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Obama's Strange Affliction Stresses Need for Health Reform

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Change has been subtle, but astute observers have noticed an increasing number of physical oddities about superstar celebrity President Barack Obama, seen here addressing a recent rally to raise awareness of the new healthcare reform bill. "I can't put my finger on it, but there's something different about him lately," says T. Kennedy, a diver from Martha's Vineyard, Mass. His impression is seconded by H. Clinton, a State Dept. employee from upstate New York: "In his recent appearances, he's looked flat, almost cartoonish. But in spite of the lack of emotion, he's still bigger than life."

White House Press Secretary Robert Glib insists the President is healthy and blames his "somewhat altered demeanor" on the Republican steamrolling. "It makes the President flat angry and steaming for days; his head seems to be about to explode," says Glib.

Image Obama's original appearance (prior to inauguration)

Image Early signs of affliction were showing already during Obama's visit to Europe, when the presidential candidate's head suddenly expanded and sent him floating above ground, dragging along an EU healthcare professional who was checking on his unexpected condition.

Image Mr. Dijon-Mustard, a decorated veteran from Mass. and also a "big head syndrome" sufferer, claims that he has had egous expandalot since 1971, when his head began to nearly double in size if triggered by certain words and images, and that he is ready to report fo duty as "Big Head Czar" advising the President in the White House (as he said the words "White House," his head nearly doubled in size.)

"If you want the President to look normal again, pass his damn health reform bill!" chimed in Peter Orgags, Director of the Presidential Office of Budget Fantasies. "Look, if the Republicans and Rush Limbaugh keep pressing him, at some point he won't be able to fit into Air Force One and fly off to the Middle East. And you know what will happen if those guys don't receive their monthly quota of apologies. THEN we'll all be sorry."

But Obama's advisers explain the new look by the President's chosen role as a self-styled international doormat for foreign leaders to walk over him - a "welcome" departure from the previous president who intimidated the world community with break-in security signs and Texas-style treatment of intruders.Skeptics suggest that Obama's change may be a disease. "It's a fairly exotic affliction known as 'egous expandalot'," explains Dr. C. Lot-Sacrap, head of the Political Illness Center in Princeton, NJ. "The virus infects low-talent individuals, causing their cranial regions to swell and inducing a sense of omnipotence and delusions of grandeur."

Oddly enough, the infection seems to be confined to a few locales in the US, such as Washington DC and the 50 state capitals. However, there have been numerous large-scale pandemics over the years, such as in the former Soviet Union between 1917 and 1989. And Chicago has had a continuous problem with this disease ever since the city was founded.

But most well-informed patriotic Americans, which includes everyone who watches MSNBC, dismiss this as pure speculation. "There's nothing wrong with him, he probably just had a few too many plastic surgeries," posits M. Jackson, a dead Democrat voter from Los Angeles, Ca.

S. Penn, a gasbag enthusiast from Malibu, Ca. and Venezuela, believes Obama has intentionally allowed himself to be infected with a deadly illness in order to focus the country's attention on the need for healthcare reform. "He loves us so much," weeps Penn, "that he would give his life to ensure that every single American gets the government benefits that he, she, or it so desperately needs and is entitled to by government-given right. Obama is truly our savior."

Hopefully, the views of these ordinary salt-of-the-earth Americans will likely prevail and Obama's healthcare plan will be passed, which according to some estimates may or may not return his head back to normal. But the alternative is just too disastrous to contemplate.

As expected, the New York Times is on the case:

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Frankly Rich, needy columnist at the NY Times, feels that "Obama's head is merely trying to get as big as his heart and the nation will be the better for it."

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NY Times columnist Paul Krugman dismisses any notion that Obama's expanding skull is a malformation, stating that any man with a brain as big as his NEEDS a head that size. "He just needs room to think!"

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Oh. My. God. This must be passed. If Barry O can't go swanning around the world apologizing for America it might make other people forget how despicable America is for all that freedom shit. The President's first duty is of course apologizing for America, and next after that is bowing to runty little terrorist-funding Arab kings. Then he can go into Europe and tell them how we need to understand them better because it's just so awful that we've been carrying them for a hundred years without the proper understanding.

Let's not be too hard on Sean Penn though. He's, well, he's Sean Penn and that's pretty tough.

Am I the only comrade who thinks that the NYT needs a federal bail-out? They had to mortgage their building and borrow over $200M from a Mexican angel named Slim, who lent it at 14% interest. If that were widespread then people might think that their financial pages weren't worth much.

Oh. Too late.

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Is this a metaphor for him getting steamrolled by evil RethugliKKKans?

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Goode Lawd!!! If'n his head gets much bigger he might just float away comrades! What a travesty this would be, an absolute tragedy!!!

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He'll be entered into the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade next to the Bullwinkle balloon.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:He'll be entered into the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade next to the Bullwinkle balloon.
Hahahahaha. . .! Too bad we couldn't put him behind something that smells bad.

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Commissar_Elliott wrote:
Commissar Theocritus wrote:He'll be entered into the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade next to the Bullwinkle balloon.
Hahahahaha. . .! Too bad we couldn't put him behind something that smells bad.

How about putting him behind Waxman and Markey carrying their landmark "Crap & Charade" POS?

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Hahaha. . .now if only they were actually in the parade, which wouldn't surprise me. . .

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Red Rooster wrote:Goode Lawd!!! If'n his head gets much bigger he might just float away comrades! What a travesty this would be, an absolute tragedy!!!

Not quite, Comrade Rooster. This is all part of the Great Obama's grand agenda for America. When his head has reached the size at which he becomes airborne, it will be the signal that the Holy O's work on earth is done. He will then float up into outer space and take up a position in orbit between the earth and the sun and block some of the sun's rays, thus helping to cool the planet. Best of all, from that day forward whenever we look up in the sky, we will see Obama's countenace beaming down at us.

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Is that not sacrilegious? Light must emanate <i>from</i> Obama, for he is our sun.

Oh. I get it. If the light is Obamashine, then it doesn't figure into Global Warming(tm).

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Perhaps this X-ray picture of what's inside our Dear Leader will reveal a little more information.

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Let's listen.


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I want to control what you drive.

I want control over your health care.

I want control over your bank.

I want control over your mortgage.

I want control over your business.

I want control over your thermostat.

I want control over your wallet.

I want to control the education of your children.

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Comrade Leninka,

It's going to be hard for The One of inflated head to make the Macy's Day Parade or The Orbit into the Ether with all those tenacles connected to dead weight.

Whatever shall we do?

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Don't tell me you want to provide his O'liness with health care in the interim, do you?

And then there's the matter of his arms. He has no arms.

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Yes, he's full of octopus, I guess there's no cure, send him off to Dr. Kervorkian, we tried. We must save the planet, and there's no cure for octopus inoculation. Especially with the rate it spreads ink.

Poor Obama, he's just another voter on my roles now, a martyr for The People(TM).

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Is that not sacrilegious? Light must emanate <i>from</i> Obama, for he is our sun.

Oh. I get it. If the light is Obamashine, then it doesn't figure into Global Warming(tm).


Comrade Commissar, Obama produces light with no heat. He is just like a CFL (I mean a Compact Fluorescent Light, not Canadian Football League.)

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In more ways than one like a CFL - chock full of toxins.

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Leninka wrote:Perhaps this X-ray picture of what's inside our Dear Leader will reveal a little more information.

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Let's listen.


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I want to control what you drive.

I want control over your health care.

I want control over your bank.

I want control over your mortgage.

I want control over your business.

I want control over your thermostat.

I want control over your wallet.

I want to control the education of your children.


Ah, a one-stop shopping center for every worker's totalitarian state-supplied needs! I like it!

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EDITORIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Thanks everyone for contributing! I expanded the original post with additional themes and images and changed the formatting. To preserve the original larger image of Obama's affliction for scientific purposes, I'm reposting it here:

<img src="https://thepeoplescube.com/red/richedit ... ae2dee.jpg" border="0">

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Comrades,

If His Excellency's cranial expansion continues the Secret Service will have to stock up on Mobil 1 10W30 synthetic motor oil in order for him to board Air Force One.

--

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I too notice these things of his head. But it also seems that the more his head changes, the more it stays the same like before. Am I the only one who see's these things? I show picture.

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It is almost eerie. Or something like that.

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Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:Comrades,

If His Excellency's cranial expansion continues the Secret Service will have to stock up on Mobil 1 10W30 synthetic motor oil in order for him to board Air Force One.

--


Mmmm, I think the modern standard for lubrication of large crania is 5W30. It stays liquid at lower temperatures (in case Dear Leader needs to go apologize to the penguins on Antartica) while still retaining its viscosity at high temps (his brain does generate a LOT of heat!) And, it goes great with arugula!

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Comrade Politruk Schadenfreude,

I do so hate the Bushitler. To be a good Proll, you must, too. To merge the face of the dreaded evil kapitalist Bushitler with the face of our Dear Leader, really is a travesty. They are not at all alike.

The Bushitler bombed the innocent rape and torturevictims of Iraq and Afghanistan, and started a campaign to take the rightful rulers of Afghanistan out of power (the good and righteous Taliban). And, although Our Dear Leader is allowing this continue, really, he wants to end it as soon as possible.

The Bushitler lowered the taxes and took us further away from our glorious dream of the Progressive World of Next TuesdayTM.

Thank goodness for our Dear Leader, Master O. He will undo all of the evil things the Bushitler did.

No, sorry please do not merge these two. The Bushitler is evil, whereas His O'liness is The Thus Come One and will make the true dream of "equalization of opportunity" and all things a reality for all comrades.

To merge the face of our Dear and Pure Leader with the face of the evil Bushitler is a crime punishable by a whack from comrade Pinkie with her shovel.

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Comrade Politruk Schadenfreude:

As you may have ascertained, we here at the Cube are great connoisseurs of art. We enjoy good satire and like to let our hair down with bawdy jokes just like anyone else. But we also pride ourselves on our impeccable taste and propriety.

And you, sir, have stepped out of those bounds of taste and propriety with your absolutely tasteless and improper artwork.

Morphing our Dear Leader with the man who still strikes fear in the bosom of the Collective? Why don't you just take a picture of Obama and smear poop on it, or soak it in a jar of pee?

It's because of matchbook-cover photoshoppers like you that the Republicans are always refusing to fund the NEA, forcing aspiring artists like the rest of us to go out and peddle our works in vain to the private sector, only to be continually rejected for the sake of vile capitalist values like "competition" and "quality", instead of just giving us the recognition and compensation we're entitled to!

WHACK!!!

Now spit that pea gravel out of your mouth and go draw your amateur horns and pointy beards somewhere else.

Opiate of the People wrote:
Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:Comrades,

If His Excellency's cranial expansion continues the Secret Service will have to stock up on Mobil 1 10W30 synthetic motor oil in order for him to board Air Force One.

--


Mmmm, I think the modern standard for lubrication of large crania is 5W30. It stays liquid at lower temperatures (in case Dear Leader needs to go apologize to the penguins on Antartica) (sic) while still retaining its viscosity at high temps (his brain does generate a LOT of heat!) And, it goes great with arugula!


really deep cold needs graphic. powdered carbon is the only way. this of course might make our Leader Elite slightly blacker, but is this a bad thing?

ALso please note , that returning sub commanders like beer too. perhaps we shall arrest and detain some more self appointed race baiters, give them a quick three months station tour and get glasses and glasses of piss poor amerikan beer in the lincoln bathroom to return them!

still looking for kennedy killbox

confirm distance to next Tuesday

one ping only

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Good to hear from you again, One Ping. Where you been?

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I think the modern standard for lubrication of large crania is 5W30.
His O'liness's cranial lubrication is Vaseline. It's for his autoencephaloprotcological excursions.

And just where is TOTUS? If someone hadn't tampered with the TelePromTer's programming it would never have let His Supreme Arrogance pontificate about Skip Gates. This is chipping little bits off the gilding of His O'liness.

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Citizen'e

It is anticipated that "fearless leader" will recover. Here he is photographed after an age/emotionally appropriate moment. with his guard down, pushing his, er.....their health care plan!

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Publius

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Hasn't anyone else noticed?
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<img src="https://thepeoplescube.com/red/richedit ... ae2dee.jpg" border="0">

Could this be some sort of superpower Obama could use to righteously soak the rich and corporate, and mop up the floor with all those who want to see him fail?

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Could this be Palin Paranoia? I mean...the woman obviously bends light. How else could she be so beautiful every time she says,"You betcha!"?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote: His O'liness's cranial lubrication is Vaseline. It's for his autoencephaloprotcological excursions.

Gosh, the usual Progressive brainstorming methods could be PAINFUL with a skull that large. Perhaps with a shoe horn..... but would it then still be called a shoe horn?

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Hasn't anyone else noticed?
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<img src="https://thepeoplescube.com/red/richedit ... ae2dee.jpg" border="0">

Could this be some sort of superpower Obama could use to righteously soak the rich and corporate, and mop up the floor with all those who want to see him fail?


My, but those two make a good looking team! I foresee a new running mate for
The OneTM three years hence. Sorry Uncle Joe, you may soon be back with your imaginary friends in that imaginary diner.

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I figure that by 2012 that the earwigs let into Joe Biden's head by the hair plugs will finally have filled his cranium and be falling out his mouth. Thereby making him the <i>indispensable</i> running mate for His O'liness.

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ObamaCare Protest in Raleigh
The audacity of the hopelessness of the rethug's amazes thy Shovel.
The gulag's are going to be full until the soylent green wing is completed.
Ask Joe to speed up the funding.

Will I ever get any rest now?


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Ivan Betinov wrote:Good to hear from you again, One Ping. Where you been?


We lost the code book (password). However, please remember comrades, the most important part of the undwasser force's mission is watching. I have been watching u all for Rodina!

Take the gun. Leave the connolis.

confirm distance to free band aids

one ping only

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spokesmen for the scourge of egous expandicous...

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I know that years of Rethuglican misrule has fried my prefrontal lobes but I cannot distinguish the lyrics in anything that is being song. It doesn't matter if it's in English or an Italian aria.

But then I never could learn a foreign language which I was expected to hear and understand. Read--just fine.


 
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