Comrades, we all know that the dead workers and peasants of the USSA have voted many times for our socialist fraternal brothers and sisters in government. However, other than voting, these dead comrades do nothing for us. Is there not a way we can reanimate these corpses and put them to work? Perhaps feed them into one of Algore's new zero emission clean power plants? NecroPower anyone?

Brilliant comrade! Perhaps ACORN can set to work recruiting these non-corporeal cadres to better serve the living.

Sign them up for un-employment benefits, Welfare, Foodstamps and other progressive entitlements.

Then, have the Party seize that money from these dead fat cats and redistribute it to the rest of us.

NecroPower! The dead represent the last untapped reservoir of oppression, discrimination and potential political power in the country! Just think of the guilt that can be generated when a progressive leader stands in front of a bunch of TV cameras with a decaying, rotting corpse and shames America for letting one of its citizens live exist [help me out here] in such shoddy conditions. This will drive a media-induced crisis atmosphere which will mobilize the masses into demanding more government programs to help the corporeally-challenged. Billions will be spent for programs like job-training, housing, health, education and, of course, voter-registration outreach. Naturally, an army of progressive social engineers will need to be employed to administer these programs. A huge new bureaucracy of apparatchiks, hacks, consultants, relatives and political appointees will be required to manage this army, all lured into public service with the huge salaries and generous benefits and pensions that they so richly deserve. Of course, everyone must be unionized so that they can demand even more rewards from the taxpayers in return for their selfless service to the dead. [Sigh] It will be progressive heaven! I can almost feel the tears welling up already as my heart begins to bleed over the plight of the necro-Americans. Wah, wah.... call the media.... we must do something!

Comrades, of course the un-needed necrovoters are put to good use by the state. In fact, with the Obamessiah's call for increased infrastructure projects, more and more necrovoters will be called up for service to the state. In fact, you will find necrovoters in the very foundations of some of the state's greatest infrastructure projects such as bridges, dams, building foundations etc. In fact, it is not unusual to find hundreds and thousands of current oxygen consumers who will voluntarily retire from the ranks of oxygen consumers to join the masses of necrovoters so they can be an integral part of glorious state projects forever. But for now, perhaps the less said about this, the better, da?

Obviously, they will emulate The One both in party politics well as not having to produce a valid death certificate.

Happily they will require billions in Health Care. Think of the money that will be spent to delay the putrification of all those valuable party members. Of course this will also require another large red-tape bureaucracy to run it.

This will be far easier to manage then health care for the living. The win-win situation for the Party is that Obama's socialized health care plan will ensure that many currently living proles will soon be converted into the vastly more reneweable Necro-Power!

The question is how soon before people die should they file for their Deadicare Card (See below)?? 1 or 2 years before they die or is one automatically issued at the time of death or at birth? Clearly we need to iron out just a few more details.

Comrade357, I must disagree with you. If our NecroVoters are used for fuel, what is to stop the many cemetary owners voting district captains from selling these valuable votes for profit? Think about that, Comrade! Millions of votes lost so some capitalist can have both a summer and winter dacha! Unacceptable!

I propose we use them in other areas where voting is necessary. We could seat them on juries, school boards, city councils, anywhere there is a vote that needs to be cast for socialism! Some of you might think that appearance and odor would be a problem. Fear not! The Politburo The One The President will instruct the People's Soviet The Congress to pass a law forbidding any question about these true socialist NecroVoters. Anyone with questions will find themselves at the train station, shovel in hand.

Comrade357, I do applaud your idea to further the pace of Progress in this vast wasteland of freedom. I just believe we should put this untapped resource to good socialist work! An extra half-ration of beet for you!

Proletarian Robot wrote:Happily they will require billions in Health Care. Think of the money that will be spent to delay the putrification of all those valuable party members. Of course this will also require another large red-tape bureaucracy to run it.

Comrade Robot, I find myself wondering if you need a refresher course at the Karl Marx Re-Education Center. Do you imagine for a Leningrad second that the Party would actually spend OPM on such an expense? That is the sort of response the non-progressive money grubbing republican would expect from their money grubbing BIG Health insurance companies. It is one thing for the Party to appropriate OPM with the stated aim of spending it healing less equal party members, another thing altogether to actually spend this resource trying to heal aging oxygen consumers that quickly out live their usefulness. Now of course we do support large red-tape bureaucracies to provide "jobs" for less equal party members to keep them at a certain level of Marxist prosperity to qualm any counter-revolutionary thinking or activities, and because it gives a "face" for justifying our need for more OPM. But do you really believe the Party will use that OPM on costly medical treatments for these less equal masses much less on common proles and kulaks? When Inner Circle more equals such as myself need an extra sauna attached to my summer dacha? Should I have to wait for my gold plated Harley with baby seal skin seat just to take care of some one who comes down with cancer from eating at a McDonalds?

If this is so Comrade,. grab your shovel and report to the nearest detention station for your bus ride to the KMRC. Oh, and be sure to tell them Marshal Pupovich sent you.....I am eligible for Frequent Denunciation Credits for references.

Ahh an extra half beet ration! Please tell me that was redistributed from the table of a capitalist fat cat.

Stalin for Time wrote:Comrade357, I must disagree with you. If our NecroVoters are used for fuel, what is to stop the many cemetary owners voting district captains from selling these valuable votes for profit? Think about that, Comrade! Millions of votes lost so some capitalist can have both a summer and winter dacha! Unacceptable!

I propose we use them in other areas where voting is necessary. We could seat them on juries, school boards, city councils, anywhere there is a vote that needs to be cast for socialism! Some of you might think that appearance and odor would be a problem.

Sigh.... yet another Comrade that I must correct. Comrade Stalin for Time, while I admire your choice of namesakes, a tribute to my Uncle Iosef, I feel I should point out that there will be an exponentially decreasing need for necro voters now that the World of Next Tuesday has arrived, and the Obama risen. Sure, we will maintain a need for voters and the associated ceremonial rites. but let's face it, with only one candidate for any position, or non-conflicting propositions on any ballot, there really is no great need for a large number of voters. It is the percentage of votes that will count, and that will always be over 98%.

Comrade 357, or now known as 7.62 Possible soon to be known as 7.62 X 39 or
7.62 X 54 or perhaps just 308. No matter. I for one am glad to see you taking up the plight of the Dead Voter, Dead citizen. Accorn obvious has touched your life.

Being the head of a wonderful peoples Bureau, as the Commissar of kicking doors at Midnight, I am always looking for ways to get people fruadulantly on the books, for good dependable recruits. This untapped Cash generating fraud, pool of dependable employees maybe just what I am looking for.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go see what my goons stole, evidence was collected last night.

We are having a New Years Party tonight, I told them to steal good pick up good stuff

We have been doing some cross training Reiuxcat and Obamissar Vodkavich have volunteered, and some surprises were seen, Reiuxcat a sweet looking Tabby could knock a door off it's hinges and line it's pockets of Rethuglican bootie before you could say Obamessiah. A admiral trait for a Progressive.

Obamissar Vodkavich The Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products, did well in rounding up Proles and shipping them to the Gulags with speed rarely seen. Not to mention put a nice Christmas tree air freshener, had a Prole wash, clean and wax my state issued ZIL. It is now my turn, I will be going with him for gulag inspection.

Perhaps we should expand the cross training, perhaps a Six Sigma approach is in order.

Yes I can see it now....

Red Star wrote:Comrade 357, or now known as 7.62 Possible soon to be known as 7.62 X 39 or
7.62 X 54 or perhaps just 308. No matter. I for one am glad to see you taking up the plight of the Dead Voter, Dead citizen. Accorn obvious has touched your life.

It would be 7.62x54r primarily. A glorious revolutionary round, one of the few good things to come from the oppressive imperialistic regime of the Czars.

Good man nothing like an SVD-Dragunov Rifle. And nothing wrong with the venerable Mosin Nagant, timeless and dependable.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Comrade Robot, I find myself wondering if you need a refresher course at the Karl Marx Re-Education Center.
[/HIGHLIGHT]

Marshal Pupovich,

My reprogramming re-education has just finished downloading. My previous entry was likely due to a bad checksum….

The re-education process consisted of being forced privileged to watch on a continuous feed back loop the discussion where The One conquered the reprehensible Republican Joe the Plumber in their impromptu debate concerning Obama's redistribution (sleight-of-hand) economics. I am now convinced, as are the vast majority of liberals, that Joe was mad at Obama for being offered a tax break.

My educational process went on for hours and hours. I was rather saddened that it took so long to sink-in with me. In comparison it only took just a few minutes to re-educate the former Hillary Clinton Democrats.

Now thanks to The Current Truth^TM my previous erroneous statement of “Happily they will require billions in Health Care,” has now been changed to “Happily they will seemingly require billions in Health Care. Wikipedia has already made the historical adjustments.

The Party can now build large gleaming hospitals as part of its' public works projects. They will be empty of course. They will be used merely as props by the party to display the Obamessiah's concern for collective. They will not be staffed by any competent physicians because under Obama's socialization no one wants to train for a minimum of 11 years to earn the same amount as the custodian. In fact the custodian will likely be promoted to the level for physician for reporting thought criminals. The end result of this process will be to generate the much needed Necro-Power to support the Party further.

Outstanding Comrade Robot! You have done well. More and more, I see myself as being the Pure Progressive Party Pup!

Red Star, I am very glad to see that you are taking your duties of Commissar of Kicking in Doors at Midnight seriously. There are lots of doors which need kicking in. In fact the doors of people whom I don't quite like, or who have pissed me off, or who have looked at me funny. Because kicking in doors is a serious responsibility. Kick, turn, kick, turn, to the wall, kick, turn. It's balletic.

And what's the bit about seeming to require billions in health care? We <i>never</i> estimate what something will cost because that's for other people to to. Socialized medicine? The next generation. Union pensions? The next generation. Responsibility? The next generation.

Just ask yourself: what would Nansky do? What would Harry do?

And then you know what a good progressive would do.

....Take a deep breath and don't put a gun against your head. Someone will pick up the pieces. You're a progressive after all, and that means never having to say you're sorry.

Thank you for your kind words, Most Great and Powerful leader. I do take my job seriously. Ask Pupovich We made so many special trips to kick his door in, he replaced it with a piece of plate steel, further wrote an obscenity addressed to me and my finely trained staff. He also wrote F&*# Theocritus, and the horse he rode in on. Praise be to Meow!!! This would not have been so offensive to us, but he drew a picture of you, rather unflattering I might add.

Rest assured Great leader, we have procured a plasma cutter and are going back when he least expects us. (We'll show him who's in charge!!!) (Demonic laughter).

Kind and Generous leader, it might please you to know, my goons are taking tap lessons, (At their own expense) they feel that is will be more amusing if they tap like Fred Aster Википедија, prior to kicking in a Rethuglicans door. One of my goons said to a victim, I dance like Danny (F@*%) Kay, Assh*@&. I informed him that was not polite. (Nothing I can stand Less than an Impolite Goon!!!)

Red Star, it is a wise decision for your goons to take tap lessons. This keeps them limber. Have you ever tried to take out say a break dancer? Your goons need to be limber then.

And I very much like the idea of taking out Pupovich. He has <i>claimed</i> that he hasn't taught the birds to do talent shitting on the Rancho de Rio Grande but Pupovich is a Progressive, which means never having to say you're sorry. I trust him up to four seconds with my back turned but he didn't get to his level without leaving footprints on the heads of a lot of people.

Plasma cutter? Hmmm. I wonder if Che Gourmet could use that to make creme brulee as the final meal for the proles...

Comrades,

When it comes to untapped undead labor (or, for Commonweal(th) readers, undead Labour), the Hoodoo Gurus' mildly necrophobic song "Dig It Up" contains the following lyrics:

You can't bury love
You gotta dig it up

Just apply a little Change™ and "love" turns into labor or votes.

Some fellow oppressed worker has liberated a live version of the song with sound quality that, frankly, isn't quality:
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/vlZjePbf-cs&h ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Red Star, it is a wise decision for your goons to take tap lessons. This keeps them limber. Have you ever tried to take out say a break dancer? Your goons need to be limber then.

And I very much like the idea of taking out Pupovich. He has <i>claimed</i> that he hasn't taught the birds to do talent shitting on the Rancho de Rio Grande but Pupovich is a Progressive, which means never having to say you're sorry. I trust him up to four seconds with my back turned but he didn't get to his level without leaving footprints on the heads of a lot of people.

Plasma cutter? Hmmm. I wonder if Che Gourmet could use that to make creme brulee as the [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]final meal for the proles[/HIGHLIGHT]...

Commissar, Commissar,

Have you indulged in too much bloodletting lately? Why in Stalin's fantasies would you want proles to taste my unbelievably luscious creme brulee as a final meal? That is very expensive (at least the way I make it) and they are just lowly proles, after all. I could give them arsenic-laced chocolate pudding and they wouldn't be the wiser. Tsk...Tsk....man, are you going soft on me?
And I don't need to use a plasma cutter, but it does sound like an interesting tool for polishing the People's Silver Service. Besides, Red Star got into a huff the last time I appropriated one of his toys, and I don't need my door kicked in.....not if he knows what's good for him.......spits and pushes prole into a steaming vat of gruel.......

Che Gourmet wrote:

Commissar Theocritus wrote:but it does sound like an interesting tool for polishing the People's Silver Service. Besides, Red Star got into a huff the last time I appropriated one of his toys, and I don't need my door kicked in.....not if he knows what's good for him.......spits and pushes prole into a steaming vat of gruel.......

Che my Friend, I apologized to you, and I am sorry for blaming you. We both did not immediately know it was Bruno and Billy Bubba Klinton playing with spray cans,
"I suspect Pupovich gave them to him", besides the Proles were able to scrub the pictures they painted off the helicopter. I told you you were welcome to use it anytime you wanted. And I would never kick in your door, Well most likely would not, Ok as long as you keep giving me Blueberry Muffins you don't have to worry about it.

Comrade Che Gourmet,

The peanut soup will be made this week, I believe. I will boil and shred some chicken (no, not some poseur revolutionary, although all cultures being equal and Gaia polluted with our species, that's a possibility) to throw in it as well.

Comrades, I think that I have found more uses for a plasma cutter.

First, to cut proles into little tiny bits the next time that we have an election that won't work out the right way. That is before elections are banned.

Second, Meow has put in steel doors on his dacha. And those Hummels are winking at me.

And Che, the creme brulee would not have to be made of expensive ingredients. All that excess milk from the subsidized northeast, you know, that we're paying for.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrades, I think that I have found more uses for a plasma cutter.


Meow has put in steel doors on his dacha. And those Hummels are winking at me.

Consider it done Kind and Fearless leader, My Goons are in route, they have been instructed to Liberate the "You know whats" and not as much as a scratch, or we test new uses of a plasma cutter.

I also instructed them to leave some clues of who we are framing did this act.

Red Star, when I get home tomorrow I hope to find my Rancho to be in pristine condition, has Pupovich has promised. But if not then I think that the next use for the plasma cutter will be his dacha.

After all, if you have a hammer, all problems need a hammer. And we have a plasma cutter.

Now I'm thinking of getting a Jaws of Life. Any ideas?

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

Do you mean a Jaws of Progressive Life? If I remember, Jaws was Brezhnev's favorite banned movie.

For some reason Jaws reminds me of Henry Waxman.