As the Champion is running a campaign for president, the requests pile high for You know Who to do something. They need to do something in return for the Champ, Bill, and the fabulous daughter.
A blank check in the mail will do fine for them. Maybe a high transition to one of the Champ's causes, or go like the Bag Man funding them with groceries or private gifts. You may get American Uranium mines, have a secured network for private conversations, have American ports without a fuss, and much much more. Do not forget to send a request with the currency, and if it is enough, you will find your requests fulfilled.
Do not forget to contribute to the People's Cube. The People's Cube can give you gifts, but you must put in information at Store #86.
Comrades, as you know, there are many duties in our compound that require the use of chainsaws - from whacking beets to deterring escapees. All of these duties necessitate a sturdy operating piece of equipment.
At some point - it may have been between a mandatory union nap underneath a forest tree that needed to be cut down, or perhaps it was in a vodka stupor - possibly both, I can't remember - my chainsaw unfortunately broke and I was unable to perform my union duties.
Typically, this is an unforgivable offense. But because I have always been a faithful party member, Dear Leader allowed me one chance to get a replacement. However, due to the metal shortage and rationing, there were no available chainsaws in my sector; only in the People's Republic of California.
I was sent there to get the new chainsaw, but under two conditions: My passport was to be held in a locked safe in the union office; and I was not to ask for another tour for at least three years. I thought this was a fair compromise.
The trip by cattle train took five days. While in the open train car, I plotted the most efficient route to the chainsaw factory, to make good with my superiors.
I was sketching a map with a stick on the dirt floor of the cattle car, when I drifted off to the deafening lull of the metal wheels and the manure-scented breeze of the union farm fields.
I dreamed of anvils... and shovels... and wheelbarrows... and wool uniforms... when I awoke to see a rat, nibbling a hole through my best cotton Lenin shirt! Well, this was no good. I would have to use my ...
Microaggression: what is it and how to claim victimhood
Comrades, I am starting to see this term, "microaggression," used quite a bit in our Party's media. It also seems to come up in comments by womyn who post angry tirades korrekt opinions on reichwing rethugikkkan blogs.
I am but a simple prog. I do not understand what this microaggression means. Could someone give me the Current Truth™ about it?
If there are microaggressions, are there macroaggressions, mega-aggressions, meta-aggressions, or metroaggressions? And would metroaggressions be done by metrosexuals like Dear Leader? Are there minor aggressions and major aggressions? How does one tell a regular aggression from a microaggression? Can it be supersized? Can you get fries with it?
Who are the victims of microaggression? Does it allow to claim a victim status and demand some sort of benefits or reparations? Is such "victim of microaggression" status limited to certain groups like angry college womyn and is there an official victim card?
What should we do about microaggression? Should we ban it and come up with massive fines and jail time for microaggressors? Chop out their tongues? Put them on the rack? Confiscate their property? Force them to carry FLATUS along with 100 pounds of snacks around on a rickshaw by themselves? Make them eat FLATUS school lunches for the rest of their lives?
Am I asking too many questions? Would it be better if I just got an appointment on Commissarka Pinkie's calendar for some shovel therapy? And would such therapy be considered a microaggression or a macroaggression or something in between?
Thanks in advance, Comrades, for helping me to understand this new word in PeopleSpeak.
Intoxicated Biden vomits during book reading at preschool
CHICAGO, IL - A public relations nightmare ensued today after Vice President Joe Biden visited a prominent preschool in the greater Chicago area that enrolls the children of Chicago's elite citizens, while being heavily intoxicated. Despite the pleas of his security detail, Biden refused to cancel the reading of Of Thee I Sing: A Letter To My Daughters, a children's book written by Barack Obama.
Teachers at the school said they saw Biden stumble and lean against the wall as he made his way to the library where the event was held. They claimed the Vice President was acting combative towards a female Secret Service agent when she stood between him and the library door, begging him not to go in. Witnesses allegedly heard Biden yell, "God dammit, when I say I'm gonna do something I do it," before shoving the female agent out of the way and stumbling into the room.
Once inside the library Biden made an attempt to sit in his chair, falling to the ground as body guards rushed to his aid. Several dozen excited children watched as the Vice President swing his arms at the agents and said, "Get away from me I don't need your f****** help!" There was a slight gasp in the room from adults, while most children were still laughing at the sight of the Vice President falling down.
As the book reading began, even teachers in the back of the room reportedly began to notice the smell of alcohol. Biden was noticeably having difficulty reading the book. The Vice President mispronounced common words, repeated the same lines, and slurred as he followed the text with his finger while swaying in his seat.
Email probe finds Oval Office replica in Hillary's compound
CHAPPAQUA, NEW YORK – More proof of Hillary Clinton's compulsive presidential aspirations was revealed today by a former aide, Tyrone Gibson, who stepped forward to confirm the existence of a realistic replica of the Oval Office housed deep inside the Clinton compound in Chappaqua, NY, complete with high-definition virtual reality LCD "windows" that display views from the real Oval Office, including real-time weather and even the time of day.
The room is located in the same basement as the restricted facility containing Hillary Clinton's personal email server, which also happens to be a mock State Department machine. A Congressional inquiry into Mrs. Clinton's emails during her tenure as the Secretary of State has also led to an accidental discovery of the Oval Office replica.
Gibson said its construction started shortly after Clinton's failed presidential bid about six years ago, and was personally supervised by Hillary Clinton herself. Costing taxpayers roughly 125 million dollars, it was reported as an educational initiative, even though it has never been open to anyone except family members, select servants, and Clinton's personal aides.
"We were told to always address her as 'Madam President' whenever we set foot inside 'The Room', as we called it," Gibson said, noting that any other form of address would lead to a harsh punishment. "Sometimes she'd spend hours on the phone, talking to dead foreign leaders like Saddam Hussein and Moammar Ghaddafi," he said. "But the strange part was, the phone line had never been installed."
Servants who worked at the Clinton estate confirmed that Mrs. Clinton's demeanor would change in terrifying ways when she entered The Room. "There was some weird feeling about that place, as if something crawled under your skin as soon as ...
Excuse me Hillary but there's an error in your soup
Screenshot from The Clinton Foundation website today, April 23rd, 2015:
But now is revealed there have been "errors" in book-keeping and reporting to the IRS by the foundation, going back to 2010 when Hillary became Secretary of State. As Ann Coulter puts it in her weekly column:
There's the fact that the Clinton Foundation seems to have been little more than a personal cash cow for the Clintons and their friends, with $400 million out of $500 million going to pay "employees" of the foundation, plus another $25 million for employees' travel, and only $75 million, or 15 percent of the total haul, being used for anything vaguely related to "charity." The Clinton Foundation makes Al Sharpton's National Action Network almost look legit.
How long do you think it will take before the Clintons change their website to reflect that the vast right wing conspiracy is taking these simple book-keeping errors out of context in order to take over and destroy America?
Obama signs executive order to bus immigrants across border
WASHINGTON - Barack Obama signed an executive order today without any advance notice to start a bus line called the "Freedom Express" that runs through Mexico and into the United States with the purpose of easing border crossings for Mexican immigrants.
According to the new law, the passengers are not to be charged for the service, nor be burdened with interviews or searches by U.S. Customs as they cross the border. Upon their arrival to various destinations inside the United States, the new immigrants are to be given food stamps, driver's licenses, Obamaphones, social security cards, in-state tuition, an insurance policy, and $10,000 per person, or $20,000 per family plus additional $5,000 for every child under 26 years of age. All arrivals will also be automatically registered to vote in upcoming elections.
The taxpayer-funded "Freedom Express" will be operating around the clock starting July 4th - a symbolic date, which in the president's view should resonate all across the nation, impacting Americans not only financially, but also emotionally.
The President has declared this a major moment in American history, comparing "The Freedom Express" to the Underground Railroad in the sense that it also travels north.
On the Mexican side, bus stations will be erected in the most economically challenged communities with higher than average crime rates. On the U.S. side, destinations will include low-income housing projects in higher-income residential areas, currently being constructed by George Lucas or Jimmy Carter. The remainder will be housed at FEMA camps built as emergency shelters in case of "a major crisis on U.S. soil," which is exactly how President Obama's executive order describes the current immigration situation.
"We need to see these people as victims of their circumstances," the President ...
Perhaps you have seen this meme on social media several times, but didn’t know the clever pun behind it. You thought, as many others did, that “mitsake” was a misspelling of “mistake”. In fact, it is a clever pun which I, the People’s Historian, have fully researched.
Notice how the meme has the numbers 1 through 15 laid out in flawless order with the legend “Re-post when you find the mitsake” written underneath. This is actually a clever reference to the great Japanese mathematician Isoruko Mitsake who made one of the most important discoveries in the history of civilized man. It was he who discovered that numbers appear in a predictable sequence. Without his discovery, mathematics as we know it today would be impossible.
Isoruko MitsakeBut there’s more to his story.
Mitsake was born in 456 (note the irony of the sequential numbers in the year of his birth) during the Kofun or Yamato Period of Japanese history. Because of draconian budget cuts in social programs during the implementation of the Code of Bushido, young Mitsake was condemned to a life of self-reliance, low self-esteem, and poverty.
Being 1/32 Native American compounded his problems. “It was difficult to fit into Japanese culture when others look at you as not completely Japanese. Other children would taunt me by dancing in circles around me, making the “wa-wa-wa-wa-wa” sound, and sticking feathers in my hair.”
Mitsake, like many bright young children, did poorly in school and was often in trouble with the law. “I was always on the run from some shogun I had just dishonored by painting his caricature on a wall,” recalled Mitsake. “This was my chosen path until my life changed and ...