The People's Cube Archive: January - December 2006
 | Che Guevara Christmas GreetingErnesto Che Guevara sold 100,000,000 T-shirts this year alone! He's world's greatest T-shirt salesman. Come on, trust-fund college kid! Be a non-conformist because everybody else is! Being popular is so elfin' hard. Che shirt = instant recognition. Viva la merchandise! |
 CLick here for a larger image | Holiday Greeting From The National Lawyers Guild & ACLUIn the true spirit of |
The Mental Illness Of Useful Idiots
 It was all "for the children" | Our progressive contributor Alva Goldbook has posted on his Nitwit Blog a clever diatribe titled The Mental Illness Of Conservatism in which he took a long statement by Hitler, substituted "Jews" for "Liberals," "Germany" for "America," and "Fascists" for "Conservatives," and asked us to guess which conservative pundit wrote that. |
Wedding Bells & Whistles (Literally Wedding Them)
 | Under pressure from New Jersey's highest court to offer marriage or its equivalent to multi-sexual-oriented couples, groups, and associations, the state Legislature voted last week to make New Jersey the third state to allow civil unions. "This is a huge step towards progress," says M.S. Punchenko, who has been waiting more than four years to enter into an official legal relationship with a toaster named Helen<3, his long-time life partner and a registered Democrat. "If I could get my toaster registered to vote for Robert Menendez in midterm elections, she might as well be entitled to my health insurance, inheritance, and adoption rights," Punchenko says. |
Latino Groups Praise Taco Bell For E. Coli
 | Activists of several Latino advocacy groups hailed the recent E. coli outbreaks at Taco Bell restaurants as "the biggest success yet in reclaiming Aztlán culture on the territories occupied by the American invaders." Groups as La Raza, MEChA, Organization for the Liberation of Aztlán, and other advocates for the restoration of a legendary Chicano country called Aztlán, are celebrating victory. "Mexican people across North America can finally get fast food just like back home," said Margarita Cagada, executive director of the New Jersey state chapter of La Raza. "On behalf of all Hispanics everywhere, La Raza praises Taco Bell for its loyalty to diversity and the promotion of Chicanismo within the community." |
When Parkinson's Just Isn't Enough
 | It is an undeniable scientific fact that the pro-embryonic-stem-cell spot that Michael J. Fox did for Missouri Senate candidate Claire McCaskill was effective in the case of at least one person - Claire McCaskill - who has made medical history by winning a seat in the Senate because of it. Now it's time for the Democrats to return the favor and arrange a sweeping victory for the funding of embryonic stem cell research. It is especially important because now Fox has apparently decided that settling for Parkinson's alone is for wimps, and if he wants to be a truly progressive victim he also needs the brain tumor that embryonic stem cells create. Recall that Parkinson's patient in China, whose brain after being implanted with embryonic stem cells began to develop bone, skin, and hair - until an entire Siamese twin grew in his head, killing the host. |
ISG: Improvisational Sellout Gala?
 | The bipartisan Iraq Study Group (ISG) has finally released a report, suggesting that the best way to end the Iraq War is to throw a "marvelous international party" where all sides of the conflict would have "a rocking good time together in an intimate setting" and a chance to mingle. "If we must try something new, why not make it fun while we still have time?" says James Baker, a former Secretary of State. "We simply must get the disco ball rolling by New Year's Eve," agrees his co-author Lee Hamilton. Both Baker and Hamilton emphasize that if one party can't solve Iraq's problems, it would be irresponsible to dismiss the idea of a series of parties. |
Muslim-Friendly TV Line-up & Permissible Music
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Once the Democrats take charge in January, bring the troops home, and appoint Jimmy Carter to keep America safe, we must be prepared to submit to Sharia Law pretty quick. It will not be voluntary - but it can be made smooth and painless with the use of re-educational TV programming. The American masses won't even notice the transition, just like they didn't notice the transition to socialist values in the past, due to the masterful work of mind-conditioning experts at all progressive media channels. To that end we recommend this Sharia-friendly Winter TV Line-up: |
Embarrassing Faux Pas at the Bush White House
The New Progressive Bible
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Gwyneth Paltrow: Sophisticatest American Speaks
 | As if our earlier research of the Progressive Brain and the Capitalist Brain was not convincing enough, our progressive comrades continue to provide us with more evidence. Gwyneth Paltrow's recent statement about the inferior nature of American work-centered dinner talk, followed by a seminal philosophical inference that the British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans, has prompted us to start a new "Brain Matters" series. |
Thanksgiving With A Space Alien
 | Last Thursday a flying saucer landed in my backyard. A friendly, if slightly disoriented alien pilot told me he needed a drink. I had just what he wanted, since this was Thanksgiving and all. His name was Ollie and he came to Earth looking for an honest, self-reliant, optimistic, and technically inclined nation that could benefit from a contact with his more advanced civilization. |
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A huge victory for progress! The media highlights the need to consider the sensbilities of Muslims - while nobody highlights the need to consider the sensibilities of American passengers who can't shake off the visuals of 9/11 every time they board a plane. The country will soon be ours!
Free Bryan Hathaway!
 SIGN THE PETITION! | Let's face it - a caring and loving relationship with a consenting dead animal on the side of the road is a constitutional right of every American regardless of ethnic, religious, or economic background. Bryan James Hathaway is a young minority activist from Wisconsin who has been on the forefront of progressive struggle for the liberation of inanimate objects, plants, animals, and household appliances. His selfless devotion to fighting speciism and necrophobia in our society has led him to be brutally persecuted, tortured, and incarcerated - all for a laughable "crime" of "sexual gratification with a dead deer on the side of the road." As if his prior conviction of "horsing around" had not been enough, the bigoted ruling class is once again making him the whipping boy of their own suppressed anxieties, fantasies, and desires. |
Rangel: Let's Give al-Qaeda a Fair Chance
| In a new display of fairness and lack of partisanship, Rep. Charles B. Rangel has come up with an initiative to grant US citizenship equally to both the families of the US soldiers killed in the Middle East and to those families whose sons are fighting against the U.S.-led coalition in the region. "We can't be so unilateral in our policies as to exclude the militarily disadvantaged opposition to America from entering our country and becoming citizens," New York Democrat said. "I say let's level the playing field. To those who say Americans fight the urban warfare better, I say let's give al-Qaeda a try. I truly believe there shouldn't be any moral standards in determining our role in the world. If we agree that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter, we must also agree that way too few Americans are getting killed, as opposed to their "enemies." It is a glaring violation of international fairness and justice. My plan will enable a more equitable representation of people making sacrifices on the both sides," the U.S. lawmaker said. |
Michael Moore's Pledge - Revised and Improved
 Our radicals are radical not because they feed on subtleties! They take things at face value. If you say "war for oil" they see US troops breaking into the homes of poor Iraqis, grabbing barrels of oil from their shaky hands, and selling them at $54 a piece to sleazy Halliburton executives waiting outside. Our radicals judge the contents by looking at the surface - and asking their Inner Comrades how good it makes them feel about themselves. It is both their strength and their weakness, which the Party has learned to exploit for the Greater Good™. |
Saddam Follows OJ Example, Writes Book 'If I Had WMDs'
 "I'm going to tell you a story you've never heard before, because no one knows it the way I know it," Hussein writes in the publisher's release. | Saddam Hussein, a long-term admirer of OJ Simpson's life story, has most recently followed his icon's example, releasing a shocking new book titled If I Had Weapons Of Mass Destruction, in which he outlines how his illegal weapons would have been hidden - if he had them. The controversy surrounding Saddam Hussein's removal from power surfaced again this week when, just in time for November television sweeps, former Iraqi leader revealed that he will participate in a two-part Fox television special and release a book that will give a "bone-chilling account" of how he could have moved the WMDs to Syria using advisors from the Russian intelligence. |
Miracle of Erosion Discovered in South Dakota
Rock formations resembling the faces of U.S. presidents evolve from the effects of erosion in South Dakota. | From left to right, many unsophisticated Americans claim to see the resemblances of white, male oppressors G. Washington, T. Jefferson, T. Roosevelt, and A. Lincoln Geologists are thrilled with the remarkable discovery, calling it the most impressive achievement of natural history to date. Progressive scientists and academics insist the likenesses are not portraits, but merely the appearance of portraits. |
Borat And Iranian President A TV Spoof?
 | REVISITING BORAT It was only a matter of time before the so-called "Iranian President" Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would be unmasked as the biggest hoax in the history of television, perpetrated by Brooklyn comic Misha Braslavsky, a cable TV buffoon exploiting Western stereotypes of "evil Islamic radicalism." Looking back, we can only laugh at our unblinking acceptance of Ahmadinejad, an "Islamist hard-liner" dressed like a Turkish used car salesman, who called to wipe Israel off the map or move it to Alaska, demanded a manual recount of Holocaust victims, and banned all Western music. His retractions were even more bizarre: "CNN make lie! I send squeegees to help Israel, not 'Wipe off Israel!' Who translated, I kill him!" |
More bottom news of the day...
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New Slogans For A New Era!
 | We have been asked by Howard Dean to develop some new catch phrases for our party and could use some help. Please add to this list: If it ain't easy, it ain't workin'! Why is everyone else so stupid? We have all the easy answers - just ask us! Blame Bush! |
Al-Qaeda Leader Welcomes Democrats For Lunch
 Abu Ayyub al-Masri | Three days after a midterm election that put Democrats in charge of Capitol Hill, a tone of conciliation continued as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, commander of al-Qaeda in Iraq, welcomed Democratic leaders for lunch, saying he looked forward to working with them in a bipartisan way on issues they have in common. Noting that al-Masri and Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid have similar views about Bush, the al-Qaeda leader commented, "We tend to speak the same language." Harry Reid of Nevada agreed: "We will not rest until we crush Bush and his cronies through a constructive, bipartisan jihad." |
Purported Democrat Tape Vows To Continue Jihad
 | WASHINGTON, DC (TPC) -- A purported audio recording by a Democrat chieftain vows to step up the group's fight against the GOP, saying, "We haven't had enough of your blood yet." The 20-minute recording was posted Friday on a Web site used by Democratic activists and the speaker is identified as Nancy Pelosi, who takes over leadership of the US Congress after Dennis Hastert resigns in January. Calling President Bush a "lame duck" the speaker tells Bush not to "run away as your lame defense secretary ran away," referring to Donald Rumsfeld, who resigned Wednesday. |
VICTORY!DEMOCRATS TAKE HOUSE, CAR, SALARY, PORTFOLIO, See on the People's Blog: Victims of Greater "Strategery" |
Democrat Victory A Great Leap Forward To Workers' Paradise!
 | The reactionary neo-con parasites are on the run! Now smoke them out of their caves and bring them to revolutionary justice! We decree that November 7 and 8 become government holidays, celebrated in centuries ahead by spontaneous street marches of correctly educated proletarians chanting Party-approved slogans, peacefully hurling bricks at occasional remnants of the bourgeoisie, and vigorously consuming quantities of inexpensive People's Cube sugar beet vodka! |
Vote In 5 States Or Get No Potatoes In The Winter!
Going forward, since we know that everyone in their right mind wants to vote Democrat anyway, why don't we just forego elections and appoint the Party into the proper offices. Those who refuse to vote Democrat must be mentally incompetent, so instead of wasting people's resources on counting their votes, we should ship them off to the re-education centers where they can redeem their failings by hard corrective labor for the benefit of the Party! |
All party members must vote at least 5 times in 3 different congressional districts or else no potatoes in the winter. Using Dems Focus On Dead Voter Turnout, Rally Graveyards
 | In this election season, Americans are becoming increasingly convinced that if they don't vote Democrat they will all get sick, paralyzed, dismembered, and ultimately die for lack of on-demand embryos available for their consumption. The good news is, once they are dead they'll be voting Democrat forever! Dead voters are playing a progressively important role in the American democratic process, consistently casting their votes for the Democratic Party. According to "Countdown" on MSNBC, the International Coalition of Dead Voters has endorsed all Democratic candidates in this election cycle. "We have always sided with progress and unilateral disarmament, and it is very important that this November all dead people of good will, once again, vote Democrat," said the Coalition's spokesperson to Keith Olbermann in a segment called Bush Disenfranchises The American Dead. "Not all of us are from this country, though" the spokesperson said, adding that a standard term for his constituents would be "necro-proxies." |
Party-Approved 2006 Election Slogans & Buttons
 | The 2006 Election is a battle in the culture war that we, the Progressives, can't afford to lose! We must stay the course at any cost! If we cut and run now, the right-wingers will follow us home and we will have to fight them on our own soil - in public schools, academia, news media, Hollywood and TV! So gear up for the Great Patriotic Elections, comrade, with bumper stickers, election buttons, and lawn signs! And don't forget - one must mark ALL of his/her/its ballots for Democrats on November 7! We strongly advise you not to use any slogans or jokes that do not carry an explicit rubber stamp of the Propaganda Department. Let John Kerry's demise be a lesson to all of you Party soldiers who believe you can think for yourselves. You can't. If you would like to use a phrase that is not listed below, we urge you to post it here first for our review. |
How To Kiss Up To Hillary And Save Ass During Purges
Hillary-Kissing for Idiots...and a reference for the rest of the villageFrom today's New York Post |
Amber Alert: John Kerry Story Missing From Front Pages
 | At 7am this morning the story of Senator John Kerry appeared to be missing from the front pages of all major newspapers. |
AP Admits Tampering With Paris Muslim Protest Story
 A French man sues AP for putting the wrong ideas in his head | Claims that Associated Press editors habitually slant facts in AP stories have recently been substantiated by a complaint from an AP writer whose report on last week's demonstrations in Paris was changed to a complete opposite of what she had written. "When they changed 'Muslim hoodlums' to 'disaffected youths' I thought they were improving on the sentence flow and prose styling," says AP reporter Ellen Stanley. "When they changed 'violent gangs' to 'violin fans' I thought they were making a joke. When they changed 'assheaded socialist policies' to 'inspiring government programs' and 'appeasement' to 'solution' I thought they were being sarcastic. Taken together, however, all these small edits changed the meaning of my report in its entirety. |
>CLICK HERE >>Two New Gulagosphere Websites Launched!
BBC Adopts Sharia Policies, Stones Gay Staff
 | The BBC has recently come out of the closet, admitting that its executives, reporters, analysts, directors, and even cleaning ladies, who are mostly young, urban, trendy, Left-leaning homosexuals, have been found guilty of mistreating the station's Muslim minority by virtue of being insensitive to their anti-gay cultural sentiments. A leaked transcript of a secret 'accountability summit' called by BBC chairman reveals that the BBC, while promoting sexual and ethnic diversity, has neglected to fully comply with the new multicultural order. These new standards prohibit anything that may be viewed as offensive to Muslims or the Koran, including engaging in homosexual acts. |
Apple Mecca: Open Letter to Radical Muslim Politburo
 | Dear radical Muslim comrades! While you are the best allies the Left could ever have in the great patriotic war against American Capitalism, there are limits in every relationship, even the most intimate one like ours. Thus, your latest allegation that the Apple Mecca Store in New York amounts to a deliberate insult to Islam (because it resembles your big black Ka'bah cube in Mecca) is not just inane, it's an unprovoked stab in the back. This isn't how good allies treat one another. Yes, our cube-shaped Apple store resembles Ka'bah - so what? It's not like your real Mecca. To be more like the real Mecca it must have regular stampedes crushing thousands of geeks to death every year, aggravated by outbreaks of dysentery among huge crowds of Apple users crammed together in anti-sanitary conditions. |
Comrade Mr. Snuggle Bunny joins the People's Collective!
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Comrade Mr. Snuggle Bunny is a graphic artist who works in Five-Year Plans, completing them all way ahead of schedule (as every Hero of Socialist Labor should) Comrade S. Bunny's 5-Year Plan #1 Comrade S. Bunny's 5-Year Plan #2 Let's give him our warm collectivist welcome! |
How To Fight Capitalism By Photoshopping Michelle Malkin
 | To silence Michelle Malkin is the idea whose time has come. A nonstop depiction of her on mainstream websites as a rabid right-wing Neocon Zionist extremist and especially as the radical right's Asian pitbull did stimulate certain neurons in progressive pleasure circuits, but did nil to propel this truth into the murky skulls of the brain-damaged general public. So when Ms. Malkin made another hurtful attempt to stop progress by writing a column about the "slutification of young girls," progressive truth-seekers had no other choice but to photo-manipulate her face onto the body of a young, nubile lusciously delectable, sumptuous (ahem... excuse us) college co-ed, and to use the result to expose Ms. Malkin as the biggest hypocrite who has ever lived. |
Mark Foley Falls Victim To Fitter Species
 | In today's evolutionary struggle we liberals are the fittest species. Conservatives are so easy - accuse them of committing a sin and they resign and disappear from public sight forever. We in the progressive community are much smarter - we don't believe in sin. It makes us invulnerable to criticism. That's why we're taking over this stupid country. However crazy, irresponsible, and outright criminal our behavior is, you can't call us sinful because that would be forcing your values on us. You can't call us hypocrites because we never said we were perfect. You can't say we've lost shame because we can't lose what we don't have. Human imperfection is our standard, our goal, or breeding ground, our primordial soup if you will. We stand for nothing and have no values except those that may hypothetically exist in a distant socialist utopia that may or may not happen. |
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McCain Surrenders To Torture Bill After Torture
 | Despite vociferous claims that torture never works, Arizona senator John McCain helped to pass Bush's new Torture Bill that will allow the CIA to continue violating the Geneva conventions by torturing innocent political prisoners who happen to be Muslims. What did the Bush administration do to break John McCain that a North Vietnamese prison camp couldn't do? A recent leak from the White House establishes beyond doubt that the supposed change of heart came after one of the closed door sessions, at which George W. Bush and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist subdued the maverick senator with a headlock, tied him to a chair, and violated his humanity by subjecting him to cruel and degrading treatment with loud Eminem music, sleep deprivation, hypothermia, and waterboarding. |
Polish Comrades Modify The People's Cube To Their Needs
 | Our site has received an angry letter from Poland complaining about the unnecessary complexity of the People's Cube puzzle. "Despite your claim that this 'ultimate egalitarian tool' guarantees equal outcome for all players, after two weeks of strenuous efforts we gave up resolving the puzzle," the letter states, concluding that "something must be fundamentally wrong with the puzzle itself." The letter, signed by Slawomir Sierakowski, editor-in-chief of the Polish "Krytyka Polityczna", organ of the progressive wing of the Communist Party of Poland, indignantly criticizes us for misleading the masses into a "sinister bourgeois trap" of believing in a "competition with a human face." |
Byzantine Emperor Apologizes to Muslims For Quote
 | In the view of some historians, the Pope's recent apology to enraged Muslims over use of a quote written by Manuel II Palaeologus in 1391 bears a striking similarity with a similar apology delivered more than 600 years ago by Manuel II Palaeologus himself to offended Muslim armies after they ransacked his Christian country, converted its citizens to Islam, and beheaded or enslaved those who resisted the forced conversions. In a public speech made shortly after the quote first appeared in Muslim press, Manuel II apologized to the Islamic community that besieged his controversial "Byzantine entity." |
Prominent Muslims: Why Do They Hate Us?
by Dr. Salima al-Kurgman Muslims protesters: "Is it because we didn't support Ned Lamont? Is it because our lousy plastic recycling program?" | Ever since the confrontation between the West and Islam began, the question "Why do they hate us?" has been topping the Frequently Asked Questions charts among Western leaders and intellectuals, tormenting minds and souls of the Western populace prone to introspection. Considering the magnitude of the problem, we have assumed that the same question similarly torments the minds of prominent Muslims in the lands of Islam. And indeed, our special Bridge-Building survey has determined that from Saudi Arabia to Iran to Afghanistan, in the halls of the prestigious Islamic universities and government palaces, prominent Muslims are asking the same questions: "Why us? Why the terror alert system? Why security checks at airports?" |
NEW SECTION: FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)
 | While it is true that different sets of FAQ exist for various practical purposes, a study conducted at the non-partisan Karl Marx Treatment Center has shown that if you combine all the FAQs that exist in the world in different languages, put them into a gigantic computer database financed by non-political charities sponsored by George Soros, and rearrange the questions in the order of priority, the list of world's most important FAQ must look exactly as follows. (It is recommended that action be taken at all public and private institutions to adjust the lists accordingly. Compliance shall be monitored by independent legal observers from the ranks of the ACLU and the National Lawyers Guild.) |
McCartney Apologizes For 9/11 Song "Freedom"
 Songwriter in 'ongoing self-criticism' after apprehension on suspicion of pro-Americanism | New York -- Giving in to public pressure, singer and composer Paul McCartney issued a statement on Monday, apologizing to the progressive artistic community for his "pro-American lyrics and compulsive right-wing behavior" in the days immediately following the 9/11 attacks in New York City, when he organized Concert For New York and performed the "ill-conceived" patriotic song called Freedom. "I don't know what came over me," says McCartney, 64, who was widely criticized by peace activists as a "pro-war Beatle" for writing and singing a jingoistic tune containing such lines as "I will fight for the right to live in freedom. " In his statement, McCartney acknowledges that he had been experiencing "right-wing sentiments" for several weeks following 9/11. "Please know from my heart that I am not a patriot. I am not a even an American," he said. |
9/11/2006 - All You Need Is Love (And Vote Democrat)
 | It has come to our attention that this year the City of New York is planning to commemorate 9/11 by playing the French national anthem. At 2pm sharp, at Ground Zero and all over New York's five boroughs, dozens of local bands will be playing "La Marseillaise" in honor of France's contribution to the War on US Imperialism. Technically, the bands have been booked to play "All You Need Is Love" which begins with "La Marseillaise" (from the Beatles' psychedelic Yellow Submarine album and cartoon) - a choice made by Commissioner Kelly's wife who's in charge of the musical part of the project. The City officials are expected to be joined by a large "9/11 Truth" peace rally which is in part sponsored by Yoko Ono, who has written a testimonial haiku poem for the occasion and is donating a number of materials promoting her current world tour exhibition, "Imagine Peace." |
Khatami In Harvard: Mullahs and Liberals Not That Different!
 | While former Iranian President Mohammad Khatami's visit to the land of The Great Satan is welcomed by all progressive sleeper cells inside this country, his message of tolerance and moderation has become an object of vicious attacks from such hate groups as the Episcopal Church, the Jewish Community Relations Council, and Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney's office. The controversy is largely fueled by Mullah Khatami's planned visits to Harvard, Georgetown University, Columbia University, and the University of Virginia for a round of introspective talks and consultations aimed at helping the progressive academic community better to understand their role in the Global War on U.S. Imperialism. The former Iranian leader is also expected to share his rich experience in purging academia and creating a perfectly uniform intellectual climate of diversity for the Greater GoodT. |
Media Saddened As Ernesto Fails To Liberate Property In Florida
 | As widely anticipated hurricane Ernesto disaster failed to materialize, media networks are growing increasingly frustrated with the Bush Administration's handling of everything. "I prepared a perfectly credible report on the connection between hurricanes, Global Warming, racism, and Prescott Bush," says devastated CNN newsman Lou Dobbs. "What am I to do now? Report on how Karl Rove's weather machine stopped the hurricane to help Republicans win elections and lower oil prices? Uhm... gotta write that down." |
| The People's Cube joins progressive media's celebration of Hurricane Katrina's one-year anniversary. |
 REMEMBER KATRINA:the best thing that happened to the Democratic Party since Jimmy Carter's presidency! |
| The People's Glossary: New Entry Hezbollization (noun) A process whereby evil murderous thugs are turned into everyday heroes by an overzealous mainstream media. Hezbollize (verb) Assign great social importance to gangsters, treat them as celebrities (Hez-boll-ized, Hez-boll-iz-ing, Hez-boll-iz-es) |
The New York Times: Pluto Crisis Edition...
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Conflict In Lebanon For Dummies
 | As the great progressive leader Joseph Stalin may have said, "It's not what really happens, it's what we write about it that matters." We can never underestimate the importance of proper screening of individuals who narrate history for the masses - from news services and talk shows to school teachers and entertainers. To our credit we have a firm grip on all of the above. One of the most prominent members of the academic community in this respect is Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD, who has kindly written for the People's Cube a brief yet masterful summary of the recent conflict in the Middle East. Not only does it correctly capture the way the events were covered by world's progressive media, it is also destined to enter the annals of history as the sole unquestionable resource for social scientists of the future. |
'Twas the Night Before Miraj
 | Gather round Young Pioneers and Little Jihadis and let Aunt Laika tell you a poem. Now in the decadent West, they have a myth about Santa Claus and Reindeers that can fly. We all know that is not true and even if it was true, Santa Claus would be an enemy of the state because he keeps elves as slaves and beats the Reindeer with whips. The ACLU and PETA would have sued him and his fat, jolly butt would be in the slammer. Now in the progressive Islamic Republics, especially Iran, there is The Prophet and Bourak. Bourak is half man and half flying horse and the Prophet flies on his back to the farthest mosque (Jerusalem), heaven and hell, and the houses of misery and happiness. This is done on the night as what is known on the infidel calendar as August 22, and true believers call this the Miraj. |
Hezbo-Laa-Laa: Cute Little Terrortubby
 | In an effort to finalize the portrayal of Hezbollah as a benevolent band of misunderstood peasant warriors, and to foster acceptance of other cultures, the BBC retooled its cutest Teletubby character named Laa-laa into Hezbo-Laa-Laa. Sporting a characteristic martyr bandana with the motto "From cradle to grave" written in Arabic, and a suicide belt filled nails and rat poison, this cute and cuddly Terrortubby is intended to show European and American kids that beyond its desire to exterminate the Jew, Hezbollah is, in fact, a caring playmate that will tend to your social needs through a strong presence in the big, generous government! |
More Media Icons Join Struggle To Reform News
 | Successful field trials of our Flat Fatima product and glowing reports from leading news agencies have prompted us to develop new cutout models to diversify emotional impact of reporting and target broader demographics. The struggle to revolutionize news media by purging it from such bourgeois concepts as truth and objectivity will now be joined by Jamal Sixpack, Harry Helmet, Charlie Chair, Lou the Looter, Torched Peugeot from the French riots, and other media icons including Che Guevara (monochrome models only). Generate hard-hitting reporting by mounting Popular Media Figures™ individually or in groups in front of a burning garbage dump and get that Pulitzer you've always wanted! |
Flat Fatima - Revolution In News Photography
 | Having learned of the growing trend at Reuters, BBC, and other progressive media to doctor photographs, stage events, and use choreographed footage in the best Pallywood traditions, researchers at Karl Marx Treatment center decided to make it even easier for news organization to re-educate their audiences and advance the Greater Good™.
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Historians: Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Was Overreaction
 | Europe 's view of the present Israeli offensive against Hezbollah as an "overreaction" and "disproportionate use of force" is rooted in relatively recent history, say progressive researchers. In 1943, Europe itself suffered from a similar Jewish overreaction to some controversial German policies, in an event known as the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, when Zionist radicals attacked the National Socialist German Workers Party that was loved by the German people for its far-reaching educational and social welfare services. In fact, many academics who teach Peace Studies at prestigious universities believe that it was the Zionists' "disproportionate use of force" that had ruined hopes for peace in Europe and caused a humanitarian crisis that could have easily be avoided if only Jews had shown restraint and tolerance towards the democratically elected German government.> |
The Ant Bully: Introduction to Anthill Socialism
| CLICK HERE TO VIEW OUR MODIFIED TRAILER  | (2006) 88 min. D: John A. Davis. Warner Brothers Wouldn't you want your boy to "discover the ant within" and become a disposable drone in an anthill, sacrificing himself for the Greater Good™ as it is defined by his wise leaders? As a parent you don't have to do anything - your local public school is fully equipped to prepare your child for a life as mote in the vast collective. And then there are animated movies. Most audiences won't find anything unusual in the new CGI-animated kiddy adventure film The Ant Bully. A savvy parent might yawn at the routine obligatory condemnation of the Western "every man for himself" society that relies on technological crutches and WMD to oppress and eliminate the weaker, gentler "other" society that relies on collectivist values, magic, and wisdom of a benevolent supreme leader. Been there, done that. Progressive viewers will predictably scoff at the "barbaric" human morality embodied in a greedy, corrupt, militaristic, cigar-smoking redneck exterminator, while wistfully admiring a higher "other" morality embodied in the happy colony of environmentally-friendly comrades concerned with collective welfare and self-sacrifice for the common good. |
Mother Of All Emoticons - Mooning Your Opponents Right
 | And now for something completely different: emoticons. The party has always placed emotions first and rational arguments last. To enable progressive internet users with better means of expressing their feelings online, our Karl Marx Treatment Center developed a new line of emoticons called EMOTI-CAN. It will let you emote on any issue with nuance and versatility of a seasoned diplomat, an award-winning pundit, or a sophisticated "paper of record." It gives the word "moonbat" a whole new meaning! |
Conflict in The Middle East: Progressive Solutions
 | Now that we have identified the problems of the Middle East, it is now time to present high-powered academic solutions to this crisis. And whereas the average policy maker is hard-pressed to find a single solution, I, with my vast intelligence, have developed seven solutions: 1) Establish Scientific Socialism. The tranquility of the late Soviet Union can be easily moved to the Middle East -- with the assistance of a violent revolution to terminally smash the ruling class and establish a workers' paradise where everyone will be the equal of everyone else, and everything we need will be free. Why can't the entire Middle East be like a People-of-Color version of The Democratic People's Republic of Korea? There are no wars among the Korean people! |
Chappaquiddick Triangle Claims Another Victim
 | CHAPPAQUIDDICK - In a mysterious repetition of a famous drowning car accident, on the same day 37 years later (July 19, 2006), another female passenger drowned as a male DWI driver sent his classic 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont off an angled, unlit narrow Dike Bridge without guard rails, onto which he claimed to have made a wrong turn. The car plunged into tide-swept Poucha Pond and landed upside down under the water, drowning the young woman. The male driver got out of the pond, contacted his lawyer, and reported to the police only twenty four hours after the accident. |
Conflict in The Middle East: A Progressive History
 | From the beginning of time, there was a place called "Palestine" which was inhabited exclusively by the biggest gift to humankind: Palestinians. Their culture flourished, their peaceful people prospered, and their model nation was to become the jewel of the world. Their language was Arabic, their religion was Muslim (pronounced "MOOZ-lem"), but regrettably, all evidence of their governments, their currency, their laws, their scientific, technological, philosophical, and artistic accomplishments were destroyed. By whom? Keep reading. |
Martyr Toys For Jewish Kids Set To Win Media Sympathies
 | Having analyzed world media sympathies towards Muslim radicals who teach their young to lace their suicide belts with screws and rat poison to inflict maximum carnage in a crowd of infidels, a desperate Jewish manufacturer of educational toys has launched a " Jewish Martyr Babies" marketing campaign, which they hope will finally make Reuters, BBC, CNN, and other networks view the Jewish experiencehave more favorably. They now offer their customers anthrax yarmulke, razor-wire-lined tallit, exploding gartel, strangling attarah, metal-piercing dreidels, and other novelty items that are "fun, educational, and lethal." A sample lineup of Jewish Martyr Toys and mission statement from the manufacturer's website: |
People's Karaoke: Imagine There's No Israel
 | By John Lennon and Laika the Space Dog |
NY Times Reporter Body Armor Vulnerability Analysis
 | Earlier this year the New York Times courageously exposed vulnerabilities of US body armor, accompanying the story with a controversial diagram and a leaked Pentagon paper in a PDF file, identifying the best areas to shoot at. Today the Pentagon responded by releasing a diagram that details vulnerabilities of the New York Times journalists, which analysts predict is about to become the focus of a new media fury. "The Pentagon released the results of their secret research despite our strongest objections," said Bill Keller, the executive editor of The Times, in an urgent statement. "It can seriously damage our ability to gather and publish information that is harmful to the United States." |
 | The New York Times Shows Bush Who's The Boss The Bush administration and The New York Times are again at odds over national security, this time with new exposures of the administration's immoral attempts to protect imperialist America from heroic Islamic freedom fighters. In today's issue the fearless NYT showed the world how the militaristic US government was co-opting major capitalist financial institutions to track global financial transfers. The message this sends is clear - give up, George Bush! Protecting America is a useless task when you face the glorious destructive force of progressive media! America must be destroyed! It is a historical inevitability whose time has come! |
Golden Boy Armstrong Showers French with Test Samples
 | As Reuters reported yesterday, the seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong, in the sportsmanlike display of fairness and transparency, showered representatives of French media, the French Ministry of Youth and Sport, and Parisian drug testers yesterday with a convincing stream of "surprise" urine sample, which he explained was a head-on shot to persuade the world that he was clean as a whistle. |
New Dem Strategy: Everybody Must Cut And Run
 Murtha: To cut and run is every American's right and patriotic duty | Encouraged by the media success of their "Bring the troops home before the job is done" campaign, Democrat leadership decided to expand this strategy to other groups of society. The new "Cut and Run For America" campaign to send everybody home before the job is done will first be tested on government employees - teachers, doctors, police, firefighters - and later cover the rest of the population. "Americans need to stop trying," explained the new compassionate strategy Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV). "We deeply believe that most people in this country would like to stay low, stop thinking, stop fending for themselves, and just live off government handouts." |
Homeless Depot: A Moral Alternative
 | Home Depot, the nation's largest home-improvement chain, was accused in a Federal lawsuit today of discriminating against the homeless. "The very existence of Home Depot is offensive to the sensitivities of people without homes," says Nadine Strossen, head of the ACLU who filed the case, adding that the word "home" itself smacks of racism, bigotry, and intolerance and thus should be treated as hate speech. The suit seeks unspecified damages on behalf of seven homeless people, some of them of color, squatting in an abandoned building next to the Home Depot parking lot in the Coney Island area of New York. |
Happy Non-Specific Gender Parental Guardian Unit Day!
"Java Only" Developer Faces Discrimination Lawsuit
 | PHILADELPHIA - Encouraged by the success of a civil rights investigation into a local cheese steak restaurant that posted a sign "This is America - when ordering, speak English," a civil rights watchdog agency opened a similar investigation into one of the city's software development companies, Java Systems, for discriminating against non-Java programming languages. |
Al Zarqawi: Advancing Progress No More
 | Another leader of social progress has been murdered by American war criminals today. The Left lost a prominent comrade who helped us fight US imperialism at home and abroad. Every glorious beheading and school bus explosion he committed was cherished by human rights activists as another proof of the cynical nature of the Bush administration. RECOMMENDED HEADLINES
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Fight US Occupation of New York During Fleet Week!
 Local insurgents resist US occupation of New York during Fleet Week | Just as all progressive New Yorkers of good will prepared to celebrate this year's Fleet Week by watching reruns of Battleship Potemkin and dancing to the uplifting sounds of Red Army and Red Navy Choir, their open-minded city suffered a rude invasion by the militaristic US Navy forces. The boorish US sailors and marines scurried through New York's enlightened neighborhoods without an exit strategy, acting like the occupiers they were - offending cultural sensitivities of the natives by not holding their heads down nor hiding their eyes in fear and guilt every time a faithful native gave them an accusing stare. |
Open Letter to President Gore
 | Your Excellency: |
Lenin Awards N.J. Mayor With Eminent Domain Medal
 Lenin endorses a communist haven in New Jersey | Eminent domain expropriations are sweeping the American motherland like a red tide of Socialism raised by the increasing gravitational pool of Marxist thought. The Mayor of Piscataway, New Jersey, has recently seized the last remaining farm in the area in order to turn it into an empty space - the epitome of Socialist improvement, a.k.a. the Greater Good™. Upon hearing that the kulaks and other greedy bourgeois property owners of New Jersey are being liquidated as a class, Lenin resurrected from his Mausoleum - again - to help the revolutionary US peasants confiscate capitalist property and redistribute the bourgeois wealth. Step one: find the heroic Democrat Mayor of Piscataway and present him with People's Award for Expropriation and Confiscation. |
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People's Karaoke: Star-Spangled Bandido
Yet another version by Professor Palimpsest | Olé! We will sneak, |
Who Are They?
 | They trekked thousands of miles in searing heat... WHO ARE THEY? |
BurqaBarn: Dress Your Woman in Style!
 | By Tamil Mohammar Ramadan Now, BurqaBarn, in conjunction with Citywide Waste Management, has a solution for you! |
Patrick Kennedy Crashes Car, Nobody Drowns
 | An early-morning car crash involving Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-R.I.), son of Sen. Ted Kennedy, has brought to the fore the excessive stress associated with being a congressman. At approximately 2:45 a.m. Thursday Pat Kennedy's car, with its lights turned off, narrowly missed colliding with a Police cruiser, then smashed into a security barricade. Patrick exited the vehicle staggering and declared he was a Congressman and was late to a vote. The House had adjourned nearly three hours before the incident. The physician for the Kennedy clan has determined that young Patrick has been devoting so much time to his job and is so sleep-deprived that he was essentially "sleep driving" when he nearly injured himself in his vehicle. |
Jorge Washíntonez Crosses The Rio Grande
 | The flag-waving U.S. traditionalists suffered yet another setback in the so-called "culture wars" last week, when a group of recording artists announced that they had produced a new Spanish-language version of "Star-Spangled Banner." Loosely based on the original's lyrics and much more progressive in message, the revised national anthem is part of a larger wave of similar "reinventions" that is breaking across the fruited plain, washing away the wilted "cultural crops" of the bourgeoisie, and sowing something new and vibrant in their place. |
2006 Annual May Day Communiqué From Laika:
To the Workers, Peasants, Unwashed Toiling Intelligentsia, and the Party Privileged:You may now put on your tinfoil hats to receive the transmission.
 | In honor of Dan Rather, Komrade Kenneth will assist Dan in sending the signal. The frequency is now set. Dan, you may throw the switch and begin transmission: Today Comrades, millions of socialists are taking to the streets of Amerika to advance the cause of the Welfare State! All borders shall be removed! The Mexicomintern Council has been working very hard with La Raza these past few months, blending fascism and socialism to come up a unique brand of progressive thought which is bound to destroy the Evil Gringo Bush and his capitalist knaves. Assimilation? No! Domination? Yes! Free stuff (hospital care) for everybody! We'll march today and get drunk on Friday, Cinco de Mayo! Even the Mexicans have kicked French Ass! |
Access Hollywood Diluting The People's Cube Brand
 | Party disciplines agent for wardrobe malfunction: Tim Vincent to dig trenches in the tundra According to Laika the Space Dog, The Berlin Wall fell in 1989 - but the Soviet Union NEVER FELL! We are in camouflage. Shhh! Regrettably, some of our overly zealous comrades are breaking the camouflage rules and leaking the truth out. Thus, Access Hollywood's New York correspondent, Tim Vincent, a veteran of the BBC, has repeatedly sported a hammer and sickle T-shirt as he introduced a story (see video). |
Kids-4-Gas: Trade Your Nagging Brat For A Full Tank
 Abu Salim, Exxon station manager: "Moms have no problem dumping off one of their kids in return for a month of fill ups." | LOS ANGELES -- Since local gas stations began accepting children as payment for a month's worth of gas last Saturday, thousands of enthusiastic moms have already dumped off their annoying kids at the pump and took off to the mall with tanks full of gas. The new Kids-4-Gas program, successfully introduced by LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, is meant to ease the burden on poor families while simultaneously fix most logistical problems related to overpopulation. "With gas prices higher than Beverley Hills heroin addicts, it is our duty as Democrats and good citizens, to help the poor get by another day without having to work harder," says Los Angeles Mayor. "Anything is better than drilling for more oil in Alaska." |
Skools: Insider's View of the Revolution
Real pictures taken by a real student at Marilla Carillo High School in Santa Rosa, Ca. (at the corner of Calistoga Rd., and Montecito Blvd.)Written and photographed by Comrade Betty, a bona fide student of that school
 | I am your average revolutionary public skool student who dreams of living in equality with everyone else in Amerika - never worrying about finding a job, or advancing my career, or being fired - just like the French. I owe much of my aspirations to my teachers who have enlightened me and shown me the way to the glorious servitude of communism. The best part of it is that it requires absolutely no thinking. Who needs thinking if the entire universe has already been revealed to me, conveniently sliced and packaged, in my teachers' easy, educational bumper stickers? Memorize them all - and you're ready for adulthood. I even took some pictures to share with you - and also to keep them with me after I leave skool, because if I forget what they said I'll be left without any moral guidance, and that's scary. |
April 22 is Earth Day (a.k.a Lenin's Birthday) |
Taxes, Penguins, and the New American Dream
 | This tax season you have surely wondered why you weren't allowed to claim your talking parakeet as a dependent. Many of you maintain a strong loving relationship with your cats, dogs, hamsters, or sheep. You can't imagine life without your pet - just like your next door neighbor whose companion happens to be human - yet you are denied the same rights, respect, and recognition that your neighbor enjoys - only because your companion happens to be a member of another species. |
Spitzer: Operation Corner Office
 | State police descended on Wall Street early this morning in a major crackdown on money-grubbing capitalist reprobates, commonly known by their derogatory name, "Wall Street CEOs." The massive dragnet, dubbed "Operation Corner Office," was organized and coordinated by a legendary people's New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, whose dedication to class struggle has earned him respect and adoration of all the city's 402,281 welfare recipients. |
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Marxism Coffee: Smell The Revolution!
 | When a commissar knocks on your door at 3:00 in the morning and you need to get ready for a long boxcar trip to Siberia, nothing will wake you up better than a hot cup of strong Marxism Coffee! Engrish.com that published this image points at "humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design." This coffee mix from a Korean shop in China, however, is neither humorous nor is it a mistake. We at the People's Cube have been using Marxism Coffee Mix while writing our materials since the site's inception. Now, would you also like to see the other side of the package? |
Get Yo Self A RaceCard: Free Ride 4 Life
GUEST POST
| This RaceCard first appeared on Lindsog.com - but is now part of a commercial message issued by our friends at HipHopRepublican.com (Republicans while Black) - complete with customer testimonials! Are you Black and got pulled over going 40 in a 25 mph speed limit? Then the RaceCard may be just the thing for ya! Have you ever found yourself walking while Black? Eating while Black? Or perhaps mugging someone while Black? Hitting an officer while Black? If so, child, you have come to the right place! |
Immigration A Class Struggle; Assimilation A Thoughtcrime
 | There are many excellent ways for us to destroy capitalist America - and progressive immigration policies are among the best ones. The key word is progressive. The traditional, non-progressive immigration of bourgeois wannabes and capitalist bootlickers will only strengthen this last refuge of world capitalism - just like traditional education, media, and economic policies will make it stronger. Only progressive immigration, education, media, and economics will help us achieve the cherished goal of America's demise. |
Islamic People's Fools Day
 | The Party frowns on humor and jokes unless they (1) help advance class struggle (ridicule the enemy and reveal the follies of capitalism; and (2) help the masses resist oppression while raising awareness (see Doonesbury, Jon Steward, etc.). While joking, one must always err on the side on caution - for "humor" is, by its nature, connected to the archaic bourgeois notions of "free expression" and "unorthodox thinking." Humor is often indistinguishable from lies - and we know that the concept of lies was invented by the ruling class of oppressors as a tool to deceive and exploit the oppressed (see Karl Marx's "Religion is the opiate of the masses"). |
The People's Cube Is One Year Old!
 | Oppressed workers, peasants, and unwashed toiling intelligentsia! One year ago today the People's Cube rapidly rose over the virtual horizon like the red sun of the revolution, dispelling the right-wing darkness of the blogosphere. Report to your local Kommissar for instructions about proper celebratory procedures. Join a mandatory spontaneous festival in your designated area. You will be given a Party-approved placard and a handful of rocks to hurl at occasional remnants of the bourgeoisie. Consumption of People's Cube sugar beet vodka is optional. |
Latte Revolution Video: Decadent Drink Weakens Resolve Of The Masses
 | All corporations are evil, but some are less evil than others. That's what these protesters had to be thinking when they gathered in droves at Starbucks to drink decadent lattes during the anti-war, anti-corporate, anti-capitalist, and anti-American protest at Washington, DC on March 18, 2006 to mark the 3rd anniversary of |
Lenin Beats Up Protesters In Belarus Capital
| We can tell you privately on condition of absolute confidentiality that Comrade Lenin is currently traveling in Belarus collecting information on the successes of building communism in this last Soviet stronghold of proletarian dictatorship. Judging by this news, progress is being made every day as more enemies of the people are getting arrested. Remember - the fewer people remain at large, the larger slice of the common cake the remaining ones will get. This alone is a good incentive to denounce counter-revolutionary neighbors and colleagues. Read regular updates on the situation in Belarus on Lenin's own blog! |
McRiots Vs. McDonald's: Franchise Battle
 500,000,000 worth of capitalist property damage and counting | The new 'must work for money' rule, introduced by the French government, has precipitated huge street demonstrations in Paris, as student and labor leaders rise against the specter of capitalism, worried that its emphasis on hard work and personal responsibility will ruin their most cherished cultural values of government dependency. At the famed Sorbonne University, protesters vandalized cars, bus shelters, and shops, including a McDonald's restaurant. Rioters, crying "Vive la Révolution," absconded with a statue of Ronald McDonald and later beheaded it with a makeshift guillotine. "The new jobs contract is a slap in the face to our youth," an indignant student activist told us as he filled an empty wine bottle with gasoline to make a Molotov cocktail. "Every French child grows up dreaming that the government will give him a non-demanding job that'll pay for his future spacious apartment, month-long vacations, and dinners at Maxim. Now our dreams are shattered! Who can blame us for being angry? I'd like to look that person in the eye and torch his car." |
People's Movie Review: "V" stands for "Vapid"
 | The names of many things start with "V." In fact, one of my FAVORITE things starts with a "V." After watching "V for Vendetta," I felt just like my favorite thing after a wild drunken Saturday night. How is that, you say? Well, my friends, after watching "V" I felt royally f*cked and violated. This movie is not just bad, it is worse. I am changing the English language to allow the statement "this is a worse movie," for "V" is and will be worse than any movie anyone anywhere might make in the future. But enough of the name calling -- let's get to the film (without revealing too many plot details). In future England (approximately 2015?), the Government controlls the news media, the Koran is outlawed, and homosexuals are wantonly murdered for their sexuality. Terrorists are freedom fighters, military personell are murderers, and mention is made of the Iraq and Afghani conflicts, as well as new ones in Syria. |
New Search Engine "Gulag.com" Coming To USA
 | A powerful search tool, originally designed to the rigorous specifications of the Chinese government, is now available in the USA . The latest innovations in search technology allow Gulag.com to provide you with search results without even having to type! Just click one button - your search will be returned immediately. |
Google Purges The People's Cube Worldwide
Open letter #2 to Google from the People's Cube(posted on Google.com Help Center at 8:30pm on March 10, 2006
 | Dear comrades at Google: At some point, quite recently, our popular site "The People's Cube" (ThePeoplesCube.com) was purged from Google search results. MSN , Yahoo and other search engines still have it - but Google has erased/blocked any link to the site in its database. One can still find links to us from other sites - but not even one from Google to ThePeoplesCube.com. We tried American, French, German, British, Australian, and Russian versions of Google - they used to give us traffic only a few days ago - but all we got was the same line in various languages... |
Case Of Backward Evolution: New Hope For Democrats
 Scientists: If your mouth is already on the floor, you have an evolutionary advantage over those who need to bend over | Progressive researchers and politicians alike are encouraged by last month's discovery of a genetic mutation that reverses human evolution to its starting point. Those affected by the Backward Evolution Syndrome (BES) walk on all fours and speak a primitive language. The mutation that has afflicted a family in Turkey has stripped them of the genes that let humans walk upright, returning them to the pre-human state of quadrupedalism, or four-limbed walking. Many scientists hope that BES will reveal the secrets of human origins. But researchers at the Karl Marx Treatment Center see it as an exciting opportunity to correct human evolution, which has gone terribly wrong. "Humankind has made a wrong turn somewhere in its development," says the Center's Chief Scientist Dr. Fuku. "It has evolved individualism, greed, competition, and private property. Ever wondered why socialism never worked anywhere it's been tried? Bad genes." |
Twelfth Imam is Coming to Town
 | We are starting a new section for children - Hammer & Popsickle - where the nation's young ones can get indoctrinated, in an entertaining and subliminal manner, about the romanticism of class struggle and the evils of capitalism. Our first installment explains why Iran has the right to build nuclear weapons in order to wipe two illegitimate entities, Israel and the United States, off the face of the Earth. Twelfth Imam is Coming to Town is a sing-along version of the famous carol (with a great rendition playing on the background). The Islamic Republic of Iran's governing council of mullahs and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad also believe in Santa Claus - only in their Shi'ite creed Santa is called the 12th Imam, known as the Mahdi.... |
Angry Muslims Protest Bush-Hitler Comparisons
 | Muslim protests erupted worldwide this week after a high school teacher in Colorado compared Bush to Hitler. "It is a crime in Sharia law to insult Hitler (PBUH)!" stated Abdul Ali Aziz in a Muslim street interview. "We have been listening to this kind of blasphemy from the Left ever since the Zionist puppet Bush got elected. The infidel teacher must be tortured and beheaded!" Rage against the besmirching of Adolf Hitler's name poured out across the Muslim world on Saturday, with aggrieved believers calling for the execution of those involved, storming buildings, and setting European and American flags afire. |
Int'l Left Takes Over: No 45-Day Postponement
 Castro and Chavez contemplate a takeover of yet another Hollywood studio | The uproar over major US seaports falling into the hands of an Arab-owned company has eclipsed a strikingly similar story of major US news outlets, Hollywood, academia, and the Democratic Party itself falling into the hands of International Left groups run by foreign nationals and even hostile governments, e.g., Cuba and Venezuela. "Even the names of main acting figures are the same," complains Dubai Ports World Senior Vice President Michael Moore. "Unlike the DPW deal, however, the DP deal, and the MSM deal, and the Hollywood deal aren't subject to the same scrutiny and aren't going to be delayed by 45 days - even though they pose a much greater threat to national security than our shipping firm," Mr. Michael Moore said. |
Is Cheney the Lone Gunman?
 | All we want to know is this:
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Bush Finds Cheap, Non-Addictive Energy Source
 | Inspired by President Bush's new initiative to switch from "addictive oil" to less addictive, healthier energy sources, a team of crack researchers at the Halliburton labs have discovered a new powerful source of energy that is cheaper and more reliable than wind, water, or ethanol - and is widely available in the United States. The new power-generating technology, dubbed "People Power" utilizes the metaphysical energy of the revolutionary masses (also known as "hatred of capitalist pigs"), extracting progressive energy from highly charged individuals, and converting the "discharge" into clean electrical power. As such, it may reconcile opposing political ideologies by both eliminating industrial pollution and generating unlimited profit for capitalist entrepreneurs. And it is absolutely non-addictive. |
Bush Fails To Prevent East Coast Blizzard
 | Bush/FEMA Drop the Ball Again As President Bush and his staff cowered in the White House, the snow continued to pile up on the many poor and African American victims who could not afford to get out of town or to safety in Florida. Crucial supplies of blankets, hot cocoa, popcorn, and dark rum - so essential to surviving the stress of any major snowstorm - lay in stores undelivered. "Where is the government? I need my sidewalk shoveled so I can get out to buy my damn lottery tickets!" said one D.C. resident from his living room. "Why are we wasting money in Iraq when we could be spending it here on me?" |
Jews Riot Over Pictures of Buddhist Symbol
| From synagogues in Brooklyn to cities in Israel to Red Square in Moscow to retirement condominiums in Boca Raton, enraged Jews around the world are rioting to protest the use of swastikas on Buddhist temples. The fury is relentless, as Jewish parents are wrapping their children in Korean and Japanese flags before sending them to self-detonate in front of those countries' embassies. As explained by residents at one Fort Lauderdale senior-care center, "If you thought that the Burger King's defamation against Islam was incendiary, then wait until you see how vengeance is taken against those who display swastikas. Those torchings of Broward County Sushi restaurants were no accident." However, when confronted with evidence that the arson attack might have actually come from these senior residents, he offered a different explanation: "It's against the Jewish religion to harm others. We know for a fact that the Buddhist Secret Service destroyed those restaurants in order to make us look bad." |
Islam's Struggle Against Cartoon Terrorism
 | Western terror labs have finally produced a weapon so horrific that it has shaken Islamic world to the core, making over a billion people from Morocco to Indonesia fear for the survival of their freedoms, morals, beliefs, cultures, governments, and the very life itself. The new weapon of terror, the so-called "Cartoon," is capable of delivering an equivalent of one million Hiroshima bombs, resulting in a horrendous mass destruction like none seen on Earth before. Ahmed Jihad of the Soros-funded charity Make Bombs, Not Cartoons sadly stated that "This is the end of a tenuous peace between Muslims and Infidels, with only the occasional beheading, open market suicide bomb, or fiery suicide plane mission." |
Considering the current state off affairs in the Ummaworld and the Dhimmiland, we have created a new section that reflects on the struggle of the oppressed Islamosocialists against our common enemy, Western capitalism HERE >>  |
DNC Response to Bush Raises At Least One Eyebrow
 | As most Americans sat down to watch the DNC response to President Bush's State of the Union address on Tuesday night, they did not expect the action to be accompanied by an unusual jumpy creature sitting on the left side of Tim Kaine's forehead. Experts on both sides of political aisle agree that the content of Tim Kaine's speech was completely overshadowed by what media circles are now referring to as "The Eyebrow" ("the eyes have it.") The Virginia Governor's furry little pet left American viewers adjusting their TV sets, while the makers of Rogaine scrambled to see if a product malfunction had taken place. Sometimes the creature seemed to take on a life of its own, moving independently from the rest of Kaine's head, and at one point even leaving the room for a minute, only to return with a glass of water... |
The Socialist Brain of a Liberal Democrat
 | As promised in the previous post, Republicanism Linked To Brain Disorder, we have prepared a composite sketch of a healthy Socialist brain. Naturally it took twice as much time to map it because the brain of a progressive, open-minded Democrat is always changing - as opposed to the rigid and bigoted Republican brain. Click on the map to see larger image! |
Republicanism Caused By Brain Disorder, Mutation
 This composite sketch is final, undeniable proof that Republicanism is a direct result of a degenerative brain mutation. | Scientists have finally identified a fatal brain disorder responsible for the behavior of Republicans, Conservatives, and other capitalist class enemies. After the Washington Post reported on a revolutionary study, in which progressive researchers scanned Republican brains for signs of deformation, we contacted the institute that conducted the study, the Karl Marx Treatment Center. The Center provided us with blood-chilling CAT images that show what happen s to a brain that is allowed to grow without the caring guidance of the progressive establishment. |
Google's Great Leap Forward
An open letter to Google from the People's Cube
 | Dear Messrs. Brin and Page: |
People's Economics Primer
 | As a special benefit to People's Cube readers, we have arranged with Prof. Dr. rer. pol. hc Paul Kurgman, Ph.D. to have his widely-acclaimed "People's Economics Primer" available here for free. This is a shorter version of the standard graduate-level economics text, and it includes concepts such as
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After humiliating your right-wing adversaries with the devastating rhetorical skills in The People's Progressive Truth Generator, you will be able to impress your progressive allies with the economic knowledge you learned in Professor Kurgman's Economics Primer.
Bin Laden's New Tape Narrated From The Astral
An Interview With Bin Laden's Personal Psychic "I made bin Laden's audio recording and passed it on to a friend at the DNC," says Miss Courvoisier, psychic worker of Brooklyn, New York | So is Osama bin Laden dead or alive? On January 19, 2006, Al-Jazeera provided another clue, airing a new audiotape purportedly from bin Laden, who offered the U.S. a truce, while also threatening to strike again. CIA experts have confirmed the authenticity of bin Laden's voice, but they didn't elaborate about why the al Qaeda leader had switched from videos of himself to audio. Al-Jazeera's spokesman offered no explanation either, claiming the tape had come from the same source as all previous bin Laden statements. Looking for answers, The People's Cube went straight to the source. |
Gangsta-Culture Sensitivity Training In New York
 Lesson for New York Mayor: "I have learned that the diverse sign language of the gangsta community could make all of our communications more vibrant and nuanced." | After learning that New York City police officers have been receiving Islamic-culture training, the Big Apple's largest street communities, the Bloods and the Crips, criticized the NYPD and Mayor Bloomberg for discriminating against the gangsta people. Furious gangsta community leaders demanded that a similar sensitivity training program be created to educate law enforcement members about the intricacies of "gangsta-culture," with its vibrant rituals, traditions, and etiquette. "The Crips community has been here since the seventies and we don't get no sensitivity program," said a concerned Crips activist who happens to be a minority. "The Muslims just showed up and they get all the respect. Why don't the news people raise awareness about the Crips' traditions and culture? The cops are learning that the Muslims get offended when you show them the soles of your shoes. But what if we in the gangsta community get offended when the cops show us the whites of their eyes? Will they finally quit that sh*t?" |
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Saddam Requests Trial Be Moved To Vermont
 | Saddam Hussein, currently on trial for crimes against humanity (including multiple counts of mass murder and rape), stunned the court today by requesting that his trial be moved to Burlington, Vermont. Mr. Hussein's attorney, Ramsey Clark, later told the press that the former Iraqi dictator decided to seek a venue change after learning that a Vermont judge, Edward Cashman, had given a man who confessed to repeatedly raping a 6-year-old girl a jail sentence of only 60 days. "That's the kind of deal we could live with," declared Mr. Clark. "My client needs therapy, not prison! A lengthy term will only harden this fellow. Sure, my heart goes out to his alleged victims, but there are other families out there, and there are other innocents who could be victimized if Mr. Hussein doesn't receive timely therapy. I'm trying to take the long view. Moving the trial to the Green Mountain State will ensure that progressive justice is served." |
King Kong: The Greatest Remake Ever Made
The huge popularity of our original King Kong reviewhas prompted us to do an immediate remake.
 | Progressive critics (do we get to read any others?) hail Peter Jackson's remake of King Kong for many good reasons - except for the real ones. Those can only be discussed among the Party elites (and The People's Cube readers, of course). The strongest subliminal message this movie sends is that of the moral bankruptcy of America 's culture of greed and commercialism and the crushing impact that it has on a heroic giant with the noble heart of a savage. Capitalist exploitation? Absolutely. Devastating effects of globalization? Of course. Western imperialism imposing its cultural hegemony on non-conformist representatives of indigenous cultures? You bet. Animal rights issues? Lots of them. Condemnation of bourgeois anti-bestiality taboos? Sure enough. Humanizing animals while dehumanizing mankind?... |
Hollywood's Brave New Era of Remakes
 | This year's remake of King Kong has brought Hollywood's vibrant Era of Remakes to a supreme climax. It easily beats such recent remakes as The Mummy, The Producers, Planet of the Apes, War of the Worlds, Phantom of the Opera, House of Wax, Dukes of Hazzard, Dawn of the Dead, The Flight of the Phoenix, The Time Machine, The Longest Yard, The Manchurian Candidate, The Stepford Wives, The Italian Job, The Amityville Horror, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Thomas Crown Affair, The Bad News Bears, The Ring, The Musketeer, The Honeymooners, The In-Laws, The Ladykillers, Thunderbirds, Psycho, S.W.A.T., Bewitched, Godzilla, Herbie, Alfie, Willard, Shaft, SpiderMan, Guess Who, Dark Water, Starsky and Hutch, Pride and Prejudice, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Yours, Mine and Ours, Walking Tall, Freaky Friday, Charlie's Angels, Ocean's Eleven... |
America Takes Off Gloves, Puts on Brass Knuckles
 | The United States has often been called, directly or indirectly, the most brutal, repressive, and rapacious empire ever to place its yoke on the shoulders of humanity. But today, in an alarming policy shift that has the world recoiling in horror, the Bush administration, fed up with its critics, announced that the United States will immediately begin to live up to its unflattering, media-driven image. |
Iraqi Group Demands Withdrawal of Western Moonbats
 | In an unprecedented twist following the Iraqi elections, a newly formed Iraqi resistance group calling itself "Swords of Democracy" has demanded that all Western left-wing journalists and anti-war activists currently in Iraq must cease their activities, leave the country within 24 hours, and stop their incessant anti-American propaganda, or else. The news came shortly after FoxNews Channel broadcast a statement by a 77 years old Iraqi voter, who exclaimed, "Anybody who doesn't appreciate what America has done and President Bush, let them go to hell." The group has released a video showing a collection of handcuffed and quivering Western hostages, later identified as a Reuters journalist, a CNN reporter, two Code Pink activists, an International ANSWER functionary, a Democratic US Senator, and members of various communist and anarchist factions, including Christian Peacemaker Teams. |
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New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)
In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
Obama adopts White House mole, names him 'Guaca' in honor of Mexican president
Blumenthal injured by swiftboating, earns Purple Heart
Spurred by Arizona immigration controversy, Obama Administration moves to secure the border with Canada
We are all greeks now!
Angry drug smugglers and human traffickers become latest group to boycott Arizona over immigration law
CNN: Failed Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad had links to Pakistani Tea Party movement
President to remove oil slick with effective Toxic Accident Leak Kleaner (TALK), which is cheap and easily spreadable with mass media applicators
Loophole preemptively shuts down three branches of government, coinciding with Obama preemptively shutting down oil production
SEC researchers watch porn, discover ways to self-stimulate economy
Federal gov't sets stage to bail out federal gov't
Obama reaches out to Tea Parties, incorporates their ideas of limited gov't in new multi-trillion dollar stimulus package
Focus group: tanning salon tax disproportionately targets white people
Fidel Castro endorses Joe Biden's comment on passing healthcare reform
Pelosi: Voting one by one is so 18th century
Healthcare summit: Obama reveals he is bipartisan-curious
The new battle cry of Massachusetts: The turncoats are coming!
Crouching Tiger, Slouching Press
Deniers drop tons of foot powder on Washington to emulate snow blizzard during hottest Global Warming winter on record
Radical anti- American leader blames US for Global Warming
Obama's SOTU changes the meaning of "cultivate" to "cultiveight": build up a perception that the current woes are the result of the previous eight years
O's first year in office: 2 million jobs saved, 76 major natural disasters prevented
Dead-Americans claim voter fraud in Massachusetts: cemeteries denied access to polling places, Senator Kennedy demands recount
Defeated in Mass elections, Obama warns against getting a ride from anyone in Kennedy's seat
Mayor Nagin sends 200 school buses to Haiti; Gov. Blanco appointed to oversee construction of Superdome
Closer inspection of Kennedy Seat revealed it's an old car seat with water damage
Unusually cold winter causes liberals to keep hands in OWN pockets
Obama's DHS: Detroit attack 'wardrobe malfunction'
Air Force deploys eavesdropping spy plane codenamed 'Jewish mother'
Seven more women claim to have had lip exchanges with St. Nick underneath mistletoe
Mrs. Claus found standing over bleeding hubby next to wrecked sleigh, holding nutcracker
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Time editors still undecided who to select as 'Barack of the Year' in 2009
Obama revolutionizes war: 'leaving' is the new 'victory'
ACORN to change name to CHESTNUT; meaning of new acronym still being debated
Obama's new autobiography tentatively titled Going Rouge
Antartica's Ross Island Detainment Center (RID-C) receives first batch of climate-change skeptics
Obama saves big on high cost of turkey for the troops by delaying Afghan surge until after Thanksgiving
Retailers begin annual cash- in on Christian holiday they refuse to mention by name
Christmas & Healthcare Reform season classic:
It's a Wonderful Death!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
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Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counseling techniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
buy this stickerObama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Saudis: the word 'assassination' will never be the same
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union Label
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
National-socialist health care?
Obamacare is finger-liking good!
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Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
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Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
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Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry
Dow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents use
DHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube
Obama gives Queen a shovel
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Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism
Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism
NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don't leave home without it'
Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans'
After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape
Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh
Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend
Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside
Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes"
Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth
 click here for the story   |   click here for the story  |
Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge
Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans
Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge
Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention
Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies
MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush'
Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'
More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers
Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama
Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20
Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America
You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy
Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.
Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers
Somali pirates hijack international space station
Laika the Space Dog considered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"
CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria
US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we'll be a Peace Keeping force
Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!
Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud
Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'
Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber
Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them
World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'
Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'
Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash
Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN
Biden calls taxes patriotic
Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"
Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby
Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"
Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart
Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked
Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan
Obama beats Hillary to oveted CPUSA endorsement
February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."
Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag
US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph
Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score
Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected
Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals
International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes
Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years
NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq
Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia
Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached
Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge
Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.
Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures
Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt
Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?
CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company
Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day:
HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?
Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest
Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake
Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'
NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station
Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination
Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media
Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'
Hillary supporters
organize against Obama
Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton
Janet Reno congratulates
Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead
Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up
New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar
As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket
Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it
International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma
Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
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Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!
Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools
Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich
Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise
Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich
Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope
Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners
Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change
Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course
Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare
Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy
Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month
NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes
Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"
Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment
Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"
LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead
USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller
Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's
lead, declare "there are no
dykes in Holland"
Reid: The war on fire is lost
MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home
Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire
Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia
Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California
NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires
USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp
Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote
London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard
To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam
Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself
Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time
Va Tech lessons for MSM: ban guns, rich kids
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