![]() | In a move designed to address the growing food shortages that threaten its starving populace, North Korea today announced the development of a captive breeding program for Giant Carnivorous Rabbits. Imported from a breeder in the former East Germany, the rabbits were initially thought to be a source of food for struggling North Koreans. But in a stunning turnabout it was revealed that given the gigantic rodents' voracious appetites and the large amount of food required for them to breed effectively, North Koreans would instead be fed to the rabbits, thereby providing the breeding stock with a ready source of food, while at the same time reducing the number of starving North Koreans. "Pyongyang is hoping imports of monster rabbits from Germany could help solve its continuing food crisis," a party spokesperson equivocated. |
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Herr Szmolinsky usually finds buyers closer to home for the 60 to 80 rabbits he breeds each year, but as a resident of a former communist state he was keen to help alleviate hunger in North Korea. He agreed to sell eight females and four males at a discount, with the $1,440.00 price tag funded by a 30 year loan from the IMF.
Bono and Sir Bob Geldof have reportedly begun exerting pressure on member nations to forgive North Korea's mounting rabbit-related debt, as the financially insolvent nation cannot possibly maintain the daily interest costs of $.53.
Undeterred by the heady weight of global finance, Herr Szmolinksky is preparing for a trip to North Korea to advise them on how to set up a breeding farm. "The rabbits will be used to help feed the population," he says proudly. "One rabbit provides a filling meal for eight people. There are a variety of recipes, such as rabbit roulade."
A spokesperson for the North Korean Embassy in Berlin refused to confirm or deny whether Herr Szmolinsky's apparently misguided assumptions concerning who would be eating whom were his own, or a result of misrepresentation by a North Korean agricultural attaché traveling in a high-end armor-plated limo.
Herr Szmolinsky also received inquiries from potential Chinese buyers. Dogs everywhere are heaving a collective sigh of relief, while Poodle farmers world-wide are scrabbling to address the need for new tariff and trade regulations to protect their pet food/food pet industry.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Why didn't we think of this first!? Damn that Kim Jong Il, damn him all to Detroit!Premier Betty
Ooh! Ooh! Attack of the Killer Tomatoes in real life! YAY!Chairman M. S. Punchenko
<gasp> YOU CAN'T PEEL VEGETABLES, THEY HAVE FEELINGS TOO! How would you like to be "peeled" or "eaten" or "cooked"!?!?Chairman M. S. Punchenko
It is the duty of the Demokratic Party to ensure that EVERYONE/EVERYTHING is guaranteed free money, a lifestyle of debaucheries and the pursuit of guilt which is clearly outlined in the U.S Constitution (and whatever scrap of paper you have in Kanadastan that can be re-interpreted and twisted to conform to today's moral truth).Chairman M. S. Punchenko
LIBERATE THE VEGETABLES, NOW! PROACTIVE SPORKS AND SPOONS!Natasha Sibirskya
Bah! I bark at those Hunny Bunnys. Leave them to me. I am an expert at shedding hares. I and my teammates will purge the scourge of huge carniverous rabbits by devouring their fascist entities. When the Motherland is threatened, it's time to eat Tutonic touchases.Quote:
Dogs everywhere are heaving a collective sigh of relief, while Poodle farmers world-wide are scrabbling to address the need for new tariff and trade regulations to protect their pet food/food pet industry.Branish
Can we assume that the food procured from these giant rabbits will first go to feed the glorious North Korean Peoples' Army, just like grains? The Army needs to get all food before the people, in order to hold off the imperialist American soldiers in South Korea.Chairman M. S. Punchenko
OK, who do I have to talk/bribe/coerce/denounce to get a crate of North Koreans for supper? I like trying something new, and this latest culinary delicacy sounds progressive to me (I must try it!).Chairman M. S. Punchenko
OK, who do I have to talk/bribe/coerce/denounce to get a crate of North Koreans for supper? I like trying something new, and this latest culinary delicacy sounds progressive to me (I must try it!).Commissar Theocritus
Lest we forget, comrades, this problem was addressed centuries ago by a man of less indulgence than anyone living today, with the possible exception of Our Many Titted Empress. Jonathan Swift had a humanitarian proposal to feed people which today seems more and more enlightened.Quote:
Karl Szmolinsky sold the rabbits to Pyongyang so that they could be used to set up a breeding programme to boost meat production in the Hermit Kingdom.

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