A final attempt for a one-sided compromise between Serbs and Albanians on the status of Kosovo ended abruptly Wednesday, the fourth day of face-to-face negotiations in New York, when the Albanian delegation opened fire on the Serbian delegation, killing everyone. The international community condemned the resulting Serbian intransigence, but hailed the meeting as an overall success. "This is more proof that self-determination for Kosovo Albanians is the only rational solution," said American envoy Frank Wisner. President Bush announced that the so-called massacre of the Serbian delegation has made it necessary once again to bomb Serbia and teach those nationalists a lesson.
Ruins of a Christian church in Kosovo blown up by Muslim Albanian urban planners after it was deemed unsuitable for conversion to a mosque.
A team of Albanian interior decorators evaluate the scope of work at the freshly ruined St. George Cathedral. (As usual, Serbian nationalists claimed they were a "Muslim mob looting and reveling in the ruins.")
Albanian interior decorators take a break from redecorating 14th century churches to participate in a planning conference and receive instructions from the boss.
British peacekeepers protect one of the few remaining churches in Kosovo from Albanian architects.
St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York. In the afternoon after the shooting, the Kosovo delegation took a guided tour of New York churches and synagogues while taking notes and asking for architectural blueprints.
MODERNITY REACHES KOSOVO: An Albanian Muslim
youth uses his mobile phone to take a picture of his
friend urinating in the entryway of St. George church
in the southern Kosovo town of Prizren, hoping to score
a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts with a "Sprinkle On Relics" project.
"We should have seen this compromise coming," said Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns, "The Albanian side has had the courtesy to repeatedly warn us that no further delays for independence would be tolerated, and we should all be relieved that a compromise was reached before the December 10th deadline they gave us. Had we passed it, Albanians would next seek similar compromises with us. So this worked out for everyone."
UN peacekeeper inspects improvements made to 14th century Serbian Monastery by Muslim architects of Kosovo.
The State Department, EU parliamentarians, and every newspaper of the world agree that the shooting was justified by a legitimate anger that the Kosovo-Albanian leadership must have felt over the previous delays caused by their propensity to murder every Serbian delegation they met with. EU officials have reprimanded the Serbs for the high rotation level of their diplomatic cadre, while praising the Albanians for their steadfast approach to a final solution for Kosovo. The outcome has proved Clinton-era ambassador Richard Holbrooke wrong when he advised Albanians that it would be easier to get independence if they'd "stop killing Serbs."
Holbrooke conceded as much, saying he is glad to see the end of "this cycle that's been going on for two decades: the Bosnians and Albanians kill Serbs; we bomb those murderous Serb assholes; the Bosnians/Albanians get more power and land and start shooting at American and other international troops so they can get even more power and land, and so on."
Critics of Serb-killing, however, have repeatedly compared Western support of the Greater Albania project to the comedy Groundhog Day, only with bombs, deaths, and destruction. In other words, the multiculturalist community wakes up in the morning, steps on the same rake as yesterday, gets hit in the head, and claims another success before passing out. After twenty years of being stuck in this continuous loop, the cumulative volume of successes has become almost unbearable.
The latest success came last week, when a Bosnian Muslim tried to blow up the American embassy in Austria. That success follows on the heels of our May success, in which four Albanians were about to massacre U.S. soldiers at Ft. Dix had it not been for a racist Circuit City clerk. That success followed a February success in which a Bosnian Muslim in Salt Lake City killed five Americans.
"All sides have given us indications that they wish this process to continue," said European Union mediator Wolfgang Ischinger. "This is a good sign for the future."
On its way out of the meeting, the Albanian delegation asked for Madeleine Albright to come in and clean up the place.
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People
In 1999, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright was mistaken for a cleaning lady by the Albanian delegation during peace negotiations for Kosovo in Rambouillet, France.
"One member of the delegation, who didn't realize who she was, and probably thinking she was some cleaning lady because it was after midnight, simply said to her, 'Give us five minutes and please go away,'" recalled Albanian diplomat Dugagjin Gorani in War on Europe, a British TV program.
Albright reportedly responded by using language which could never be translated into Albanian.
This photo was taken after the error was realized and all was forgiven. Albright in turn apologized for adding to the confusion by flying in to meetings on a broom.
According to other accounts, however, it was the dirty talk that made the Albanians mistake her for the cleaning lady in the first place, and the picture was taken before the error was realized.
Reporting by Julia Gorin and Comrade Red Square
Quote:And we didn't hear a single complaint!
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoI should plan a trip to Kosovo and collect some of these Christian relics and sell them on E-Bay to starving progressive artist for "better use". Clearly these Albanians aren't fully desecrating them enough. I mean, any Abu, Tafir and Hammed can "sprinkle the relics" - but it takes a seasoned progressive artist with a keen eye for bad taste to really - and I mean really - tarnish the relics.
Commissar PupovichOf course socialism works, works better than ever! Which again goes to the heart of what I have said Chairman. Please don't think that I have ever suggested there was an error in Party Doctrine. Far be it from this Commissar. In fact, I have merely said that because we are perfect, we should never back away from it for any reason. I am just suggesting that we weaken our position for instance, when on the one hand, we rightly glorify he/she/it right to have relations with he/she/it in any possible combination thereof, then have to excuse or otherwise ignore the decidedly non-progressive Muslims hanging of such progressives in their lands. I have also merely pointed out the way their former leader, Kohmenni, essentially advocated the same doctrine that non-person T was guilty of. Oh Chairman, don't you see? The Pup is merely so in love with the Perfection that Progressive Socialism represents, that he only wishes that we never allow it to be soft pedaled in any way shape or form. But perhaps I am just too enamored with our motherland, and believe with all my heart that they too will rise along with the US, to lead the world into the Worker's Paradise we all desire. I just see these muslims and other wannabes as something holding us back.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoCommissar Pupovich, let us step back, together, and look at the bigger picture using Progressive Logic™. OK, ready? Alright, now then, how do we know that the Muslims aren’t progressive? Huh? How do we know that? Are we supposed to sit here and trust the lies that are forced down on us by Faux News and the Bush Administration? I mean, this Administration with their media allies have sold us a war based on LIES, LIES AND MORE LIES! We also know that 9/11 was an inside job to justify the AmeriKKKan Empire’s expansion. So, tell me, how can you trust a government that intentionally lies to the People? How do we know that Iran isn’t a Worker’s Paradise already? Maybe they are, Commissar, and that maybe is enough for the Party to put its full support behind their efforts.
Robert Fisk of the IndependentOutside Klina last week, I came across another blasted church, blown to pieces just two months ago. Its shattered dome lay over walls and crosses and iconstasis. And wandering amid the rubble was a Kosovo Albanian, Ymer Qupeva. What on earth was he doing here? I asked. Sympathising with the Serb worshippers? "I have come to view the professionalism of the destruction," Mr Qupeva said. "They did very well - they planted explosives against all four walls."
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests
Rubiks & Rubik’s Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.
White House to fight ISIS with new federal Terrorist Regulatory Agency
Harry Reid: "Sometimes I say the wong thing"
Elian Gonzalez wishes he had come to the U.S. on a bus from Central America like all the other kids
Obama visits US-Mexican border, calls for a two-state solution
"Hard Choices," a porno flick loosely based on Hillary Clinton's memoir and starring Hillary Hellfire as a drinking, whoring Secretary of State, wildly outsells the flabby, sagging original
Accusations of siding with the enemy leave Sgt. Bergdahl with only two options: pursue a doctorate at Berkley or become a Senator from Massachusetts
Jay Carney stuck in line behind Eric Shinseki to leave the White House; estimated wait time from 15 min to 6 weeks
100% of scientists agree that if man-made global warming were real, "the last people we'd want to help us is the Obama administration"
Jay Carney says he found out that Obama found out that he found out that Obama found out that he found out about the latest Obama administration scandal on the news
"Anarchy Now!" meeting turns into riot over points of order, bylaws, and whether or not 'kicking the #^@&*! ass' of the person trying to speak is or is not violence
Obama retaliates against Putin by prohibiting unionized federal employees from dating hot Russian girls online during work hours
Russian separatists in Ukraine riot over an offensive YouTube video showing the toppling of Lenin statues
Obamacare bolsters employment for professionals with skills to convert meth back into sudafed
Joe Biden to Russia: "We will bury you by turning more of Eastern Europe over to your control!"
In last-ditch effort to help Ukraine, Obama deploys Rev. Sharpton and Rev. Jackson's Rainbow Coalition to Crimea
Al Sharpton: "Not even Putin can withstand our signature chanting, 'racist, sexist, anti-gay, Russian army go away'!"
Mardi Gras in North Korea: "Throw me some food!"
Obama's foreign policy works: "War, invasion, and conquest are signs of weakness; we've got Putin right where we want him"
US offers military solution to Ukraine crisis: "We will only fight countries that have LGBT military"
Putin annexes Brighton Beach to protect ethnic Russians in Brooklyn, Obama appeals to UN and EU for help
The 1980s: "Mr. Obama, we're just calling to ask if you want our foreign policy back. The 1970s are right here with us, and they're wondering, too."
In a stunning act of defiance, Obama courageously unfriends Putin on Facebook
MSNBC: Obama secures alliance with Austro-Hungarian Empire against Russia’s aggression in Ukraine
Efforts to achieve moisture justice for California thwarted by unfair redistribution of snow in America
North Korean voters unanimous: "We are the 100%"
Leader of authoritarian gulag-site, The People's Cube, unanimously 're-elected' with 100% voter turnout
Super Bowl: Obama blames Fox News for Broncos' loss
Beverly Hills campaign heats up between Henry Waxman and Marianne Williamson over the widening income gap between millionaires and billionaires in their district
Biden to lower $10,000-a-plate Dinner For The Homeless to $5,000 so more homeless can attend
Kim becomes world leader, feeds uncle to dogs; Obama eats dogs, becomes world leader, America cries uncle
White House hires part-time schizophrenic Mandela sign interpreter to help sell Obamacare
Kim Jong Un executes own "crazy uncle" to keep him from ruining another family Christmas
OFA admits its advice for area activists to give Obamacare Talk at shooting ranges was a bad idea
President resolves Obamacare debacle with executive order declaring all Americans equally healthy
Obama to Iran: "If you like your nuclear program, you can keep your nuclear program"
Obama: "I'm not particularly ideological; I believe in a good pragmatic five-year plan"
Shocker: Obama had no knowledge he'd been reelected until he read about it in the local newspaper last week
NSA marks National Best Friend Day with official announcement: "Government is your best friend; we know you like no one else, we're always there, we're always willing to listen"
Al Qaeda cancels attack on USA citing launch of Obamacare as devastating enough
The President's latest talking point on Obamacare: "I didn't build that"
Carney: huge ObamaCare deductibles won't look as bad come hyperinflation
Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as offensive to most Americans
Poll: 83% of Americans favor cowboy diplomacy over rodeo clown diplomacy
Obama administration gets serious, threatens Syria with ObamaCare
Obama authorizes the use of Vice President Joe Biden's double-barrel shotgun to fire a couple of blasts at Syria
Sharpton: "British royals should have named baby 'Trayvon.' By choosing 'George' they sided with white Hispanic racist Zimmerman"
Nancy Pelosi extends abortion rights to the birds and the bees
Hubble discovers planetary drift to the left
Obama: 'If I had a daughter-in-law, she would look like Rachael Jeantel'
FISA court rubberstamps statement denying its portrayal as government's rubber stamp
Every time ObamaCare gets delayed, a Julia somewhere dies
GOP to Schumer: 'Force full implementation of ObamaCare before 2014 or Dems will never win another election'
Janet Napolitano: TSA findings reveal that since none of the hijackers were babies, elderly, or Tea Partiers, 9/11 was not an act of terrorism
News Flash: Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) can see Canada from South Dakota
Drudge Report reduces font to fit all White House scandals onto one page
Obama: the IRS is a constitutional right, just like the Second Amendment
Jay Carney to critics: 'Pinocchio never said anything inconsistent'
Obama: If I had a gay son, he'd look like Jason Collins
IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy
This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester
White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago
Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country
Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
I Own The World
It's Big Fur Hat
The Fine Report
The Looking Spoon
Sad Hill News
Looking at the Left
Red Planet Cartoons
Death By 1000 Papercuts