A final attempt for a one-sided compromise between Serbs and Albanians on the status of Kosovo ended abruptly Wednesday, the fourth day of face-to-face negotiations in New York, when the Albanian delegation opened fire on the Serbian delegation, killing everyone. The international community condemned the resulting Serbian intransigence, but hailed the meeting as an overall success. "This is more proof that self-determination for Kosovo Albanians is the only rational solution," said American envoy Frank Wisner. President Bush announced that the so-called massacre of the Serbian delegation has made it necessary once again to bomb Serbia and teach those nationalists a lesson.
Ruins of a Christian church in Kosovo blown up by Muslim Albanian urban planners after it was deemed unsuitable for conversion to a mosque.
A team of Albanian interior decorators evaluate the scope of work at the freshly ruined St. George Cathedral. (As usual, Serbian nationalists claimed they were a "Muslim mob looting and reveling in the ruins.")
Albanian interior decorators take a break from redecorating 14th century churches to participate in a planning conference and receive instructions from the boss.
British peacekeepers protect one of the few remaining churches in Kosovo from Albanian architects.
St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York. In the afternoon after the shooting, the Kosovo delegation took a guided tour of New York churches and synagogues while taking notes and asking for architectural blueprints.
MODERNITY REACHES KOSOVO: An Albanian Muslim
youth uses his mobile phone to take a picture of his
friend urinating in the entryway of St. George church
in the southern Kosovo town of Prizren, hoping to score
a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts with a "Sprinkle On Relics" project.
"We should have seen this compromise coming," said Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns, "The Albanian side has had the courtesy to repeatedly warn us that no further delays for independence would be tolerated, and we should all be relieved that a compromise was reached before the December 10th deadline they gave us. Had we passed it, Albanians would next seek similar compromises with us. So this worked out for everyone."
UN peacekeeper inspects improvements made to 14th century Serbian Monastery by Muslim architects of Kosovo.
The State Department, EU parliamentarians, and every newspaper of the world agree that the shooting was justified by a legitimate anger that the Kosovo-Albanian leadership must have felt over the previous delays caused by their propensity to murder every Serbian delegation they met with. EU officials have reprimanded the Serbs for the high rotation level of their diplomatic cadre, while praising the Albanians for their steadfast approach to a final solution for Kosovo. The outcome has proved Clinton-era ambassador Richard Holbrooke wrong when he advised Albanians that it would be easier to get independence if they'd "stop killing Serbs."
Holbrooke conceded as much, saying he is glad to see the end of "this cycle that's been going on for two decades: the Bosnians and Albanians kill Serbs; we bomb those murderous Serb assholes; the Bosnians/Albanians get more power and land and start shooting at American and other international troops so they can get even more power and land, and so on."
Critics of Serb-killing, however, have repeatedly compared Western support of the Greater Albania project to the comedy Groundhog Day, only with bombs, deaths, and destruction. In other words, the multiculturalist community wakes up in the morning, steps on the same rake as yesterday, gets hit in the head, and claims another success before passing out. After twenty years of being stuck in this continuous loop, the cumulative volume of successes has become almost unbearable.
The latest success came last week, when a Bosnian Muslim tried to blow up the American embassy in Austria. That success follows on the heels of our May success, in which four Albanians were about to massacre U.S. soldiers at Ft. Dix had it not been for a racist Circuit City clerk. That success followed a February success in which a Bosnian Muslim in Salt Lake City killed five Americans.
"All sides have given us indications that they wish this process to continue," said European Union mediator Wolfgang Ischinger. "This is a good sign for the future."
On its way out of the meeting, the Albanian delegation asked for Madeleine Albright to come in and clean up the place.
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People
In 1999, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright was mistaken for a cleaning lady by the Albanian delegation during peace negotiations for Kosovo in Rambouillet, France.
"One member of the delegation, who didn't realize who she was, and probably thinking she was some cleaning lady because it was after midnight, simply said to her, 'Give us five minutes and please go away,'" recalled Albanian diplomat Dugagjin Gorani in War on Europe, a British TV program.
Albright reportedly responded by using language which could never be translated into Albanian.
This photo was taken after the error was realized and all was forgiven. Albright in turn apologized for adding to the confusion by flying in to meetings on a broom.
According to other accounts, however, it was the dirty talk that made the Albanians mistake her for the cleaning lady in the first place, and the picture was taken before the error was realized.
Reporting by Julia Gorin and Comrade Red Square
Quote:And we didn't hear a single complaint!
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoI should plan a trip to Kosovo and collect some of these Christian relics and sell them on E-Bay to starving progressive artist for "better use". Clearly these Albanians aren't fully desecrating them enough. I mean, any Abu, Tafir and Hammed can "sprinkle the relics" - but it takes a seasoned progressive artist with a keen eye for bad taste to really - and I mean really - tarnish the relics.
Commissar PupovichOf course socialism works, works better than ever! Which again goes to the heart of what I have said Chairman. Please don't think that I have ever suggested there was an error in Party Doctrine. Far be it from this Commissar. In fact, I have merely said that because we are perfect, we should never back away from it for any reason. I am just suggesting that we weaken our position for instance, when on the one hand, we rightly glorify he/she/it right to have relations with he/she/it in any possible combination thereof, then have to excuse or otherwise ignore the decidedly non-progressive Muslims hanging of such progressives in their lands. I have also merely pointed out the way their former leader, Kohmenni, essentially advocated the same doctrine that non-person T was guilty of. Oh Chairman, don't you see? The Pup is merely so in love with the Perfection that Progressive Socialism represents, that he only wishes that we never allow it to be soft pedaled in any way shape or form. But perhaps I am just too enamored with our motherland, and believe with all my heart that they too will rise along with the US, to lead the world into the Worker's Paradise we all desire. I just see these muslims and other wannabes as something holding us back.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoCommissar Pupovich, let us step back, together, and look at the bigger picture using Progressive Logic™. OK, ready? Alright, now then, how do we know that the Muslims aren’t progressive? Huh? How do we know that? Are we supposed to sit here and trust the lies that are forced down on us by Faux News and the Bush Administration? I mean, this Administration with their media allies have sold us a war based on LIES, LIES AND MORE LIES! We also know that 9/11 was an inside job to justify the AmeriKKKan Empire’s expansion. So, tell me, how can you trust a government that intentionally lies to the People? How do we know that Iran isn’t a Worker’s Paradise already? Maybe they are, Commissar, and that maybe is enough for the Party to put its full support behind their efforts.
Robert Fisk of the IndependentOutside Klina last week, I came across another blasted church, blown to pieces just two months ago. Its shattered dome lay over walls and crosses and iconstasis. And wandering amid the rubble was a Kosovo Albanian, Ymer Qupeva. What on earth was he doing here? I asked. Sympathising with the Serb worshippers? "I have come to view the professionalism of the destruction," Mr Qupeva said. "They did very well - they planted explosives against all four walls."
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