In a hastily convened press conference this morning, renowned civil rights leaders Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson confessed to harboring racist attitudes themselves, something they were admittedly quick to fault in others. Both Sharpton and Jackson made brief, prepared statements before admitting themselves to the Rush Limbaugh Treatment Center in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.
Al Sharpton was the first to speak. “I always knew that anybody opposing Barack Obama for any reason was a racist. The only reason anybody spoke up at a town hall meeting to oppose health care reform was because Obama is black, period. Then it hit me."
"I realized that I had opposed George W Bush for eight straight years, and that he's white. That made me think maybe I've got problems, too," Sharpton said. "I looked in the mirror, and I didn't like what I saw staring back at me. I said, 'Al, you're nothing but a low down bigoted racist.' I called Brother Jesse here and told him, 'Jesse, we ain't nothing but frauds. We're just as wrong as everybody else we call racist.'"
Mr. Jackson attempted to lead his audience in his famous Keep Hope Alive chant, but was overcome with emotion and unable to continue.
Addressing his congregation later in the afternoon, Minister Farrakhan stated his theory that, "George W Bussshhhhh has kidnapped Brothers Sharpton and Jackson. He has teleported them to Room 19, yes, 19, in the government section of the Mother Wheel where his father, former CIA director George HW Bussshhhhh, and a team of Israeli scientists have exposed them to the AIDS virus. Now take the letter 'I' two times, because there are two Bussshhhhs, and the letter 'V' and put them together and you get the letter 'W'. That means that George HW Bussshhhh may be read as George HIV Bussshhhh! The Bussshhhhs then reteleported Brothers Sharpton and Jackson back to earth at 7:19pm which is 19:19 in 24 hour time. Now, '24' is a television show that features a white man who controls America.
Sharpton and Jackson were then seen 19 feet away from the Rush Limbaugh Treatment Center which proves, yes proves, that George W Bussshhhh means to wipe out the black race with the HIV virus, and steal all of the oil in Libya from Brother Khadafy."
"I will personally answer any and all prayers made on their behalf," Obama added.
It is so refreshing to see Lord Obama utilizing his community organizing skills on a global stage for such issues of symbolic importance. Had this been the previous administration El Presidente Bush would have let such an opportunity pass by, focusing on irrelevant issues like Iranian nukes, Afghan resistance, and cutting The People's taxes.
NavigatorAny word on Jessie's earlier surgical threat to remove The Messiah's sexual organ?
I have it from an inside source that upon the good Rev's attempt to conduct such a procedure he learned that the Dear Leader was already lacking them. It has yet to be determined when and where the previous removal occured, or whether our Dear Leader simply failed to attach any upon his creation of.........himself. Nonetheless, now that "Change" has arrived and passivity is now our foreign policy the need for any "nuts" will only be necessary at the occasional beer summit.
Red RoosterEl Presidente, Nice to see you are back from your
Awww, Yes. Thank You Comrade Red. After exposing my opposition to the Dear Leader's Health-Scare plan I was relocated to Camp-Obama for my re-education. You may have seen me, as I was one of the proud voices singing praise upon Lord Obama in a recently released video. MMMMM, MMMMM, MMMMMM Barack Hussain Obama!
Like that was cool man!
hai, this always amuses me... you know, when minorities attack. black...white...white...black...mexican...who cares. you all are inferior species to the super race of nihonjin. it's like watching akkachan fight in the dirt over a rice cake in the shadow of a laughing samurai. it means nothing. american high school math scores are only better than south africa where they use bundles of sticks as calculators and flat rocks as paper. nihonjin can make commador 64 small enough for any arab to fit in anus and control improvised explosive devise. and if it wasn't for two giant explosions over home land caused by capitalist evil, Well, you'd be working harder With a gun in your back For a bowl of rice a day Slave for soldiers Till you starve Then your head is skewered on a stake Now you can go where people are one Now you can go where they get things done. it would have been a holiday in...
anyways, i digress... where was i? ummm... osakegaoishidesu.
hai, shiteimasukane. america should keep this in mind, a small quote from slightly intelligent black man named walter williams. "today, white bigots are no longer respected by the white population, and i look forward to the day that black bigots are no longer respected by the black population". currently blacks and whites are not respected by any japanese, because we are better than you. hai, we've come to a concensus, discussion over. you will be deemed racists for any disagreeable comments regarding our superiority. either that or sharp end of katana.
Hai, is tokyo still in running for olympics? ...in spite of our close american ties and the black presidents failure?
LONG LIVE NIHONJIN MASTERRACE. BANZAI!!!!!!!!!!
I thought this was a heresy-free site.
Did both men consult with Mick Jagger for input? His progressive racive transgressive hit "Brown Sugar" is full of soul, or at least filet of sole.
Please forgive me. We are all the color of mud here at the Cube. And, yes, I'm afraid I was quite amused by that little girl on Airplane. I'll take myself straight to the Jiffi-Lobo immediately.
I suspect there's more to that Red Jungle Juice than meets the eye.
What!?! I am not bilind. Look into my eye, do I look blind to you? Oh wait, *sniff*sniff*.... yes, I smell that, it seems the Colonel has been spiking my Punch with vodka again. It is ever clear that something foul has gone amiss... hmmmm... I must report this indecency to Party Headquarters at once! Thank you comrade, Leninka.
Red RoosterIt is ever clear that something foul has gone amiss...
Or has something fowl gone amiss?
I wonder. Had I stayed there a whole month, would I have been fantasizing, or fantasising, about Baba Boxer?
"Touch me there, Senator! That feels sooooo good, Senator!"
Yes, Komeradka Lenya, something fowl indeed!
Sorry to arrive late Komrades. I'm always late to these discussions due to Imperialist Time difference to Down Under. Plus I've been swooning at our own dear leader's Krudd's achievements in convincing G20 leaders that he is immensely intelligent and likeable and able to save the world from carbon emissions.
Where was I? Oh yes. I was mislead by the very cunning title of Red's post. When it mentioned Sharpton and Jackson "own racism" I presumed it meant they actually own it, as in they have taken over the rights to the whole concept of racism as intellectual property.
Of course, this appealed to me since Komrades Sharpton, Jackson, Wright et al have always owned it by default, and it seemed fitting they would eventually claim it officially. After all, we are not officially racist until these oppressed minorities tell us we are.
But to find the real substance of Red's post was really quite disturbing. Surely these Komrades have been brainwashed as brother Farrakhan says. Unless there is some kind of political expedience to be had from their revelation. In which case that's okay.
I think the closing facial expression is correctly described as "crestfallen."
I am puzzled. Here we have two authentic People of the Sun (Yo! Toni!) confessing to owning racism. Viewed over the course of the year, the Sun shines equally on all people, yet I am a Person of the Boreal Sun (perhaps some of you are of the Austral Sun) and this has left me pale, bitter, gun-clutching, Wal*Mart-shopping, and racist to the point of not even knowing or practicing it.
Only through the piercing and tanning light of the Red Star of Marxism/Leninism/Multiculturalism will all become equally burnt to a crisp to be battered and basted for redistributive consumption.
Commissar TheocritusThat was were I had my first, er, straight sex dream and it was with dear Janeane Gawdawfulo.
Not sure Gawdawfulo constitutes a "straight sex" dream, Comrade.
I quite literally tried to leave Canada early but the hotels in Portland that appealed were full. Ought to have gone back to Seattle. And I'd have time to look up some other Cube members.
Tovarich, do be careful sunbathing in the light of Marxism. Sometimes it's delivered in ovens.
Commissar TheocritusRR, there isn't enough Jiffi-Lobo on earth for Baba Boxer. If I'd had the Jiffi-Lobo doctor give me a super-sized trepanation, scoop out three #3 scoops, and fill the hole with Everclear, it wouldn't be enough for Baba Boxer.
Theocritus, a GONG went off in my head when I read that!
I haven't heard that word since--since--well, I think I may have sipped some of that stuff when I was in the military. I don't remember it too clearly as it was so long ago--there must have been half as many rings around the tree trunk as there are today--but I do remember something about Everclear and MD 20/20, and the others remarking on how much more outgoing I was than usual, and this one guy's sexagenarian mother was there and everyone thought they'd have to behave and clean up their language, until she told dirty jokes about Santa Claus that even I can't repeat.
I do know I had some MD 20/20 (tasted like grape juice) but not sure about the Everclear; maybe they just talked about it. Or maybe the fact I'm foggy about it means I had it.
Theocritus, you said that word and it was like the Charles Bronson movie where the guy walks up to people and starts reciting some poem, and they snap into a trance, march off, and blow up stuff.
I may start doing that now. Perhaps I'll blow up Betinov's jar.
I'm planning on putting up Betinov's picture on the wall of every Jiffi-Lobo. We need Betinov's jar.
As for the Everclear, some kids in high school managed to get some of that. I did not partake--I was a goody-two-shoes then, and in college. It was only later, when I figured out what I wanted to do, and coincidentally had an AmEx card to make it a lot easier, and hugely safer, did I start to cut up now.
Have you considered that we have by definition never heard of the perfect crime?
I shall commence self-criticism immediately for my lexical failings.
Everclear is a key ingredient of electric Jello: just replace the water with Everclear. You'll be so juiced won't even need electricity, thus saving the planet and countless lives. And surely I need not note that grain alcohol comes from Gaia's
Quote:Perhaps I'll blow up Betinov's jar.
Oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy-oh...wait a minute. Blow up. Damn. There goes another fantasy.
Everclear was a key ingredient in one of our favorite grad school libations, named for the physical reaction inevitably accompanying the first few gulps: Hunch Punch.
1. Take one igloo cooler, preferably clean.
2. Pour in several fifths of assorted white liquors.
3. Slice a dozen navel oranges crosswise, drop into liquor mix
4. Add packets of any fruit flavored koolaid until it is very red.
5. Add sugar to taste.
6. Pour in at least two pints of Everclear.
7. Mix with a non-metalic stirring stick
8. Dip out with a pint solo cup, pour over ice. Drink. Repeat.
9. Crouch on Bill's coffee table across from Sims, chanting Scottish war ballads while playing with a skean dubh.
10. Explain the next day that you have a huge bandage made from paper towels and duct tape around your left hand because you now have a new blood brother. So does Sims (both bandage and brotherhood).
I much like the idea of a non-metallic stirring stick.
I sigh when I realize how much fun all you people had in college. Rice had a break every six weeks because it cut down on suicides. Of course that could mean that we were self-selected to be nuts...
Does it occur to anyone that "self-selected" may be the most accusatory phrase on earth?
First comrades discriminate against a red chicken, and then against a brain in a jar.
I will be notifying the ACLU immediately of these transgression and sending Comrade Beelzebob Brown a didgeridoo as a parting gift so that his tomes may be heard from down under.
The MadDog 20/20 Rooster
That's what makes His 0liness
When Jackson said he wanted to cut his nuts off, does that mean that he can cut off only 1.5 nuts? Or is one of His O'liness's nuts white and the other black? Meaning that if Jackson cuts off the wrong nut, i.e., the white one and only half the black nut, there will be problems.
But mi, there is a problem. White people are always guilty of everything. All the time. If you're not white and you have a bad hair day then Albert Einstein, who died in 1955, is guilty.
This is how the Legacy Media and MSNBC work.
Now pardon me while I lie on the floor and kick my heels against it and screech.
Because I'm a prog.
Oh. But that's the who point, isn't it?
Now, granted, she was from India, and her English was difficult to understand, and she didn't seem too concerned about my stomach, but she was ever so concerned about making sure I had an extra dose of radiation from a mammogram, and she must have told me at least three times "You need to come in to have your vulva examined." Yes "vulva." Those were her words. She was concerned about my "vulva." Never mind that she was not a gynecologist. Hey, she was jack of all trades. She knew everything from vulvas to nipples.
Oh, and the remedy I finally found for 12 years of indigestion, trips to the emergency rooms, and one doctor after another? It was live culture yogurt, which a banker (also from India) taught me how to make. After three months of eating it, I stopped wasting away and gained 25 pounds. It really was wonderful to eat a piece of bread, or a little bit of salad again.
But he loves math; I majored in it. Mom loved words. And so do I. Dad 83 had a full head of hair. I buzz mine to cover (cough cough) the male pattern baldness. Well, at least I don't have trouble making sense of the world.
If I do. But don't tell me if I don't. Success is not knowing when you're crazy.
Ask Ross Perot.
PerryApproaching the end of his presidency, George W. Bush worked with the Democrat-controlled Congress on a law giving a one-time $250,000 reparations payment to each black American descended from slaves. Democrats naturally supported it wholeheartedly, and Bush convinced barely enough Republicans so it would pass: "Just trust me." But even those Republicans couldn't stomach Bush's proud announcement that Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were invited to the signing ceremony.
So there was the trio in the Oval Office, surrounded by White House staff and the press. Jesse was calculating how many child support payments his share would cover, and Al was daydreaming of a hamburger run. Bush signed the bill and then asked the two, "Do you happen to have your checkbooks with you today?" Jesse and Al looked at Bush quizzically and simultaneously said, "What do you mean?"
Bush replied, "Well, I guess you never read the key amendment that Republicans put in. Reparations will be paid out after deducting the costs of welfare, housing projects and other federal social spending for black Americans, and after giving reparations to descendants of Union Army men who died in the Civil War. Rather than receive $250,000, the GAO calculates that each black American instead owes $39,165."
Jesse blurted out, "That's ridiculous! I was never on welfare. Why should I pay for something that never involved me?"
Al blew up, "Yeah, and why should money go to the descendants who were never hurt themselves?"
Bush looked up with a smile, his eyes twinkling. "Bingo!"
That's some joke.
I just heard on Faux News tonight that the Dems are attempting to minimalize and vilify Faux News by calling it an arm of the Republican Party. What must they think of the Cube? Before they are finished, they will be herding us into concentration camps-no, just kidding.
I rather like being plump. Beats emaciated any day. But even so, at my age, it seems like 200 calories can be enough to put on even more.
All this time I was sure that they were. After all, that's the only way that they make sense. Unless they're, uh, really race-baiting poverty pimps.
When attacking the evil repressive capitialist system Comrade Contessa confuses Comrade Jackson with Comrade Sharpton.
Comrade Contessa was arrested after the show, and is to be tried as a Hate Criminal. After her quick trial she will be sent to Race sensitivity camp, where she will wear a sign around her neck, and be forced to listen to speeches by Comrade Jeremiah Wright, Dear Leader's great uncle and mentor for a week about the evils of "white privilege".
The citizenry is encouraged to point and yell 'shame, shame, shame' at Contessa for her own good until she realizes that it is a crime to insult great leaders like Comrade Jackson.
If Comrade Contessa was working at the wicked FAUX NOISE she would have been shot on the spot, but because Comrade Contessa was on Obama State run media her punishment will be light.
Praise Great Leader Obama for being so merciful.
That comment is no doubt what caused Atwater's death, but J. C. Watts is still alive.
Red Star, where are your goons?