On the solemn occasion of glorious holiday of Most Equal Friday, I always take inspiration from my favorite BO-spel verses. While some comrades favor the story of how The Leader employed 5000 from the loaves and taxes of only 300 million, others enjoy the story of how The One spared Sandra The Hoyalene from the slut shaming of Rushbo, high priest of the Bag-hendrin by saying, "Let he who is without the taint of white male heteronormative privilege cast the first aspersion."
Myself, I enjoy the passages from the early, simpler years of The One's ministry when He first began to reveal Himself to us.
"Now it came to pass that on the 83rd day of the ascendancy of The One that The Leader ventured forth from The Hill to the Town of George near the River Potomac to address the Catholics. But when He entered their temple and saw the graven and stained images behind His prompter, He became greatly angered -- Woe unto thee, O Catholics. How shall I speak here, for you have made My House into a den of religiosity and dogma. For it is written
I am The One thy Bam who leadeth thee out of the wilderness of the Bush years, there shall be no false gods behind me.
And lo the Catholics were rebuked and the idols were covered. But even as The One departed they spoke amongst themselves; "Do we not now this man's absentee father? Is he not Barack, the Marxist apparatchik from the land of Kenya? Was not his step-father of four years Lola the Jakartite Muslim? How can he say such things?" And thus their hearts were hardened.
Now after a period of 32 days, again didst The One venture forth ...
From Jonah Goldberg on Townhall.com: On April 12, The Wall Street Journal reported that the White House was still weighing requests from the Ukrainian government for other supplies such as "medical kits, uniforms, boots and military socks."
"You want to calibrate your chest-thumps," a senior military official told the Journal, explaining this step-by-step approach. "He does something else in Ukraine, we release the socks." Now, imagine you are Vladimir Putin. You illegally sent Russian soldiers without military insignia into Ukraine (a major violation of the Geneva Conventions). You lied about doing so at the time (Putin has since boasted that he did exactly that). And your aide brings in the news that a "senior military official" of the United States has announced that if you take another step toward carving up Ukraine, the U.S. will be forced to give the Ukrainians the socks they've been asking for.
Call me crazy, but I doubt the response will be "Comrades! Call it off! We can't take the chance that the Ukrainians will have warm, dry feet when we invade Kiev!"
Oh, Comrades! I know it's subversive to complain but I would die for warm dry feet! I can't think of a better reason to invade a capitalist haven!
If You Like Your Doctor-Patient Privilege You Can Keep It.
President Obama assures an patient on the verge of undergoing surgery for an intensely personal and private medical condition by telling the patient, "If you like your doctor-patient privilege, you can keep it," but of course he must omit the explaination that for the patient to refuse to waive such privilege would prohibit the surgeons from furnishing the surgery under ObamaCare.
Even as Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton pave the way for the "Ready for Hillary in 2016" campaign, they both gather with President Obama and Joe Biden to counteract METUGRICUNA among Millennials by assuring them that there's no reason for them to feel "Naked and Afraid" under Unlimited Government's awesomely benevolent powers and wisdom because "If you like your clothes, you can keep your clothes."
The annual White House Easter Egg roll could get an ethical upgrade this year if Moochelle just follows the advice of Ingrid Newkirk, President of PETA. After 135 years of White House Easter Egg Rolls, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is pressuring Michelle Obama to use fake Easter eggs at next Monday’s event. Those adorable PETA kids will tug at your heart with this sensible and humane message.
“For chickens on egg factory farms, Easter is not a time of renewal or joy. It can take up to 34 hours in typically hellish conditions for a hen to produce just one of the thousands of eggs slated to be used at the Easter Egg Roll. Furthermore, encouraging the consumption of cruelly sourced, unhealthy eggs is inconsistent with the goals of the ’Let’s Move!’ initiative. Eggs are laden with saturated animal fat and cholesterol, which are primary contributors to some of our nation’s top killers, including heart disease and strokes. One single large egg contains more cholesterol than two Big Mac (evil McDonalds) sandwiches do. It’s the wrong message to send to children.”
Our Obama Toy prototypes (inspired by the Twitter campaign) have finally arrived from our Union toy factory (we had to wait for the minimum wage strike to be over.) I think these will be very effective at indoctrinating the Universal Pre-K students, don't you?
My dear fellow travelers, we stand today at an important place in the beet field of history - while most of us here on The Cube are "Americans", we are more equally aware than our less equal non-cubing comrades of how far we have come and how incredibly close glorious Next Tuesday™ truly is!
Our very own People's Director has done his part for the Party, so to speak, in introducing us all to what will soon be worldwide Current Truth™ in Art. While the ignorant teabaggers may call it "propaganda", we know it for what it really is - Current Truth™ - and we should be grateful that Comrade Red Square has shared both his experience and his vision with us here on The Cube!
Just this afternoon I was reading about the glorious reform which is now sweeping the Motherland, courtesy of Comrade Vladimir Putin; I wept with joy, comrades, as I saw with my own eyes the similarities between what we commonly practice here on a daily basis on The Cube and what will soon be reality throughout the world.
But the Party does not seem to care as much about black people right now, as half of all black babies are killed before they are born by party supported abortion mills Choice Centers®. And Dear Leader's economic destructiontransformation plan has led to sub par levels of employment among his half brothers and half sisters.....
We must wait and see what the Party people will decide. Thoughts, Comrades?
In this trying week of religiosity and intolerance, let us pause for a moment, comrades, and reflect on the words of the Organizer Saul, in his letter to the BO-rinthians ..
"And cravenly seek the baser things. For I show you an even more corrupted way"
"Though I shriek with the tongues of demons and harpies but hath not envy, I am become unsounded brass and padded gongs. And though I have the gift of doublespeak and distorteth all truth and all wisdom and though I have hypocrisy and cynicism to divide whole civilizations into paralyzing rancor and despair but stirreth up no envy ... I am nothing."
"And though I tax all earned wealth to give to the idle and ungrateful and though I give up the careers and reputations of friends and underlings to be tosseth under the bus ... but increaseth not envy, it profits me nothing."
"Envy tolerates nothing and is cruel. Envy does not love. Envy seeks but to provoke, thinks naught but evil, rejoices in iniquity, recoils from the truth ... corrupts all things, finds all things unbearable, finds all things hopeless, makes all things unendurable."
"Envy never fails. But whether there are resentments, they will fail. Whether there is degeneracy, it will cease. Whether there are falsehoods, it will pass away. For now we lie in part and we dissemble in part, but when He who is The One has come, then measures that were partial will be done away with."
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, thought as a child, reasoned as a child, but when I failed to become a man, I redoubled my focus on childish things. But now abide Malice, Deceit and Envy -- but ...