|(LONDON) A decade-long rumor was confirmed today when it was announced that Hillary Clinton has insured her piano legs for $10 million with Lloyds of London. Until yesterday the public had only known of Hillary's piano legs through anecdotal evidence because no known pictures of them existed. For example, in March 2006 Chris Matthews of MSNBC's Hardball called Hillary, "Dukakis in a dress," and noted that she has better calves than former Democratic Presidential nominee Michael Dukakis.|
Rudy Giuliani shows "a very shapely set of gams" as "the Don in a thong" (2001), playing the cross-dressing leader of an organized-crime family who participates in a kick line with the Rockettes.
In the meantime, millions of regular hard-working piano legs in America remain uninsured.
John Edwards hastily staged a photo op and a press conference to unveil his own set of piano legs which some analysts believe "may give a Viagra-like boost to his sagging poll numbers," but many also agree that changing his image from "Brack Girl" to "Piano Legs" might add an undesireable new meaning to his trademark line about "the split between the two Americas" and that he should just stay away from the issue of legs and stick to what he knows best - hair.
Howard Dean, Chairman of the Democratic Party, expects Hillary to unveil her piano legs after she secures the Democratic nomination. He speculates that it will generate more buzz than when Hillary revealed her cleavage on the Senate floor this year in front of CSPAN cameras.
Hillary's decision to reveal her cleavage may explain Bill Clinton's new enthusiasm about throwing his full political weight into her campaign.
According to urbandictionary.com, a reference site widely used by urban hipsters, piano legs are "disproportionately thick calves and/or ankles on a woman with otherwise normal body weight." It also cites the Democratic presidential frontrunner in its example of proper usage of the phrase: "No wonder Hillary Clinton always wears pant suits. She's got a humongous set of piano legs."
Although Lloyds used their press release to heavily promote Hanes® new Hiphugger-High™ support panty hose, a product targeting the aging baby boom generation, they seemed delighted to underwrite a set of legs as famous as Hillary's. A spokesperson for the Clinton campaign would neither confirm nor deny Hillary's possible endorsement of the new Hanes product.
Clinton joins company with Betty Grable and Marlene Dietrich, two notables with million dollar legs underwritten by Lloyds. However, all three fall far short of Mariah Carey who insured her legs for $1 billion last year before embarking on an advertising campaign for Gillette.
PinkieFor the love of Lenin! What is it with women who think they have to show their milkbags to draw attention to their chosen issue du jour? Don't they know it does just the opposite, distracting the masses further?
Commissar PupovichThat is sort of what I said elsewhere... Lets face it, the non progressives seem to have the hotter women.... Of course that is no doubt due to the fact they don't have to work just to survive, and they have the downtrodden to see to their every need.
Premier BettyLike these?
PinkieWe call girls like these in the above photo, "Bimbos Opposed to Oppression by Bush's Icky Evil Schemes", or BOOBIES for short.
Commissar PupovichAh, I think I can see your point Party Diplomat Drago. I merely pointed out though that the meaning of marriage today very much revolves around the idea of commitment to another. However, in the much better Progressive World of Next Tuesday, marriage will no longer have any use at all that I can think of.
Commissar PupovichDo you mean "We call girls like these in the...." in that you have something in common... or was that just an unfortunate slip of the "pinkie" while typing? A Freudian slip as it were? Or did you mean We call girls like these....
Commissar PupovichOh, we will have plenty of uses for lawyers of all sorts... there are a lot of holes to dig... and fill...
PinkieOK, I went back and fixed it, Commissar Smartypup. You should all be very thankful The Party has other uses for Pinkie than to make a boobie out of her.
PinkieI guess I shouldn't be surprised that Empress Hillary enjoys a great deal more support on the Left.
PinkieOK, I went back and fixed it, Commissar Smartypup. You should all be very thankful The Party has other uses for Pinkie than to make a boobie out of her.
Commissar PupovichWhat is wrong with this picture?
LoneRedStarHmmm, makes me wonder how far the no bush statement goes......
Premier BettyQuit fighting you two. Don't make me tell Hillary on you.
Commissar MEeek! Comrade Blokhayev, don't let the cat out of the bag just yet! The last thing our glorious new Utopian State needs is a bunch of greedy, disloyal, nihilistic moral relativists trying to run things and undermine the efforts of The Party and our Beloved Empress.
Commissar PupovichOh Dear Lenin... I thought we had finally got this conversation on a more dignified Party line....How many more times must I be exposed to this? I confess! I confess! What do you wish me to confess to?
Commissarka Pinkie<Pinkie stands with hands on hips, tapping foot and wearing a glare that could leave the cute baby polar bears homeless by this weekend>
Red JimI should have pictures of them baring their progressive pride shortly.
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