

![]() $.$. Halliburton's simple plan to continue Imperialism apace, strengthen Capitalist class at the expense of the oppressed, ensure its political hegemony, and put a damn pretty penny in each and every one of his bank accounts. As every right-wing fascist knows, democracy is cumbersome and inefficient. Try to get something accomplished and you find yourself butting heads with every unwashed, uncouth commoner who has no conception of what's good for Class, Empire and the world. Take this Cindy Sheehan phenomenon and the massive, spontaneous anti-Imperialist movement that's taken the country by storm. This anti-war movement threatens all our plans to impose Capitalism and American military domination like a dark Roman night over the rest of the world. |
My fellow Capitalists! Set aside your prejudices and bigotries against peace-loving socialist blisters on civilization's ass! We must win their hearts, minds, and votes! We must own their socialist Senators in Congress! Historically speaking, Vietnam War and our plans to impose Capitalism and sweatshop freedom throughout Asia and then the world were dashed when the Left rose up and ruined everything for us while we stood by and did nothing. We can't let Iraq turn into another Vietnam; it would be disastrous for our class. Therefore, I've come up with a simple plan. It's based on history. Back in the 1930's the Left was dead set against war while the Capitalist class desperately longed for it. We wanted to make money off all the closed munitions factories put out of work by peace-loving Socialists. So, in order to rally the Left behind a good big war, capitalists Churchill and Roosevelt hatched a scheme so devious and reactionary that even today it is classified For Capitalist Class Eyes Only. Not even very many of us know about it. So don't let any of the help see this article. What did Churchill and Roosevelt do, you ask? They knew the West didn't have the political will for an Imperialist war without the Left backing it. So they got together and said: "Let's do Imperialism right! We have to rally peace-loving Socialists behind a war." The plan was very simple. They had Hitler attack the most peace-loving Socialist country there was: the Soviet Union. Nothing else was needed. The entire Left throughout the world went into raging war frenzy. It was a stroke of brilliance! Literally overnight every peace-loving Socialist turned into a rabid, frothing-at-the-mouth, gun-totin', bomb-dropping, shoot-to-kill, take-no-prisoners, total-war, wave-the-flag-and-pass-the-ammunition World War II buckaroo warmonger. It was a great time to be alive. My plan uses the same principle. In order to rally the peace-loving working class behind our so called War on Terror and continue to invade and occupy more innocent countries and make more moola, we need to have peace-loving Communist countries get attacked by terrorists. I propose to have a super-secret cadre of military, dressed up as Islamoragheads, launch attacks on prominent communist countries such as Cuba, China and France. If they were to blow up the Eiffel tower and the Great Hall of Revolution with 9-11-type tactics, the Left would join the war effort in a big way. The great Socialist leaders of our day would force them too! With their help we shall continue Imperialism apace, strengthen our class at the expense of the oppressed, ensure our political dominance over Democracy for decades to come, and put a damn pretty penny in each and every one of our bank accounts. It's a win-win situation! Let's do Imperialism right! |


Premier Breshnev
This guy needs to see some therapy in a gulag quick!
Cheney W. Hallibushton
You ever see a green sack? I bet you havent!Quote:
I have a green hacky sack.Quote:
Especially when their sack fly's past you missing your head by only inches!Kommissar Betty
Okay, okay. I was talking about how those idiots keep kicking their hacky sacks around in the quad, and as you walk by one of them kicks it really hard and nearly hits you with it. Also, I am NOT a f*gKommissar Betty
Okay, okay. I was talking about how those idiots keep kicking their hacky sacks around in the quad, and as you walk by one of them kicks it really hard and nearly hits you with it. Also, I am NOT a f*gFawn Rainforest
Kommissar Betty
Okay, okay. I was talking about how those idiots keep kicking their hacky sacks around in the quad, and as you walk by one of them kicks it really hard and nearly hits you with it. Also, I am NOT a f*gKommissar Betty
No, it's just that you're ugly. I do not like ugly women.
Fawn Rainforest
Kommissar Betty
No, it's just that you're ugly. I do not like ugly women.
Quote:
Yeah, well that's me on the far right, Mr. reactionary.Ross Perot
Mr. Halliburton,

Kommissar Betty
Probably from being on her knees too long! You can guess what she was doing in that position.Quote:
I thought this site was supposed to be a place for Progressive thought and humor.Hillary
Ka-Ching, I've been looking for you! Those past two campaign checks came back with a stop payment. Are you trying to be cruel? You know how much I love you! Must you torture me like that? I know this could be a small oversight on some small peon's part but I promise our love will see the light of day once I'm President, just dont scorn me like this! Together we CAN do Imperialism right! Call me darling, you have my private cell phone number.
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