's will find out my economy needs help, do you ship in a plain brown wrapper?

Publius

Wait. Isn't a large economy means a lot of money? I thought money was wrong. Very wrong. Unless it's in the hands of the Working Class(tm) or the Comissars.

Depends what the meaning of 'large' is.

And don't forget that spending = investment AND increasing taxes = investment.

I have learned from the People's Math that x=x-1 AND x=x+1. If you really try, you can understand... or else.

I remember Joe Biden talking about this product and he stated that even if you follow the directions correctly, there's still a 30% chance it might not work for you.

Well before this product hit the market I was just limping along and envious of a stiff wind.

Now I can say I'm popping tall with my endorsement, who wood not be?

Question though, does it come with a free George Foreman grill?

Well, I started reading this article and then, to my embarrassment, I just abruptly finished. Quickly and shamefully.
I waited about 20 minutes and started again. Same result.
Are there pills for this problem???

Economy Enlargement Stimulus Package...

It's so large not even Barnwee Fwank can get his mouth around it, but he will still enthusiastically accept a oozing load of warm pork to the face with a smile!!!!

Click here to see the picture of Barney Frank with a slight hint of innuendo

Comrades is it safe to assume that Vince of Sham Wow fame or Billy Mays will be selling this marvel of modern Socialism on TV? Will grinning "Bob" be "Enzyting" the masses to expand their role in this revolution?

People's enemy Rush just said this...

CNN's Alex Castellanos said "Obama's speeches are like sex." I can see how that is true. Whenever Obama speaks we are getting screwed.

Does the Hope'N'Change Operating System come with an "enlarge" button on each window?

Genosse Pieck wrote:Does the Hope'N'Change Operating System come with an "enlarge" button on each window?

Hope'N'Change OS no, but TurboShare does. The "enlarge" button is strategically located next to each text area showing amounts to be taxed. There is no "reduce" button.

The first time I saw the new Stimulus Package, I must confess I couldn't help feeling just a little intimidated by its immense size. I worried about the pain I might suffer from something that huge--why, it's so big I can't even put both hands around it! What if it ended up crippling me for life, leaving me to live the rest of my years limping about in excruciating agony?

That's what the Republicans told me. "Abstain from it, Pinkie!" they all said. "Why, just touching it will give you a disease, and make your face break out in a rash of little red blotches shaped like hammers and sickles, so everyone will know of your sinful thoughts and shameful behavior!"** They proclaimed it filthy and evil, warning me that accepting it would lead to a life of ruin and poverty and heartbreak. But isn't that exactly what I've endured for the past eight years?

Then I watched Obama's speech last Tuesday night, and just as I hoped, he allayed all my fears, telling me to relax, exhorting me to accept its entirety as was my patriotic duty, that while it might hurt at first, any pain would be sharp and swift, but would quickly dissipate and ultimately the whole thing would prove to be very gratifying and rewarding, especially with the compensating joys of things like universal health care.

So now I'll just lie back bend over, close my eyes, and think of Barack and Michelle snuggled together in their bed at the White House. Of his mother-in-law snoring just down the hall. Of the girls' new puppy. Of my mortgage and gas all paid for. Yes, I can . . . yes, I can . . . yes, I can accept it, every bit of it, oh yes . . . I . . . can!

**And it turns out that "Socialism" is what the Republicans consider so sinful and shameful! Honestly! How can they say that about something so beautiful and special, that we can all share with literally everyone in the world?

Pinkie! You just made me regret I'm not a woman and will never be able to have the Obama-related gratifying and rewarding experience you described.

I know, I know, I can't have cake and eat it too... Uhm, how can I rephrase that?

Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote:Question though, does it come with a free George Foreman grill?

Why, Comrade? Aren't boiled and pickled beets enough variety for you? Now do you want decadent grilled beets?

Red Square wrote:Pinkie! You just made me regret I'm not a woman and will never be able to have the Obama-related gratifying and rewarding experience you described.

The outrage! You mean to say the Obama experience is NOT egalitarian in nature? *brain seizing* *hyperventilating*

Red Square wrote:Pinkie! You just made me regret I'm not a woman and will never be able to have the Obama-related gratifying and rewarding experience you described.

I know, I know, I can't have cake and eat it too... Uhm, how can I rephrase that?

(the humble kiko sighs)
Red, Red, Red Red... You can INDEED have the Obama-related gratifying experience that Pinkie so eloquenty described... Infact this is how The Party(tm) intended it to be taken, like a MAN...a very PC man... SOooo drop those drawers, bend over and take it like a Party man... Dont worry, the pork fat makes a fine lube, I was told...


As for cake, if you have some you must redistribute it at once! Do not worry, someone elses cake will be sent to you when you need it...and that stuff growing on the top...yes it is supposed to be greenish-black and it is part of the new heathcare pacage.

Oh, and I'd love to go to a Rolling Stones concert, just to see Mick Jagger ride in on a giant inflatable economy.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Oh, and I'd love to go to a Rolling Stones concert, just to see Mick Jagger ride in on a giant inflatable economy.

That actually provides a good visual example for explaining economic inflation and deflation.

I must insist it be used as a visual aid in public schools to explain complex economic concepts to children, replacing the anachronistic banana.

Johnson & Johnson stocks soar on reports of personal lubricant shortages linked to the stimulus.

I don't care what kind of toast or biscuit you put it on, but that Kentucky Jelly just tastes awful.

Can oversize stimulus package cause serious problems for circulation requiring all cash flows in said condition be stopped until condition can be rectified and circulation allowed to continue? Do we need Doctor Phil? If the problem persist can we call on the Good doctor to take action? Perhaps a get together in his studio of the various patent holders of this stimulus package and have them do a group hug? Then discover cure for package and condition. (Double Entendre's all over the place there)

With the use of stimulus package I have noticed an increase of unworkers in my work camp. Also, I have noticed a decrease in unecessary production. No longer are we producing unnecessary revenue! Soon all the unmoney amassed will go strait to the collective to be redistributed to the masses! Wow! with the help of the "ONE" and his HUGE STIMULUS PACKAGE, (redistributed with the help of BIG government of corse) my economy will be so huge that no one will be able to "handle" it!

Thanks be to BIG BROTHER Barry!

WAR (with republiKKKans) IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Oh, and I'd love to go to a Rolling Stones concert, just to see Mick Jagger ride in on a giant inflatable economy.

he didn't? did he really? hahaha. that's way better than a giant glowing lemon (even if Bono and Edge got stuck in it)

WOW! Now with the Obama WealthSpread^tm, the Obama Snake Oil Ointment^tm, and the new Obama Stimulus Package^tm my weekend should be set! Thanks, Mr. President. Gosh I'm glad I voted!

AbecedariusRex wrote:WOW! Now with the Obama WealthSpread^tm, the Obama Snake Oil Ointment^tm, and the new Obama Stimulus Package^tm my weekend should be set! Thanks, Mr. President. Gosh I'm glad I voted!

Being good party member, how many times did you vote?

Guardian of Pravda wrote:

AbecedariusRex wrote:WOW! Now with the Obama WealthSpread^tm, the Obama Snake Oil Ointment^tm, and the new Obama Stimulus Package^tm my weekend should be set! Thanks, Mr. President. Gosh I'm glad I voted!

Being good party member, how many times did you vote?

Well the first vote was for real, but the five or six votes afterwards were all just a lot of moaning and thrashing around.

Some side effects may occur: After taking Stimulus Package, MSNBC's Chris Matthews reported the tingling feeling in his legs got only worse whenever Obama spoke.

By the way guys, I hope this package is not available on the free (capitalist) market. Right? Only at Cubist/Communist markets.

I have to say this stimulus product has really me excited. It reminds me of the good old days under Clinton. Snoogie was just with Bimbo number two back then, with this renewed stimulus product, I think I can compete with Bill's and get to number 5!

Happy days are here again for the snoogster!

Red...Red...Red.

Just use the Obama salute and apply it to your airline snack

Maybe the Stimulus Package will help me learn how to handle Michelle's bare arms. Right now I cannot bear her bare arms despite the second amendment.

Ivan Betinov wrote:I don't care what kind of toast or biscuit you put it on, but that Kentucky Jelly just tastes awful.

Comrade Ivan,

of course it tastes awful with the bourgeois food products you are using (I will need to report you - how did you acquire them?)

It is best consumed with beets and potatoes, and because of KY's lubricating function, they can be absorbed through either end now(with help from Stimulus Package, in some cases,) cutting mealtimes in half and thus increasing production for the Common Good!

Genosse Pieck wrote:

Ivan Betinov wrote:I don't care what kind of toast or biscuit you put it on, but that Kentucky Jelly just tastes awful.

Comrade Ivan,

of course it tastes awful with the bourgeois food products you are using (I will need to report you - how did you acquire them?)

It is best consumed with beets and potatoes, and because of KY's lubricating function, they can be absorbed through either end now(with help from Stimulus Package, in some cases,) cutting mealtimes in half and thus increasing production for the Common Good!

That definitely solicited a BettyEEEEEEEEEEEW.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Red...Red...Red.

Just use the Obama salute and apply it to your airline snack

Now we know why the salute required both hands. The Stimulus Package is larger than the skeptics and the cynics could ever imagine!


<br>Also, see this People's Cube thread for more details (scroll down to this picture and keep reading from there).

In other words, those making the Obama sign are thereby saying, "I am the initiated one, I have seen the glory of Obama's New Stimulus Package and submit myself to its power."

Red Square wrote:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:

Commissar Maksim wrote:A close-up of the Beri Ubomo statue reveals a missing Stimulus Package, yet his nuts are intact. Jesse Jackson could not be reached for comment.

Maksim, Maksim! Haven't you heard of The Emperor's New Clothes? He also has a new Stimulus Package. I can see it quite clearly (as can all true Hussies), and what a magnificent instrument of audacity it is!

That is preposterous! What else can one see in this picture if not a huge, magnificent instrument of audacity that is the Obama's New Stimulus Package? If you can't see it you must be a right-wing, ultra-conservative, knuckle-dragging, religious "Bush is demigod" 19 per center.

Well, can you see it now? You must agree it's not only huge and magnificent - it also reveals an enormous experience working for the Greater Good(TM) in such important areas as raising awareness, expanding the outreach, lifting the poor, and driving the progressive vote.

If that's what sent a tingle up Chris Matthews' leg I don't blame him. One doesn't need to be a woman to experience an Obamagasm.

Also, I could no longer tolerate this picture not being part of our caption competition. So I just posted it there.

<br>On a related note, another new caption contest - another metaphor for Obama's Stimulus Package.

Comrades..
I must confess that for years I muttered the slogans of our glorious socialist state but at the same time I was working hard and getting educated. Soon ..,,I gained some minor success and was living pretty well. Now, Comrade obama has shown me the error of my ways. Because of his leadership, I now know that it would have been alright to drop out of school and set home and watch oprah all day.
Our great socialist state has demonstrated that they will give me all I want and need without working for it. I feel so relieved. All I had to do all along was to give the state (and now...Dear leader Obama) my utter loyalty and my notes would have been paid.
How silly I feel. The stimulous package is the saviour of all.

Red Square wrote:Also, I could no longer tolerate this picture not being part of our caption competition. So I just posted it there.

Comrade Red! Get your mind out of the gutter. This is obviously a great (indirect) depiction of the Great Leader's boldness of the audacity of hope! Since the Great-but-not-as-great-as-Our Leader of the German Demokratik Republik naturally has no Stimulus Package, she wants to hang on to as much of Our Leader's Stimulus Package, as she can!

There is obviously still rebellion in the Capitalist/Fascist Occupied Territories of the German Demoktratik Republik, as Halos and Angel Wings are incompatible with Obamessianic Spirituality.

(Now I must confiscate this religious pornography lest you foul the minds of the proletariate.)

Speaking of Maturbation....

Top Democrats believe they have struck political gold by depicting Rush Limbaugh as the new face of the Republican Party, a full-scale effort first hatched by some of the most familiar names in politics and now being guided in part from inside the White House.

THE RIGHT STUFF
Rush challenges Obama to 1-on-1 debate!

"If you take me out," Limbaugh said addressing Obama directly, "if you can wipe me out in a debate and prove to the rest of America that what I say is senseless and wrong, do you realize you will own the United States of America. You will have no opposition."

- https://wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=90720

Will Obama come?

Citizen Navigator,

Obama "came" when he realized McCain was the only thing between him and his socialist utopia! More lids for the masses!
Publius

Publius Valerius -

Does this hat have the tinfoil lining that is tuned to orbital transmissions from Laika the Space Dog, with the bonus feature of receiving "Music from the 80s" programs on Friday nights?

Citizen Publius,
Exactly which head does that ball cap cover?

You know what makes me angry, Comrades? They don't make condoms small enough for Progressive men. I mean... A standard sized condom is just a waste of latex for us. Think of how many baby seals DIED due to all the waste, pollution and carbon that was produced in making that condom.

Ugh... Until they make smaller condoms I am afraid I cannot use this awesome new stimulus package.

I demand a special commission be created.

Chairman - especially for you -

Protect your stimulus package with government-issue condoms! We Help the Little Guy(TM)!


(Micromanaging the economy since 2006)

Awesome, Comrade Red Square! I'm glad the all-powerful Children's Congress is looking out for wee -- and sometimes shy -- guys just like me!

Red Square wrote:Chairman - especially for you -

Protect your stimulus package with government-issue condoms! We Help the Little Guy(TM)!


(Micromanaging the economy since 2006)

Why does the product come in a pack of 3? why not 4? isn't that insulting to the average dynamic feller whose nightly excess may go beyond 3? it's also insulting to the less than average feller by setting a, um, bar they can't reach. I think this part of the government package needs some streamlining.

But remember, Chairman, the dangers described in the old Soviet joke about the similarities between the vagina and the KGB! As we are getting closer towards the Soviet model, these jokes become more and more translatable, don't they?

(if you don't know the joke, highlight the censored lines)

[HIGHLIGHT=#000000]- How is the vagina similar to the KGB?
- One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.[/HIGHLIGHT]

Speaking of which, it seems that Attorney General Eric Holder's comment about the "nation of cowards" was not an accusation, but rather a self-congratulatory statement along the lines of "mission accomplished."

Redsquare,
We tease our friends from rainy Seattle who bring the rain over the mountain pass to the deserts of Eastern Washington when they visit.

Has anyone linked the same effect to you?

If not, I'd like award you with honor bestowed upon us by His Porkanimous Magnus Stimulus!

Navigator - I'd be careful with the word "tease" on this thread if I were you. Speaking of which, did you hear what Obama recently said about the economy?

"What I am looking for is not the day-to-day gyrations... It bobs up and down every day... if you spend your time worrying about that, you're probably going to get the long-term strategy wrong.''

I wish Obama would leave alone those things that bob up and down, at least for a while. I wish he would take his mind out of the gutter and focus more on the country. I also wish he'd stop posing for provocative homoerotic pictures. The world community already loves him the way he is.

March 3, 2009. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown spoons President Barack Obama in the Oval Office as part of his initiation to the circle of cultured European leaders. Finally America has a president who is unafraid to pose for homoerotic pictures.

And Pinkie, I hope this doesn't ruin the nightly "spooning in the White House" fantasies for you.

Sounds like some serious shaking and jiggling going on in California, too! Perhaps a natural response of Mother Earth to the El Grande Stimuloso Paqueto!

(I wouldn't bother watching too much past 0:14. Most of the salient information can be garnered from the professional comrade delivering the news up to that point)

Red Square wrote:Navigator - I'd be careful with the word "tease" on this thread if I were you.

LMAO!

I've been looking for a revolutionary symbol.
I remember my mom talking to her girlfriends from college: "about the time time they unscrewed the porch light bulbs from girls dorm and replaced them with red light bulbs.

Back in the day ... evidently ... When the red light was burning, it mean the time was right for a good screwing! Back then it was exceedingly shameful.

In light of our present day circumstances, I think it would be a good "tease" of the Obama administration if we started a revolution by screwing red bulbs in our porch lites, our living rooms or any window or location that faced the public.

A red lite means it's a good time for Stimulus!

Oppose the stimulus? Lite up an incandescent red bulb. Or candle.

The Skinnee Jay wrote:By the way guys, I hope this package is not available on the free (capitalist) market. Right? Only at Cubist/Communist markets.

Yes, comrade Jay, I too share your concern that the price has not been decided upon by the glorious administration in a fair manner... You don't think that there is an evil profit to be made do you???

Navigator wrote:Check with your doctor to make sure you are healthy enough before taking The Stimulus!"


"88% of women agree: Size Does Matter!"

If you experience a lasting stimulation lasting longer than 4 years, stop taking "The Economic Stimulus" and call your local DNC representative immediately to avoid perminate injury to your wallet.

Red Square wrote:

And Pinkie, I hope this doesn't ruin the nightly "spooning in the White House" fantasies for you.

On the contrary, Red Square, it makes me wish I could be a cultured European leader! Imagine! Being able to stand directly behind Obama, my soft, doughy body flush against the hard, warm length of his. His fine, firm buttocks cradled between my hips as I press my breasts beneath his shoulder blades and lean my chin, perhaps my whole cheek, on the fine Italian silk covering that broad shoulder. I could wrap my arms around him till my hands meet over the thudding of his great, good heart that beats with the steady rhythm of Hope and Change. And I would stand on tiptoe to whisper in his ear, "Ohh-bama . . . give me your Stimulus Package. All of it. Now!"

I tell you, it's too hard to resist.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: On the contrary, Red Square, it makes me wish I could be a cultured European leader! Imagine! Being able to stand directly behind Obama, my soft, doughy body flush against the hard, warm length of his. His fine, firm buttocks cradled between my hips as I press my breasts beneath his shoulder blades and lean my chin, perhaps my whole cheek, on the fine Italian silk covering that broad shoulder. I could wrap my arms around him till my hands meet over the thudding of his great, good heart that beats with the steady rhythm of Hope and Change. And I would stand on tiptoe to whisper in his ear, "Ohh-bama . . . give me your Stimulus Package. All of it. Now!"

I tell you, it's too hard to resist.

Ouch. I think I popped a gasket while reading that.

AbecedariusRex wrote:WOW! Now with the Obama WealthSpread^tm, the Obama Snake Oil Ointment^tm, and the new Obama Stimulus Package^tm my weekend should be set! Thanks, Mr. President. Gosh I'm glad I voted!

I think the young Comrade is smiling because he really wants some of this good stuff ...

Comrade Castrate, that image of our MTE is somewhat on the "disturbing" side. I think I have just committed all manner of thoughtcrime by considering it. I'm going to go dig beets and swill vodka in the hopes of burning that image out of my mind.

Did you know you can make wine from beets? Well maybe not, this is back ally prole stuff here. While the Bourgeois drink the Wodka the rest of us swill the wine.

For one gallon:

2.5 pounds beets
1 gallon water
2.25 pounds sugar
2 teaspoons acid blend
1 teaspoon nutrient
25 teaspoon tannin
1 Campden tablet
1 pkg. wine yeast

Wash beets, skin beets, and cut into small pieces. Place beets in a
nylon bag and boil in 2 quarts water until tender. Pour hot liquor over
sugar in primary and mix. Put bag with pulp in fermentor and stir in
remainder of COLD water. Add all other ingredients except yeast. After
24 hours add yeast. Let ferment. When SG is 1.040 lightly strain juice
from bag. When SG is 1.000 rack into secondary.

Or I could ferment the beet juice and make... beet vodka! Woohoo! Stalin be praised! Obama has surely looked down on this humble Party Member and briefly smiled at me. Beet vodka! What a glorious concept. Now you can have your beet and drink it too!

I am working on plans now to expand Factory 1017 People's Rifles(TM), People's Pocket Pistols(TM) and Stalin's Blood Beet Vodka(TM).

Oooh I have tingles going up and down my leg. I may have an Obamagasm!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
On the contrary, Red Square, it makes me wish I could be a cultured European leader! Imagine! Being able to stand directly behind Obama, my soft, doughy body flush against the hard, warm length of his. His fine, firm buttocks cradled between my hips as I press my breasts beneath his shoulder blades and lean my chin, perhaps my whole cheek, on the fine Italian silk covering that broad shoulder. I could wrap my arms around him till my hands meet over the thudding of his great, good heart that beats with the steady rhythm of Hope and Change. And I would stand on tiptoe to whisper in his ear, "Ohh-bama . . . give me your Stimulus Package. All of it. Now!"

I tell you, it's too hard to resist.

Once again I MUST DENOUNCE *ducks* PINKIE *parries and thrusts with People's Rifle* FOR MENTAL IMAGES BEYOND WHAT THE AVERAGE COMRADE *ouch!* MUST *dodges and engages with People's Pocket Pistol(TM). Hmmm shovel defeats .25acp. Not good.* ENDURE! *ouch, ouch, and OUCH OBAMADAMNIT*

People's Erotica(TM) is all well and good, but must we endure it when we are not *dangit enough with the shovel already Pinkie!* expecting it?

Comrade Chekov,

As anamature craft brewer of ales and meade I wonder if the proles could figure out how to measure specific gravity after they've spent all day digging beats and then consuming their vodka ration. Furthermore, they would have to completely stop eating for 2.5 months to get 2.5 pounds of beets. And the sugar? Unless they're planning on robbing the supply train as it goes to Meow's Dacha, they'll never see a single ounce, let alone the quantities you describe. Their Obamagasms might provide the teaspoon of nutrient, however.

Obamissar 7.62 wrote:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
On the contrary, Red Square, it makes me wish I could be a cultured European leader! Imagine! Being able to stand directly behind Obama, my soft, doughy body flush against the hard, warm length of his. His fine, firm buttocks cradled between my hips as I press my breasts beneath his shoulder blades and lean my chin, perhaps my whole cheek, on the fine Italian silk covering that broad shoulder. I could wrap my arms around him till my hands meet over the thudding of his great, good heart that beats with the steady rhythm of Hope and Change. And I would stand on tiptoe to whisper in his ear, "Ohh-bama . . . give me your Stimulus Package. All of it. Now!"

I tell you, it's too hard to resist.

Once again I MUST DENOUNCE *ducks* PINKIE *parries and thrusts with People's Rifle* FOR MENTAL IMAGES BEYOND WHAT THE AVERAGE COMRADE *ouch!* MUST *dodges and engages with People's Pocket Pistol(TM). Hmmm shovel defeats .25acp. Not good.* ENDURE! *ouch, ouch, and OUCH OBAMADAMNIT*

People's Erotica(TM) is all well and good, but must we endure it when we are not *dangit enough with the shovel already Pinkie!* expecting it?

I fear this might blow Comrade Red Jim's graphics card...

I think Michelle Obama is a man. Seen those arms at the non-SOTU, Comrades? Hmmm? She is packing some Reno in that body -- some serious Reno!

Chairman!

She built those biceps for his O'liness's Stimulus Package. She promised to be a real "hands on" First Lady.
She did it for the Common Good™.
Besides...she doesn't want punished anymore, twice is enough, so it's safer to run an Obama Stimulus Package off by BOTH hands.
If Obama keeps it up, soon Michelle's arms will look like Popeye the Sailor Man's without the anchor tattoo.

I truly love this product! It reminds me of the fond memories when I got my first woody.

Comrade Snoogie Woogums,

You don't appear on TV as a day trader, do you?

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:Comrade Snoogie Woogums,

You don't appear on TV as a day trader, do you?

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,

I'm entitled to my Woody, the Government owes me my Woody....... The mere thought that I would trade for some sort of profit for a Woody repulses this Comrade.

Commissar Obamissar V.... Humble apologies if I may have left an impression that I would rather stiff the masses for private gain then stiff the taxpayer for my own personal gain.

That's some decent groveling, Comrade. Your sense of entitlement is well developed for your age. I'll continue my witch hunt elsewhere. It would seem that some Junior-Americans for Obama not only did not vote several times, but are also appearing on television advocating capitalism!

Obamissar 7.62 wrote:Or I could ferment the beet juice and make... beet vodka! Woohoo! Stalin be praised! Obama has surely looked down on this humble Party Member and briefly smiled at me. Beet vodka! What a glorious concept. Now you can have your beet and drink it too!

I am working on plans now to expand Factory 1017 People's Rifles(TM), People's Pocket Pistols(TM) and Stalin's Blood Beet Vodka(TM).

Oooh I have tingles going up and down my leg. I may have an Obamagasm!

Remember the percentages Comrade.
55% for the Government, 35 % for the Party officials, 2% for you 1% for me (A way of rewarding me for contributing to the overall welfare of the proletariat) and 7% donations for the Party Retirement Dachu.
Then you have the taxes to consider. We must stimulate the economy and only by giving more than your fair share can we hope to stimulate the economy. Your taxes will amount to 90% of gross. Thank you for providing the Pipples pary with the needed stimulation.
Oh and there is a 10% tingle tax.

I did taste the beet moonshine - it was called "samogon". It was illegal to make it because the government had the liquor monopoly (among other monopolies), but it was a popular drink in Ukraine - a beet-growing region. That's how some of the supposedly dirt-poor collective-farmers could afford to buy those cheap Soviet cars - by making and selling the hazy beet moonshine to the working class.

An important note, though, is that RED BEETS are food (borshch, salads, etc.) while SUGAR BEETS, which are white, are used for sugar and moonshine.

So it's true that you can have your beets and drink them too.

Citizens,

The prospect of beet "moonshine" makes me see red! Up the revolution! I can't wait for the arresting officer to ask me, post stop, if I had any vegetables!

Publius

I fail to see what you are all having O'rgasms over homemade hootch. There will be plenty of the good stuff--Bombay Sapphire gin, Eagle Rare bourbon &c., to go around once the sophisticates learn that in the new world less is more.

I yearn to see the chic Manhattan parties with New York socialites dressed in dresses made of potato sacks and flour sacks, eating fried rats on a stick, and drinking beet moonshine.

That will show their solidarity with the worker, leaving the good stuff to the party members.

The real ones.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I fail to see what you are all having O'rgasms over homemade hootch. There will be plenty of the good stuff--Bombay Sapphire gin, Eagle Rare bourbon &c., to go around once the sophisticates learn that in the new world less is more.

I yearn to see the chic Manhattan parties with New York socialites dressed in dresses made of potato sacks and flour sacks, eating fried rats on a stick, and drinking beet moonshine.

That will show their solidarity with the worker, leaving the good stuff to the party members.

The real ones.

Fantastic grow the evening gowns
While agents of the fisc
Pursue absconding tax defaulters
Through the sewers of provincial towns

I look forward to the excess of Bombay Sapphire Gin and want to do whatever I can to secure my truckload now. Pinkie? Red? What is required?

I happen to know that Pinkie has stashed away crates and crates of Mumbai Non-conflict Sapphire Gin at her dacha and all that bit about "beets" and "potatoes" is merely birdlime.

Let's just go over to Pinkie's. Rex, you bring the tonic; I'll bring the Campari and the mint and the limes. And I just went to Hobby Lobby and got a hundredweight of sparkly fake jewels which I gave to Bruno. That'll keep him occupied for days.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:

Red Square wrote:

And Pinkie, I hope this doesn't ruin the nightly "spooning in the White House" fantasies for you.

On the contrary, Red Square, it makes me wish I could be a cultured European leader! Imagine! Being able to stand directly behind Obama, my soft, doughy body flush against the hard, warm length of his. His fine, firm buttocks cradled between my hips as I press my breasts beneath his shoulder blades and lean my chin, perhaps my whole cheek, on the fine Italian silk covering that broad shoulder. I could wrap my arms around him till my hands meet over the thudding of his great, good heart that beats with the steady rhythm of Hope and Change. And I would stand on tiptoe to whisper in his ear, "Ohh-bama . . . give me your Stimulus Package. All of it. Now!"

I tell you, it's too hard to resist.

Ummmm, thanks be to the Messiah One for COLD COLD showers here in the Gulag. Even the saltpeter they put in the food here is not enough to curb my liberal libido after reading such filth. In fact, I found it so vile and disgusting I had to read it FIVE times.

But on a positive note ... you should consider getting a 900 number, you could raise enough funds to spread a lot of wealth around, bail out the banks, feed the losers hungry, provide free abortions and STD treatments for all.

Infidel Castrate wrote:But on a positive note ... you should consider getting a 900 number, you could raise enough funds to spread a lot of wealth around, bail out the banks, feed the losers hungry, provide free abortions and STD treatments for all.

The Party has just such a device, Comrade! Read, enjoy, and then call...