A War Story For Our Time
A group of Democratic senators and congressmen visiting Iraq, together with a U.S. Marine, got captured by al-Qaeda and brought to a safe house north of Baghdad. The terrorists announce they will behead the captives, but promise to grant each of them a last wish.
|Chuck Schumer asks for the opportunity to appoint one final congressional committee to investigate this kidnapping and blame it on the Bush-Cheney-Halliburton oil-cabal.|
|Nancy Pelosi would like one last lift from her plastic surgeon, a TV camera to film her final address as Speaker, and a tuna sandwich for her last meal.|
|Ted Kennedy wants to see the American nation hail him as a great man like his brother John, in addition to a bottle of scotch, a large inground pool filled up, a hooker, and an Oldsmobile.|
|John Murtha asks for some pork to be wired to him so he can name a mosque after himself. Then he politely inquires if the terrorists are not with the FBI and if this kidnapping business is not another ABSCAM sting.|
|Harry Reid would like to pass one last piece of legislation that would outlaw the Republican Party. He also inquires whether any real estate ventures are possible during his internment, and whether his children can lobby for his release as long as they're well paid.|
|Diane Feinstein wants all firearms in Iraq to be declared illegal and confiscated by the government. She also demands a phone call to her husband to see if any portion of the Department of Defense budget has not yet been transferred to her private bank account.|
|Barak Obama requests direct negotiations with al-Qaeda leaders and invites them to take part in his invasion of Pakistan, for which he would pay them as soon as he gets the reparation business sorted out.|
|Hillary asks about the fundraising situation around Baghdad, whether the terrorists would like to contribute cash to her presidential campaign, or if she can at least get them in a focus group.|
|Finally, the al-Qaeda terrorists ask the Marine for his last request.|
"It's very simple," says the Marine. "I would like the biggest, toughest man here to kick me in the ass."
Everybody is perplexed. "Are you sure?"
|"Yes sir. Have that guy over there, the one praying, come over here and kick me in the ass as hard as he can."|
The Senators scoff and snicker, as this seems to confirm their notion of the average American soldier's stupidity.
The terrorist gets up from his prayer rug and kicks the Marine in the posterior so hard that he flies to the opposite wall, where he pulls out a 9mm submachine gun hidden under his coat, and shoots all the terrorists. Two pit bulls race into the room and lunge at his throat, but he pulls a knife from his boot and slices them to pieces.
The elected representatives are indignant. "What took you so long? Why did you let us suffer like that if you had the power to stop it from the very beginning?"
"The Rules of Engagement don't allow us to shoot unless we're under attack," the Marine says wearily. "These rules are made in Washington; I just follow them." Then he lifts a cell phone from one of the dead terrorists and calls in a rescue team.
The next day in the New York Times:
MARINE REFUSES TO DEFEND
Ivan BetinovNot only did he solve the situation with violence (which has been proven over and over again to not solve anything)
Blue BellFor the Sensitive Marine
Winston Churchill"We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I can say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim?
Quote:We are not really in Iraq just so Halliburton can pillage Iraqi oil, Blue Bell. We have a determined enemy who delights in torture, terror, and murder, and will not quit as long as one non-Muslim still has his head attached to his shoulders. Unlike Vietnam, we cannot leave and return home to our own business. These people will follow us. To lose in Iraq is to bring your neck and mine one step closer to the willing knives of al-Qaeda terrorists.
Blue BellSieg Heil
Blue BellSieg Heil
Blue BellThe plans to invade Iraq and create a New World Order/American Empire in the Middle East and save the American Dollar were on Bush’s agenda when he took office. That was before 9/11, which btw, conveniently gave Bush the excuse to invade Iraq and bring the “Axis of Evil” States (the term coined by David Frum) to their knees and keep them from selling “Cheap Oil”… the same with Chavez. It’s the Dollar versus the Euro. Spreading Democracy… the American way!! So far, Saudi Arabia is the only ME country that has agreed to sell “high dollar oil.” Cheney has flown back and forth to S.A. (how many times??) offering the Saudi Royal family money deals for their agreement to comply with selling oil at the higher dollar value.
Blue BellA Dictator is a Dictator is a Dictator in any language, and so is "Seig Heil" as a greeting, befitting any Dictator. You came up with "Red Square, People's Dictator."
Blue BellRed Square, Peoples Dictator wrote:
Blue BellSieg Heil
Quote:Dear Blue Bell,
Laika the Space DogWar sucks Blue Bell, but I weep for you. I weep because you prefer surrender when we haven't been beaten. I weep because you want to belittle the sacrifices made by our brave men and women in Iraq and sweep them under the rug of apathy and ignorance. I weep in anger because you want to make these sacrifices to look like they were made in vain and there's nothing more selfish than that belief.
Quote:"Let him who desires peace prepare for war."
The TsarevnaAdditional thought:
Sister Massively OpiatedDearest Comrade Tsarevna,
Laika the Space DogWhere in the Hell is Dr. Kurgman when you need a box of Kleenex?
Premier BettyWell most people thought we were headed into Desert Storm in M60's, not Abrams. The T-72 is probably equal to the m60, but nothing compared to the kick assieness of the M1A1.
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests
Rubiks & Rubik’s Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.
Harry Reid: "Sometimes I say the wong thing"
Elian Gonzalez wishes he had come to the U.S. on a bus from Central America like all the other kids
Obama visits US-Mexican border, calls for a two-state solution
"Hard Choices," a porno flick loosely based on Hillary Clinton's memoir and starring Hillary Hellfire as a drinking, whoring Secretary of State, wildly outsells the flabby, sagging original
Accusations of siding with the enemy leave Sgt. Bergdahl with only two options: pursue a doctorate at Berkley or become a Senator from Massachusetts
Jay Carney stuck in line behind Eric Shinseki to leave the White House; estimated wait time from 15 min to 6 weeks
100% of scientists agree that if man-made global warming were real, "the last people we'd want to help us is the Obama administration"
Jay Carney says he found out that Obama found out that he found out that Obama found out that he found out about the latest Obama administration scandal on the news
"Anarchy Now!" meeting turns into riot over points of order, bylaws, and whether or not 'kicking the #^@&*! ass' of the person trying to speak is or is not violence
Obama retaliates against Putin by prohibiting unionized federal employees from dating hot Russian girls online during work hours
Russian separatists in Ukraine riot over an offensive YouTube video showing the toppling of Lenin statues
Obamacare bolsters employment for professionals with skills to convert meth back into sudafed
Joe Biden to Russia: "We will bury you by turning more of Eastern Europe over to your control!"
In last-ditch effort to help Ukraine, Obama deploys Rev. Sharpton and Rev. Jackson's Rainbow Coalition to Crimea
Al Sharpton: "Not even Putin can withstand our signature chanting, 'racist, sexist, anti-gay, Russian army go away'!"
Mardi Gras in North Korea: "Throw me some food!"
Obama's foreign policy works: "War, invasion, and conquest are signs of weakness; we've got Putin right where we want him"
US offers military solution to Ukraine crisis: "We will only fight countries that have LGBT military"
Putin annexes Brighton Beach to protect ethnic Russians in Brooklyn, Obama appeals to UN and EU for help
The 1980s: "Mr. Obama, we're just calling to ask if you want our foreign policy back. The 1970s are right here with us, and they're wondering, too."
In a stunning act of defiance, Obama courageously unfriends Putin on Facebook
MSNBC: Obama secures alliance with Austro-Hungarian Empire against Russia’s aggression in Ukraine
Efforts to achieve moisture justice for California thwarted by unfair redistribution of snow in America
North Korean voters unanimous: "We are the 100%"
Leader of authoritarian gulag-site, The People's Cube, unanimously 're-elected' with 100% voter turnout
Super Bowl: Obama blames Fox News for Broncos' loss
Beverly Hills campaign heats up between Henry Waxman and Marianne Williamson over the widening income gap between millionaires and billionaires in their district
Biden to lower $10,000-a-plate Dinner For The Homeless to $5,000 so more homeless can attend
Kim becomes world leader, feeds uncle to dogs; Obama eats dogs, becomes world leader, America cries uncle
White House hires part-time schizophrenic Mandela sign interpreter to help sell Obamacare
Kim Jong Un executes own "crazy uncle" to keep him from ruining another family Christmas
OFA admits its advice for area activists to give Obamacare Talk at shooting ranges was a bad idea
President resolves Obamacare debacle with executive order declaring all Americans equally healthy
Obama to Iran: "If you like your nuclear program, you can keep your nuclear program"
Obama: "I'm not particularly ideological; I believe in a good pragmatic five-year plan"
Shocker: Obama had no knowledge he'd been reelected until he read about it in the local newspaper last week
NSA marks National Best Friend Day with official announcement: "Government is your best friend; we know you like no one else, we're always there, we're always willing to listen"
Al Qaeda cancels attack on USA citing launch of Obamacare as devastating enough
The President's latest talking point on Obamacare: "I didn't build that"
Carney: huge ObamaCare deductibles won't look as bad come hyperinflation
Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as offensive to most Americans
Poll: 83% of Americans favor cowboy diplomacy over rodeo clown diplomacy
Obama administration gets serious, threatens Syria with ObamaCare
Obama authorizes the use of Vice President Joe Biden's double-barrel shotgun to fire a couple of blasts at Syria
Sharpton: "British royals should have named baby 'Trayvon.' By choosing 'George' they sided with white Hispanic racist Zimmerman"
Nancy Pelosi extends abortion rights to the birds and the bees
Hubble discovers planetary drift to the left
Obama: 'If I had a daughter-in-law, she would look like Rachael Jeantel'
FISA court rubberstamps statement denying its portrayal as government's rubber stamp
Every time ObamaCare gets delayed, a Julia somewhere dies
GOP to Schumer: 'Force full implementation of ObamaCare before 2014 or Dems will never win another election'
Janet Napolitano: TSA findings reveal that since none of the hijackers were babies, elderly, or Tea Partiers, 9/11 was not an act of terrorism
News Flash: Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) can see Canada from South Dakota
Drudge Report reduces font to fit all White House scandals onto one page
Obama: the IRS is a constitutional right, just like the Second Amendment
Jay Carney to critics: 'Pinocchio never said anything inconsistent'
Obama: If I had a gay son, he'd look like Jason Collins
IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy
This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester
White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago
Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country
Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
I Own The World
It's Big Fur Hat
The Fine Report
The Looking Spoon
Sad Hill News
Looking at the Left
Red Planet Cartoons
Death By 1000 Papercuts