Iraq has failed to meet most of the congressionally mandated benchmarks, says a draft of a report obtained by The People's Cube."Overall, cure for cancer has not been found, a manned mission to Uranus is being delayed, and it is unclear whether the Iraqi government will ever install gold-plated urinals in Falujah's public toilets," the report says. The document contradicts the Bush administration's conclusion in July that the average number of Iraqi gay-pride parades in urban areas has increased.
"Prospects for enacting these benchmarks have been complicated by the withdrawal of many Iraqi Cabinet members who refused to sign a constitutional amendment giving full human rights to animals," the report says. This boycott ends any claim by the Shiite-dominated coalition to be a government of change for social progress and multicultural awareness.
In related news:
Radical Islam Surrenders to Progressivism
BranishWhat do the words on the Official Party Seal on the memo say? It is a brilliant seal, however.
Premier BettyI think the Grim Reaper looks too cool to belong on a Democrat seal. Maybe a monkey with a big white flag?
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoI also see that no mention of the failure to turn Iraq green (literally, with trees, heavy vegetation and fields of green) wasn't listed in that memo as well. This disappoints me... greatly.
Red_Don<<Character off. New at posting. Am I getting the characterization right? I'm going by the way my lib friends act>>
Comrade Blogunov*It is understood that the more equal party members are always exempted from the dull sameness that we would impose on everybody else. For example, we will always have dachas that consume 20 times or more the energy of a single, crowded apartment with minimal utilities, and we will always have $400 haircuts available to us from the people's barber.
Red_DonNew at posting. Am I getting the characterization right?
Comrade BlogunovThis shines the light on yet another glaring oversight in the plan: failure to achieve the gradual abolition of the distinction between town and country by a more equable distribution of population over the country! How in Marx's name can we realize a Green Iraq until we forcibly relocate everybody and start bulldozing homes to make room for more trees?
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoI also see that no mention of the failure to turn Iraq green (literally, with trees, heavy vegetation and fields of green) wasn't listed in that memo as well.
Red SquareComrade Pup! That's ™
Commissar PupovichIf only it were that simple Comrade, then the job of the Inner Circle would be so much easier. But consider if one were to implement an "equatable" distribution of the population, what impact would this have on our dachas, our vineyards, the pleasure palaces of the MTE, the falconry estates where many of our finest progressive thinkers go to relax so that we can make the great plans for the State? Would you have my progressive meditations upset by the sight of common proles fighting over water puddles and beets?
Comrade BlogunovUnder my plan of forcible relocation...
Comrade BlogunovIf I may make so bold, comrade commissar, I would like to humbly request an increase in my borscht ration as well. While I live in the Glorious Red State of Georgia, borscht is in very short supply at the local Waffle Houses. This is yet another example which proves how the martyred proletariat writhe in borschtless agony under the iron heel of their capitalist overlords.
Red SquareHow To Get In Touch With Your Inner Comrade
Commissar PupovichIs this a test? Wishing to see if the Commissar will overlook your admission of using diesel fuel for your tractors, so generously provided by the Party so that you can feed yourself, so you can distill it for vodka? Then on top of this, to ask for an increase in your borsht ration as well? Perhaps you will find the borscht more to your liking in the re-education camps?
Comrade BlogunovThe people's check is in the mail, Comrade Commissar.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoHmmmm, yeah, ummm, we kind of replaced the borscht in the re-education camps with what we are calling "borscht-lite" which is a water and frozen grass substitute. Yeah, budget constraints, you know the drill... I hope everyone can understand.
|(Go to page: 1, 2, 3)||Red Square||174||25495|
|(Go to page: 1, 2)||Red Square||149||57974|
Users browsing this forum: MSN [Bot] and 5 guests
Rubiks & Rubik’s Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.
IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy
This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester
White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago
Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country
Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
I Own The World
It's Big Fur Hat
The Fine Report
The Looking Spoon
Sad Hill News
Looking at the Left
Red Planet Cartoons
Death By 1000 Papercuts