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E-mail itObama's Birth Certificate Proves He's Not From Earth
 | In another distraction meant to keep American voters away from the real issues, Fox News channel announced today that the GOP is in possession of a birth certificate proving beyond doubt that Barack Obama's real birthplace is, in fact, planet Lappa IV, located in the Alpha Quadrant and inhabited by a splinter group of the Ferengi species, who have developed a highly collectivist culture based on the principles of socialist acquisition and redistribution of wealth. |
According to conservative commentators, the Democrat presidential hopeful's home planet is governed by the Central Planning Committee made primarily of the State Board of Expropriators and Liquidators, who offer prayers and sacrificial offerings to a Blessed Taxperson in hopes of entering the Divine Pork Barrel upon death, and fear an afterlife spent in a Subsidized Housing For the Common Good they legislated and financed with public money.
This explains Barack Obama campaign's earlier secrecy over his birth site, especially if we consider the outdated constitutional requirement that presidents must be "natural-born" U.S. citizens.
Looking back, one can only wonder at the mainstream media's unblinking acceptance of Obama as a 100% Earthling, despite even such obvious clues as his big earlobes, a supernatural fundraising ability, and his campaign logo that resembles the emblem of the Ferengi Alliance.
Other early warning signs included Obama's ties to such known Ferengis as Rezko and Khalidi, his clearly alien speech patterns and intonation, as well as his extraterrestrial campaign slogans referencing some mysterious "hope and change" and "yes we can," which is the official motto of the State Board of Expropriators and Liquidators in Obama's homeworld. But perhaps the biggest giveaway was a glaring lack of understanding of human customs and values by both Barack Obama and his Klingon wife Michelle.
 James Carville: "Don't let the rumor about Obama being a space alien distract earthlings from the real issues, such as, how to accumulate all power in the hands of the Democrats." |
The news poses a major challenge to John McCain, who, according to his aid, refuses to listen, let alone react to the fact that Obama is a creature from another planet. "Senator McCain has pledged to wage a clean and positive presidential campaign, and any reference to his opponent as a space alien will look as if he is breaking that promise," the aid said. "We've been walking on eggshells like a bunch of neurotics before, and now we also have to avoid mentioning space aliens? What do I care if some nutcase from Obama's homeworld calls McCain a native speciist? I'm this close to quitting, and so are half of the people I know in McCain's staff."
A DNC spokesperson welcomed the news today, saying that anyone from a planet governed by the Rules of Socialist Acquisition is better than a Republican candidate, and that this minor anecdote shouldn't distract the voters from the real issues. Stroking his oversized earlobe, the DNC spokesperson expressed his belief that Barack Obama's ascension as a leader of Earth will bring a real change to the overly individualistic planet, improve the Earth's reputation in the Galaxy, and increase the planet's chances of joining the Ferengi Alliance.
The Lappian Rules of Socialist Acquisition are similar to the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, but are more focused on sacred collectivist rules of behavior, which, combined with the entrepreneurial spirit of the Ferengi species, uniquely qualifies them to handle Democrat Party fundraisers.
Although the history of Lappian presence on Earth is unclear, it is known that Lappian children are required to memorize Rules of Socialist Acquisition as part of their general education to become consummate Democrat Party operatives, strategists, and consultants. It is said that the earliest Rule of Socialist Acquisition was penned by Karl Marx, who was also a Ferengi from Lappa IV.
The Rules of Socialist Acquisition
(a representative sample)
- To each according to his ability to work the system.
- Compassion without coercion is useless.
- Never ask when you can use the government to take.
- The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy are undertaxed.
- All we want is what's yours.
- Monopoly is evil unless the government runs it.
- Class envy makes a good running mate.
- If a government program fails, repeat.
- Every rake deserves to be stepped on twice.
- It is critical that the expected "returns" on any "investment" are never defined.
- Never feed the hungry on an empty stomach.
- Always know who you're buying.
- Exclusive knowledge is power.
- Never be afraid to mislabel an opponent.
- Be clean, articulate, and non-threatening.
- When in doubt, throw a friend under the bus.
- Never allow others' self-interest to stand in the way of your common good.
- A liberal without guilt is no liberal at all.
- When someone says, "I'm not a racist," he's lying.
- A dead vote is just as good as a live one.
- A good vote is worth casting twice.
- Actual progress is not guaranteed.
- Small print is the best invention since snake oil.
- Entitlements and handouts will always overcome freedom and opportunity.
- Integrity is no substitute for campaign cash.
- A friend in need is a potential donor and land deal partner.
- Never confuse powerful financial backers with luck.
- Make sure your campaign cash doesn't cost you more than it is really worth.
- Beware of relatives giving speeches.
- There's nothing more dangerous than an honest consultant.
- The most beautiful thing about the environment is that you can turn it into an election issue.
- Citing Global Warming yields more cash than pointing a gun.
- Always trust a person wearing a suit better than your own.
- Moral choice is a complex personal issue that is better defined by focus groups.
- Morality has limits. Moral relativism has none.
- Never make fun of a Democrat candidate's family. Insult something he cares about instead.
- Be careful what you legislate. It may do exactly what Rush Limbaugh says it would.
- Compromise means the absence of opposition to Democrats.
- War is good for political activism.
- People could afford housing and healthcare without the government - if it weren't for the government.
- Talk is cheap. Heap it generously on the public.
- There isn't a gaffe by a Democrat politician that the media won't overlook.
- Never argue with a loaded Kennedy.
- Labor camps are full of people who opposed someone's beautiful dream.
- Entitlement is the easiest way to enslave a population.
- Democracy has limits. Dictatorship has none.
- Saying stupid things is often smart.
- Never cross Michelle Obama.
- Never let the electorate know what you're thinking.
- Never admit anything that can't be later blamed on Republicans.
- Only the Democrats could screw up New Orleans so badly and keep getting elected.
- Knowledge is bliss, ignorance is power.
- Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a Democrat voter.
- Pursue social justice; money and power will come later.
- All voters are suckers.
- Every once in a while offer a compromise; it confuses the hell out of Republicans.
- There is no substitute for an unnecessary government program.
- Never do something that the government can do for you.
- Never spend your own money when you can spend the government's.
- Money taken as profit is immoral; money taken by government is the highest form of Lightworking.
- If it can get you elected, say it!
- Only fools say what they believe.
- Faith moves mountains of "Obama" memorabilia.
- Poverty is no crime. Better yet, it's an excellent source of votes for the Democrat party.
- Even in the worst of times, someone always gets elected.
- Never snort cocaine and have sex in a limo with a homosexual drug user named Larry Sinclair.
- Oil is a stolen product.
- Practice saying it in front of the mirror: "This isn't the Almighty God that I know."
- Law makes everyone equal, but presidential pardons go to the highest bidder.
- There's nothing wrong with big business as long as they donate to anti-business causes.
- Never buy votes if ACORN can fix it for nothing.
- Friends and family are the rungs on the ladder of success - don't hesitate to step on them.
- Blood is thicker than Kool-Aid.
- Blame Bush first; ask questions later.
Because there are no fascist concepts like copyrights in our brave new utopia I would like to quote the unperson at http://www.samizdata.net/blog/archives/000970.html
[Roddenbery's 'Utopian' United Federation of Planets is a vision of the future in which society is starkly homogenized, with para-military governance and a total state allocated command economy the likes of which have thankfully never yet come to pass (even the Soviet Union did not completely abolish money as a medium for low level allocation of resources). How many gay characters crop up in Star Trek's Federation? How many non-conformist extroverts? Any sign of a counter-culture? How often is an internal voice of political dissent heard in the Federation? The only dissidents shown, the Maquis, were forced into armed conflict with the Federation when it betrays them to the fascist Cardassians. The only attempts at political change shown were a couple failed attempts at a coup d'état by elements of the Federation's own military, neither of which had liberty as their objectives. The Star Trek Federation is a dystopian nightmare: smiley face totalitarianism with a California "liberal" vibe, complete with attractive telepathic political officers ('councellors').]
It makes me tingle all over
This is a great revelation comrades! Now we get all the glory of collectivist society and ideals, but we don't have to ware a stiff drone suit!
Not to mention he is much too low in I.Q. Points to possibly be of the "Borg Collective". I must admit I was taken back that he would be "Ferengi" He reminded me of "the Pakleds" that kidnapped La forge, you know the ones, "Things that make us go".
StrangeQuark
But the last time, he wasn't a renegade socialist, but a regular Ferengi.
Perot was Ferengi - he had big ears, and was interested in profit.
Please, don't tell us that Hillary or Nancy are Ferengi too. Their women are not allowed to wear clothes and I don't want to go blind.
Malik Obama, older brother to Barack Obama, holds an undated picture of Barack, upper left, and himself, upper middle, and other unidentified friends in his shop somewhere on Lappa IV.
Barack and Michelle Obama's wedding day 16 years ago.
Commissarka Pinkie
...or is it some sort of noxious gas blasting out of the top of Michelle's head like a volcanic eruption?Once in a while she does open the blow hole located at the top of her exoskeleton to release hot air, and she is not ashamed to do it in public. It's most visible on cold days, but it's quite audible too, and we've heard many examples of that in the recent months: the "not proud of this miserable planet" discharge, the "don't work for Terran corporations and boycott earth economy" discharge, and we may yet hear the legendary "pasty earthling" discharge she once released in the Church of the Divine Troika.
The name that comes to mind looking at your avatar is "The Last of the Mohitos."
For now you are free to take your own pick, but time is running out. With Obama in power things will be different. There will be change. A significant change. You will not recognize this planet any longer. And taking your own pick of anything will be out of the question. Everything will be provided to us by the State Board of Expropriators and Liquidators, whether we like it or not.
I was at the Dollar Store today, and I shit you not, I could have bought that rat-Carville's lame book he wrote with Paul "Eggheads and Blacks" Begala.....
.....for a whopping dollar, honestly (hard cover too). I should mention that the dollar store I was at was actually Dollar Tree, so you know everything there only costs a dollar; not like the liar Dollar General. Humiliating for Cue-Ball, no?
Although, progressive-thought-barf-in-print SHOULD be very cheap; so all us poor comrades can afford it with our humble government stipends.
Red Square
Comrade K.G.B. Komisar - I suggest you change either your name or your avatar.With that avatar, how about: K.G.B. Haole.
Red Square
Comrade K.G.B. Komisar - I suggest you change either your name or your avatar.I like his avatar, controversial though it is in light of the ongoing conflicts we have around here between cats and dogs. As for his name, after next Tuesday it will be K.G.B. Hussein Komisar:
Obamunuts Adopt Hussein in Act of Stupidity
Quote:
“My name is such a vanilla, white-girl American name,” Ashley Holmes of Indianapolis told the paper. She said she changed her name online “to show how little meaning ‘Hussein’ really has.”...
Emily Nordling of Fort Thomas, Ky., said she changed her Facebook account name to “Emily Hussein Nordling”. The 19-year-old said her uncle supported her move, but said her father was not happy with her decision.
Tell me this isn't the equivalent of writing "Mrs. Pinkie Hussein Obama" a hundred times in my diary and school notebook.
Red Square
Comrade K.G.B. Komisar - I suggest you change either your name or your avatar. Together they taste like borsht with a touch of cola pinada.The name that comes to mind looking at your avatar is "The Last of the Mohitos."
For now you are free to take your own pick, but time is running out. With Obama in power things will be different. There will be change. A significant change. You will not recognize this planet any longer. And taking your own pick of anything will be out of the question. Everything will be provided to us by the State Board of Expropriators and Liquidators, whether we like it or not.
WE are attempting to give a new image of the KGB.That we are really a fun bunch.
Marshal Pupovich Comrade you may want to accept that title quickly before Red Square decides to offer it to some one else. I am sure it comes with the austere trappings, a repainted "Lada"
a years supply of cabbage. and an open bottle of Столичная (stoli)What about me? I bust my buns for The Party around here, and what do I get? "Here, Pinkie, I found you a real nice guy in a red hat. He enjoys digging long ditches at sunset." They're all losers after only one thing--my vodka ration card!
I might add that I'm not the one currently measuring the Empress for her cut-out. That's the work of a certain furry, four legged commissar/vice chairman/general secretary-wannabe-but-might-begrudgingly-settle-for-marshal. Plus he keeps letting the Criminally Insane Vodkov off the hook, when he should have had his show trial months ago.
Pupovich gets nervous at everything I do. Every time I come up with a new movement and/or cause, he trembles and glances around and says stuff like, "I don't know about this, Commissarka, I don't want to lose the desk in the corner office suite we share." Always trying to dissuade me from my glorious movements--wait a minute, that sounded weird--my--well, he just never thinks my ideas are well thought out. He's like Jiminy Cricket. Maybe you could give him a top hat and umbrella, and promote him to Jiminy Pupovich.
In fact, you might say he's like one of those digitally lobotomized yada yada 19 percenters (sorry, my carpal mime syndrome is flaring up again, can't type it all out).
Moreover, he's been denounced several times--once he even denounced himself.
On the plus side, he did save me when Zampolit shot me off the ledge and I landed on that flagpole. And he did inspire the notion of the Trojan Donkey. But I took credit for it, dammit!
I also awarded him Pinkie's Prestigious Beet of the Week Award, simply because he was feeling unappreciated. Talk about your overdeveloped sense of entitlement! But good feel-good Progressive that I am, I gave it to him.
In the meantime, look at all the initiatives I've initiated in recent months--making up an extensive list of Bush's crimes, my "perch-in" on the ledge, the People's Vigilante Committee, and Project Giant Trojan Donkey that's full of condoms for all the boys and girls at the convention in Denver. Why, I've done more to raise awareness and show how much I care than anyone else here!
What have the rest of you done? Anything? Anything at all?
P.S. Only I don't wanna be a marshal. I can just hear some smart-aleck like Betinov putting on his whiny Jan Brady voice and chanting, "Marshal, Marshal, MARSHAL!" every time I enter the bunker.
Quote:
He's like Jiminy Cricket. Maybe you could give him a top hat and umbrella, and promote him to Jiminy Pupovich.When you ex-e-cute the Tsar
You'll become a commissar
When you ex-e-cute the Tsar
Our dreams come true....
Quote:
P.S. Only I don't wanna be a marshal. I can just hear some smart-aleck like Betinov putting on his whiny Jan Brady voice and chanting, "Marshal, Marshal, MARSHAL!" every time I enter the bunker.(Dammit! I've become predictable!)
K.G.B. Komisar
Red Square
Comrade K.G.B. Komisar - I suggest you change either your name or your avatar. Together they taste like borsht with a touch of cola pinada.The name that comes to mind looking at your avatar is "The Last of the Mohitos."
For now you are free to take your own pick, but time is running out. With Obama in power things will be different. There will be change. A significant change. You will not recognize this planet any longer. And taking your own pick of anything will be out of the question. Everything will be provided to us by the State Board of Expropriators and Liquidators, whether we like it or not.
WE are attempting to give a new image of the KGB.That we are really a fun bunch.KGB Kommisar, I applaud your avatar - it is appropriate to elevate Party discourse to a new level of feline awareness. I do note that the small rodent at the lower left was no doubt summarily eaten following the photography session.
Commissar Pupovich, my dear old friend, have you only now realized we can create our own opportunities in the Party? My poor pup. did you not notice my own elevation to General status not six weeks ago?
Remember also, self-sacrifice is a moral virtue - nay, your duty - in the furthering of the progression into the Glorious world of Next Tuesday. The good of the majority outweighs any arbitrary individual titles you may ascribe to yourselves. Hats or not.
And yes the rodent was sacrificed for the greater good. (Lunch) What is being missed is the song the avatar is playing. Гимн Советского СоюзаGimn Sovetskogo Soyuza (The National Anthem of the Soviet Union) yes we are beaming with pride, of course it has been modified with a Caribbean beat.
We hope our new leader will enjoy this song.
We all work selflessly and without the desire for credit or reward for the benefit of the Party!
If Glorious Uber Comrades HRC notices your efforts and deems you worthy then and only then will you be given a promotion, not because you 'deserve' it but because your efforts are needed at a higher level, that is all. Do not think of 'promotions' as 'rewards' for the only 'reward' you shall ever get or even think about is the benefiting of the Party.
Now, the Party is of course a benevolent Party, so if you do feel that you deserve a promotion, bigger apartment, more rations, we will listen and evaluate all requests. Simply forward me your name, current address and addresses of your family, and a short essay (less than 10 words) as to why you deserve more than your comrades. I will personally review all submissions and will conduct face to face interviews.
O'Brien
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
Red Square
We already have a General Secretary, but you're up to a promotion anyway, so how does Marshal Pupovich sound to you?I am most honored Glorious Red Cube! Even more so for the re-affirmation that one can not simply choose a rank, but it must be earned and conferred upon by the Party. It is a great honor indeed to be a Marshal. I remember that my Uncle Iosef was always a bit suspicious about his Marshal's, but there is nothing to fear here Da?
Comrade Mousey..... Yes, I noticed plenty of changes in your "title," and treated them all with the gravitas due.....
Mousey-Tongue slinks in here and becomes a general. K.G.B. Komisar--another catty-mousey type--simply hulas up and gets to be a commissar and lie on the beach all day. And now you're a marshal! Marshal, marshal, MARSHAL!
Methinks there might be something to the old "four legs good, two legs bad."
Pinkie is peeved.
But you are right on about comrades Komisar and Mousey Tongue. They think they can just come in here and take a title. I for one do not give time to such illusions. You and I know what it is like, to start off as a common prole, go through the rigors of the Karl Marx Re-Education Center to start out as a genuine Comrade. Then through hard work, climbing on the bodies of family, acquaintances and co-workers that we have denounced, and perhaps in my case, a bit of talent for being a sycophant, have climbed the Peoples Ladder™ and been recognized by those more equal than us as being worthy to hold increasing equalness as reflected by the titles bestowed upon us.
Hold your head up Pinkie, your next raise is surely coming soon. You must remember, I was here a bit before you, and you are a quick riser indeed.
Sec. Gen. LnT Hussein
What is all this fracas,comrades?Precisely, Hussein 'n Thingies, or whatever your name is. It is beneath the position of the Party elite to squabble so. Not that we are not all equal, but we can agree we are all more equal than the proles and useful idiots who serve to be the 'wind beneath our wings'.
Commissarka Pinkie, I was saddened to read of your frustration. Your loyalty, devotion, and selfless dedication to the Party and The Greater Good has been demonstrated time and time again. I hereby request the Friend of the People, Laika, to induct you as the first recipient in a new honor proudly titled 'The Order of Pinkie'.
I am busy about Party business today and do not have access to Photoshop, but perhaps our Glorious Leader could suggest an appropriate presentation for this prestigious award?
Marshal Pupovich
Commissarka Pinkie.....Did you forget to mention that I took a bullet fired by the Chairman, for you? Have no fear, I have little doubt the Party will see to an upgrade for you in good time. Your work is recognized and appreciated.Comrade Mousey..... Yes, I noticed plenty of changes in your "title," and treated them all with the gravitas due.....
(Apologies to Dr. Seuss) Are you happy now, Commissar?
I felt that I deserved a name that would indeed put all to shame.
Let me see ... hmmm ..... how about ....
Field Marshall General Barrack Hussein Blokhayev
or
Admiral Boris Hussein Blokhayev
Listen to our Anthem and dream of our futures, Add a Caribbean beat and you can think of your old friend K.G.B.
MY Chest Swells with Pride I think of Cossacks working in the fields.
And it will cease at once. This sudden mushrooming of marshals and general secretaries and secretary generals and hats--HATS! Do we really want to revisit THAT again?--it's all too much, and very confusing. One cannot keep track of who is what.
Therefore, the only workable solution is for all of us to add Hussein to our names, as we are all Hussein and should be free to celebrate our Husseinhood.
But as it's such a hassle to change my name legally, and once I leave a Husseinless Pinkie behind I will never get her back (despite the fact it's such a strawberry-pink American girl name), I will settle for merely going back to my signature block and signing credit card receipts with "Pinkie Hussein."
Latest Current Truth for all Brides of Obamessiah: Hereafter we shall be known as HUSSIES!
PINKIE HUSSEIN
Commissarka of Vodka, Shovels, Beet of the Week Program, HBO, and Guest Soaps
Best Producer of the Year, Marina Kay Cosmonautic Cosmetics
Master Planned Economics Instructor, Tank & Shovel Factory
Ranked #1 on Google for "Crimes Against Everything" Thread
Awarded the Order of Hillary
Awarded the Order of the Mime
Website jumpofftheledgeforpeace.org (blog updated hourly with new posts copied and pasted with MimeSwipe)
The Spring 2008 Collection of Pinkieware--Available Now!
Click here to download my favorite PinkieTunes!
Save Our Cube from Yahoogroupish List Nazis! Click Here to find out how you can help while adding frequent flyer miles to your favorite credit card!
"I like rich people. I like the way they live. I like the way I live when I'm with them." --Uncle Max in The Sound of Music.
Zampolit, this is a title of considerable power already, but I agree, you are deserving of a bump. But that is not mine to give at this time.
Word of the day:
HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
I actually liked "Brides of Obama" too, but when I tried to use it in that line, it seemed to be an overload.
Anyway, you have a very sharp ear for such things.
Not only does Comrade Obama reach out to all members of the earth-bound community, he even reaches out to the intergalactic community! Considering the material-dialectical applications of the Theory of Relativity, this means fellow Ferengi and other People of Alienity can likely travel at warp speed to Earth, arriving in time to be born in AmeriKKKa to register to vote or at least "borrow" an identification card for registration and voting at an Obama-friendly voting center.
Mine eyes have seen the Light! Not only will Comrade Obama lead us to One World Government, he shall usher in One Universe Government and end the really confusing stuff about all those alternative universes by bringing them together into his One Multicultural Multidimensionality.
Omm! (Where have I heard that before?)
So I had to look it up of course. The original origin of hussie" German for housewife.
The art of framing the debate has now expanded to telling the masses which issues are real and
which ones are not.
The answer is simple (although it should never be mentioned to the uninitiated masses): 'the real issues' are the ones that arise from the superior Lappa IV collectivist mindset. Any issues originating outside of a progressive Ferengi mind are not 'real' and should be aggressively suppressed.
The propaganda skills of any Ferengi-educated Democrat political strategist are measured by his ability to pee on a test subject's leg while engaging him in a meaningful discussion about why it's Bush's fault. Gas prices are the latest example. Any Ferengi strategist worth his latinum should be able to leave the test subject hating Bush and voting Democrat.
James Carville, who is a stellar embodiment of such Ferengi skills, can pee on the masses from a high tower and leave them not only hating Bush and voting Democrat, but also thinking that they are very smart because they are not being fooled by the appearance of a yellow sprinkle coming out of Carville's penis above heir heads. Things are never what they appear to be and only fools (19 percenters) allow themselves to believe their lying eyes.
Thank Lenin that no one has challenged us progressives on our claim that drilling for more oil would not reduce the price of gas by reminding every one how not long ago we were calling on Bush to release oil from the strategic oil reserve to reduce the price of gasoline. Such logic can be most detrimental to our plans and must be squashed immediately.
Marshal Pupovich
I actually read one expert that blamed the housing loan problem as part of the reason for the high oil prices. This was some UN expert and according to him, the US is the reason in every way.Thank Lenin that no one has challenged us progressives on our claim that drilling for more oil would not reduce the price of gas by reminding every one how not long ago we were calling on Bush to release oil from the strategic oil reserve to reduce the price of gasoline. Such logic can be most detrimental to our plans and must be squashed immediately.
And the beauty of it is, Comrade Pupovich, that the Bu$hitler played right into our hands. We didn't have to do a thing.
--
Zampolit Boris Sukavich Blokhayev al-Hussein
Commissar of the Official Party Approved Margarita™
Grand Inquisitor of the Reformed Church of Latter Day Climatology (The Goremons)
In Need of Promotion to Higher Party Rank
I would like to take this opportunity to point out that it was none other than Zampolit Blokhayev who shot me off the ledge, thus causing me to get caught on the flagpole, at which point as you were trying to rescue me, the Chairman tried to shoot me down and hit you instead.
On the plus side, the Mime threatened to report both me and Zam to the FBI for making jokes about bumping off Bush. Apparently that's a federal offense in the same class as making jokes about bombs at airports.
Remember that line Commissarka? I have investigated this incident, and I must point out that Zam told everyone to sit still while he sighted his sniper rifle in. Now apparently, we had some shots going back and forth, and all we know is that you were hit in a crossfire. Tell me, do you think you are the only Party member who has had to take one For the Common Good™? Did a little accidental drowning stop Kennedy from his magnificent career? Will a little spilt blood keep Bill Ayers from being a frequent guest at the White House when the Obama comes? Who are we to judge Zampolit's intentions?
Besides, it may not have Zampolit who actually shot me. It could just as easily have been Kalashnikov or the Chairman--or perhaps there was yet another gunman lurking behind a Bush on the grassy knoll across the street.
My only concern is Zampolit's motive for aiming his weapon at us in the first place. Could there have been a traitor up there on the ledge with us? Perhaps a furry traitor with four legs, wagging tail, and a commissar's cap recently swapped out for a marshal's?
Just speculatin'. . .
Must be all that red I wear.
Commissarka Pinkie
Besides, it may not have Zampolit who actually shot me. It could just as easily have been Kalashnikov. . .You know as well as I do, Commissarka, that I always aim at the head. Just check the photographic evidence for proof.
Commissarka Pinkie
So what you're saying is that while "encouraging" someone else to jump off the ledge for peace, Zam accidentally "encouraged" me instead?Must be all that red I wear.
He did yell out for everyone to sit still while he was aimiing.
Marshal Pupovich
He did yell out for everyone to sit still while he was aimiing.Marshal Pup, I went back to re-read that thread. I got the impression that Zam fancied himself up for promotion, and thought to get it by creating, shall we say, a "vacancy"--by shooting a more equal Party member off the ledge.
And if I was squirming, it was because I'd been so long without a bath and had fleas I'd caught from someone else--I'm thinking someone with four legs, fur, a wagging tail, and a recently acquired Marshal's cap.
Still just speculatin'. . .
P.S. Maybe we should shift this little debate back over to that thread? It's sort of distracting from The Real Issues, and doesn't help the Obamessiah's children at all.
Lt Frankes, USS Galaxy
Commissar Maksim
more evidenceMalik Obama, older brother to Barack Obama, holds an undated picture of Barack, upper left, and himself, upper middle, and other unidentified friends in his shop somewhere on Lappa IV.
Barack and Michelle Obama's wedding day 16 years ago.
Yep, I remember seeing him on Deep Space 9 a few years ago trying to sell some Dilithium to the Cardassians. He said he wanted to go through the wormhole to bargain some sort of deal with the Dominion as well.
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IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
After Arlington Cemetery rejects offer to bury Boston bomber, Westboro Babtist Church steps up with premium front lawn plot
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
US Media: Can Pope Francis possibly clear up Vatican bureaucracy and banking without blaming the previous administration?
Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy
This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester
White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Oscars 2013: Michelle Obama announces long-awaited merger of Hollywood and the State
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Kremlin puts out warning not to photoshop Putin riding meteor unless bare-chested
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago
Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country
Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
White House releases new exciting photos of Obama standing, sitting, looking thoughtful, and even breathing in and out
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
President issues executive orders banning cliffs, ceilings, obstructions, statistics, and
other notions that prevent us from moving forwards and upward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Meek inherit Earth, can't afford estate taxes
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
Bigfoot found in Ohio, mysteriously not voting for Obama
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Obama attends church service, worships self
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Obama blames previous Olympics for failure to win at this Olympics
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
Obama to Evangelicals: Jesus saves, I just spend
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Historians: Before HOPE & CHANGE there was HEMP & CHOOM at ten bucks a bag
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
Obama Administration running food stamps across the border with Mexico in an operation code-named "Fat And Furious"
Pakistan explodes in protest over new Adobe Acrobat update; 17 local acrobats killed
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
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