The flag-waving U.S. traditionalists suffered yet another setback in the so-called "culture wars" last week, when a group of recording artists announced that they had produced a new Spanish-language version of "The Star- Spangled Banner." Loosely based on the original's lyrics and much more progressive in message, the revised national anthem is part of a larger wave of similar "reinventions" that is breaking across the fruited plain, washing away the wilted "cultural crops" of the bourgeoisie, and sowing something new and vibrant in their place.
In the works is a Hispanic alternative to the Declaration of Independence, called El Declaración de la Independencia. Written by none other than Tomas Jefésoña, El Declaración fervently calls for naturalized Latinos to burn their greencards and join their undocumented counterparts in open rebellion against the oppressive, imperial government of King George XLIII (Gringos Rex). Notable signatories to the missive include Juan Hanchocas, Juan Adamez, and Benjamín Francos. Because of the bold size of Juan Hanchocas' signature, a popular new expression has entered the vernacular in relation to the signing of official documents, as in: "All we need is your Juan Hanchocas here, here, and here, and, oh, sorry, right here, too, and then we're done."
Historians are also getting into the act, adapting and reworking some of America's most iconic stories to better suit a Spanish-speaking audience. A book about Jorge Washíntonez and his famous crossing of the Rio Grande, and his equally famous recrossing of that river to bring money back to Mexico, has just been released and is receiving rave reviews from the postmodern literati. Soon to follow is an account of the transcontinental adventures of explorers Luís and Clarcos.
Lovers of fiction will not be disappointed either. The works of Ernesto Hemíngueros are being repackaged and updated to appeal to our brothers and sisters from south of the border. In For Whom the Bell Tolls, for instance, a group of Latino nationalists plans to bring down the fast food giant, Taco Bell, for corrupting and denigrating Mexican culture.
The music and film industries are also receiving a touch of Hispanicization. New recordings by Jorge Gerschwindez and Luis Armstronguaros are already available online at Latunes.com, a site popular in undocumented worker communities. As for the silver screen, hundreds of classic movies are being digitally remastered, giving new life to such legendary stars as Marlíndo Brandos, Jaime Stewarto, Juan Waynendez, and Katarina Hepburna.
All that remains is a new "translation" of the US Constitution - one that smoothes out the rough parts, making it more intelligible and accessible for new Spanish-speaking citizens. The Constitutions of Mexico, Venezuela, and especially Cuba are reportedly being consulted for inspiration.
Che BaabaabooieDon't you mean Jose Jimenez? Or is this crowd to young to remember him?
Quote:My name, Jose Jimenez.
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