Glorious comrades,

Just in from CNN:
Afghan soldiers desert as Taliban threatens key Helmand capital

The USA and EU have spent billions of dollars and euros (Consumer Exploitation Units) training and equipping the members of the Afghan Armed Forces. And now our friends in the Afghan army are finally using their training for the right cause: fighting the evil and oppressive Western civilisation!

One former soldier said (no satire, this is real... goosebumps:)

"My army training is very useful now, as I am training Taliban fighters with the same knowledge"

Ecological Activists from the Green movement in Europe and America have voiced justified concerns:

"If all these new terrorists take a plane to the West, this will be very bad for the environment. We demand jihadi training camps in our own countries right away!"

The Obama administration quickly complied, turning a large part of Fort Bragg into the first USA based jihadi training camp.

Lt. Col. Abu Bakr al-Amerikani, the new leading officer in camp, already stated that now logistics have become much easier, more money is available for the more important necessities of global jihad, like Semtex, rape-proof condoms and knife sharpeners.

Yours in thought control,

Minitrue

Comrade, this is good news. Finally, within those jihads a leader will arise which will finally allow the Hollywood community, which has been in a desperate need of another psychopathic murderer to actively glorify. Championing the causes for all sorts of societal throwaways allows our wonderful celebrities to worship and adore another lunatic despot so that they can demonstrate to the world how much they truly care for the oppressed within the safety confines of their palatial estates. While these trainees may become future leaders to finally destroy the “Great Satan” we must remember, as the beautiful people have forever reminded us, that these jihads are deeply sensitive people and training these jihads in the proper form of warfare will allow them to walk down the road to peace, once the proper amount of appropriate infidels are raped, stoned, beheaded and murdered or allow these affected groups greater political clout and access to American public funding…...

Desertion is relative.

Congress shall make no law establishing whose "side" one represents, and the ability to switch from one to another shall equally be represented in use of restrooms by self-identification.

So there.