To those calling for withdrawal: No, we're not going to quit before the forces of evil are routed. Not when we're so close to victory. Even if it takes 100 years, we will never, ever, cease our quest to impeach Bush.
Granted, it may get discouraging. But every time I begin to ask myself why I'm doing this, something always shows up to distract me. Most recently, it came in the form of a letter from one brave soul. A mere 37 years old (name withheld) has championed the cause and suffered for it. I hope his story inspires you the way it has me.
-- Mikael of impeachforpeace.org.
The reasons are clear. Bush is the anti-Santa.
"I think the FBI is listening to us. Switch to the code words."
"Why would they listen to us?" my friend asked.
"Code words!" I reminded him.
"Oh, um, spoon rocket splindledum Bush... how do I say impeach again?"
The clicking sound had turned into static and then a man's voice limped in,
"... and I'd like three bean burritos with a grande nacho supreme and ..."
Just as quick as he faded in, he faded out. Clearly Karl Rove was trying to make us THINK they weren't listening to our conversation. I knew what this meant. It meant he knew they knew that we knew that he knew. The static itself cleared with silence taking its place.
"Phew! Our phone line just got mixed up with Taco Bell again," my friend naively proclaimed.
"Fool, that's what they want us to think. Never mind, I'll talk to you in person." I scowled at my friend's incompetence.
The CIA was surely onto us now. I biked over to his mom's house and we went down to the basement, where we always go to hide from Bush, when all of a sudden...
The most wicked bloodcurdling cowboy laugh rang out in the darkness and two red burning eyes crept in from the darkness. They were the color of HATE, no, worse, the color of Bush. As he crept closer, I suddenly realized how tall he looked; then I noticed part of it came from his giant hat. As he crept closer still to my friend's night light, I saw him a bit better than I could on TV or in my nightmares, and he was scarier than I had previously imagined.
I was petrified. He lunged out at me. Something in me made me move. I kept a locket around my neck with a bit of raw oil in it just in case. I broke it on the floor and backed off, only to see Bush stoop to the ground like a ravenous beast and slurp it up. I tried to run away. Then Karl Rove stumbled out of the broom closet and smacked me with a diseased mop. Cheney came down the stairs with a shotgun and spoke the most terrifying sentence I've ever heard,
"I seeeeeee you."
"No Cheney, aim to the left of him, that way you'll hit him." Karl sneered.
Then, for the first time in my life, I decided I wasn't going to run anymore. I was going to stand up to Bush for breaking my arm last summer, for stealing my homework so it would look like I never did it, for leaving the toilet seat up, and for tapping my phone calls.
"Leave me alone Bush, I'm not afraid of you anymore!"
"Then you will die!" Bush screeched. "I can shmell the oil on you!"
That was too scary for me. I ran up the stairs into the light and dialed 911.
"BUSH IS TRYING TO KILL ME! PLEASE, HELP! IMPEACH HIM QUICK! HE'S GOT MY FRIEND!"
All they did was laugh. Clearly they worked for Bush. I locked the basement door and ran to my house, curled up in a ball and cried for the whole weekend.
On Monday I ran to the forest to call my friend. I began dialing his number when a man in a plaid shirt walked by and said,
"Excuse me, why are you poking that pinecone?"
"I'm not poking a pinecone, I'm calling my friend to impeach Bush."
"Ok... sure." he replied as he continued to look on confused. Had he never seen a phone before?
The phone rang forever. Eventually I gave up. I walked home and saw that my friend was waiting for me. He seemed different. He said he didn't remember anything. I was trying to help him remember when suddenly my Mom interrupted,
"Honey, who are you talking to?"
"Mom, I'm talking to my friend. He's right here, duh."
My Mom looked at me like I was from Mars. Then she speed-dialed some number and said to the person on the other end of the line, "He's doing it again."
Doing what again? Trying to protect the world from Bush?
The next day, my friend was gone, as if he never existed. Come to think of it, I can't remember his name or anything about him. Weird. My Mom took me to this man in a nice building and made me lie down on this bed thing with a white sheet on it, then tell him what happened for like two hours.
I told him everything. While he scribbled away on a clipboard, I told him how Bush stole my homework and listened in on my conversations and would make me whistle Beach Boys tunes on Thursdays for three hours and twelve minutes. I told him how Bush hunted me for my oil and how his tax cuts for the rich caused global warming. It was exciting to share this with another. I thought he might help me, but he was working for Bush.
Before I knew it, I couldn't move my arms. They put some leather sweater on me when I was asleep, that was sewn together so I couldn't move my arms. The walls all around me were soft. I would bounce off them. Somehow I knew that if I bounced enough, Bush couldn't get my oil.
These men in white suits would come in sometimes. Ladies in white suits too. They told me I made it up. I knew they were sent by Bush to brainwash me the way he did everyone else. At first I resisted. Then I realized I could pretend to believe them and they would eventually let me go. They did.
And here I am, ready to serve to impeach Bush for ruining my life.
* * *
At the request of the author, we have removed his name from the letter as well as the address of his Mom's basement.
In response to a flood of emails, we would like to state that the original author of the letter and "Mikael" of impeachforpeace.org are not the same person despite his known history with mental institutions, established behavior of sending himself letters and pretending they are written by fans, and having the same birth date and address as the author of the letter.
Due to a dispute involving a squirrel and Mikael over the possession of a pinecone, and the undisclosed conflict, which resulted and may or not have involved public nudity and tree-groping, Mikael has been admitted to a mental institution to receive urgent care once more and will not be reporting for The People's Cube until further notice.
Laika the Space DogRelease the Chihuahuas!
Red SquareThe Mime's friend, David "Gloria" Swanson, has finally approached his well-deserved star moment: Bush is coming to his native Charlottesville for the 4th of July speech. The nerve this war criminal has!
Quote:(I grew up in the Army, which is my mother and my father...don't ask me how that works genetically).
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoI went on a date with Rudolph too, Margaret. I was really, really disappointed when I found out he was really a man. He totally had me fooled, Comrades -- I was totally fooled.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoI went on a date with Rudolph too, Margaret. I was really, really disappointed when I found out he was really a man. He totally had me fooled, Comrades -- I was totally fooled.
Quote:And in the "Who I want to meet" section he wrote: "alive, exciting, kind, thoughtful, gentle, strong, intelligent, informed, principled, humble people who don't hate."
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