If you’ve ever suffered illness or injury, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, bankruptcy, unwanted pregnancy, foreclosure, repossession of your car and/or furniture/appliances . . .
If you’ve ever been ripped off, denied a promotion or an award or a contest prize . . .
If you ever, while going to school, received wedgies, noogies, wet willies, Native American burns, the dreaded Rear Admiral, or was pinned down while the campus jock shaved your head because he was bigoted against your special unique expression of individuality . . .
If you’ve ever been embarrassed in front of your friends and co-workers or, if you don’t have co-workers, then the other people standing in line with you . . .
If you’ve never been able to lose weight, program a VCR, remove the plastic wrapper from a fortune cookie while dining in a Chinese restaurant, or get laid . . .
If you’ve ever felt that life isn’t fair and you’re forever being totally screwed over . . .
Hell, if you’ve EVER suffered ANY kind of misfortune at ANYTIME of your life, from diaper rash in your infancy to bed sores in your old age . . .THEN IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF MITT ROMNEY!
Comrades, if Obama is the Lightworker (and he is), then Mitt Romney is the Destroyer, the Bringer of Misery, Misfortune, Misogyny, and Miscellaneous Mischance to all whose lives he’s ruined—and as it happens, he’s ruined everyone’s lives.
This is a dangerous, frightening, dreadful time to be a human being or a dog—because of Mitt Romney. He menaces civilization with destruction, desolation, devastation, and despair.
Worst of all, he doesn’t care.
That’s why we at The People’s Cube are inviting you—the beleaguered, the wretched, the deplorable, the wasted, the pitiful and pathetic—to share your stories with us.
Tell us below how Mitt Romney has made an utter shambles of your very existence—and your story may be picked up by the Obama Campaign or an Obama Super PAC. You could be selected to appear in a campaign video in which you will be the star of your own courageous story! You could be the toast of the news media! You may be invited to appear with Obama himself at campaign stops, or even to sit next to Mrs. Obama at his next State of the Union address! (Of course, that’s assuming you send in $3.00 to make sure his 2012 SOTU won’t be his last—because it’s up to you, you know!)
Write from your heart and gut, and don’t worry about little things like spelling, grammar, punctuation, or facts. Leaps and twists in logic and chronology are strongly encouraged—no matter what your misfortune, rest assured there IS a way—indeed, there is ALWAYS a way—to trace its roots back through the butterfly effect of Mitt Romney’s own very damnable existence.
Glory, fortune, joy and fame! Plus free gas for your car and your mortgage all paid for! So share your story today! FINE PRINT: All stories posted below will become the property of The People’s Cube, and as such, The People’s Cube reserves the right to edit or embellish the stories as it sees fit, and is entitled to any and all profits as may be made by the publication of these stories. By posting below, the poster agrees that his or her name and likeness may be used in any manner deemed appropriate or amusing by The People’s Cube for promotional and/or entertainment purposes respectively; and that the poster is forever barred from pursuing any legal action due to any perceived embarrassment, mental or physical anguish, social deprivation, financial hardship, or any kind of misfortune that may arise as a result of posting here—because all of that is Mitt Romney’s fault, not ours! Commissarka Pinkie is a regular contributor to The People’s Cube, and is renowned and admired by the masses for her dedication to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn’t busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys spending other people’s money, occupying other people’s property, beating proles with her shovel, and indulging her Obamaphilia with Obamabilia until she’s Obamabilious.
My dog saw the youtube videos of how Romney mistreats dogs, and ran away forever from me. This caused me a nervous breakdown. I have no health insurance, and couldn't afford a doctor. It kept getting worse till evil employer kicked me out of work for Romney's fault. I couldn't pay the rent anymore, and was evicted. Now I am homeless, jobless, mentally sick, my dog has left me long ago, and I have started comforting myself with illegal drugs. If only Romney left Obama alone, Obama would take good care of me...
You didn't build that Czar
When Romney illegally saved the 2002 Winter Olympics from the deserved annihilation that such spectacles of the (gag) competitive human spirit deserve, it ruined my life.
Inspired by the uncensored display, my daughter decided she wanted to be a useless figure skater rather than a contributing worker in the kollective. She hid my shovel until I bought her skates and lessons. Ever since, more and more of my government check goes to skating lessons, and less can be given back to the kommunity. The guilt is even worse than the financial hardship.
Sometimes the Vodka helps me forget, but how can one ever forgive such a heinous crime of capitalist influence on one's child?
My Dear Pinkie...I think you have had another first...Have you just experienced an HMO (Hate Mitt Orgasm)?
This didn't happen to me, but I know a guy in my town who used to be a GM dealership owner. He made contributions to the Republican Party (because he is a filthy, filthy capitalist) in his own name. When Dear Leader had to bail out GM (becasue they were filthy, filthy capitalists) to ensure the survival of the dues being paid to the UAW by the workers and make sure that the production of the Voltswagen did not falter, he righteously required GM to restructure their sales organization by eliminating a lot of dealerships who contributed to the Republican Party. He did this by drawing on his immense intellect to arrive at the conclusion that if you want to sell more cars, you need to have fewer dealerships. So this guy in my town who owned a GM dealership was shut down because he contributed to the Republican Party. And guess what...MITT ROMNEY IS A REPUBLICAN! Thus, it is Mitt Romney's fault that this guy is now peddling dented canned goods from a shopping cart, and all his former employees are out of a job.
I think Dear Leader missed his calling. NBC should bring back that old "Queen for a Day" show from the 50s and 60s, but renamed "Spleen for a Day," and have Obama host it. The contestants, all female and either near tears or already sobbing uncontrollably, would relate how Romney ruined their lives. The old "applause meter" would be repurposed as the "meanness meter," and the audience would be strictly limited to the MSM.
Mitt Romney didn't bring
me our collective a pony last Christmas Winter Solstice. And we had written a letter asking for one.
I do not understand why the party opposes Mitt. Is it because his father's identity as being born to Mormon missionaries in Mexico is probably a front for his father being a member of the SS and Mitt, being born in 1947, is likely a Boy From Brazil? We all wish he were the genetic offspring of Stalin instead, I know.
I find the elucidation of his e-coli scam, and his success in getting people to accept their cancer fate rather than greedily taking money from the state to be just the kind of overpopulation solutions we progressives are looking for. All hail the Goreacle (PBUH).
Is because we know that Mitt will not go far enough, fast enough, you know, like Dear Leader? Mitt is misunderstood on abortion. As Big Chief Fauxohantus Warren warns us, the Chinese are outproducing us. Mitt probably only opposes abortion so he can compete with China in the child slave labor market.
*Note to self; change current paradigm from "It's all George Bush's fault" to "It's all Mitt Romney's fault."
Gosh! Mitt Romney is a man after my own heart.
Doktor Eugenica Killemov
Mitt Romney will end the current student
Ponzi scheme student loan program to prevent more drones children from entering my precious alma mater CJU (Cracker Jack University, where all comrades have an equal opportunity to get a medical lick-on tattoo diploma, a Nobel Prize, or a plastic stasi whistle.) How will the party indoctrinate teach the next generation?
I was recently eating lunch, Tax in the Box, while watching the news when all of a sudden they interrupted their programming to show Mitt Romney delivering a speech on the stump at a local town hall meeting. Within 6-8 minutes of watching him speak I bit my tongue, causing severe discomfort and few vulgar expletives to leave my mouth. At that moment I knew immediately that I didn't bite that. Somebody else made that happen. That somebody? Willard "Mitt" Romney.
When you vote for Mitt Romney bad things will happen. Don't vote for Mitt Romney.If you vote for Romney, you throw things...
You didn't build that Czar
Opiate of the People
Mitt Romney was born March 12, 1947. Three years and three months later, South Korea invaded the peaceful North and China. Someone told Harry Reid these events are connected so it must be true.
I thought Bush destroyed my life. Or that's so yesterday. The current truth is that Romney destroyed my life. And Dear Leader fighting selflessly on my behalf against so many evil rethugliKKKans.
Laika the Space Dog
He wears "special undergarments". Are they Party™ approved "special undergarments"? I think not! And I bet these "special undergarments" doesn't have one single image of Che Guevara on them. Him and his so-called "jobs program". He's probably going to ship them overseas to a place like Guam and sink it. And if he doesn't, he'll send those baby killing Marines to finish the job to the so-called "jobs program".
He did not send me my free money!!! Now... Mrs. Blokhayev has to buy generic paper towels instead of Bounty!
Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Comrades, we all know that peace only comes through equality--and equality through government dependence! It is far too much of a burden on the populace to worry about things like healthcare...or jobs...or paychecks.
Foodstamps for the masses! Productivity is so...20th century. Therefore, support the only candidate who promises to transform an inequal society to one where no American will ever look upon another with envy again!
Mitt Romney pushed me down the stairs and my shoes fell off.
Mitt Romney turned me into a newt. But I got better.
Commodore Snoogie Woogums
It was the early seventies and I was in my parents garage indulging in my new found teenage hobby of playing guitar. I had been working on some new chords and lyrics to a song I had been making up for awhile and it was all starting to come together.
One day while playing In the garage, I notice a noise in the bushes. I went to look and as I approached a man ran out of the bushes and he was carrying a cassette recorder. I did not get a good look at his face but he had short hair and a tie on and since Mormon's were recently in the area looking for converts I just assumed it was one of them.
I went back to working on my song, and I started singing my opening again, "There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold And she's buying a stairway to heaven", thinking to myself that I should really record this and send it in to a record company after I had gotten the rest of the lyrics down. It was sounding GOOD.
About a week later I hear on the Radio my ORIGINAL SONG complete with the lovely chords and opening lyrics that I had made up!!!!!!! By some group called Led Zeppelin. I then thought that the guy in the bushes wasn't a Mormon after all but was a song thief from this rock group instead. Of course, I was incensed that I never got credit for composing and creating the very greatest rock song of all time. I tried to sue Led Zeppelin over the copyrights but I was laughed out of court and I now know why.
IT REALLY WAS A MORMON IN THOSE BUSHES THAT STOLE MY CHANCE AT ETERNAL FAME AND GLORY AFTER ALL AND HIS NAME IS MITT ROMNEY!!!!!!!!!!
How do I know this after all these years?
Who can't play quitar or sing a lick and would have to find some else to do it instead? MITT ROMNEY.
Who opened up a secret swiss bank account years ago to stuff in the song royalties and cover his tracks after he sold my song to this group? MITT ROMNEY
Who won't release his tax records showing all his ill gotten royalty gains? MITT ROMNEY
MITT ROMNEY IS A HORRID SONG THIEF AND HE RUINED MY LIFE. (and also my chances to score with almost every chick on the planet......BOY, I REALLY HATE THIS GUY)
Laika the Space Dog
Jimmy Plagiarizer would never do that!
"I notice a noise in the bushes"
Thanks Comrade, that's all the Party™ needs to know.
Commodore Snoogie Woogums
Comrade Snoogie, your logic is air tight. Indeed we shudder at the diabolical nature of Romney's crimes.
However, I feel that the much larger question for all fellow proles to ask themselves is- just how do the crimes of Mitt Romney make DEAR LEADER OBAMA feel?? While we waste time and party resources wallowing in self pity here, we forget that our Dear Leader is being inconvenienced almost daily lately by this evil Rethuglican devil Mitt *spit*. Now imagine, how does that make HIM feel?? And what can we do to help comfort HIM?
Komrade Turboski, we are NOT wasting time and Party resources here! Indeed, it's our stories of pain and suffering and oppression at the hands--nay, the far-reaching tentacles of Mitt Romney, that will comfort Obama by validating his own suffering, assuring him that he is not alone, and that unlike Romney, he is JUST LIKE US!
Furthermore, the more sad stories we can post here, the more assured Obama will feel that he has more supporters than Romney, and the more confident he'll be that he'll have another four years to bring the badly-needed change and transformation to America that is already working--but must have more time to continue to work. Spread the misery!
What could be more important than that, Turboski? You call this a waste of time and Party resources? How do you suggest we spend our time--should we go out looking for jobs that aren't there because Mitt Romney destroyed them all during his time at Bain Capital?
And as for resources, I'll have you know that this project is made possible by funds that were specifically allocated for this very purpose back in February 2009.
Now, Turboski, I strongly suggest that you share with us your story of how Mitt Romney has totally destroyed your life and forever ruined any chances or hopes you might have had but for Obama. Have you anything to contribute, Turboski?
Anything at all?
Gulag 4 Alfred
Romney says the thing he likes most about poor people is that crunchy sound they make when his Mercedes runs over them.
Shovel 4 U
You didn't build that Czar
I don’t say he’s a great man. Willy Loman never made a lot of money. His name was never in the paper… But he’s a human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him because of Mitt Romney. So attention must be paid. He’s not to be allowed to fall into his grave like an old dog. Attention, attention must be finally paid to such a person.
- Arthur Miller: Death of a Salesman Act I
You didn't build that Czar
Congratulations, Pinkie! Your post has been promoted to the Mother Page! You may proceed awarding yourself with the prestigious Beet of the Week prize and send your mother Yelling Yelena the bumper sticker saying "My daughter is the beet of the week at the People's Cube."
Because "you didn't built that" nonsense is for the proles. Commissars and Commissarkas get all the credit in the world according to their needs.
When Mitt Romney got within 500 miles of my village, the skies became dark, giant fiery holes opened in the ground that were spewing bats, and all the kittens and puppies died.
Don't vote for Romney! He will fire us from all of our jobs after sending them all to China and then take our money and put it in his giant Swiss Bank. He will give us all cancer and kill us by destroying health care. He will sneak into the bedrooms of women at night and steal their birth control. He will give us all dirty water and air so that our children will get sick and die of suffocation from asthma. He will round up all Latino-Americans and send them to Gitmo after he reopens it even though Obama closed it on day one and then again a year later. Unlike Obama, Romney will personally make a kill list and murder people in foreign countries without a fair trial. He will restart all of those wars that Obama ended, like in Afghanistan. Unlike Obama, Romney's family comes from polygamists and he believes in a funny religion, and, unlike Orthodox Jews and Zoroastrians, he wears funny magic underwear. Romney hates blacks and will take us back to the days of Jim Crow and lynchings. Worst of all, Romney isn't cool or likable. Obama can sing and dance like a real star. All the cool people in Hollywood support Obama, not Romney. Actors are the smartest people with real values, so I vote for whomever they tell me is the cool candidate. I know all of this is true because it comes from real news sources like MSNBC, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report. Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, and Ed Schultz are the most unbiased hard news reporters in the whole world. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert always tell the truth and show real interviews with the candidates, which is why I know that RethugliKKKans are evil and stupid, knuckle-dragging 20-percenters. Obama supports Occupy Wall Street, which are the greatest humans ever in the whole world, unlike those awful teabaggers who pollute everywhere they go, crap on police cars, commit multiple rapes while trying to cover them up, have murders occur at their rallies, and try to blow up bridges. Vote for Obama! He gives us free stuff, other people's money, social justice, hope, and change we can believe in. He doesn't make me think for myself, which is hard and hurts my head. Kenya dig it?!
Romney has given a bad name to tall, handsome, Caucasian men, of which I am one. That must be why my job interviews go bad.
Also, I used to drive my pick-up w/my pet dog in back. Now, Romney has made that bad, but it's probably okay for illegals to ride in the back of the pick-up & for them to drive w/out a license too.
Romney has also taken a bigger slice of the income pie, which must have come from my portion. The pie size is finite, unless the state creates it bigger.
Dear Commissarka, please allow a humble prole the chance to plead and grovel sufficiently before suffering at the hands of your dreaded swinging field shovel!
I wish to recall a better time, a happier time, when our dear Commissarka once even awarded this undeserving prole a coveted "Beet Of The Week" award, and an extra beet ration!
"Church Bells Ring to Raise Awareness of...Climate Change!"
Oh how that was the high point of a humble prole's life! In fact the glorious award is still displayed proudly at my place of capitalst enslavement where I toil 10 hours daily at the feet of the evil puppet masters Koch Brothers..
Yet see me now and feel pity, how low I have fallen now, accused and denounced for daring to question our dear Commissarka. But is there crime in trying to place Dear Leader's needs first, above the proletariat?
Once the 1,000 Hail Obamas and Jifi-lobo adjustments have been completed I shall attempt to make amends (if I survive). Yet how ironic, even this tale of woe is in fact caused by the evil rethuglican Mitt Romney! Life turns so quickly..
When Romney became president in 2008 he disguised himself as Hussein and acted out his real agenda. Thus the company I had worked for these many, many years went bankrupt and now I am jobless and was forced to head for the hills without health insurance, hungry and now that unemployment has run out I am penniless.
Romney, you are so terrible.
Mitt Romney contributed to the "Mission" of 2 young men who came to my door one evening, distracting me for some time with tales of a far-off planet. When I returned to my dinner it had gotten very cold. I cracked a tooth on my mashed potatos. It remains un-repaired as my dentist is requiring cash payment, which I am sure will arrive any day now as has been promised by Dear Leader Obama.
Mitt Romney, who caused this in the first place, has made no such promise- just so much drivel about "Jobs". How am I supposed to work with a cracked molar? The evil that is Mitt Romney must be stopped!
Comrades, This is my first post on the Peoples forum. It is Great that I have found other like minded loyal party members. Mitt Romney has a personal grudge against me. As I am a Government Contractor, he has promised to take away the money from our Glorious Navy of which I retired and bundle it on pallets to send to China. Hopefully Dear Leader (and Beloved Commander) will smite him in the fall election and bring back the "hopey, changy, thingy" that has allowed for the common good of all.
FORWARD...(because that darn hopey changy thingy just wasn't fooling the capitalist pigs)
Anyway, because of this my wife is worried and cannot sleep. She lies awake petting the cat. This in turn is making the cat bald. Since the cat is becoming bald, it will possibly Freeze to death this winter. So, if Mitt Romney is elected, in addition to the coming of Satan, he will have effectively killed my wifes cat.
Sister Massively Opiated
One of my very first long-term relationships was with a boy who, for reasons that are hard to explain but have to do with a picture of me when I was very little (and skating in the Great White North... a picture which our Glorious Peoples' Direktor, Red Square, for some reason once told me he loves... I think is was the little balaclava I was wearing)... nicknamed me Mittens... Now everyone and their dog, who can't bring themselves to refer to a presidential candidate calls Romney Mittens... It's very disturbing and has ruined a beautiful memory for me... I may sue... or would, if I didn't live in Kanadistan, where we can't sue people for pain and suffering. But I suffer, nonetheless...
That, and as a Mormon, his church has apparently converted a lot of my relatives, posthumously... although I have no idea how exactly they do that. It's all very confusing, especially as both our religions refer to non-members as 'Gentiles"...
Is that enough? I'm not even Amerikkkan...
Comrade Spanky McStupid
Welcome to the Peoples Cube!
Military Suckers, new and used, are most welcome here.
Don't worry about your wife's cat!
Because of Mitt's placing of his dog on the top of his car (to avoid the doggie vomiting, and placing the dog somewhere a dog loves to go) Mitt, if elected, will put your dear kitty right back in the bag!
Mitt will only let the proverbial cat outta the bag when he's elected. Capiche?
Edit: (I do hope this makes sense.)
I was just beginning to enjoy the thought of another 4 years of unemployment, which is great considering that joblessness would result in milk and honey straight from our Dear Leader, when this ROMNEY traitor came along and promised to create JOBS! I have been toiling night and day to prevent my young czars in the making from learning the words private enterprise and job, when this foolish person was on the television talking about them. Now my kids are wanting to know more about this jobs nonsense. I instead made them write a letter of thanks and gratitude to our Dear Leader.
It's not UNemployment! It's FUNemployment! (At least according to Nanski)
Oy, I agree, it brings back memories of Central Planning days and no bread or milk......we must squash this Mitt and keep him from playing folly with such a great dream.
Oh yeah, Comrades Brain in a Jar and obamarepublik,
Two years' unemployment was indeed a joyride! Definitely FUN!
I actually found a new use for the pumice I use for the callouses I have from wearing Birkenstocks! I use it now for callouses on my posterior and my brain, for lack of activity and actual thinking. Life is so much easier now! Although I have to admit, I have to hire someone to do this for me because I just can't seem to reach those places. Oh well. (Sigh)
I do recommend Rice and Almond Milk as a substitute for actual milk. It's better for you and will circumvent the actual need for Gubmint Milk rations.
That is, if you can get it.
Sugar Daddy Bear