In 2007 the honor of New York's first-baby-of-the-year is being disputed between Odunayo Muhammed born of recent Nigerian immigrants, and Yuki Lin born of recent Chinese immigrants.

Minutes after their birth the babies are already doing the jobs that Americans won't take. That's because this generation of Americans is fleeing from making babies, as if childbearing equates with cancerous tumors or internal parasites. They believe that just like everything else in their lives, fetuses should be left to professionals.

Decades ago their parents had allowed to convince themselves that raising children should also be left to professionals. The resulting generation of professionally-raised Americans is now taking it a step further, believing that the very process of creating children should be left to professionals as well.

Since professionals notably don't marry or have children, this leaves nobody but pets, household appliances, and asserted domestic animals one finds in chicken coops and cattle corrals to marry if anyone marries at all. That, and also immigrants - who in lieu of qualified specialists had been raised by incompetent amateurs, also known as "parents."



Other notable areas of American lives delegated to professionals include mass media, academia, and trivial entertainment industries that leave no room for amateurish excuses for capitalism, individualism, free markets, and personal responsibility.

Many agree that everything we see in the papers, on the TV and movie screens, or hear in lecture halls, must be filtered, selected, and double-checked for compliance with the formula developed by expert gurus - lest the audiences go astray and develop such inept and unscientific notions as family, tradition, and self-reliance, which might lead them to absorb amateurish opinions offered by unprofessional bloggers or worse.

Such a system ensures the fastest and easiest track towards a brave progressive society where nobody needs, nor is allowed, to think unprofessionally. If you are not a specialist, you cannot have any thoughts unless they came from an approved professional TV network, where trained experts feed you an easy and acceptable diet of correct opinions, and are ready to help you make a correct life choice based on advice from the best professional elites ever to be approved for public consumption.

This becomes possible when Americans delegate their voting rights to professional voting organizations (e.g., Acorn) who employ the services of professional vagrants, unregistered aliens, and voting necro-proxies to make sure that elections are won only by correctly trained politicians who know what's good for the untrained masses.

While there still are amateur voters who prefer to cast their own ballots, their choices often depend on professionally prepared opinion polls, media campaigns, political consultants, public advocacy groups, and the New York Times - a newspaper whose expert staff of media professionals can only be matched by that of Pravda.

It is no coincidence that after a ridiculously amateurish Republican streak, the Capitol Hill is once again controlled by the Party of trained professionals.

If you haven't already guessed, last week's inauguration picture of Speaker Pelosi towering over a group of children was an expertly conceived subliminal message signaling the correct relationship between the Democratic Party's professional leadership and the little American people who need a strong but caring hand of a knowledgeable chaperone to guide them through their small, inept lives.


There is a big chance that the two baby New Yorkers, Odunayo Muhammed and Yuki Lin, will have no children of their own. They may never marry, vote, think, read books, make choices, nor have independent opinions.

Having been professionally raised by public school specialists, and having learned about life from all the correct channels, they are likely to delegate all difficult chores to professionals.Ideally, in the future all those chores will be performed by the best specialists one can ever imagine: robots.

Robots will vote, reproduce, think, decide on policies, make choices and take responsibility for them - so the masses won't have to. Robots may even write satirical articles with photoshopped images and post them on the Internet - and since professional education for the masses will be likely to exclude reading skills, those articles will also be read by robots.

The People's Cube wishes you a happy, progressive, highly specialized, and professional new year!

Are you sure that isn't a K-Tel Demco Impeachamatic Popeil Pocket Pelosibot?

It impeaches, bleaches, and screeches and if you order right now it will apply leeches to your income, all for only $19.99!

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Are you sure that isn't a K-Tel Demco Impeachamatic Popeil Pocket Pelosibot?

Like this?


It impeaches, bleaches, and screeches and if you order right now it will apply leeches to your income, all for only $19.99!

Collect them all!

Pelosibot traveling on a fuel-efficient patchouli oil-powered hybrid tricycle
-----------------------
These items are NOT CHILDREN'S PLAYTHINGS and do not comply with Toy Safety Legislation - for adult collectors only

The Pelosibot looks like it would fit in better in an old, black and white movie where robots destroy all of mankind and take over the earth.

But wait, if you order in the next fifteen minutes will throw in a Mime-in-izer ABSOLUTELY FREE! Tried of mimes infesting your satire site? One squirt of the Mime-in-izer's patented ionized Common Sense and your mime problem is gone!
But you must hurry now, operators are standing by!

My goodness, I really don't know what to say about this! I am just so overwhelmed with emotion right now, and I never expected the masses to make something in my image (I mean come on, look at me; I'm hot!). Oh my, there is a salty discharge flowing from my eyes!? This can't be good, Dr. Mercer told me that water could melt my face off! OH MY GOD! Quick, someone call an ambulance, my face is peeling off! Oh bloody hell, there goes my nose!

Holy S**t!!! Nancy is really Michael Jackson is disguise! So that's why she has been saying, "It's for the children". It was a cover just for him to get closer to little children! I don't know what to say....

<<Flirtbot will promise her all the things she longs to hear: "You look beatiful, I'll do the laundry, I'll wash the dishes, I'll take out the garbage." >>

And it speaks English, not like the other help!

That NOELLE™ is pretty hot - even though shes a lesbian. Does anyone have her number by any chance? I would really like to take her out on the town.

These items are NOT CHILDREN'S PLAYTHINGS and do not comply with Toy Safety Legislation - for adult collectors only.

Do you qualify as an "adult collector," Chairman? Show me your government-issued licence where it says "adult collector."

Of course I'm an "adult collector"! Its not like I'm going to take it upstairs, get it drunk and have my way with it or anything. Hell no, I'm going to put shrink-wrap on it and have it displayed in my office as a collectors piece. Here are my credentials. Oh, I will need you to buy me a couple bottles of Stoli too, ABC laws, you know how it is.

(LOL, I posted under the wrong username the first time, whoops!)

Ideally, in the future all those chores will be performed by the best specialists one can ever imagine: robots. Robots will vote, reproduce, think, decide on policies, make choices and take responsibility for them - so the masses won't have to. Robots may even write satirical articles with photoshopped images and post them on the Internet - and since professional education for the masses will be likely to exclude reading skills, those articles will also be read by robots.

There is no reason I see for robots do to things for us, I vote that we start robotizing all the masses right away. This way we all become true equals, same in knowledge, strength, power, and physical appearance. Just like robots, which are a true and wonderful picture of the perfect society when they destroy all the humans, and build their own. With all of us robotized, we will always work for the Common Good, and not feel a thing for oursevles.

The both approaches are equally valid. If Plan A doesn't work, activate Plan B.

Plan A: New Man

A quick-moving, hard-shelled, small monosexual creature with a dozen limbs and infra-red vision to operate in the absence of electrical lighting (to save non-renewable energy sources and prevent Global Warming). Has minimal needs; a hole for shelter and grass for nutrition. Runs on pure altruism and self-terminates on demand. Stands superior to the hedonistic, soft-bodied humans of today, who have been spoiled by bourgeois morals and are in a constant need of clothes, comfortable homes, and fresh food three times a day. The difference between the two species is what separates us from the just equitable society in which every citizen gives according to his ability and gets according to his needs.

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopi ... =42#NewMan

RedTheProgressiveHedgehog, we are already making robots without the expense of having them made in China. We are using the National Education Agency to do the work for us. With the NEA all is possible. Nothing is any one's fault. Thinking is discouraged. Right answers are ignored. Walking into the wall is all good fun.

But these are superior robots, who have bypassed the prole virtues of self-reliance and devotion to duty to go on to the higher virtues of whining, resentment, and self-obsession.

And they are self-replication! All hail the Education Bill! No child left behind! No brain untrammelled! No resentment unstoked!

Yes Commissar Theocritus, it is obvious that our education systems are doing quite well. I recently read on the peoples blog that Verizon hired an elite educated group to man their service lines. After these elites argued with a customer for a few hours, they checked on the computer and came to the conclusion that .002 dollars = .002 cents.
Now there are two problems with this: 1. they are elites, we all know that we need to be equal, so the current problem is that they posses knowledge that the masses do not. 2. They right away knew the right route to take when confronting their problem. They went to the computer, but this took brain power be able to operate the computer.
My proposal is simple, instead of just them having the knowledge of being able to figure out that .002 dollars = .002 cents, we should all have it. Now, since these elites need the computer to ensure that their minds are fully functional, it would only make sense that they should wired into the system right away, that way when everyone's mind is hooked up, then we all have the same amount of knowledge, no elites. The positive side effect of this will be that there is no more a personality to a unit. That means only thinking logically, which is for the Common Good, and also means no virtues, morals, or anything else that makes us humans evil. While we have our human bodies, there is always a chance that someone might disconnect and try to start thinking differently. The solution is to download our minds to the computer. But who will work on the outside? That is where the robots come in, because child labor is so cheap (which won't matter in when we are all robotized), it is cheaper to build a robotic body than to educate a human unit (that is no hooked up into the system0. Once we achieve this, there will be no need for education, because of whatever knowledge is gained from someone else, the whole gets it. The plus side to this is that we will all be the same, no thinking differently, the same size, shape, and color (red of course!). Since there is no personality, there are no human flaws. Doing it this way instead of just building robots for the next generation, will ensure that there are no freethinking radical humans to one day start a “counter-revolution” (shutters).
If you still do not see my point of view in this matter, then I suggest that we hire the successful bipartisan Iraq Study Group to come to a conclusion. Since we all agree that there can be no disagreement.

- Robotize the world

Let me, at the risk of angering some of the loyal comrades with attachments to religious observations, to suggest that the Catholic church may be made an ally in this. I am currently in a disagreement with one Fr. B. E., who is writing a book about pacifism in the early church. A learned and agreeable man, he is nonetheless inhibited by two things which we may, in our effort to roboticize the world, employ:

1. He sees the world as a dichotomy. He is right that Jesus is the son of God and I am wrong and I must accede, and snowballs have a greater chance in hell. I merely say that he can't prove he is nor can I prove he isn't and I am guided by Occam's razor. Forcing everything into yes or no and then making no unthinkable serves to cripple the mind more than anything else can. Boolean algebra, the basis of the robot. This is the most successful strategy for mind control devised, except the following

2. He also begs the question. He argues to prove a knowable god (we are agreed that there is one, only I maintain he is not knowable) from the stance of a god, whereas I insist that to prove that God is knowable he must argue to, not from, a knowable god. So let us enlist begging the question. It's had a very successful 2000-year run and that's only in the most recent incarnation. And you can't argue with success.

Commissar Theocritus, my apologies for not getting back with you sooner. I have been out of pocket for the cause, praising the Democrats for passing their socialist bills. It is true---you cannot argue with the success. Nevertheless, I still fear that as long as our minds are still made of carbon and water, there is still a chance that one day we get freethinking radicals. May I refer to the protestant movement that moved many people away from the Catholic Church? Reducing the mind to Boolean algebra, is this not the great way to ensure that there will be no more of this in the future?
Where the heck IS THE IRAQI STUDY GROUP!!!! (Can't argue with success).

Commissar Theocritus and progressive rodent,

Both of you should be ashamed of yourselves for dare mentioning the “church” and this silly misconception called "god". You damn well know we NEVER mention silly superstitions or the organizations that support them. That is, of course, unless the group/organization/commune made a generous donation to the Party - but that's a rare occurrence (we love you Rick Warren!). Masturbating is fine, debating is wrong! WE MUST ALL AGREE 100% OF THE TIME... or else.

I am the last person to disagree with the People's Hero Chairman Punchenko (for the last one to do so was made an unperson and my putsch seems to have failed so I must for the nonce be a lickspittle), but we do need, after all, people to disagree with us. They are called pariahs, and are designated useful scapegoats to whom we can direct the obloquy that people feel when they are made uncomfortable by the paradise on earth that we have installed, and of course for their benefit, and it doesn't matter a bit that we all have very nice dachas west of Moscow. Someone needs to clean them, and that's gainful employment for the proles. (I take the spring in Harvard square and winter at the Kennedy Kompound in Florida.)

So there must be an official group to despise to isolate the hatred pent up by Progress. (Read "Excepting Mrs. Pentherby" by Saki.) White straight males are no longer any fun, having been beaten into submission; even the meanest, er, most devout party member tires of kicking a supine body which after being kicked runs bleating to "sensitivity training" courses. [Will you goddamned breeders ever grow some balls and refuse?! Ich bin ein Heterosexual.]

I have just heard that only 30% of the people over 26 believe in gay marriage and that is proof of where the juciest target lies. I would not mind in the slightest going back into the closet for the incumbent rewards. My winters at the Kennedy Kompound have let me do post-doc work in hypocrisy.

All hail to Progress and my acquisition of a large collection of Lalique. Perhaps Direktor Irina would consider me then, the bait of the towels of many colors having fallen flat.

I agree, Commissar Theocritus - we must have useful nobodies to kick around AND to clean our sprawling golden palaces. Forgive me for my previous statement, and my insensitive scolding. I completely forgot that you are a leading member in the GLBT Commune and an active member of the Party who is rising through the ranks. Errhmm, progressive rodent, I'm expecting a BS explanation from you that is as good as Commissar Theocritus' splendid demonstration of spin, lies and complete utter hypocrisy. I want your explanation before noon tomorrow (no later though, I usually go back to sleep after 12:30 - I have progressive sleeping habits mind you).

We must all weed our garden of ideological purity from time to time. I do believe some rabid Soviet lawyer once said that.

By any chance was the rabid Soviet lawyer William Kunstler or Noam Chomsky? Howard Zinn? George McGovern? Well, I cannot imagine them actually saying that but I know that they endorse it with two fists, never hesitating to enjoy the benefits of liberty while doing all they can to do it in, knowing that someone gets to climb on the ashes and they might as well be the persons on top of the dung-heap.

So, after trashing the faggots and diesel dykes, let's employ those of letters and the press to spread the word.

Oops. Too late.

and diesel dykes,

Did somebody say diesel dyke? Well, just let me say I've got the new Hildo 2000 7.0 version coming out soon. We've revved it up from a 2 stroke to a 4 stroke for more ummph. This has also doubled the grinding power. Gone is the pull start, we now have an electronic push button ignition. Extra pleasure ribs have been added with an optional detachable French tickler. A catalytic converter has also been installed making this the most emission and environmental friendly version of the Hildo yet.
Trial runs at the Janet Reno test track have shown great improvement over the 6.0 version.
Also in 2007, with every purchase of the Hildo 2000 7.0 we're going to throw in a case of K-Y Brand Warming Gel.
Marriage certificate of couse is optional.

Hillary

Hillary, my many-titted Empress, you are my heroine. But do you think that K-Y Warming Gel is sufficient? I for would would recommend Atomic Balm, which was a preparation containing something I rubbed on the base of football players' spines while a trainer in 8th grade football. (And when I was too stupid to appreciate what I was supposed to do, not even taking innocent pleasure in an innocent job.) Atomic Balm would warm the entire body and last the length of a football game.

And for those long-lasting tete-a-snatch conversations which extend into another time change, what about axle grease? I'd recommend 40/60 Atomic Balm/Axle Grease for sessions lasting less than a congressional session and the obverse for those multi-session ones.

By the way, there is no such thing as a marriage certificate. The warranty registration will suffice. And how much more convenient could anything be? If you tire of a husband, say that he is no longer functioning as specified and ship him back. And you might get triple damages under the Deceptive Trade Practices Act.

Please note, however, that in the tradition of The Glorious Revolution, being able to send something back for not working as advertised will not work if it's the government which does not in fact work as advertised. The volk need to <i>understand</i> and <i>share the pain</i> (oops. Mixing metaphors. Well one line of bullshit is much like another, and they all stink on the inside.) and the volk merely need to be informed, with concentration, er, re-education camps and self-flagellation, er, consciousness-raising sessions that we, the leaders of the glorious revolution really need our dachas and our Zhigulis and those Faberge eggs which the evil capitalist swine Malcolm Forbes didn't take.

And how could we possibly be expected to give back the thousand years of Habsburg treasures?

Sorry to all again, this time bad weather (Bush's fault) has caused my capitalist Satellite internet connection to fail. I will be on and off due to the fact that the high-speed internet companies discriminate me by not offering high-speed access in rural areas, thus I become a victim to capitalist price gouging, and relying on the weather (as I said, Bush's fault).

Chairman M. S. Punchenko,
I especially apologize to you for not giving you your explanation by your deadline. Since of the reasons stated above, I ask to not be flogged in the public square. Chairman, the whole time I express my desire to not disagree with my comrades or superiors, that is why I was calling for the Iraqi Study Group that never came to give us their unbiased resolution on the subject.
As far as our discussion with using words as "god" and "church", we were using them as reference to religious propaganda to control the masses. The latest and most progressive religion as of late, which is Islam. The prophet Mohammad, after his death, is commanding an army of +1.5 billion and growing that are willing to give their lives for his cause. All these are just references and nothing more.
(by the way chairman, how is your ex-wife, the toaster (Helen is it not?) doing? Let me express my sympathy to you for such a nasty break up.)

Great Leader Hillary! The greatest progressive leader since Hitler, I am honored that you would embrace this discussion with your presence. Hillary, the only thing I ask is that you establish your throne quickly in the 2008 elections, so people like me in rural areas are not discriminated by big business ISPs that do not provide me with service as people in the city because they see not profit in it.
(by the way, is Bill looking forward to being in the White House again? Are both of you going to bring back all the "w" keys on the computers in the White House?) I look forward to voting for you soon.

I would ask for the party's patience with me over the next few days as this weather problem is reported to persist

Commissar Theocritus endorsed

I for would would recommend Atomic Balm, which was a preparation containing something I rubbed on the base of football players' spines while a trainer in 8th grade football.

Not a bad idea. Tiger Balm is a better choice though. I think we should toss in some Vagisil to the mixture also, just to keep it clean for multiple users. Sometimes when Maureen and Janet comes over, Janet will forget to bring hers and being the progressive people that we are, we share everything. This happened a few times, and lo & behold, we all got this nasty yeast infection. It was so bad we could have started a cottage cheese factory. Of couse Vagisil won't stop the infection, I had Dr. Fahemy Malik write us each a prescription for anti-biotics, but the Vagisil sure stops the Bush irritation. Maybe I should get an autoclave for the Hildo? What do you think?

RedtheProgressiveHedgehog wrote

(by the way, is Bill looking forward to being in the White House again? Are both of you going to bring back all the "w" keys on the computers in the White House?)

Sorry, the "w" keys, the stuff from Air Force One, the White House china and all those things were auctioned off on EBay for extra campaign cash. Every little bit helps.

My many-titted Empress, I think that you have found a source of funding for your 2008 campaign for Dear and Beloved Leader. Lay off the Vagasil and when the yeast infection comes, do not kill it but succor it, becoming a Petrie dish for the good of the People. In this way the infection may be harvested and, using modern methods of medicine fabrication involving banks of Macintosh computers connected in an Xgrid configuration, develop, first, a medicine which would cure AIDS, and use the proceeds to fund the 2008 campaign. It will give the added benefit of the wonderful frisson of hypocrisy of charging out the ass for it while descrying the Bush administration's cheapness in not providing more than $15 trillion of unfunded liability in geezers' drug subsidies.

Second, from this culture you could develop a fatal infection which would target people whose characters were not principally resentful and who did not think that the world owed them their lives and everything that they desired, and who did not have a desire to manage every single thing on earth. In short, the infection would be fatal to every person who was not offended when the sun rose in the east or earlier than they wanted it to on that particular day.

In this fashion your play time may be made very profitable.

a medicine which would cure AIDS,

You're confused Theocritus, that's what embryonic stem cells are for...AIDS, the common cold, baldness, flatulence, dropsy, leprosy, conservatism...all these things will be cured with embryonic stem cells. Besides, Janet's tapioca is pretty rank. You'd need a lab like in the "Andromeda Strain" to contain the stench.

But your second idea is pure genius! Of course, I must personally have the antidote before we begin targeting. I leave no room for error or chance. I harken back to WWI when the Krauts shelled the Brits with chlorine gas and the wind blew back on them before the gas mask was developed. Catch my drift? I know I'm probably immune to begin with but I'm not a high roller (except with cattle futures and real estate).

Hillary,
The Eternal Mother of Romulus and Remus.

My Spendiferous Many-Titted Empress-in-waiting Hillary,

I quite understand the confusion about the embryonic stem cells, but because there is a shortage of them, we have decided, in the labs beneath the basement of the Lubyanka, that what we have we shall use to make facial creams for Progressive members of the party. Our first efforts did not turn out as well as we had hoped; you thought that those were bumps on Barbara Mikulskiski's face but they were the shaven fingers and toes of fetuses which had started to grow on her skin.

However in an effort to improve the harvest of embryonic stem cells, we are developing a contact abortifacient which we shall apply to the voting machines in Republican primaries. This will have the dual purpose of aborting fetuses which might not grow up coveting anything that is not theirs and resenting the very orbit of electrons which they did not ordain, but also give gainful employment to Sierra Club people who will be positioned outside the polling places with #2 wash tubs.