In a hastily convened press conference this morning, renowned civil rights leaders Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson confessed to harboring racist attitudes themselves, something they were admittedly quick to fault in others. Both Sharpton and Jackson made brief, prepared statements before admitting themselves to the Rush Limbaugh Treatment Center in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.
Al Sharpton was the first to speak. “I always knew that anybody opposing Barack Obama for any reason was a racist. The only reason anybody spoke up at a town hall meeting to oppose health care reform was because Obama is black, period. Then it hit me."
"I realized that I had opposed George W Bush for eight straight years, and that he's white. That made me think maybe I've got problems, too," Sharpton said. "I looked in the mirror, and I didn't like what I saw staring back at me. I said, 'Al, you're nothing but a low down bigoted racist.' I called Brother Jesse here and told him, 'Jesse, we ain't nothing but frauds. We're just as wrong as everybody else we call racist.'"
Mr. Jackson attempted to lead his audience in his famous Keep Hope Alive chant, but was overcome with emotion and unable to continue.
Addressing his congregation later in the afternoon, Minister Farrakhan stated his theory that, "George W Bussshhhhh has kidnapped Brothers Sharpton and Jackson. He has teleported them to Room 19, yes, 19, in the government section of the Mother Wheel where his father, former CIA director George HW Bussshhhhh, and a team of Israeli scientists have exposed them to the AIDS virus. Now take the letter 'I' two times, because there are two Bussshhhhs, and the letter 'V' and put them together and you get the letter 'W'. That means that George HW Bussshhhh may be read as George HIV Bussshhhh! The Bussshhhhs then reteleported Brothers Sharpton and Jackson back to earth at 7:19pm which is 19:19 in 24 hour time. Now, '24' is a television show that features a white man who controls America.
Sharpton and Jackson were then seen 19 feet away from the Rush Limbaugh Treatment Center which proves, yes proves, that George W Bussshhhh means to wipe out the black race with the HIV virus, and steal all of the oil in Libya from Brother Khadafy."
"I will personally answer any and all prayers made on their behalf," Obama added.
NavigatorAny word on Jessie's earlier surgical threat to remove The Messiah's sexual organ?
Red RoosterEl Presidente, Nice to see you are back from your
Red RoosterIt is ever clear that something foul has gone amiss...
Commissar TheocritusThat was were I had my first, er, straight sex dream and it was with dear Janeane Gawdawfulo.
Commissar TheocritusRR, there isn't enough Jiffi-Lobo on earth for Baba Boxer. If I'd had the Jiffi-Lobo doctor give me a super-sized trepanation, scoop out three #3 scoops, and fill the hole with Everclear, it wouldn't be enough for Baba Boxer.
Quote:Perhaps I'll blow up Betinov's jar.
PerryApproaching the end of his presidency, George W. Bush worked with the Democrat-controlled Congress on a law giving a one-time $250,000 reparations payment to each black American descended from slaves. Democrats naturally supported it wholeheartedly, and Bush convinced barely enough Republicans so it would pass: "Just trust me." But even those Republicans couldn't stomach Bush's proud announcement that Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were invited to the signing ceremony.
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Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
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