on occasion of May 1st International Workers' Solidarity Day
Delivered by Laika the Space Dog, Member of Politburo, Friend of Progressive People
Congratulations on surviving another year in our glorious struggle for the Revolution! Today is our one and only holiday. You are all required to attend mandatory spontaneous demonstrations here in the Nova Motherland.
Comrade Kennedy has assured us that all vodka rations will be quadrupled for the joyous masses at each rally.
(For those in the Politburo, the party has secured some excellent single batch oak barrel aged bourgeoisie bourbon. Present your politburo card at any distribution point and you will be directed to the secured location). ~
Wear your brightest red scarfs, shirts, pants, hats, condoms, etc... If you don't have a red shirt, see the dry goods section and order one (for a few rubles you can become a fashion plate of the proletarians). If you don't have a red condom, ask Comrade Your Highness Hillary. She's been stocking up in future anticipation of White House Christmas trees. If not, come naked, especially female comrades because I understand Comrade Flat Gareth is still looking for very desirable revolutionaries and Comrades Kennedy and Bill Clinton will be giving staff interviews.
Slogans are required. This year's theme is "Save our Socialist Security" You are required to chant "It's not our money, it's the government's" and "Only bourgeois capitalists can't live off of less than 2% annual return on your lifetime investment in Socialist Security when you retire." Other approved party slogans include "Let the Demokratic Party decide what to do with that money, I'm too stupid to handle it myself." and "What, me worry? I'll be dead before I see a dime."
OK Comrades, you've been given your marching orders. Enjoy your one and only holiday!
When women start sporting purple headed heat seeking moisture missiles, then we can put their May Day display on this page. Have you never seen May Day in Red Square? (I know, I know. It's not quite the same as Union Square or Market Square here in the USSA) Miles and miles of missiles and missiles paraded on display showing our military might!
Sigh.........as Putin recently said "The (temporary) demise of the former Soviet Union was the greatest geo-political disaster of the last century."
I am sorry, the politburo apologizes, this was the best missile display we could find this May Day. It's just not the same, I know, but you'll get over it or it's gulag for you.
Lighten up! C'mon it our only holiday!
Kommissar BettyWho is Comrade fgalkin? did you just make that name up by banging on the keyboard with your head, or is that the actual name of someone? besides their name isn't even capitalized! You are in dire need of re-education, Rogue 9.
I am comrade fgalkin. It is my name. It is not capitalized for a reason, and no, it's not envy of Comrade e.e. cummings.
Have a very nice day.