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A Letter to Me from Dear Leader!

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Comrades,

I must be the happiest Komissar on this Lenin-blessed Collective, for I have received an email from the Dear Leader himself. To think that he would take time out of his busy schedule of solving the world's problems, strolling with his wife, hugging his children, and walking his dog to email ME personally! Oh, gracious Darwin! But it's not just that he emailed me personally, but that he has emailed me to let all of us know that he has solved the health care crisis. Yes, comrades, solved it. Read this letter; it will bring joy to hearts burdened with eight years of terror, oppression, fascism, and the execution of 300,000,000 progressive comrades all buried in a secret grave in Nevada. Oh, there is one thing. I think they sent me the original draft with the strike-throughs still intact, but just ignore them.

The White House
Washington

Good afternoon,

You are receiving this email because you were signed up at WhiteHouse.gov. My staff and I plan to use these messages as a way to propagandize directly communicate about important issues and opportunities, and today I have some encouraging mandates updates about health care reform.

The Vice President and I just met with Joe's psychiatrist to discuss his delusional episodes and Rambo fantasies leaders from the House of Representatives and informed them of received their commitment to pass a comprehensive health care reform bill by July 31.

We also have an unprecedented commitment from health care industry leaders, many of whom opposed health reform in the past in the old days when people could speak freely without fear of incarceration or death threats from ACORN operatives. Monday, I threatened met with some of these health care stakeholders, and they pledged to do their part to reduce the health care spending growth rate, saving more than two thousand million billion trillion dollars over the next ten years – around $80 $1,100 $2,000 $2,500 for each American family. Then on Tuesday yes Tuesday!– next Tuesday is just around the corner, leaders from some of America's top companies came to the White House to showcase innovative ways to reduce health care costs by eliminating improving the health of their workers.

Now the House and Senate are beginning a critical propaganda offensive debate that will determine the health of our nation's economy and its families. This process should be transparent and inclusive heh-heh, heh-heh-heh-heh, Hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tee-hee chortle guffaw snort and its product must drive down costs until health care becomes unsustainable, assure quality and affordable health care for everyone, and guarantee all of us not you, you retarded prole! a choice of doctors and plans.

Reforming health care should also involve you uh, we're not asking. Think of other people who may want to stay up to date on health care reform and other national issues and tell them to join us here we are watching:

https://www.whitehouse.gov/EmailUpdates

Health care reform can't come soon enough as we're in the worst health care crisis since the first outbreak of bubonic plague. We spend more on health care than any country and we'll fix that too. In fact we'll just put an end to spending in the private sector altogether, but families The Children™! The Children™! The Children™! continue to struggle with skyrocketing premiums and nearly 400,000 4 million 4.6 million 46 million are without insurance entirely. It is a priority for the American people because we say so and a pillar of the new socialist order foundation we are seeking to build for your our economy.

We'll continue to keep you posted about this and other important issues so listen attentively to the loudspeaker outside the commandant's hut.

Thank you,
Barack Obama

P.S. If you'd like to get more in-depth information about health reform and how you can be compelled to pay for it participate, be sure to visit https://www.HealthReform.gov.

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The only health care that we need is to make sure that the proles are breeding to make more proles. All else is gravy. Once the young proles are able to take to the fields and procreate, then they're on their own.

Once the older proles can no longer do a full day's work in the beet fields, they will be made into Soylent Green.

Any more health care than that is a waste. And we'll vote them Democrat after they're dead--like this is new?

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Excellent letter Comrade Blogunov, you should feel like a very more equal prole to receive such treasured correspondence directly from Dear Leader. The strike-throughs only show how damn fast and desperate expediently his O'liness is pushing through our agenda.

But Commissar Theocritis, what of The Over Population Directive(TM)? Is this not why Dear Leader so vehemently supported the construction of Planned Parent Hood Huts(tm) on every city block? And is this not why the FDC-and-everything-else just gave 17 year olds the right to use the Morning After The Orgy Pill(TM) without a doctor or the antiquated notion of parental consent?

Remember The Over Population Directive(TM), Commissar... it's for The Children(TM)... er well you know what I mean, it's important dammit!

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HA! Truly I'm more equal than you (nyah, nyah). When I write to Dear Leader he doesn't merely answer my letter by email, he sends two nice men in black suits wearing sunglasses to visit with me.

I put on a pot of coffee and we sit and chat about this and that for hours. Sometimes they even give me ride to their local office in their nice shiny government car and have me fill out questionaires about what I think about gun control, the Constitution and whether I been to any Tea Parties lately.

They seem particularly interested in the People's Cube too. They want to know what kind of "birds" run it. I guess they're really into bird watching, go figger.

Clearly, Dear Leader is concerned about what us little folks think.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:The only health care that we need is to make sure that the proles are breeding to make more proles. All else is gravy. Once the young proles are able to take to the fields and procreate, then they're on their own.

Once the older proles can no longer do a full day's work in the beet fields, they will be made into Soylent Green.

Any more health care than that is a waste. And we'll vote them Democrat after they're dead--like this is new?

No, we need more health care than that. As we all know, Party members are more equal than others, and we need to be in top condition for making all the decisions. We must liberate people from the agony of making their own choices. Since making choices is so hard and living with the consequences is the best part, we will selflessly make all the decisions while the proles get to live with the consequences. We need things like jets, mansions, and golden toilet seats to ensure that we make the best decisions possible. I even have a very nice throne I inherited from my uncle. Here he is on it:

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*sniff* I miss him.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:The only health care that we need is to make sure that the proles are breeding to make more proles. All else is gravy. Once the young proles are able to take to the fields and procreate, then they're on their own.

I beg to differ Commissar. There should be but one rule. Young proles, in the height of their health and illusions of being young and healthy forever, should pay high, confiscatory fees for their health care for the Common Good™ (that is to say, for the Party's good). After say the age of 35, all bets are off. For this, we will need lots of young proles.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:HA! Truly I'm more equal than you (nyah, nyah). When I write to Dear Leader he doesn't merely answer my letter by email, he sends two nice men in black suits wearing sunglasses to visit with me.

What?!? This is an outrage! I am as more equal as anyone, and I have yet to have some representatives from the Dear Leader to come visit me despite my many invitations. Then again, perhaps they are doing more research on me and feel they may need more than the usual 2 man team?

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:HA! Truly I'm more equal than you (nyah, nyah). When I write to Dear Leader he doesn't merely answer my letter by email, he sends two nice men in black suits wearing sunglasses to visit with me.

Ah, I thought you looked familiar.

And Red Rooster, since you're new to the Collective I gently remind you that I am a Komissar, not a whatever that was you no doubt mistakenly called me.

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You're right, Theo, there's nothing new here at all, but all the young proles who have been protected from studying history think it's new. Every recent generation of prole offspring falls for it again and again! I stay up late some nights laughing myself silly over this.

Pupovich, who would have called you less equal!? I denounce the villain without a trial (of course, we only bother with those when we can find a camera).


 
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