Our affiliate, Che-Mart superstore, was the first to learn the news from socialist networks: Saddam Hussein still believes he is president of Iraq, is obsessed with cleanliness, makes bad coffee, and loves Doritos, an ex-guard has revealed.
Anticipating a new fad among its progressive consumers, Che-Mart rushed the manufacturing of Tikritos, a new product modeled on capitalist Doritos. In the spirit of socialist competition, the fastest-growing producer of progressive products didn't spare any of its sweatshop laborers in bringing the new favorite socialist flavor to the masses.
It's cool, its progressive, it's rebellious!
Every crunch is a loud political statement!
Great for political protests and sleepovers!
(First! gotcha Betty)
I tried your Tikritos. While I enjoyed the non-offensive taste and lack of descript texture that is fitting of a "peoples' food," I do have a complaint. One of my Tikritos had newsprint on it (I applaud you for your recycling comrades), which adds intrigue for me. I thought it a special prize and set about determining the source. After some effort, looking at back copies of the Workers' Daily, English Pravda, The New York and Los Angeles Times, the Washington Post and the San Francisco Chronicle, I realized that this print did not come from a PEOPLES' NEWSSOURCE! Further investigation revealed the print came from the WALL STREET JOURNAL! Well, my insides dropped, I vomited, I drank cleanser and vomited again, but the horrid sting of capitalist avarice would not leave my psyche! What are you trying to do to us?
Regardless, I must assume this a mistake, for you would never lead us astray. A further question I have is regarding the immediate urge to submit to other people's will after eating Tikritos. My daughter (who is twelve) asked for the car keys, and I gave them to her while under the influence of Tikritos. Is there a "peoples' collective" chemical in them? I am not complaining, mind you, just asking!
Corrected as noted.
People's Editorial Board
Kommander KennethTikritos, Mmmmm....very yummy with large or small Kurd gassed cottage cheese.
(First! gotcha Betty)
Sadly, my bourgeois supermarket (Albertsons) refuses to stock "Tikritos."
Damn Capitalist Pigs! May their corporate offices burn hotter than Comrade Stalin's temper!
Pssstttt...Comrade. I have reason to believe that Al Gore is hoarding all of the Tikritos. Please forward this info to secret police so they could investigate for black marketeering. Black marketeers must go to gulag.
Your Loyal Party Stooge,
People's Republic of California
ebrahimplease send me pictur che ernesto gevara to E-mail addres firstname.lastname@example.org
like this one? I made it especially for you. Would you like me to put it on a T-shirt?
-- Red Square
Looking forward to revolution,