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Understanding The Holocaust: Ahmadinejad at Columbia

Groupthink

9/23/2007, 1:29 pm

NEW YORK - Columbia University president Lee Bollinger confirmed plans to go forward with a speech by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad aimed at helping the progressive academic community better to understand their role in the Global War on U.S. Imperialism. "We are preparing some hard-ball questions that would force Iran's President to tell us more about his rich experience in purging academia and creating a perfectly uniform intellectual climate of diversity," stated Bollinger. "We are so committed to intellectual diversity that we spare no effort to silence the hate-mongering vitriol by our right-wing critics - and few people know about that more than our honored guest," Bollinger said, adding that "only an anti-intellectual bigot would oppose a speech by a distinguished Islamic scholar whose metaphysical insights into holocausts illuminate the massive genocides of the 20th century for all of us."

	Lee Bollinger: "We believe in accommodating the views of anyone who wants to kill us just as strongly as we condemn the views of people who spend their money and blood keeping us safe. We are not hypocrites." "Let's not pretend Islamists are the only murderers. we have many gay friends right here in America who would kill for a ticket to a Cher concert!"
	Columbia student: "A world dominated by the United States is so, like, Eighties."
	Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei: "Kill a thousand people and have another virgin in paradise; kill ten thousand and you don't have to shave your body first and get razor burn." Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Good for Chavez, good for America! New York Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly: "If Columbia University wants to invite someone as crazy as Ahmadinejad, they should choose from the pool of genocidal Islamic maniacs who are already dead courtesy of Allied Forces."

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may already have all the right answers: he is known to espouse a set of beliefs that closely mirror those held by secular American progressives. Like them he thinks that any individual out of prison or a psychiatric hospital is in deep exile from benign authority and guidance. He shares American academia's conviction that Western society is intrinsically evil and needs to be extinguished. And, like many environmentalists, he believes that paradise on earth can be achieved through a total annihilation of human race. Until that becomes practicable, any drastic reduction of the world's population by conventional means will do, ultimately serving the Greater Good.

Bollinger:"Helping students to understand the hideous world as it is
and the glorious utopia it might be"

According to the draft copy of his Columbia speech The People's Cube obtained from a trusted source, Iranian President claims that the idea of genocide originates from Allah himself, who had created the Great Flood that killed off nearly the whole human race. "Allah had destroyed whole Creations innumerable times until he came up with one that popped," he says. "Obviously a world dominated by the United States is yet another evolutionary disaster and is subject to demolition. So when we want to nuke up we're only doing Allah's good work."

The famed Islamic mystic further asserts that, in final analysis, all major prestigious religions are based on wild maniacal murder. "Krishna advises Arjuna to go to war to kill and be killed, Jesus was publicly and lawfully executed, and Buddha had a powerful ruling taste for fresh and highly spiced tandoori chicken. Likewise, Mohammed slaughtered millions with his pious armies."

"Leaders of mankind who order sacred genocides even if they are atheists become immediately closer to God. Their slaughters at a whim imitate the hunger of our divine Creator to destroy and devour us all along with sundry life forms all over the universe. Even stepping on a cockroach embraces one's godhead; one joins the company of heaven itself at least for five minutes."

"If God is the ultimate executioner, human beings are masterly adepts at torture," Ahmadinejad is known to pronounce piously every time he kicks a cat, a dog, or a woman. His insatiable quest for mystical experience has taken him from the beheading of lizards as a child to the beheading of infidels later in life. He was never tried for these magic acts of liberation, as they are not a crime under Islamic law.

Confronting critics who often lampoon him as a failed genocidal maniac, Ahmadinejad complains that only lack of means made him less than a mass killer - but that will change as soon as Iran's nuclear program is completed. Previously, Ahmadinejad was only able to kill his wife, children, his local extended family down to his third cousins, and assorted neighbors, cows, horses, camels, and dogs before he was chosen by the Guardian Council of Magic Mullahs to be the country's next president.

Many forward-looking American academics feel Ahmadinejad's sterling work deserves some sort of a prestigious award. Opinions are divided between the Nobel Prize on the one hand - and the posthumous Bollinger Prize awarded immediately - on the other.

It has been speculated that the only reason why Ahmadinejad had never been awarded with the Pulitzer Prize is the fear that he would finish the ceremony by slaughtering the entire committee with a rusty butcher knife and stone ax - something he had already done to the committee that appointed him to the Ezra Pound Chair at Harvard exploring Deconstruction.

As a minimum precaution, NYPD has recommended that Ahmadinejad be separated from Columbia students by chicken wire, if not fastened to a metal chair for the entire duration of the Q&A session.

Iranian President's speech is expected to follow by an evening of introspective reflections on the ethics of rape, in which invited rapists will instruct students on the importance of respecting civil rights of rapists.

Columbia's hard-ball questions for Iranian leader are expected to include:

Challenging the legitimacy of falsified elections in Florida and Ohio
The Republican genocide of African Americans in New Orleans
The corporate glass ceiling that denies women access to the American boardrooms
The absence of free healthcare
Ending America's war for foreign oil
The primitive American mindset that views President Bush as some sort of 'supreme leader.'

Special reporting by Red Square and Buck Buncombe

AWOL Civilization

9/23/2007, 2:47 pm

Comrades, would it be possible for the Party to use the momentum of Mahmoud's visit to make him the new "rebel" poster-child of the Party? I think it's time to replace Che with this guy. Wait, wait, don't jump all over me. Hear me out.

The problem with Che is that he's so, well, twentieth century. Latin America--how passé can you get? It's old hat. After all, they're Christians! They go berserk with joy down there when the Pope visits. And when was the last time anybody from below the Rio Grande conducted a successful major attack against a Western target? Maybe the problem is that they're practically Western themselves.

The new wind blows from the east, comrades. Let's get started with Mahmoud t-shirts, bumper stickers, and other trinkets. What a great face he has. It's mafioso, Third World victim, and freedom-fighter all rolled into one. Oh, that chronically unshaven look, it's even better than Arafat's. And his skin is just the right color to cover all the bases.

If he gets too uppity, we'll dump him. But for now--we'd be fools not to take advantage of his appeal.

Don't worry, we'll reserve a special place for Che in the pantheon of great progressives.

Great Stalin's Ghost

9/23/2007, 3:06 pm

It is very thoughtful of that nice Mr. Bollinger to invite such an important genocidal maniac to his University in order to enhance the education of his students. There is one problem though. Mr. Ahmadinejad is only one psychotic madman and there are thousands of Columbia students who need to hear his message and perhaps study his valuable techniques.

I suggest that Mr. Bollinger invite some lesser known and smaller scale murderers and Jew haters to Columbia to offer seminars, which could be more intimate but just as informative to students who are in need of that point of view. OJ, while very well known, may have a lot of time on his hands soon. Tookie Williams, another celebrity and Hollywood darling, lately residing on death row, could indoctrinate students for hours with stories of being the favorite murderer of so many Hollywood celebrities.

There are others who are almost unknown to the general public but who could still help give students an education. Here are some current death row inmates:

In 1990, Elias Syriani stabbed his wife multiple times with a screw driver, while in the presence of their 10-year-old son.

Joe Elton Nixon kidnapped a woman and then burned her alive (hoping to kill her of course) so that she wouldn't be able to identify him.

Michael Ross confessed to the rape and murder of eight young girls in June 1986 and in 1987 he was sentenced to death in a Connecticut courtroom for his crimes. He has dropped all appeals and now wants to die.

Inbetween appeals for clemency, why not allow some of these diverse individuals to help prepare the next generation at Columbia for adulthood? There are hundreds of others on death row, and any progressive can see the need for these misunderstood individuals to contribute to the diversity of thought at our major universities.

Ahmadinajad is the first, but he should not be the last.

Premier Betty

9/23/2007, 3:21 pm

Hell, why don't they just invite the BTK Murderer to give a speech. I'm sure his actions would be thought progressive in eliminating the human race in order to create paradise here, while at the same time having fun.

Father Prog Theocritus

9/23/2007, 4:20 pm

And why not invite the Unabomber? That's a twofer. His cabin had no running water but did have a heavily marked copy of the Holy Writ of the New World Order of the First Church of Gaia, by its High Priest, the Most Exalted Al, Lord Gore.

Kommissar Vodkov

9/23/2007, 7:55 pm

Do I detect sarcasm? I thought Ahmadinejad had been approved by the Party. Have I missed something? I wouldn't want to make people dissappear just because I misunderstood party policy! Please, what is the official position on Ahmadinejad? What does our MTE or Comrade Gore say?

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/23/2007, 9:51 pm

AWOL Civilization

It's mafioso, Third World victim, and freedom-fighter all rolled into one. Oh, that chronically unshaven look, it's even better than Arafat's. And his skin is just the right color to cover all the bases.

Comrade, that's a sound idea. All these attributes are most appropriate, and in no way conflict with his amazing curriculum of "president-metaphysician-soldier-revisionisthistorian-holyman". Nevertheless, adopting Badmood Armedinajet would still require urgent tailor attention: it's not that his suits are worn and wrinkled (that adds to his rustic, Third-World freedom fighter look), the issue is that they are so off his size, and so disproportionate, that he resembles a walking sack of potatoes. From diplomacy experience I say: either we change that or give the fashion critics in our pockets the order to spread that look as the next progressive hype.

Marshal Pupovich

9/23/2007, 11:17 pm

What is the matter with you my comrades? Have you all been drinking too much of that cheap vodka? Not one, not one of you mentioned our very own Charilie Manson! Now that was a progressive murderer. One who didn't bother to get his own hands dirty, rather who got the proles under him to do such menial chores. And his plan was to start a revolution! Helter Skelter Comrades!

AWOL Civilization

9/23/2007, 11:20 pm

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

Comrade, that's a sound idea. All these attributes are most appropriate, and in no way conflict with his amazing curriculum of "president-metaphysician-soldier-revisionisthistorian-holyman". Nevertheless, adopting Badmood Armedinajet would still require urgent tailor attention: it's not that his suits are worn and wrinkled (that adds to his rustic, Third-World freedom fighter look), the issue is that they are so off his size, and so disproportionate, that he resembles a walking sack of potatoes. From diplomacy experience I say: either we change that or give the fashion critics in our pockets the order to spread that look as the next progressive hype.

Your point is well taken. I would opt for the latter choice; that is, "spread that look as the next progressive hype." If we add a bit of holyman spice to the freedom-fighter image, the potato-sack look might just be a winner. In addition to our fashion critics, let's get the word out to Hollywood to do a quick adaptation of the life of the young Mahmoud, showing of course how he was oppressed by the West (a flat Fatima wailing scene wouldn't hurt). We then follow his religious training. At this point in the story, in a fit of altruism, he sells what little he owns to support his studies and work for the exclusive good of the community. All he can afford is the potato-sack wardrobe.

So, could this comprehensive synthesis work? Or is it too much of a stretch? If it is, then send the little stooge to the tailor.

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/24/2007, 12:01 am

No stretch at all, comrade! I loved it. As a focus for inspiration, I will send to our Kino-Pravda section that old Baath Party truth-movie about Saddam's youth. I can almost see it: there will be Flat Fatimas galore, authoritarian metaphysical and moral puzzles solved with democratic beheadings... We can even hire an Iranian or Cuban puppet-director, make it chic and send it to Sundance. It will be a hit! (Let's just avoid hiring Spike Lee; he might accidentally smoke the movie tapes.)
Class-conscience tears roll from my eyes, comrade, as I picture the altruistic scene. I'm tailoring a potato-sack for myself this very week. About the fashion critics, don't you worry: anyone that could make our Che a fashion symbol can make potato-sacks become the rage.
I'll start saving my ration vouchers for popcorn right now.

Marshal Pupovich

9/24/2007, 12:51 am

I hate to sound like a cold rag again, but I just don't get the fascination for this Abujihadabubba. He is so yesterdays news, or at least he will be soon no doubt. For say what you will about the Bushitler, you have to give the imperialist military kudos since they would make short work of this Islamic wannabe. Nowhere do I see much about a really sharp dressed man, a man after our own heart, a man with a little bit of real muscle, both of the body and the military.... our own Chairman Putin!

Red Bubba

9/24/2007, 10:22 am

Once again, our Leader says it best:
http://drudgereport.com/laugh.mp3

Sea-Bass

9/24/2007, 11:05 am

Che Guevara's children visit Iran!!!

Che Children Live! Che Children Live! Maybe they can take dads place!!
His son does have that bitchin pony tail. Pony Tails for Peace!!

http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5gq- ... JME_MvRLXQ

Quote:

TEHRAN (AFP) — Two children of Marxist revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara are visiting Iran and are due to meet with top officials, the student ISNA news agency reported on Saturday.

Aleida, 47, and her brother, Camilo, 45, are to meet with Culture Minister Mohammad Hossein Safar Harandi, as well as with a deputy minister of foreign affairs and several lawmakers, the agency said.

The two children of the Argentine-born hero of the Cuban revolution started their trip by visiting the shrine of Iran's late revolutionary founder Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini just outside Tehran.

Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has moved to expand ties with the leftist governments that have won power in Latin America in recent years, finding common ground in a mutual distrust of the United States.

He has developed a particularly strong relationship with Venezuela's populist President Hugo Chavez, with each leader visiting the other's country.

Marshal Pupovich

9/24/2007, 11:09 am

Ah, it is good to see! The family that jihads together stays together! Oh, it must be nice to be famous for merely being the result of a lustful night with a tired icon who has not consumed oxygen for so long!

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/24/2007, 11:22 am

Commissar Pupovich

For say what you will about the Bushitler, you have to give the imperialist military kudos since they would make short work of this Islamic wannabe. Nowhere do I see much about a really sharp dressed man, a man after our own heart, a man with a little bit of real muscle, both of the body and the military.... our own Chairman Putin!

Chairman Putin is a fine option too, Commissar. Actually promoting one does not prevent the Prop Department from promoting the other. I only think that Armedinajet is more Che, and Chairman Putin would be a bit more of a Castro archetype. As we know, they work well together already. (But I admit you had me on the "real muscle" argument.)
Only one observation: the fact that they would make short work of that Islamic wannabe doesn't weigh much, Commissar. Actually, it's more of an urgent reason to promote him first hand! We know well that a fine dead martyr is no less valuable than a a living poster boy. Just look at Che himself; he's worth more gold dead than alive!

Komissar al-Blogunov

9/24/2007, 1:29 pm

AWOL Civilization

What a great face he has. It's mafioso, Third World victim, and freedom-fighter all rolled into one. Oh, that chronically unshaven look, it's even better than Arafat's. And his skin is just the right color to cover all the bases.

I think we need to enhance the military look. See how war protesting liberals absolutely swoon over Che in a beret, or Yasser in that spiffy British officer’s jacket, or Fidel in his battle fatigues! I would recommend Yasser’s jacket topped off with a chic turban and maybe blue jeans and flip flops (or bare feet) to finish out that third-world-see-how-America-has-left-me-impoverished-by-sucking-up-all-the-world’s-resources look.

Also, comrades, we have a potential PR problem to discuss that must not leave the Cube! Some less well reeducated liberals might realize that since Ahnukes’lldothejob is free to speak his mind in this country, then maybe we don’t really live under a fascist dictatorship after all. This is potentially devastating to our propaganda department. We need a conspiracy theory ASAP! The problem is to be careful not to portray this hero of progressivism as a Bush/Cheney lackey, but if that can't be avoided, he too can be sacrificed for the Greater Good™. Ideas?

Marshal Pupovich

9/24/2007, 1:48 pm

Good point, he would be worth much more dead than alive.

Marshal Pupovich

9/24/2007, 1:54 pm

Another excellent point. However, I would point out that while it could be outwardly misconstrued that he is free to speak his mind, I would also note that it is common knowledge that the same university did not give such opportunity (because of the pressure from the Bushilter no doubt) to the founder of The Minute Men nor allow the ROTC warmongers on campus. But even more to the point, I do believe we are covered quite nicely:

http://www.farsnews.com/English/newstex ... 8607010486

Due to similar incidents in the past, Iran has called on the UN member states to change the UN headquarters from New York to Geneva or a more convenient and impartial place."

Don't you agree with the wisdom of Iran for that last statement? We should do all that we can to help them achieve that most progressive idea!

filthywhitemaleheteropig

9/24/2007, 3:48 pm

Quote:

Bollinger said, adding that "only an anti-intellectual bigot would oppose a speech by a distinguished Islamic scholar whose metaphysical insights into holocausts illuminate the massive genocides of the 20th century for all of us."

I'm so glad he "illuminated" those massive genocides! I couldn't quite make them out anymore. They were getting faded and washed out. Maybe we should let Charlie Manson out of prison so Ahmadouchebag could give him some pointers.
Oh well, guess I'm just an anti-intellectual bigot. It would be awful if a big-foot truck full of red necks with nooses ran over Ahmadouchebag while it was full of Iranian oil and gas.

Red Bubba

9/24/2007, 3:56 pm

Excellent point. The UN should be relocated to a more progressive city, like maybe some village in outer Wazooistan. Mahmmy has correctly identified the guilty: "US hawks", a farsi word correctly translated as red-blooded patriotic Americans. Only dhimmis, after paying the tax, are entitled to their opinions. That is what freedom is all about. The Party could send Lee Bollinger as ambassador.

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/24/2007, 4:03 pm

Well, well... if only Awwhoneedsajob weren't such a holyman, I know of one or two night clubs in Ibiza that could provide the proper mood for UN meetings.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

9/24/2007, 7:48 pm

EVERYONE DENOUNCE COLUMBIA U. PRESIDENT LEE BOLLINGER! DENOUNCE HIM NOW! DENOUNCE HIM NOOOWWWWWW!

I DENOUNCE LEE BOLLINGER! This man… NO!... this “thing” had the audacity to slam the peaceful, noble, courageous and progressive puppet-president of the Islamic Republic of Iran. He – in all his intolerance and imperial warmongering – has single handedly embarrassed and defamed the gold gilded halls of academia. He has sloped to a low that goes beyond right-wing attack hits. He has embarrassed himself, the People and the Party with his derogatory slurs, his racist demeanor and his overall glow of intolerance. This “thing” is pure evil and a threat to progress, and I will be the first to ask for his FIRING - EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! Everyone at Columbia University should be ASHAMED for having this man call himself their “president” and they should all join me – arm in arm, hand in hand – in denouncing this “thing” and asking for his forced removal!

I AM OUTRAGED! I AM DISGUSTED! AND I WILL TURN THIS INTO A SOCIAL MOVEMENT FOR OBSCENE PERSONAL GAIN SO HELP ME STALIN!

Let all Party records be amended to highlight Lee Bollinger for the MONSTER that he is. Let he forever be known as an Enemy of the People and a stooge for the Bush Regime! Never again will he be embraced by the cold arms of the Party.THIS “THING” SHOULD BECOME A NON-PERSON AND A STAIN ON HISTORY THAT THE PARTY WILL RUB OUT FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE! How dare he! HOW DARE HE EMBARRASS THE PARTY! NO ONE EMBARRASES THE PARTY!

And that is all I have to say about that. Let my rant be stricken into the record for the Children™. I humbly yield the remaining minutes of my time.

Laika the Space Dog

9/24/2007, 8:06 pm

Quote:

Let my rant be stricken into the record for the Children™.

Stricken into? OK...we'll give it a shot, how shall we stricken into it Chairman?

<Off character>

Ahmindeedinsane's best comment today...and Commissar Theocritus would agree, was when asked about the treatment of homosexuals in Iran, he responded "In Iran we do not have homosexuals like in America".
No shit Stinky! It's because you've murdered most of them. Just admit it, you smelly little prick.
It was probably the closest thing to the truth he spoke all day.
Gawddamn goat f@#king, camel sucking SOB.

Comrad Bubalasky

9/24/2007, 8:13 pm

It is interesting, to say the least, after pondering on this article I was completly unaware the Buddha liked spiced tandoori chicken as I too like this delectable meal.

As for AKflemtasteslikedingleballs, he may be the chosen one. It appears that his ability to answer questions with his attachment to unreality will fit in perfect with our cause. Unlike the Hooved one (Hillary) Hakmyselfintoafrinzy seems calm with his presence unlike the cackeling hoofer.

To this Kamrades we salute 3 glasses of Vodka as will happen as expected we once again will rein!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

9/24/2007, 8:28 pm

Stricken... uhh... strucken... umm... struck? Is it struck?? Is strucken even a word!? Dammit! Just give me the damn chisel and I'll hammer it on the heads of the Children so that they will always remember the injustice committed today against a peace loving man! This Bollinger prick baited President Ahmadinejad the same way Chris Wallace (that imperial whore!) baited Hillary’s estranged husband! This is a right-wing attack of the worst kind and it would be in the best interest of this hateful country to issue a formal apology to the Iranian government! By the way… I’m still outraged.

<off>

My stomach really turned hearing those idiot kids applaud that sh*tbag. The future of Amerika, ladies and gentlemen! Columbia’s finest!

Marshal Pupovich

9/24/2007, 8:30 pm

Ah Chairman, far be it from the Pup to compete! Nay, in fact I am glad that I now know the answer to my question that I entered into the blog earlier!

Comrad Bubalasky

9/24/2007, 8:35 pm

Kamrade well done! I too concur we welcome the UN's move as they are a drain on our valuable resources besides they tend to have alot of baggage!

Commissar Pupovich

Comrade Blogunov

Also, comrades, we have a potential PR problem to discuss that must not leave the Cube! Some less well reeducated liberals might realize that since Ahnukes’lldothejob is free to speak his mind in this country, then maybe we don’t really live under a fascist dictatorship after all. This is potentially devastating to our propaganda department. We need a conspiracy theory ASAP! The problem is to be careful not to portray this hero of progressivism as a Bush/Cheney lackey, but if that can't be avoided, he too can be sacrificed for the Greater Good™. Ideas?

Another excellent point. However, I would point out that while it could be outwardly misconstrued that he is free to speak his mind, I would also note that it is common knowledge that the same university did not give such opportunity (because of the pressure from the Bushilter no doubt) to the founder of The Minute Men nor allow the ROTC warmongers on campus. But even more to the point, I do believe we are covered quite nicely:

http://www.farsnews.com/English/newstex ... 8607010486

"This is while the US administration, in a blatant violation of diplomatic norms, refrained from issuing an entry visa for Iran's ambassador to Geneva and chairman of the Group 15.

Alireza Moayyeri, who heads the Group 15 in Geneva, was due to present an annual report to a meeting of the foreign ministers of the group on the sidelines of the United Nations General Assembly meeting in New York next Friday.

International rules require the Untied States, as the host to the UN headquarters, to issue visa for other countries' envoys to the United Nations and to refrain from disrupting the operations of the world body.

Due to similar incidents in the past, Iran has called on the UN member states to change the UN headquarters from New York to Geneva or a more convenient and impartial place."

Don't you agree with the wisdom of Iran for that last statement? We should do all that we can to help them achieve that most progressive idea!

AbecedariusRex

9/24/2007, 8:55 pm

Comrades,
I counsel calm in the face of absurdity. Quaff some ju-jubes and drink a fine wine. Let your mind release slowly from your body and listen to my words.
Indeed, none here have yet been enlightened as to the Columbia affair with Achminejamminindenude. Indeed, the emperor of Iran recognizes, as all good progressives recognize, that there is no afterlife, no metaphysical this or metaphysical that. The only absolute truth is what we make it! The only joy we experience is what we seize today! The only glory we experience is the praise of jubilant millions shouting our names as we stand on the balcony overlooking the unwashed rabble. As this is taught even today in our universities by party agents it should be no surprise if this wamprat, His Protruberance Makemood Ahmouttamagourd, fits right in. All hail the progress of the party. Ignorance is knowledge, hatred is love, falsehood is truth. Now where are those ju-jubes?

Marshal Pupovich

9/24/2007, 9:34 pm

AbecedariusRex

Indeed, the emperor of Iran recognizes, as all good progressives recognize, that there is no afterlife, no metaphysical this or metaphysical that. The only absolute truth is what we make it!

Ah, I must point out that you need to look into this further. In fact, the sect that the Emperor of Iran belongs to have a belief that is little different than the Christians in that they too believe that a "period of tribulation" will bring forth the return of the 12th Imam, after which paradise on earth will come about. In fact, about the only difference is the name of the names of these fictional entities, and the fact that Aboojibobabob and his sect believe they can "speed up" the Imam's return by starting this great war and tribulations.

http://www.iranian.ws/cgi-bin/iran_news ... i/13/10945

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

9/24/2007, 9:41 pm

President Ahmydinnerjacket is well versed in Progressive logic, Comrade Rex. His reference that "freedom" exist in Iran takes me back to the times when the Soviet leadership would assure the world that there were indeed free and fair elections.... that is, so long as you vote for the Party candidate(s)... who were, by the way, the only candidates on the ballot (as it should be!). Luckily for us there are people who still think tyranny is in fact "freedom" <snicker><snort> ha ha! We are stilling fooling you!!!

But on a much darker and sinister note: am I and our MSM networks the only two denouncing Bollinger right now? I mean, the man dropped the ball and bashed a dear guest to this hateful, warmongering country that we are all forced to live in. Sure, he did invite President Ahmandickingjanet to talk... he gets points for undermining AmeriKKKa that way. But to call him names and to insult him??? No... he lost points... a lot of points. And I for one am not going to sit here and let him sully our good names! No! I'm going to sit here and personally write an apology to the government of Iran for this awful man's "introductory" before Madam Speaker or Harry Reid beats me to it. It must be done <dramatic pause> for the Children!

Comrad Bubalasky

9/24/2007, 9:56 pm

We must realize that midgets too have feelings, and we need not alienate the unfortunte AkidthinkipoopedmypantswiththenoseofUsama, for the quest of attaining the ultimate goal of complete domination of the uneducted, adulterate, neo-britney mush/minds.

filthywhitemaleheteropig

9/24/2007, 10:17 pm

Quote:

My stomach really turned hearing those idiot kids applaud that sh*tbag. The future of Amerika, ladies and gentlemen! Columbia’s finest!
Chairman, stop turning it over your stomachsaches! As any first year junior college freshmans can tell you, the united snakes is bad! My enlightened by the college professors ordained by the liberal government to lie to the youth of america daughter has told me the truth! She and her 60's hippie mother are leaving this cesspool of capitalism for a true workers paradise! They hate Amerikkka so much that they are moving to MEXICO! They are both living on welfare here, but the CCP (commie college professors) have convinced them that MEXICO must be better! The CCP has convinced them that it is a lie that people are leaving MEXICO because it is a piece of shit country, the peoples are coming here to bring us the wonderful lifestyles of MEXICO! So keep your head up comrade! With our porous border so wide open, soon Ahmadouchebag and all his degenerate camel boffing cousins will be living with us! Praise Billary in it's infinite wisdom!

Quote:

Marshal Pupovich

9/24/2007, 10:19 pm

He has his uses as I have pointed out, yet how can we square progressiveness with his denial of homosexuals in Iran?

Father Prog Theocritus

9/25/2007, 1:28 am

Comrades, while I of all people do appreciate all the fashionista aspect of Ahneedadingleberry, is it not perhaps time to MoveOn™ past the Che and Fidel tropes? I mean, all that khaki is just fine, if you're from a banana republic. But if you're from a sand-ridden theocracy where homecoming queen is a camel and "Come on Baby, Light My Fire" is an incitement to a union of a critical mass of enriched uranium, then you have a reason to have new standards.

Let's ask Bianca Jagger. She's dumber than a sackful of hammers, but then that's never been much of a problem, has it? She does that rumpled look pretty well, and I think that's that Ahmajerkoff really needs right now--a really deconstructed wardrobe.

And anyway, I have lots of old moldy linen I need to unload. I bet Benneton would cooperate.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

9/25/2007, 1:42 am

The homosexuals will just have to take one for their team... or is it our team? Hmm? Well, someone's team I suppose. You see, throwing them under Cher's tour bus for the Greater Good is just something we are going to have to accept and is why Commissar Theocritus has one solitary glitter-laced bullet standing by in the event we have to appease our masters in Tehran. He knows - as well as we do - that having the Freedom Fighters on our team will ensure the survival of the Party and ensure their cooperation in helping us tear down everything this country stands for. What it really boils down to is who is the most useful, and the Party has deemed the Freedom Fighters the most useful. Sorry, Theocritus... you know its all for the Children.

Father Prog Theocritus

9/25/2007, 1:50 am

Meow, you're only an honorary homo; later on I'll proclaim all Progressives Honorary Homos in a bull.

And Meow, I know it's all for the sake of the children but you forget I don't have any children, so it's all for me, for the child is the father of the man, nicht wahr?

And anyway, those glitter bullets are so, like, over. We're all into deconstructed masculinity now. Although the one time I was in a bar in Washington DC, the Eagle, with a leather room, I nearly was killed. You had to wear leather or denim, not common in DC in 1982, to get in there, and Richard Simmons would have been butch.

So I have a Calvin Klein bullet.

Laika the Space Dog

9/25/2007, 7:31 am

Theocritus, we always knew you were ab fab marvy, but we didn't know you were a phenomenon!

Women are such beautiful creatures also. That's why it's important to dress them in sackcloth from head to toe, keep them locked up, and kill them if they get raped.

The Under the Blue Sky video is no longer available, so I found one I think is one similar.
Nothing shows the mercy and compassion of Islam like a good execution:

Real execution :(( Stop The Gay Crime , Iran!! :((

Grigori 2011 Update

Red Bubba

9/25/2007, 10:19 am

Our useful idiots in the pop media have dutifully overlooked Amajibberjabberer's opening prayer for the coming of the 12th imam and all that goes with it, e.g. the destruction of Israel and the world-wide caliphate headquartered in Iraq.

"Oh, God, hasten the arrival of Imam al-Mahdi and grant him good health and victory and make us his followers and those to attest to his rightfulness."

RedtheProgressiveFox

9/25/2007, 1:12 pm

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

But on a much darker and sinister note: am I and our MSM networks the only two denouncing Bollinger right now? I mean, the man dropped the ball and bashed a dear guest to this hateful, warmongering country that we are all forced to live in. Sure, he did invite President Ahmandickingjanet to talk... he gets points for undermining AmeriKKKa that way. But to call him names and to insult him??? No... he lost points... a lot of points. And I for one am not going to sit here and let him sully our good names! No! I'm going to sit here and personally write an apology to the government of Iran for this awful man's "introductory" before Madam Speaker or Harry Reid beats me to it. It must be done for the Children!

Chairman, I think that Denouncing Bollinger is too generous! The man absolutely humiliated Ajedm-how-you-say-it.

Video Evidince of his crimes (if you can stomach it):

How about the audience?! They are just as guilty for actually clapping! and not booing him off the stage! Then later! Boohs for Adjmen-hadadah! This is an outrage! I think that the regular denounce, prison, and gulag will not cut it. We need to get a little mid-evil! Maybe all these non-persons would like to take a trip to the industrial park!

It is for the Revolution!

Commissarka Pinkie

9/25/2007, 3:33 pm

I would humbly propose The Party take out a full page ad in NYT condemning Bollinger and his hateful remarks except (a) no one knew exactly what he was going to say beforehand, and (b) dumb prole that I am, I can't think of an appropriate word/phrase that rhymes or makes a clever play on his name. Collinger, Dollinger, E-Ollinger . . .

Oh wait, I've got it! By Stalin, I've got it!

PRESIDENT BOLLINGER OR PRESIDENT BUSH?

Branish

9/25/2007, 6:10 pm

Pinkie

Marshal Pupovich

9/25/2007, 9:42 pm

Were you like me, waking up this morning hoping yesterday was all but a bad dream, only to have the crushing reality of what criminal B had done smack you right in the face like one of the Hillary's hooves?

Sea-Bass

9/25/2007, 11:10 pm

I think we should send Ahmahandjobdiddledod a letter inviting him to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco Sept 30. I feel that he could get a better understanding of the homo community and see first hand how important this progressive behavior is to the cause. I think the picture below should be redone with Ahmahersheyhighwayblahblah in the center of the table. I feel as though the downtrodden ethnic minority should be allowed to stay in the photo to make it truly progressive.

http://www.cnsnews.com/cns/photo/2007/0 ... omFull.jpg

Story about the picture
Homosexuals Mock 'Last Supper' With Sex-Toys Twist
http://www.cnsnews.com/ViewCulture.asp? ... 0925b.html

Marshal Pupovich

9/25/2007, 11:52 pm

Oh, how much more does this Commissar have to point out an important point? Progressivism is NOT Abujihadibubbadoodoo's cause. He may be useful to the cause through his attacks on the imperialist warmongering US, but he does not have the same forward looking vision of which we are the sole guardian. I have tried to point out that the Party need not award this idiot, we do not need to outwardly support him in any way, as there are still some undecided that we can lure into our use that would perhaps be otherwise revolted by our support. For instance, how many progressive gay men did that clown turn off the other day that we can make good use of? As a party, we can openly condemn this man, while at the same time cheering him on, and that doesn't cost us one ruble. He is quite happy to advance his own cowardly and insane cause on his own. No, we should just let him do what he likes to do, take advantage of his actions, and when he is no longer of use to us, make him an un-person. There is a silver lining of progressive opportunity from the events of yesterday now that I have sobered up and pondered this. For we can condemn both the criminal B and the nutcase from Iran at the same time, and come out winners on every side.

Now I am aware that my statements here could be construed as anti progressive and some of higher rank than this lowly Commissar might be tempted to cause the Pup "some discomfort" so to speak. But trust me, I have the Party's interests at heart at all times, and I would be remiss in my duties to fail to point some things out, even if it costs my family the price of a bullet. If that would advance the Party's cause, it is a price well worth paying.

(Pup scrambling through every nick and corner of this site to see what sort of incriminating evidence he can round up on everyone for self-defense... Dagnab it.... this is looking bad so far Pup....Where is that Get Out the Gulag card?)

Zampolit Blokhayev

9/26/2007, 7:13 am

What? No homosexuals in Iran? Uh... I have it on good authority from a U.S. Air Force officer who when to school with a whole lot of Iranians over here on student visas (this was the pre-Ayatolla Khomenei era) that 99% of all Iranian men are homosexual ... until they are allowed to marry. It seems pre-marital hetero sex will get you killed, however pre-marital gay sex was ignored back then. Since his college had a community shower, he said he always made it a point to schedule his shower during one of their prayer times. And even then he said he was careful NOT to drop the soap. He also had to use a squeegee to clean the hair they left behind on the shower floor before he took shower.

Comrades, I think that the discussion so far has failed to complement these fine young, brainless, student proles at Columbia Univ.! It is clear that they have excelled in absorbing the anti-AmeriKKKa, progressive, dogma that their "thought leaders" (professors) have force fed them. Truly, the ultimate "Zero-Thinking/Zero Tolerance" policy that The Party™ has seen in some time!

<off character>

I agree 110% with Meow!!! These butt-heads at Columbia Univ. are the brightest minds that the U.S.A. has to offer? They hate their own country. They warmly embrace a mass-murdering socio-path that THEY invited to come and speak, knowing full well his speech would be a bile filled screed about America. They are the country's future leaders? This country is FUCKED!!!

--

Marshal Pupovich

9/26/2007, 7:27 am

Zampolit Blokhayev

9/26/2007, 7:41 am

Commissar Pupovich

Comrade Zampolit, while I am not sure of the make up of the crowd in that hallway, did you not hear the way those thought criminals openly laughed at some of the statements the peace loving president of Iran made? Why, they even cheered criminal B's remarks. Clearly there is much work to be done still.

To be sure! There are some in that crowd that must be rounded up and sent to the nearest Karl Marx Treatment Center, ASAP! Independent thinking is counter-revolutionary and will NOT BE TOLERATED! We will make registered Democrats out of them even if it kills them!!! This will have the added benefit of ensuring our Many Tittied Empress' victory on '08. Yes! We will have the RethugliKKKans whining like Dan Rather come November 2008!!!

Criminal B will be PURGED I tell you!!! PURGED!!!

--

Red Bubba

9/26/2007, 9:39 am

Zampolit Blokhayev

I have it on good authority from a U.S. Air Force officer who when to school with a whole lot of Iranians over here on student visas (this was the pre-Ayatolla Khomenei era) that 99% of all Iranian men are homosexual ... --

Perhaps this explains why my billy goat smiles whenever he sees Ahmajihadistnut on the Party Organ ™ CNN.

Marshal Pupovich

9/26/2007, 10:27 am

Hmmmm, and I presume your tv is registered with the Party? Are you telling us you have a personal tv inside your hut? Or are you referring to the Collective's communal tv by which we issue directives?

Zampolit Blokhayev

9/26/2007, 11:28 am

Commissar Pupovich

Red Bubba

[Perhaps this explains why my billy goat smiles whenever he sees Ahmajihadistnut on the Party Organ ™ CNN.

Hmmmm, and I presume your tv is registered with the Party? Are you telling us you have a personal tv inside your hut? Or are you referring to the Collective's communal tv by which we issue directives?

At least he is watching a Party™ approved channel, CNN. Which is also one of the Democratic Party's P.R. departments. Unlike Faux News which is neither approved of by The Party™ nor a P.R. apparatus for the Democrats.

--

Commissarka Pinkie

9/26/2007, 3:11 pm

I can scarcely believe that it takes a simple dumb prole like me, with my simple shovel, to point out the obvious that everyone here is missing about Ahmajujifruit's remarks regarding homosexuals in Iran.

(Then again, was it not a little child in the fairy tale who pointed out to the grownups that the Emperor's thing was showing?)

You all wonder how Ahmagoogoo could have said something so baffling, when he was otherwise rapping out the DNC talking points with all the predictable precision of a James Carville doll whose string you pull. (Boy, that DNC script must be getting dog-eared by now from being passed around the Middle East.)

There are two perfectly good explanations for this anomaly:

1. The interpreter, like General Petraeus, is nothing but yet another shill for the Bush White House. Under pain of being sent to Gitmo, she was coached on what to say, whether Ahmaladadingdong actually said it or not. She purposely mistranslated the answer to students' questions about homosexuals in Iran to confuse everyone, in hopes of turning them against the honored guest and diverting their attention away from the war crimes of Bush and Cheney.

2. Remember all that fuss over the video of our Empress coming on stage somewhere, and everyone cheered her? Well, the right wing media keeps blathering about how that video was doctored by MTV, that the cheers were phony and edited in to cover up what the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy claims was really BOOING! UNTHINKABLE! They want stupid proles like me to believe that, yet they turn around and pull that exact same stunt on Ahmagonnabombyou and assume you're all dumb enough to fall for it!

Yes, the evil Bush Administration doctored Ahamawhozit's answer simply to agitate everyone and divert everyone's attention away from the Bush quagmire in Iraq, where 50,000,000,000,000 (as of 2 pm today EDT) innocent peace-loving, kite-flying people have already been brutally murdered by the Bush Armed Forces for nothing but a few barrels of Bush Oil!

And oh, by the way . . . I support the troops.

Sea-Bass

9/26/2007, 3:42 pm

Comrades,

All is well, take a look at this MSN headline

http://cgi.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-docu ... &GT1=10357

Clinton global Initiative!!! The rich white kid giving his Bar Mitzvah money to the poor African with dark skin who is sporting the one and only Che T-shirt. I have a tear in my eye Comrades. I hate my parents for making me a white male...I denounce my parents comrades for making me white and to top that off Male...how dare they place this ever increasing weight upon my shoulders...Lead me comrades, please tell me what I should do with myself, how can I become something else? The guilt is agonizing!!!

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/26/2007, 4:15 pm

Relax, comrade Sea-Bass... it could be worse. They could have made you a jew, too.

It's obvious that your race/gender condition are prone to making you a thought criminal about to betray yourself at any moment, but I think a few months with a shovel can lighten up your conscience -- provided of course you keep on feeling inferior and guilty to a minor and tolerable degree after the punishment. Just present yourself voluntarily as soon as possible.

Commissarka Pinkie

9/26/2007, 4:48 pm

Ah, the Clinton Global Initiative. Doing what the evil Bush Administration won't because they'd rather give tax cuts to the rich!

Laika the Space Dog

9/26/2007, 5:48 pm

Sea-Bass....the photo you have displayed from MSN......not photoshopped?
If not, the future Sun Person Commissar has disappeared along with his glorious Che T-Shirt. Future Chairman Alex is holding a plastic bottle of dihydrogen monoxide now instead of Hillary's thesis. Oh no...plastic bottle! He'll have to cough up some Bar Mitzvah carbon credit money for that. Doesn't he know plastic is made from <gasp> BIG OIL?
But I am worried comrades! What happened to our future commissar?

Marshal Pupovich

9/26/2007, 8:20 pm

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/26/2007, 9:29 pm

Commissar Pupovich

I must admit, I was somewhat surprised today when I spoke to my boss. He is the author of several gay books, and literally, a card carrying member of the ACLU and Amnesty International. Now otherwise I wouldn't be surprised by his denunciation of criminal B (even out of character I dare not mention his name), but given the comments about no gays and the hangings of gays, I was surprised at how upset he was that criminal B received the reception he did for as he said, you shouldn't treat a president of a country the way he did in an academic forum where we are to discuss ideas..... He also claimed that criminal B had been pressured by the White House... LOL

<off>
Man, don't even get me started on this whole commie academia business. I'll avoid EVER getting off character again, otherwise I'll never stop writing my bowels off and that would mean "no life" for me. Oh the stories I could tell..., from so many countries below the Rio Grande... you think this is creepy? Dammit, I ... hey I'm off character! Getting back <on> immediately!

... phew... had a terrible dream I was a christian-capitalist-metaphysician-bastard, comrade Pup... hope it never happens again. My head has never been the same since Balboa.

Ivan Betinov

9/26/2007, 9:55 pm

I say it is evidence of how well our campaigns of re-education and double-think have gone. Here we have a man who spouts obvious and blatant lies. Here we have a man who heads a government that has publicly executed its citizens for homosexuality. Here we have a man that testifies to the falsity of the Holocaust. Here we have a man who has repeatedly expressed a desire to wipe the nation of Israel off the map, because it is full of Jews.

And here we have a woman who loves him:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/9/23/83652/6735

My favorite quotes:

"I know I'm a Jewish lesbian and he'd probably have me killed. But still, the guy speaks some blunt truths about the Bush Administration that make me swoon..."

"I want to be very clear. There are certainly many things about Ahmadinejad that I abhor — locking up dissidents, executing of gay folks, denying the fact of the Holocaust, potentially adding another dangerous nuclear power to the world and, in general, stifling democracy. Even still, I can’t help but be turned on by his frank rhetoric calling out the horrors of the Bush Administration and, for that matter, generations of US foreign policy preceding. "

Comrades, we have successfully indoctrinated Sally Kohn to hate Bush and America so fiercely that she will embrace any psycopath who likewise hates Bush and America. We have convinced her that Bush is more evil than the man that, by her own pen has been "locking up dissidents, executing of gay folks, denying the fact of the Holocaust, potentially adding another dangerous nuclear power to the world and, in general, stifling democracy." She does not even realize that she IS a dissident by Iranian standards! Ah the delicious irony that if Bush truly were as evil as she belives, she would have been publicly hanged. As for ME, I personally swoon with joy at the knowledge that we have twisted her thoughts so thoroughly that she thinks she is rational.

Obviously our job is not done, as evidenced by the few boos and catcalls apparent during Ahneedafancylad's address at Colombia. I wish someone had the foresight to have aimed a camera at the crowd so we could identify the thought criminals who dared mock (no doubt Rethuglican plants), but we can continue to chip away at them with diversity programs, proper education and re-education, and mandatory sesitivity training sessions.

Marshal Pupovich

9/26/2007, 10:22 pm

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

... phew... had a terrible dream I was a christian-capitalist-metaphysician-bastard, comrade Pup... hope it never happens again. My head has never been the same since Balboa.

I think I can help, but I must warn you, the treatment can have side effects that you may not appreciate. On the other hand, you will be free of these dreams, even if you may find yourself under uh... the control of others...

Marshal Pupovich

9/26/2007, 10:22 pm

Verily Comrade Betinov, she is a keeper alright!

Comrade Hasan

9/27/2007, 2:26 am

Ahmadinejad: 'We don't have any barbers either."

************

Ahhh... but the so-called "Whirling Dervishes"! I have never seen them and have always wanted to! I feel they are, in large part responsible for the Iranian people's feelings of being Dizzy With Success TM. To be 'touched' by both Ahmadinejad AND the Muse of Terpsichore!!! Dolphins - Sister in particular - often wonder at human strivings but this picture captures it all! You are true artists of the ephemeral. I would applaud you if my fins reached together - as it is, I must be happy with swimming backwards, upside down, and slapping my head against the water... I may even borrow a few moves some cousin Spinners recently taught me, but my dance will be nothing compared to these brave twirlers!

Commissarka Pinkie

9/27/2007, 8:50 am

Ivan Betinov

"I know I'm a Jewish lesbian and he'd probably have me killed. But still, the guy speaks some blunt truths about the Bush Administration that make me swoon..."

"I want to be very clear. There are certainly many things about Ahmadinejad that I abhor — locking up dissidents, executing of gay folks, denying the fact of the Holocaust, potentially adding another dangerous nuclear power to the world and, in general, stifling democracy. Even still, I can’t help but be turned on by his frank rhetoric calling out the horrors of the Bush Administration and, for that matter, generations of US foreign policy preceding. "

<sigh> Why can't my son ever bring home a nice girl like this?

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/27/2007, 10:08 am

Our Education Department must be so proud... here we have a human being that has lost ALL SENSE OF PROPORTION! Let's see:
"You know, it's... like... I know he would like me and other innocents shoved in a burqa, stoned and hanged, starting from the age of 9, but, wow, man... he makes such a carrot cake..."

<gasp>, argh, WTF IS THIS!!!

Comrade Pup, I think I'll line up for the treatment you suggested. Guess I just had another seizure.

Commissarka Pinkie

9/27/2007, 12:41 pm

But Daddy, I love him! He's everything I've ever dreamed of! He hates Bush! And as for hanging homosexuals and making me wear a burqa, no problem! Not to worry, Daddy! I can always change him!

Oh, I would get down on my knees, and oh, the things I would do to Ahmadreamboat, the same things that Newsweek lady wanted to do to Bill for supporting abortion rights; oh, I would do all that and more for Ahmaloadabull . . . because he hates Bush!

Oooh, ahh, just thinking of how he hates Bush! Oh my yes, right there, right there, he hates Bush, hates Bush! Yes! YES! OHHAAHHH!

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/27/2007, 12:58 pm

Damn... that turned me on.
Am I sick?

Party psychiatrists? Please?

Commissarka Pinkie

9/27/2007, 1:52 pm

Nyet, Comrade Drago! You just passed the test and proved yourself to be a perfectly healthy, strapping Progressive with all the normal appetites for despising, for abhoring, for loathing, for hating the evil bloodthirsty Bush!

You are high on what the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy calls "Bush Derangement Syndrome" or BDS. The fools! They know not the incredible ecstasy to be derived merely from thinking of what a lying scumbag he is.

Sex? Who needs sex? Tired of being interrupted by your fellow proles banging on the communal outhouse door and telling you to hurry up in there? No more! Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, just close your eyes, think of how much you hate Bush . . . and know true rapture.

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/27/2007, 2:43 pm

Marshal Pupovich

9/27/2007, 8:22 pm

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

Damn... that turned me on.
Am I sick? Party psychiatrists? Please?

As Commissar of Eco Prostitution and Mental Health, you have come to the right place. And just what can Dr. Pup do for such a fine comrade as yourself? Treatment is relatively painless and inexpensive, depending on your definitions of this of course. But as someone who has been in the ring against the imperialist war monger Balboa and came out victorious time and time again, it should be but a romp in the sack so to speak.

Commissarka Pinkie

9/27/2007, 9:40 pm

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

Hey... it works!... err.. or so I've heard.

Pinkie, that's a great discovery y-.. The Party made. Besides, it's much more progressive than battery-wasting, eco-unfrendly capitalistic appliances. And generates no kids!

Da, Comrade Drago, and I found out another name for this phenomenon while standing in one of the People's lines today. While the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy revile it as BDS, the People cherish it as HBO, or Hate Bush O-----well, it's a pretty big O, so I trust you can figure out the rest. Pinkie's still a bit shy and isn't sure how far she can go here, and prefers to live by the rule, "Don't post anything you wouldn't want your mother or local commissar to see."

Indeed, how often have you heard people say, "Do you have HBO? I have HBO." Ever notice how no one buys or signs up for anything without first asking, "Does it come with HBO?" We all want it, and now you know why!

Those dumb right-wingers! They think everyone's talking about some cable channel that airs a lot of two-star movies ad nauseam and shows extra skin!

You may have already noticed that HBO can have some side effects. The most common of these is foaming around the mouth. If you find yourself wanting to unhook yourself from HBO, of course you should notify Commissar Pupovich immediately.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

9/27/2007, 9:55 pm

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.... I know I just didn't see Party Diplomat Drago take a cheap shot against Appliance-Americans. Oh no, someone tell me he didn't call them "eco-unfriendly capitalistic appliances". Someone tell me he didn't just say that... because I swear to Stalin I will make some pretty nasty marks in his State Work Records. Oh yes! You bet your ass I will make some nasty marks! <pulls out red pen> Here it is, Comrades. The one thing that separates you from me... this pen... this sacred, holy and all powerful pen that can get you, your family and whatever else you love SHIPPED to a frozen Hell!

I - AND THE MILLIONS OF REGISTERED APPLIANCE-AMERICANS WHO SUFFER AND TOIL DAILY UNDER PETTY CAPITALISM- AWAIT A FULL, DRAMATIC AND GROVELING APOLOGY FROM YOU, PARTY DIPLOMAT DRAGO! GIVE ME A GOOD DON IMUS APOLOGY, DRAGO... MAKE IT OSCAR WORTHY!

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/28/2007, 12:09 am

<DRAMATIC, GROVELING, OSCAR-WORTHY APOLOGY>

BY STALIN, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

----------------

On behalf of my collective self, the local Diplomacy and External Affairs Bureau issues this formal apology to all Appliance-Americans who no doubt have felt deeply hurt by my recently posted ravings. Please allow me a brief moment to expose my claims.
----
Dear fellow Appliance-Americans,

After extracting valuable information from prole Pinkie about Americans who have erotic affection for thoughts of Bush-hating, I investigated the fact and discovered a huge group in our society that opted for this form of progressive love, and no doubt felt repressed by petty kkkonservatives, who didn't respect them, as they do not everything else. After classifying this new progressive group of single, love-independent Americans as HBO-Americans, I tried improvising an emergency speech of empowerment.

I didn't mean to offend a single battery of your appliances, fellow progressive Americans. Since you know what it is to be targets of petty prejudice, please understand how HBO-Americans must have been feeling until recently, without the protective support of Party officials, and please take into consideration the improvised compliments I made to the love choice of others that up to this very moment suffered what you did suffer.

I really never meant anything negative about the usage your beloved Appliances make of batteries. Whatever negative I had in mind actually related to the cold fact that you have to pay for them, something which our Party finds preposterous, and has been trying to solve since the glorious day in which it was founded. (How monstrous! To have to pay for the right to love!!!) In a better society, you'd not be treated this way. And it was in this same sense that I called them "capitalistic"! Comrades!... in no way have I meant the appliances themselves, but the accidental evil profit that capitalist exploiters and oppressors grant themselves by selling them batteries!!! The fact that you have to give dollars to capitalists for the right to love is not your fault, it is not your appliances' fault, and please, comrades, don't think it is mine. We all know whose it is. My mistake was to have confused the evil that giving dollars to capitalists perpetrates with the innocent appliances they sell batteries for.

The fact that again I tried to give an improvised flash of comparative happiness to HBO-Americans by saying that appliances were eco-unfriendly, please take it as proof of my technological anachronism of twenty years on ice. I thought I had then just stated a sad but common-knowledge fact. But after research, I know that now much has changed. The material used in your appliances is recyclable and, often, recycled. They are now eco-friendly to their very progressive, Energizer-harbouring cores. I was ignorant, but now I saw the light.

Additionally, please consider my previous record of momentary flashes of synaptical instability, which lies on the desk of Commissar Pupovich. He can testify to the medicaments I have been taking and the improvements they have caused. The fact that Ludmilla Drago left me (as well as capitalist pig Balboa) for an appliance had probably taken over my subconscious mind as I improvised.

People!... Countrymen!... Progressive Americans!!! Please allow an old battered warrior of the People back to your embrace, and that of your appliances! Please allow this troubled but good-willed man your forgiveness. Please understand a cumbersome ad-lib from someone who had just discovered more Americans as oppressed as you, and wanted to ease their minds. What I did, I did for them, as I once did for you, and as I do everyday for The Children!, with each autograph I humbly sign with my battered hands.

<tears rolling from eyes>

I thank you for your understanding.

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/28/2007, 12:21 am

Please, stay away from the pen! No! NOT THE PEN!!!

phew...

RedtheProgressiveFox

9/28/2007, 12:26 am

Which reminds me Chairman, I have not heard anything about Helen as of late. Do we know where she is?

Red Square

9/28/2007, 1:05 am

The KGB file on "Meowism" has a record of comrade toaster Helen<3, former life-partner of Chairman Punchenko, sleeping with the microwaves at the bottom of the Potomac river. Replaced with Comrade Hoover vacuum cleaner who is currently fulfilling Chairman's erotic needs.

As we know, some of our more savvy comrades have more equal erotic needs than others, whereby internal Hate-Bush-Orgasm (HBO) cannot be induced without an external appliance. Please make a record of it.

RedtheProgressiveFox

9/28/2007, 2:14 am

Noted. Ah, the good ol' party, never lose track of anyone or anything, execpt for untold millions and billions of tax dollars.

Marshal Pupovich

9/28/2007, 7:39 am

Chairman Meow, while we are coming clean, I would like to confess my failure to have notified you in triplicate and immediately correcting Party Diplomat Drago before you had to be exposed to such a comment about Appliance Americans. As an Appliance American myself, I should have responded much more forcefully to try and mitigate any disturbance to your peace. I bow to the justice and power of your Red Pen. My only real excuse is that I knew Party Diplomat Drago was suffering from mental stress for which he is being treated, and the fact that Bush lied.

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/28/2007, 9:53 am

<trembling desperately>
Yes!, yes! Bush lied! Bush lied!

Commissarka Pinkie

9/28/2007, 10:18 am

By Lenin, Comrade Drago, I think you've got it! I do believe you've got it! Soon we'll be able to take you to the Kremlin ball, where we'll pass you off as a Member of the Party! I feel like Professor Higgins to your Eliza Doolittle; I feel a pulsing, throbbing flamenco-style beat coming on as I hear you chant:

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

Bush lied! Bush lied!

And what happened when that wretch lied?

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago

9/28/2007, 10:32 am

<singing, flamenco style>

"People diiied!,
People diiiiiiiied!!!"

... I think I´m closer to a cure! By Moussorgsky´s beard, Pinkie, you´re my Higgins!!!

Marshal Pupovich

9/28/2007, 10:39 am

Pinkie

I feel a pulsing, throbbing flamenco-style beat coming on as I hear you chant:

Bush lied! Bush lied!

Oh my Lenin... now I am getting excited. Where is my party approved appliance? Oh, here it is.... Ah, I feel the warmth of Party Purity course through me as the drumbeat of progressiveness pounds into my core.... My picture of the Many Titted Empress seems to be watching me as I imagine... as I.... oh! oh! Great Stalin in the Kremlin....

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The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

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