Local insurgents resist US occupation of New York during Fleet Week
Just as all progressive New Yorkers of good will prepared to celebrate this year's Fleet Week by watching reruns of Battleship Potemkin and dancing to the uplifting sounds of Red Army and Red Navy Choir, their open-minded city suffered a rude invasion by the militaristic US Navy forces. The boorish US sailors and marines scurried through New York's enlightened neighborhoods without an exit strategy, acting like the occupiers they were - offending cultural sensitivities of the natives by not holding their heads down nor hiding their eyes in fear and guilt every time a faithful native gave them an accusing stare.
US occupiers in Times Square
To add insult to injury, they landed on the eve of Memorial Day - when all faithful progressives are honoring great heroes of the Revolution: Benedict Arnold, Tokyo Rose, Alger Hiss, Aldrich Ames, Gus Hall, Ramsey Clark - and, of course, the holiest martyrs Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. The cynicism of the US military is astounding!
US Marines Torture Children In Broad Daylight
Times Square. US Marine is captured on film while torturing poor children of New York. Once a war criminal, always a war criminal!
|The brewing resentment turned into open insurgency when the Party spearheaded the Great March of the People, arming them with today's most lethal weaponry: kick-ass multi-lingual street theater props that look convincingly serious on world's TV screens.|
Around noon on May 27, New York's workers and peasants gathered near 49th Street across from USS Intrepid to storm this symbol of US imperialism and to drive American invaders out of the holy city of New York.
YANKEES GO HOME!!!
Kick the Ass of the Ruling Class
At the head of the column marched lawyers with notepads - National Lawyers Guild (NLG) members - true vanguard of the Revolution. They ensured that the boot of proletarian justice would kick the ass of the ruling class with ease and impunity. The NLG Kommissars could be spotted by their characteristic green caps identifying their rank as "Legal Observers, Enforcers of People's Will, and Protectors of Orthodoxy."
Brigade of the Screaming Hags
Next went the notorious Brigade of the Screaming Hags, overwhelming the senses of those few who still remained unmoved by the lawyers.
War Is Terrorism
Next went the children with a message from the progressive public school system: war is terrorism, economy is poverty, success is failure, logic is irrational, education is ineptitude.
The children were naturally followed by coffins - or as we in the Politburo call them, "icebreakers." Cheaply made out of cardboard, they are a great way to start a conversation and quickly gain high moral ground among those who don't know what moral is. Whoever came up with this idea deserves the Order of Lenin Medal and Award.
Do-It-Yourself Morale Booster
A fantastic morale booster, this item is a must-have in any progressive household, to be displayed on the wall next to the hammer & sickle and a shovel - a great decorative value, too. Take it for a walk to the park, street, or your local recruitment center - and you're guaranteed all the attention you deserve.
Quickly add an exotic flavor with a touch of a Palestinian kufia. We aren't sure what relevance it has to the current uprising since there is no US military presence in Palestine, but it never hurts to stir up some additional guilt among the occupiers. When it comes to guilt, every way to bring it up is the right way.
An example of how NOT to make a fake coffin - the cardboard is showing! It gives away the cheap trick, spoils the dramatic effect, and ruins our collective credibility. Sloppiness is the plague of the progressive movement! True, most comrades have turned progressive namely because they had been sloppy in their work, thinking, and personal habits. But this only underscores the historical inevitability of proletarian dictatorship enforced with the iron fist of strict Party discipline.
If You Know Something...
"We will not be silenced by the fascist US regime that oppresses Muslim women! That's why we have it spelled out in Arabic - so that oppressed Muslim women worldwide may get inspired and rise with us against the misogynistic Bush-Cheney junta!"
Feminists of the world, unite!
|"I also support women's right to be oppressed. I beat my wives with a stick to bring them in the right mood for this picture. It's what our infidel enablers like to see, no?"|
"Warning: this will happen to anyone who stands on the People's way - and the People's NLG Lawyers will make sure we do it with impunity. It happened before in Russia, China, North Korea, Cuba, Vietnam, Cambodia, Venezuela - and will happen here if you choose to oppose us."
(This female comrade later told our correspondent that she was, in fact, a Republican - yet she joined the movement because, working in the financial field, she had obtained a proof that the Iraq war was really about money for Halliburton and Dick Cheney. She had probably mistaken us for a New York Times reporter - but nice try anyway.)
"How can I not be happy? The results of our comrades' work in the news media and trivial entertainment industries will bring a smile on your face too!"
"Our nation bankrupt, disgraced, hated globally, in more danger."
Let's celebrate! And special thanks to our liaisons with Zarqawi and other brotherly Islamic fighters.
SDS: Students For A Democratic Society
Because America has yet to learn what democracy really is! We need to be more like North Korea!
* * *
From the People's Glossary:
A higher form of government that no longer relies on the outdated and ineffective election process. In the so-called "bourgeois democracies" elections are routinely accompanied by lies, fraud, disenfranchisement of voters, and ballot recounts in Florida. In a People's Democracy voters think with the collective brain which speaks most accessibly and conveniently through Party representatives. The wish of the collective at any given moment is the law, and no one better knows the wishes and needs of the people than the dear leader himself, e.g., Kim Jung Il of the People's Democratic Republic of North Korea.
Coming Here Soon: Insurrection!
You won't believe how many great revolutionary slogans one can come up with while living in mom's basement.
"Uh, Beavis, that grandma's placard says No Bush! Hehehe."
"Do you think she's a personal hygiene activist? Hehehe."
"She's a lesbian grandma. Hehehe."
"Bush. Hehehe. Bush. Hehehe. Uh, Butthead, I don't get it."
The Gloved One
The students and children were closely followed by Michael Jackson (right).
And we thought he was filming an MTV show in Tokyo...
And, of course, Flat Gareth didn't miss a chance to show up at a People's rally.
|A small group of about twenty America's sympathizers and enemies of progress created a roadblock on the People's way. These right-wing capitalist oppressors tried to postpone the Great March of the People. Of course they couldn't be real New Yorkers. They held a large banner that said "WARNING: Leftist protesters trying to demoralize our troops" and sang God Bless America in extremely loud voices.|
"Remove these people and arrest them immediately - or your department and you personally will have a huge lawsuit on your hands."
Intimidated into obedience by the Kommissar (left), the police quickly dispersed the reactionaries, making them move over behind the corner so as not to obstruct the advancing March of the People.
|"Comrade Kommissar? Violators have been removed. They won't bother you anymore. Proceed as planned."|
Stop U.S. War Crimes
The People's insurgents successfully made it to their destination and strategically positioned the "icebreakers" across from USS Intrepid, in an upright position.
"Disrespectful? Hell yeah. Did you think we would actually call a priest?"
Next time the Party should pick a better spot - so that the coffins wouldn't appear as advertisement for mini storage containers.
* * *
Who Lies There?
Just imagine who might be lying in our morale boosting coffins. It's Memorial Day after all!
Nathan Hale - war criminal, participated in a militaristic aggression of the US imperialism against Britain in 1776. "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." Yeah, right. With our movable coffins we'll make you lose as many lives as we want it - and as often as we want it.
Paul Revere - jingoistic alarmist, agent provocateur, and capitalist oppressor of toiling masses. "The British are coming?" Who cares. At least now the British have a socialized healthcare and we don't.
Davy Crockett - militaristic aggressor who committed war crimes against peaceful Mexican population in 1836. Wish he were here for the recent pro-illegal immigration protests! He'd kill himself all over again!
In fact, they could be any of the people on this set of memorial stamps.
* * *
Maybe in the future we can label our coffins more appropriately.
Soon the coffins were abandoned and remained unattended for about one hour, as exhausted insurgents redeployed to the nearest Starbucks.
Memo To Self
We must enforce a stricter Party discipline so that our mock coffins don't get stolen by homeless bums who could sleep in them. Bums are often indistinguishable from our protesters and so they can easily penetrate our ranks and steal our props.
War Is Not For Celebration
That's, of course, unless it's a People's war led by communist guerillas against capitalist oppressors. Just ask Che Guevara.
"Reporting! We have lost one man in the fighting! Yes, Kommissar, I know it's only a crude drawing, but can we still sue the Pentagon?"
Some of our comrades have trouble telling fiction from reality. It may be useful in the cases of Dan Rather, Al Gore, Michael Moore and the rest of Hollywood - but with rank and file it could get a little tiring.
|AMEND YOUR HISTORY BOOKS!|
Our insurgency made the enemy develop an exit strategy and withdraw! By the end of Fleet Week (May 30) there should be no US occupiers left in the People's Republic of New York. Such speedy retreat, of course, would not have happened if it weren't for our uprising.
* * *
If you see something, do something!
Chairman Meow-Say-PunIt is every progressives dream to one day don the green cap of the National Lawyers Guild, I even hear that those select few who are chosen to wear such a symbol of socialist valor recieve discounts at their nearest Starbucks and extra punches on their ration cards. Oh how I envy them so!! It is even said they can access classified information on Google!!!
|(Go to page: 1, 2)||Red Square||115||60447|
Users browsing this forum: Lundmen and 4 guests
Rubiks & Rubik’s Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.
ISIS releases new, even more barbaric video in an effort to regain mantle from Planned Parenthood
Shocking new book explores pros and cons of socialism, discovers they are same people
Pope outraged by Planned Parenthood's "unfettered capitalism," demands equal redistribution of baby parts to each according to his need
Citizens of Pluto protest US government's surveillance of their planetoid and its moons with New Horizons space drone
John Kerry proposes 3-day waiting period for all countries trying to acquire nuclear weapons
Cuba opens to cheap medical tourism for Americans who can't afford Obamacare deductibles
State-funded research proves existence of Quantum Aggression Particles (Heterons) in Large Hadron Collider
Experts debate whether Iranian negotiators broke John Kerry's leg or he did it himself to get out of negotiations
Junior Varsity takes Ramadi, advances to quarterfinals
NY Mayor to hold peace talks with rats, apologize for previous Mayor's cowboy diplomacy
China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"
Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%
America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith
Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine
Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths
Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State
President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise
Police: If Obama had a convenience store, it would look like Obama Express Food Market
NASA: We're 80% sure about being 20% sure about being 17% sure about being 38% sure about 2014 being the hottest year on record
Cuba-US normalization: US tourists flock to see Cuba before it looks like the US and Cubans flock to see the US before it looks like Cuba
White House describes attacks on Sony Pictures as 'spontaneous hacking in response to offensive video mocking Juche and its prophet'
CIA responds to Democrat calls for transparency by releasing the director's cut of The Making Of Obama's Birth Certificate
Obama: 'If I had a city, it would look like Ferguson'
Obama signs executive order renaming 'looters' to 'undocumented shoppers'
Ethicists agree: two wrongs do make a right so long as Bush did it first
White House: Republican takeover of the Senate is a clear mandate from the American people for President Obama to rule by executive orders
Nurse Kaci Hickox angrily tells reporters that she won't change her clocks for daylight savings time
Democratic Party leaders in panic after recent poll shows most Democratic voters think 'midterm' is when to end pregnancy
Ebola Czar issues five-year plan with mandatory quotas of Ebola infections per each state based on voting preferences
Fun facts about world languages: the Left has more words for statism than the Eskimos have for snow
Nobel Peace Prize controversy: Hillary not nominated despite having done even less than Obama to deserve it
Obama: 'Ebola is the JV of viruses'
BREAKING: Secret Service foils Secret Service plot to protect Obama
Sharpton calls on white NFL players to beat their women in the interests of racial fairness
President Obama appoints his weekly approval poll as new national security adviser
Obama wags pen and phone at Putin; Europe offers support with powerful pens and phones from NATO members
Obama to fight ISIS with new federal Terrorist Regulatory Agency
Harry Reid: "Sometimes I say the wong thing"
Elian Gonzalez wishes he had come to the U.S. on a bus from Central America like all the other kids
Obama visits US-Mexican border, calls for a two-state solution
"Hard Choices," a porno flick loosely based on Hillary Clinton's memoir and starring Hillary Hellfire as a drinking, whoring Secretary of State, wildly outsells the flabby, sagging original
Accusations of siding with the enemy leave Sgt. Bergdahl with only two options: pursue a doctorate at Berkley or become a Senator from Massachusetts
Jay Carney stuck in line behind Eric Shinseki to leave the White House; estimated wait time from 15 min to 6 weeks
100% of scientists agree that if man-made global warming were real, "the last people we'd want to help us is the Obama administration"
Jay Carney says he found out that Obama found out that he found out that Obama found out that he found out about the latest Obama administration scandal on the news
"Anarchy Now!" meeting turns into riot over points of order, bylaws, and whether or not 'kicking the #^@&*! ass' of the person trying to speak is or is not violence
Obama retaliates against Putin by prohibiting unionized federal employees from dating hot Russian girls online during work hours
Russian separatists in Ukraine riot over an offensive YouTube video showing the toppling of Lenin statues
Obamacare bolsters employment for professionals with skills to convert meth back into sudafed
Joe Biden to Russia: "We will bury you by turning more of Eastern Europe over to your control!"
In last-ditch effort to help Ukraine, Obama deploys Rev. Sharpton and Rev. Jackson's Rainbow Coalition to Crimea
Al Sharpton: "Not even Putin can withstand our signature chanting, 'racist, sexist, anti-gay, Russian army go away'!"
Mardi Gras in North Korea: "Throw me some food!"
Obama's foreign policy works: "War, invasion, and conquest are signs of weakness; we've got Putin right where we want him"
US offers military solution to Ukraine crisis: "We will only fight countries that have LGBT military"
Putin annexes Brighton Beach to protect ethnic Russians in Brooklyn, Obama appeals to UN and EU for help
The 1980s: "Mr. Obama, we're just calling to ask if you want our foreign policy back. The 1970s are right here with us, and they're wondering, too."
In a stunning act of defiance, Obama courageously unfriends Putin on Facebook
MSNBC: Obama secures alliance with Austro-Hungarian Empire against Russia’s aggression in Ukraine
Efforts to achieve moisture justice for California thwarted by unfair redistribution of snow in America
North Korean voters unanimous: "We are the 100%"
Leader of authoritarian gulag-site, The People's Cube, unanimously 're-elected' with 100% voter turnout
Super Bowl: Obama blames Fox News for Broncos' loss
Beverly Hills campaign heats up between Henry Waxman and Marianne Williamson over the widening income gap between millionaires and billionaires in their district
Biden to lower $10,000-a-plate Dinner For The Homeless to $5,000 so more homeless can attend
Kim becomes world leader, feeds uncle to dogs; Obama eats dogs, becomes world leader, America cries uncle
White House hires part-time schizophrenic Mandela sign interpreter to help sell Obamacare
Kim Jong Un executes own "crazy uncle" to keep him from ruining another family Christmas
OFA admits its advice for area activists to give Obamacare Talk at shooting ranges was a bad idea
President resolves Obamacare debacle with executive order declaring all Americans equally healthy
Obama to Iran: "If you like your nuclear program, you can keep your nuclear program"
Obama: "I'm not particularly ideological; I believe in a good pragmatic five-year plan"
Shocker: Obama had no knowledge he'd been reelected until he read about it in the local newspaper last week
NSA marks National Best Friend Day with official announcement: "Government is your best friend; we know you like no one else, we're always there, we're always willing to listen"
Al Qaeda cancels attack on USA citing launch of Obamacare as devastating enough
The President's latest talking point on Obamacare: "I didn't build that"
Carney: huge ObamaCare deductibles won't look as bad come hyperinflation
Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as offensive to most Americans
Poll: 83% of Americans favor cowboy diplomacy over rodeo clown diplomacy
Obama administration gets serious, threatens Syria with ObamaCare
Obama authorizes the use of Vice President Joe Biden's double-barrel shotgun to fire a couple of blasts at Syria
Sharpton: "British royals should have named baby 'Trayvon.' By choosing 'George' they sided with white Hispanic racist Zimmerman"
Nancy Pelosi extends abortion rights to the birds and the bees
Hubble discovers planetary drift to the left
Obama: 'If I had a daughter-in-law, she would look like Rachael Jeantel'
FISA court rubberstamps statement denying its portrayal as government's rubber stamp
Every time ObamaCare gets delayed, a Julia somewhere dies
GOP to Schumer: 'Force full implementation of ObamaCare before 2014 or Dems will never win another election'
Janet Napolitano: TSA findings reveal that since none of the hijackers were babies, elderly, or Tea Partiers, 9/11 was not an act of terrorism
News Flash: Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) can see Canada from South Dakota
Drudge Report reduces font to fit all White House scandals onto one page
Obama: the IRS is a constitutional right, just like the Second Amendment
Jay Carney to critics: 'Pinocchio never said anything inconsistent'
Obama: If I had a gay son, he'd look like Jason Collins
IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy
This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester
White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago
Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country
Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
The Fine Report
Sad Hill News
Looking at the Left
Red Planet Cartoons
Death By 1000 Papercuts