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E-mail itHow Do You Say 'Hillary's Gaffe' in Russian?
 | Did you know that if you translate "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" into Russian, it becomes "the vodka is agreeable but the meat has gone bad"? Literal translations can be tricky that way. It seems that no translators were harmed in the manufacturing of Hillary Clinton's "reset" button, which she presented to Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov in Geneva on Friday. "We worked hard to get the right Russian word," Clinton addressed Lavrov in a deliberately slow voice, as if talking to a special-needs child. "Do you think we got it?" "You got it wrong," Lavrov answered in fluent English. "This says 'peregruzka,' which means overcharged." |
 Well, it looks like somebody used a cheap electronic translation program. But it could be worse. I once came across a website that advertised its automated translation service with an example of a label from a jar of pickles, informing Russian consumers that it contained condoms. Talk about food safety! That's what you get when you translate "preservatives" without as much as a human touch. Incidentally, Hillary Clinton's linguistic episode in Geneva also clarified the translation of the Obama administration's term "worked hard," which in plain English means "did half-assed job." News reports would make us believe that Hillary's philological mishaps ended right there. Not so. After the two top diplomats stopped laughing, Clinton quipped: "We won't let you do that to us, I promise."
Mrs. Clinton's clever comeback implied that she understood "overcharge" in terms of charging too much money. We may even credit her with referring to the difference between an observed market price and a price that would have been observed in the absence of collusion, which was what many suspected the oil-producing nations were doing last year. In that sense, and only in that sense, was Hillary's comment meaningful and amusing. The problem is that the word "peregruzka" has nothing to do with economics. As students of foreign languages well know, most words have multiple meanings, and their combinations almost never coincide in different languages. Thus, the English word "overcharge" may mean many things to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, but they are all translated into Russian by completely different words that are not interchangeable. In economic terms, "overcharge" becomes "obschitat'" or "zavysit' tsenu" - but never "peregruzka."
As a result, to the Russian-speaking audience, Hillary's retort "We won't let you do that to us" could only mean one thing: "Americans won't let Sergey Lavrov give them too much amperage." The confusion could also be avoided if, instead of Hillary Clinton, the job of Secretary of State was performed by a professional - like Condoleezza Rice, who speaks fluent Russian, and who wouldn't have opted for the lame plastic button because this joke doesn't work in Russian to begin with. Russian is a rich and flexible language with versatile descriptive means, but it just doesn't have a short universal word that embraces all the meanings of the allusive English "reset." The word "perezagruzka" ("reload"), which later was claimed to be the right term, comes off just as awkward and uninspiring as any other possible translation. Anyone with a sense of the Russian language could've told Clinton that the gag was a dud.
This looks rather ironic, considering that the current leaders in Washington had come to power by accusing their conservative predecessors of being pig-headed and deaf to other cultures and nuances. Turns out, they were merely projecting their own image on their opponents, given that they themselves can't even distribute party favors to foreigners without a screw-up. But let's not be too hard on Hillary - according to her, the button was also a gift of friendship from President Obama and Vice President Biden. All things considered, the gaffe was the result either A or B:
B) Experts chosen by the Obama administration are incompetent sycophants who got hired because they were political hacks, or as a result of favoritism, nepotism, or affirmative action - and they will uncritically ramrod their bosses' ideas even if it's contrary to reality and common sense. Either way we're screwed. Why couldn't have Hillary consulted with someone competent - like me, for example? Without overcharging, I would've advised her to give Lavrov the People's Cube instead of the button. It requires no tricky translation and is easy to understand in any language or culture. Remember Hillary's campaign speech about "invisible Americans?" Well, if you translate "out of sight, out of mind" into Russian, you will get "invisible lunatics." Which accurately describes what competent people in this country have become since the last election.
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That may have sounded sharp in English, but in Russian it came out even goofier than the wrong label on the red button.
Perhaps, the embarrassment could be avoided if Lavrov had translated it literally, as "overload." But in the context of a red button, he chose a more specific electrical term "overcharge," meaning "too much amperage in the circuit."
Other 
Khrushchev is visiting Kennedy in the Oval Office when Kennedy decides to make a joke on the Soviet leader. He sits him at his desk, shows him the switchboard, and says, "You can pick the phones, pull the switches, and do anything you want - just don't touch this red button here."
Khrushchev is playing with the switchboard, but he's getting very curious about the red button. So when the American is not looking, he presses it. Immediately, a boxer glove on a spring flies out of the switchboard and hits Khrushchev on the nose.
Then it comes time for Kennedy to visit Moscow. Khrushchev is showing the US President his Kremlin office, which also has a switchboard with a red button. Khrushchev says, "Sit at my desk, please. You can pick the phones, pull the switches, and do anything you want - just don't touch the red button."
Kennedy thinks Khrushchev must be very stupid, to pull the same trick on him. So when the Soviet leader turns away, Kennedy covers his face and pushes the red button. But nothing happens.
"It's not working," Kennedy laughs. "Your red button is broken."
"Oh well," Khrushchev laughs back, "just forget it."
"Forget what, the button?"
"Forget there was an America."
--------
Just another bell this button will ring in a Russian head...
I am new to site, lurked in shadows for eternity since leaving Motherland, but only now have courage to perestroika with comrades here.
My comment, Death to Staples! They must be denied Comrade 0bama's stimulus for daring to cannibalize motherland Red Button and claim it is EASY! There is nothing easy about red button.
Also, Commissar Hillary must be careful to disguise her homeland accent. When Comrade Sergey informed her that translation incorrect, Commissar Hillary lapsed into homeland accent when surprised, "Wee got eet wrong!" Listen to her, next lapse and she must be disappear into gulag or reindoctrination camp.
I am at Peoples service,
Buzzyboop Badenov
Quote:
Do I detect a return of McCarthyism?
*chuckle* Please forgive me dahlinks for chuckling during such a grave discussion but that last sentence brought to mind a naughty image!
Of course, progressives are always more culturally inclusive. At least on Paper, and that's what counts!
She hasn't had her "button" pushed in years, so you can forgive her ineptness!
Publius
Great Stalin's Ghost
Perhaps next time, Hillary should offer some nice movies and a jar of Orville Reddenbacker. Mr. Lavrov would probably enjoy some American classics like Fail-Safe or Dr. Strangelove. What about the Patrick Swayze collection featuring Red Dawn? Get thee to a Wal-Mart movie aisle, Hillary, before your next trip abroad!Alas, Comrade Great Stalin's Ghost, unfortunately the capitalistic and exploitational Wal-Mart does not carry motion pictures in PAL/Secam. How culturally insensitive! Perhaps Comrade Commissar Clintonovna could play it on her lapdog, err laptop, but as Comrade Publius insinuated, her lap may be a bit too dusty for complex technology from the People's Republic of China.
I got him an autograph of the real thing.
But that was only the shape of things to come. The dollar will be replaced by the new dollar, which is the old dollar with three zeroes lopped off after the government nationalizes all the Kinkos to print the currency needed to pay for the Stimulus Bill.
Red, I'm not sure that was really a reset button. I think that is a high-definition view of Bozo's nose.
"Ho, ho, ho, all my fine Russian friends! Who's going to be the Butchski and the Belindaski of the day? Let's play country toss! Let's see what country Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad can toss a nuke on! I sure don't want to be there, do you, boys and girls?
"Barack doesn't want you to look at all that money we're spending. Just look at my huge red nose and huge red shoes! Ho, ho, ho!"
Flap, flap, flap, flap, as Our Many Titted Empress does a duck walk in enormous floppy red shoes and shuffles off to Buffalo doing the buck and wing.
DVDs in a format that don't work in the UK. DVDs that would be painful for him to watch since he is blind in one eye and most one-eyed people report that watching long TV shows or movies causes headaches.
*Of course we all know this was intentional as he is merely looking like an insensitive uncultured a$$-hat who waited until the last minute to pick out a gift to lull our foreign enemies into thinking he is inexperienced and buffoonish.
Just wait until he actually does something brilliant.
Just wait.
And wait.
Wait a little longer.
Is it 2012 yet?
Hahahahaaha!
I just Got It!
Red Buttons.
LMAO.
Was he a commie sympathizer?
God Bless this website.
Publius Valerius
Citizen'sShe hasn't had her "button" pushed in years, so you can forgive her ineptness!
Publius
I disagree. I think Huma has quite a few times.
--
ZB
We have a problem in our foreign office. Comrade Clinton is embarrassing the People's Republic of America by acting like a loose, decadent capitalist pig-woman. She goes to the mother-land (a land who has lost her way) and asked the leadership their to push her button. Then she hints that if they push her button she will overcharge them for services rendered.
What the capitalist papers did not print was that Frau Clinton also tore off her blouse and bra and danced around on the desk of the , now mortified, Russians. Although she stood on Comrade Lavrov's desk her long, ponderous breasts hung to the carpet and were making static electricity while she danced. The electricity sparking between her nipples made Comrade Clinton quite Orgasmic. SHe was screaming and writhing.
Four Russian security-men appeared and dragged a screaming Comrade Clinton out of the room into a waiting ambulance. She spent the rest of the day at Stalin's Rest Psychiatric hospital on the north side of Moscow.
She was out the next day to resume talks. The talks were subdued and strained. One Russian guard spoke in anonymnity about the incident. He said he had never seen 8 foot long breasts before.
If Comrade Clinton cannot control herself and quit acting like a fool, then she should be replaced with someone sane and at least as much gravitas as she...someone like...Carrot-top the comedian.
Me? I not doing so well on eHarmony. (crick on rink) No raughing or you wirr be shot!
Your Dear Leader,
Kim Jong Illin'
Kim Jong Illin'
I think Hirrary is just ronery rike me. Her husban' Birr not giving her the ol' Ji-Ji for rong time. You think I have chance with her?Me? I not doing so well on eHarmony. (crick on rink) No raughing or you wirr be shot!
Your Dear Leader,
Kim Jong Illin'
Comrade Illin, Great Leader equally Great as O'urs!
It appears the skilled doctors of the People's Republik of North Korea were able to remove your boil! Did you redistribute the surplus protein amongst your adoring People? I am certain that boiled boil soup with beets will become favorite staple of Koreans! Do not be offended, as stuffed pig stomach is considered delicacy in DDR. It was the favorite of the imperialist-fascist Helmut Kohl (head of the shadow government in the occupied territories) I wonder what stuffed boil would be like?
As far as you and Commissar Hirrary, you would make great match! And if you no longer like her, let her go like you did Peggy!
Collectively yours,
Genosse Pieck
Kim Jong Illin'
I think Hirrary is just ronery rike me. Her husban' Birr not giving her the ol' Ji-Ji for rong time. You think I have chance with her?Me? I not doing so well on eHarmony. (crick on rink) No raughing or you wirr be shot!
Your Dear Leader,
Kim Jong Illin'
Aren't you also supposed to sign off as Dear Reader? Just asking.
How many times I've had her at the Rancho de Rio Grande and she'd be drunk on Bloody Marys, made with the real blood of rich, white Republican virgins. Her eyes would get red, or redder, and then she'd start to strip off and offer her "wares" to Bruno. For some reason she, when quite plastered, thinks that he can give her what Bill, or Birr, doesn't.
I don't care how he's dressed. She still offers herself to Bruno. Now I admit that he's 6'3" tall, built like a linebacker, and has a rumbling basso profundo and has five-o'clock shadow at 9 AM. But he never dresses like a man. Do you know what a sight he is in Carmen Miranda drag?
6" platform shoes, and an 18" headdress with fruit. Fruit on fruit. He shuffles across the flagstone, nearly 8' tall, like Herman Munster, singing "Tico, Tico," and here comes our Many Titted Empress, shoving her boobs into his face.
It never fails. And I'm the one who gets to clean up the mess.
Incredibly Glorious Democratic Peoples Republic Secretary Hillary got it right!!! The Russian language will be suitably modified to reflect the nuanced meaning of 'peregruzka'. By her command.
That is all.
"Beloved Chairman Zero ....the People's Happiness!"
sovietskayakaputnik
Comrades...We have a problem in our foreign office. Comrade Clinton is embarrassing the People's Republic of America by acting like a loose, decadent capitalist pig-woman. She goes to the mother-land (a land who has lost her way) and asked the leadership their to push her button. Then she hints that if they push her button she will overcharge them for services rendered.
What the capitalist papers did not print was that Frau Clinton also tore off her blouse and bra and danced around on the desk of the , now mortified, Russians. Although she stood on Comrade Lavrov's desk her long, ponderous breasts hung to the carpet and were making static electricity while she danced. The electricity sparking between her nipples made Comrade Clinton quite Orgasmic. SHe was screaming and writhing.
Four Russian security-men appeared and dragged a screaming Comrade Clinton out of the room into a waiting ambulance. She spent the rest of the day at Stalin's Rest Psychiatric hospital on the north side of Moscow.
She was out the next day to resume talks. The talks were subdued and strained. One Russian guard spoke in anonymnity about the incident. He said he had never seen 8 foot long breasts before.
If Comrade Clinton cannot control herself and quit acting like a fool, then she should be replaced with someone sane and at least as much gravitas as she...someone like...Carrot-top the comedian.
ROFL. A man after my own kidney. Great stuff.
Say, what ever happened to the good old days when you researched your political counterparts in foreign countries and gave them something according to their likes or habits rather than some cheap gag gift from the piggly wiggly with a bad pun written by some pimply 1st year Russian student at Buffalo Barf University in NYC? Why, I remember the day when kings gave real gifts; A bottle of distilled spirits from Azerbaijan, a rare white tiger from the Himalayas, a carved bust made from the rare ivory of the North-Sea walrus, a blue-skinned Pictish slave or Ethiopian hetaira, a Colt .45 or an amphora of Greek fire. Now them's was gifts, damnit! IF I WERE KING OF THE FOREST, I'd ask for something like this
Commissar Theocritus
It never fails. And I'm the one who gets to clean up the mess.
But don't you have goons for that? I'm confused.
But I have something worse to report, Comrades. For years now Bruno was doing his Carmen Miranda impersonation. But last night the goggle box had on Night of the Iguana and now he thinks he's Ava Gardner in Mexico.
Yeah. Like he's going to get his own pool boys.
Genosse Pieck
It appears the skilled doctors of the People's Republik of North Korea were able to remove your boil! Did you redistribute the surplus protein amongst your adoring People? I am certain that boiled boil soup with beets will become favorite staple of Koreans! Do not be offended, as stuffed pig stomach is considered delicacy in DDR. It was the favorite of the imperialist-fascist Helmut Kohl (head of the shadow government in the occupied territories) I wonder what stuffed boil would be like?
As far as you and Commissar Hirrary, you would make great match! And if you no longer like her, let her go like you did Peggy!
Collectively yours,
Genosse Pieck
Komrade Genosse Pieck - yes, yes! I feed boil to starving masses of my subject peoples here in Democratic Peoples Republik of Korea. Onry probrem is now they won't eat anything else, making starvation probrem even worse.
So you think I have chance with Hirrary Krinton, eh? You got her cerr phone numba? I promise, I not carr correct.
I encrose photo of myself for you to give to Hirrary. Terr her I getting hair re-styled and having eyes fixed with raser surgery - no more grasses. Photo taken during heat sperr rast Summer after cheap-ass East German A/C unit break down. But I give pic because I figure she rike to see my manry Man-Boobs(tm). I bet mine bigger than hers!
Your Dear Leader,
Kim Jong Illin'
All the best,
Theocritus
Commissar Theocritus
No, Red Star has the goons. They come into the Rancho and take one look and run, screaming like little girls, out into the desert night.But I have something worse to report, Comrades. For years now Bruno was doing his Carmen Miranda impersonation. But last night the goggle box had on Night of the Iguana and now he thinks he's Ava Gardner in Mexico.
---
Yeah. Like he's going to get his own pool boys.
Oh dear Lenin!!! It's bad enough when he lays out by the pool in that blue 2-piece with a strapless top.
I kept praying for the goddamned mangos again.
Commissar Theocritus
Wait, Zampolit, until you see the slinky dress with the slit skirt--that bottle-brush leg being extended out, well, it only gets worse. I made the mistake of putting on Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and when Bruno saw thisI kept praying for the goddamned mangos again.
Pray he never sees Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Flashdance or The Birdcage.
Kim Jong Illin'
Genosse Pieck
It appears the skilled doctors of the People's Republik of North Korea were able to remove your boil! Did you redistribute the surplus protein amongst your adoring People? I am certain that boiled boil soup with beets will become favorite staple of Koreans! Do not be offended, as stuffed pig stomach is considered delicacy in DDR. It was the favorite of the imperialist-fascist Helmut Kohl (head of the shadow government in the occupied territories) I wonder what stuffed boil would be like?
As far as you and Commissar Hirrary, you would make great match! And if you no longer like her, let her go like you did Peggy!
Collectively yours,
Genosse Pieck
Komrade Genosse Pieck - yes, yes! I feed boil to starving masses of my subject peoples here in Democratic Peoples Republik of Korea. Onry probrem is now they won't eat anything else, making starvation probrem even worse.
So you think I have chance with Hirrary Krinton, eh? You got her cerr phone numba? I promise, I not carr correct.
I encrose photo of myself for you to give to Hirrary. Terr her I getting hair re-styled and having eyes fixed with raser surgery - no more grasses. Photo taken during heat sperr rast Summer after cheap-ass East German A/C unit break down. But I give pic because I figure she rike to see my manry Man-Boobs(tm). I bet mine bigger than hers!
Your Dear Leader,
Kim Jong Illin'
Dear Reader, err Leader,
I do not have phone number for Comrade Clintonovna, but I will get Stasi right on it. In the meantime, perhaps Facebook would be good idea. Or telegram.
My apologies on the A/C unit breaking down. I will personally send new one from the VEB Klimaanlagenbetrieb Sommerschreck. You can expect it in 20 years.
Your Man-Boobs are manly, but she is hairier than you. I also noticed the beer you were having. What kind?
Collectively yours,
Genosse Pieck
But he is Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. This is West Texas. You ought to see him standing on top of the
Pieck, considering that photo of Dear Reader, I expect that he and Our Many Titted Empress would be death in a house--just think of having skid marks on every single exposed surface.
Commissar Theocritus
But he is Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. This is West Texas. You ought to see him standing on top of thePlease tell me you videotaped that.
But would he listen? No. He's the one who burned up the video camera. They're the ones who blew out the wall.
Commissar Theocritus
Unfortunately I could not. The camera was ruined when Bruno was trying to tape lighting his own farts. To be fair he was in a contest with Pelosovich and Our Many Titted Empress and I yelled at him, "Bruno! You may think you know something about this but look at the competition! I mean, Hillary and Nancy? You want to get in a contest lighting farts with them?"But would he listen? No. He's the one who burned up the video camera. They're the ones who blew out the wall.
You sure Bruno isn't made out of Cesium?
Kim Jong Illin'
I think Hirrary is just ronery rike me. Her husban' Birr not giving her the ol' Ji-Ji for rong time. You think I have chance with her?Me? I not doing so well on eHarmony. (crick on rink) No raughing or you wirr be shot!
Your Dear Leader,
Kim Jong Illin'
OOP Ta Gu
Me anh haj a moy u
Also, is this thing about you and the moon really true?
I've been trying to get a moon on OGame for some time now so, could you maybe help me out a wee smidgin?
When Nanski drives by a hospital all the women in the maternity ward miscarry. This saves on medical costs, according to her.
When Our Many Titted Empress gets drunk, she can raze and entire block of apartment buildings with her tusks. Her trotters can even tear up asphalt and any concrete less than 6" thick.
But the worst is His O'liness. You have not seen pictures of him jogging recently; that's because he floats off the earth these days. The new presidential limousine was bought because it was heavier. He didn't want His coronation day parade to look like the Macy's parade.
Once his handlers, who are now sumo wrestlers owing to their heft, lost their hold on him. Something about a shortage of Varsol. He floated up to the top of the troposphere and every time he farted it rained copies of I'm a Marxist, You'll Be a Marxist and Voter Fraud for Dummies all over the northeast.
When finally the winds brought him down to earth, all he could say is, "How nice that my privates are no longer chapped by Chris and Keith."
"But," he mused, if there is a reason to change your luck, then I suppose standing to for a few media types is okay if it gets me where I am today. I mean, The Oval Office is worth a hummer."
Commissar Theocritus
"But," he mused, if there is a reason to change you luck, then I suppose standing to for a few media types is okay if it gets me where I am today. I mean, The Oval Office is worth a hummer."
Just as Paris was once worth a Mass, I suppose.
Commissar Theocritus
Unfortunately I could not. The camera was ruined when Bruno was trying to tape lighting his own farts. To be fair he was in a contest with Pelosovich and Our Many Titted Empress and I yelled at him, "Bruno! You may think you know something about this but look at the competition! I mean, Hillary and Nancy? You want to get in a contest lighting farts with them?"But would he listen? No. He's the one who burned up the video camera. They're the ones who blew out the wall.
Did it look something like this?
It is great thinkers as this that will lead us to the Great State of the Sainted Marx.
There is no group of people sillier than a bunch of drunk frat boys, unless it's teeny-bopper girls gushing over some boy band like the New Kids on the Block. And since they've five years younger and can't drink or drive, they have more of an excuse.
Too bad this wasn't terminal.
Marshal Pupovich
What happened to the good old days, when the Empress' faux pas was limited to serving the wrong virgin blood wine with her baby seals that night at the Rancho Del Norte? This episode was just too pathetic. Even that baby killer Rice never flubbed it so badly. Empress.... get a hold of yourself or we shall certainly get a hold of you....yeah, one tit at a time...
I just wanted it to be on the record, comrades.
Would it have been an insult to the Clintons and an insensitive innuendo if Lavrov had told Hillary, "Close, but no cigar"?
Red Square
Would it have been an insult to the Clintons and an insensitive innuendo if Lavrov had told Hillary, "Close, but no cigar"?Comrade you got me many strange looks from my fellow capitalist slave cubemates when I read this. Sadly I was not able to share the source of my mirth as I would then need to be sent to feminist re-education camp and I have to bowl on Wednesday.
AbecedariusRex
Marshal Pupovich
What happened to the good old days, when the Empress' faux pas was limited to serving the wrong virgin blood wine with her baby seals that night at the Rancho Del Norte? This episode was just too pathetic. Even that baby killer Rice never flubbed it so badly. Empress.... get a hold of yourself or we shall certainly get a hold of you....yeah, one tit at a time...
Dear Lenin, that is an image I could have done without comrade!
Natasha sans Boris
*chuckle* Please forgive me dahlinks for chuckling during such a grave discussion but that last sentence brought to mind a naughty image!Ah, Natasha darling....the sexiest woman ever, though as I have confessed to before, I do have this thing for the imperialist Ann Coulter. But I know you could make me forget all about her Comrade!
Commissar Theocritus
How many times I've had her at the Rancho de Rio Grande and she'd be drunk on Bloody Marys, made with the real blood of rich, white Republican virgins. Her eyes would get red, or redder, and then she'd start to strip off and offer her "wares" to Bruno. For some reason she, when quite plastered, thinks that he can give her what Bill, or Birr, doesn't.One day, we simply must cast a medal, or name a breakfast cereal for Bruno. Imagine the damage that could have been done were it not for Bruno offering himself for the Party? Better him than us eh?
Marshal Pupovich
AbecedariusRex
Marshal Pupovich
What happened to the good old days, when the Empress' faux pas was limited to serving the wrong virgin blood wine with her baby seals that night at the Rancho Del Norte? This episode was just too pathetic. Even that baby killer Rice never flubbed it so badly. Empress.... get a hold of yourself or we shall certainly get a hold of you....yeah, one tit at a time...
Dear Lenin, that is an image I could have done without comrade!
Yeah, I know what you mean. As though pictures of Comrade Ill Kim Jong in the raw did anything for me, either.
Commissar Theocritus
But I have something worse to report, Comrades. For years now Bruno was doing his Carmen Miranda impersonation. But last night the goggle box had on Night of the Iguana and now he thinks he's Ava Gardner in Mexico.Yeah. Like he's going to get his own pool boys.
I hesitate to ask, but what do you think was used to make those "rattles" in that clip?
Snack food, you see. Her granola.
Commissar Theocritus
I kept praying for the goddamned mangos again.Commissar, surely you can come up with a more appropriate name....after all, "mangos" is so sexist, exclusionary, insensitive. Now I know no one cares more than you Commissar, so I must assume this comment was put on your teleprompter by some incompetent copy prole?
Red Square
Here's a deserving Russian-American project promising to reset the relationship and establish a lasting peace and international friendship - featuring Dr. Dre and Vladimir Zhirinovsky. It's especially heart-lifting if you speak the Mother tongue.Great video, but what was the gist of the song? Typical Zhirinovsky oratory?
Commissar Theocritus
Pupovich, those rattles were the dried huevos that our Many Titted Empress always carries with her.Snack food, you see. Her granola.
Oh, that doesn't sound so bad Commissar, I feared much worse.
Red Square
I just came from a Russian-language forum discussing this issue. A general scientific consensus seems to be that the correct translation of "reset" into Russian, in this case, is "sbros." Not precisely a good diplomatic term, but it's close enough.When Ivan first read about Hillary's serial gaffes, he was so mortified that he checked on one of those online Russian-English translation sites and that's exactly what it spat out: ŃŠ±ŃŠ¾Ń. Is it asking too much for the Secretary of State of the United States of America even to check an online translator before presenting a cheesy, mis-translated gag-gift, whose very concept was nicked from ads for Staples (i.e., the Easy button), to the Foreign Minister of the Russian Federation? Diplomacy has its protocols (serious giving of state gifts, remembering names, arriving on time), and it's not as if Hillary can't look up "reset" on a website.
OK, maybe Ivan is being unfair to Hillary. Even though she's the smartest, most capable woman the world has ever known, more brilliant than everyone else combined who has had the
Which begs the question: ŃŠ±ŃŠ¾Ń what? Does that mean "abrogate every treaty that exists between Russia and the United States"? Silly old Ivan the Kulak is uneducated in these matters, but isn't some precision in language expected of diplomats, especially when they want to use the Easy button to "reset" relations with another major power - without paying even a kopek in royalties to Staples?!?
Perhaps it's best that Ivan the Kulak stick with what he does best - drunk dialing, vodka-fueled hooliganism, slandering the Soviet State - and leave diplomacy to that super-brainy, hyper-competent Hillary and her apparatchiks at Foggy Bottom.
Ivan the Kulak
OK, maybe Ivan is being unfair to Hillary. Even though she's the smartest, most capable woman the world has ever known, more brilliant than everyone else combined who has had theWhich begs the question: ŃŠ±ŃŠ¾Ń what? Does that mean "abrogate every treaty that exists between Russia and the United States"? Silly old Ivan the Kulak is uneducated in these matters, but isn't some precision in language expected of diplomats, especially when they want to use the Easy button to "reset" relations with another major power - without paying even a kopek in royalties to Staples?!?
Perhaps it's best that Ivan the Kulak stick with what he does best - drunk dialing, vodka-fueled hooliganism, slandering the Soviet State - and leave diplomacy to that super-brainy, hyper-competent Hillary and her apparatchiks at Foggy Bottom.
I shudder at the
By reset they mean to reset relations as they were back when Comrade Clinton was in power, before the evil Bush screwed everything up. It is the start of the airbrushing of Bush out of history books.
Most of your antics are all in good fun, but the vodka-fueled drunk dialing has got to go. The last time you called Michelle of the Bare Arms and asked her for a date in Minsk.
That was of course before I surrendered my entire soul and brain to the media and started to believe their beliefs du jour.
That was before I learned steadfastly never to think unless I had orders telling me how to think.
That was before I got my really nice tin-foil hat.
For the good of The Party, for the good of International Socialism, Ivan the Kulak now denounces himself as a lackey of imperialist degenerates who peddle their wares to weak Soviet men and distract them from full vigilance in the constant struggle against lust-inspiring, petit-bourgeois so-called "super-glamorous, always practical-yet-elegant pantsuits" that Hillary wears like trained KGB agent to lure non-vigilant Comrade Ivan into lust-filled thoughts and away from his pure revolutionary zeal.
Notice how Comrade Lavrov showed steely resolve in the face of Hillary's flagrant attempt at seduction with luscious red button. Ivan not so strong and vigilant, and thoughtcrime is inevitable result.
Hooliganism - no big deal, it's all the rage at
Ivan now presents himself to local KGB officer for official self-denunciation. Ivan expects himself to be airbrushed out of his high school yearbook. Ivan checks back with comrades in 25 years - or sees dear comrades soon in the camps, so take warning.
Warning to comrades: Never fall prey to lust-inspiring Michelle and Hillary who distract you from pure Socialist thoughts! It could happen to you! Let Ivan the Kulak serve as warning.
Long live The Party!
Yucky.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Speaking of our Many Titted Empress: Hillary's gal-pal, Speaker Pelosi, has a not-so-flattering picture on Drudge today.Yucky.
Yucky, but real. Where are the Party's airbrush artists when you need them? After all, Comrade Nancy is a member of the Politburo and a close confidant of the General Secretary.
Do we detect counter-revolutionary wrecking right under our noses, among those entrusted to maintain Party Truth? Perhaps it's time for another purge of Trotskyist elements within the Party. Shoot the swine, all of them!
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Speaking of our Many Titted Empress: Hillary's gal-pal, Speaker Pelosi, has a not-so-flattering picture on Drudge today.Yucky.
Nice butch shot.
Commissar Theocritus
Ivan, I do hate to tell you, but lusting after Michelle the Resentful and Our Many Titted Empress is entirely consonant with good socialist thought. In fact I'd say that not lusting after them would be as wrong as not lusting after Olga the tractor driver on the collective.Whew, that was a close one! I feared that it was off to Kolyma for Ivan, and just in time good Commissar Theocritus saves Ivan's smoked pork fat from Dalstroi labor camp.
Yes, Ivan lusts after Olga for years since 1932, but at distance. As a confirmed kulak, Ivan doesn't do kolkhoz "up close and personal" but he sure finds lustful thought of luscious Olga in tractor seat as she plows the fertile fields of - Ivan's farm! Ivan feels both lust and bitter irony. Maybe it's better Ivan think about lucious Michelle instead, with big wide child-bearing hips and fetching smile with big teeth and beady eyes. Mmmmm!
I am currently working on a schedule for the proper Progressive rotation of wet dreams. Monday all good Progressives have a wet dream about Our Many Titted Empress. Tuesday, Michelle the Resentful. Wednesday, Olga the tractor jockey. Thursday, Martina Navratilova. Friday, Nansky Pelosovich, Saturday, Rosie O'Donnell, and Sunday, Maxine Waters.
In this way all progressive goddesses will be equally honored.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Speaking of our Many Titted Empress: Hillary's gal-pal, Speaker Pelosi, has a not-so-flattering picture on Drudge today.Dear Lenin, Chairman, how could you take such a risk to look at this imperialist rag, the Drudge? The Party needs your beady eyes in prime condition. How will you be able to spot a dime in the gutter or a hidden contribution hidden in some coffin if your eyes are ruined?
Is she being infected by Bonnie Fwank? Is she going to get all close and cuddly with Rosie O'Donnell?
Say by emasculation. Or rendering himself so unattractive that even a trust fund wouldn't render him agreeable to a woman more hungry for money than anything else.
Commissar Theocritus
Ivan, as long as you give equal time to plowing Olga on the tractor, plowing the shivering cellulite fields of Our Many Titted Empress and, er, relaxing in the 20" guns of Michelle the Resentful all will be well.I am currently working on a schedule for the proper Progressive rotation of wet dreams. Monday all good Progressives have a wet dream about Our Many Titted Empress. Tuesday, Michelle the Resentful. Wednesday, Olga the tractor jockey. Thursday, Martina Navratilova. Friday, Nansky Pelosovich, Saturday, Rosie O'Donnell, and Sunday, Maxine Waters.
In this way all progressive goddesses will be equally honored.
How quickly the Goddesses fall. I see no mention of High Commissarass Barbara Boxerivich . [Note please that IO have invented a word]
I also do not see the Former High Commissarass Dianesky Feinstein.
Are both now relegated to the Beet Fields for assignment as Secondary Supervisors?
May I know which fields in the Autonomous Republick of California so I may visit them to see how the mighty have fallen and revel in the Parties application of equality to all.
Commissar Theocritus
What happened to the Darwin awards? I know that the true winners were those who died, but that doesn't mean that they didn't commit parenthood before killing themselves, and it's possible for someone to be so stupid that without killing himself he can still manage to cut down on his chances for survival.Say by emasculation. Or rendering himself so unattractive that even a trust fund wouldn't render him agreeable to a woman more hungry for money than anything else.
A Thousand Ways to die?
And as far Boxerivich, I believe that she was out walking her poodle and a California condor, hungry, grabbed her instead of the poodle.
Making the breed extinct.
Commissar Theocritus
Pravda, it is my understanding that Diane Feinsteinski had actually accosted Speakerette Pelosivich about the spending. I shudder to think that a Progressive might have an attack of conscience about OPM--that just won't do.And as far Boxerivich, I believe that she was out walking her poodle and a California condor, hungry, grabbed her instead of the poodle.
Making the breed extinct.
Do you mean the Boxerivich or the Condor? I can see death resulting from ingesting that poison.
Are Condors protected? There could be problems for the Party if the Ultra party members such as PETA found out. Or have they been silenced?
Perhaps the feinsteinski will return if the program was not absolute.
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