LOS ANGELES, CA - Cries for social justice erupted at Williamston High School yesterday when sixty-five-year-old Dr. Terrence Higgens, a white English teacher at the school, approached a group of eight African-American students, all wearing 'Black Lives Matter' shirts, during lunch hour and asked them to "pull their sagging pants up," adding that it looks "ridiculous."

The students became enraged at the remark and started arguing aggressively, accusing the teacher of racism and referring to Higgens as "whitey."

According to witnesses, the heated exchange led to Higgens being knocked over by one of the students. As soon as the elderly teacher was on the ground, the group was seen circling Higgens and kicking him with their feet, breaking multiple ribs, his left arm, and jaw in the attack. It was later determined that the impact from the initial fall also caused Higgens to break his right hip.

School officials confirmed that this was not the first time Higgens has incited racial tensions in recent years. He has also been known to correct grammar and pronunciation of some students who were using Ebonics, which the school officially recognizes as a vernacular form of English appropriate among African-Americans in low income communities. In spite of the official status and recognition, Higgens nevertheless continued to call the Ebonics speech "improper."

While still in the ambulance on his way to the hospital, Higgens received a text message notifying him that his employment at Williamston had been terminated, along with his employer-provided health insurance and his pension, thus ending his 43-year career as a teacher on the verge of retirement.

The incident caused school administration to issue an official apology to the students in question, who were also promised automatic A grades in all their classes for the remainder of the year as a compensation for the pain and suffering inflicted on them by Higgins' racist remarks that belittled African-American culture.

An official statement released by the school on the following morning stated, "We understand and feel the pain caused by the former member of our staff here at Williamston. We would like to assure everyone that the rest of the educational staff do not share the racist views expressed by Higgens with regards to the language and fashion of our minority students, for which we are offering sincerest apologies to all our students and the community at large."

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Yeah, man, that's unfair! That's how we deal our crack! Free enterprise, that's what we want. Yeah, that's the ticket. Low pants=free enterprise! There ya go, honky! YOU deal with it.

This is completely unfair. He's been with the school system for 43 years and they cut his benefits and pension. Aren't they going to demand he pay reparations, as well?

This causes me concern.

is it also racist to tell a white male to fix his tie?

am I a mysogynist if I tell a woman I support her decision not to wear a brassiere?

If I tell a youngster to "take that out of your mouth, you don't know where it's been..." am I homophobic?

If I call someone a stupid-assed moron, and I victim-shaming?

I do hope Next Tuesday gets here soon.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:This causes me concern.

is it also racist to tell a white male to fix his tie?

[highlight=#ffff00]am I a mysogynist if I tell a woman I support her decision not to wear a brassiere?[/highlight]

If I tell a youngster to [highlight=#FFFF00]"take that out of your mouth[/highlight], you don't know where it's been..." am I homophobic?

If I call someone a stupid-assed moron, and I victim-shaming?

I do hope Next Tuesday gets here soon.

No Comrade Ivan,

You're considered a mysogynist only if you support a woman [highlight=#ffff00]after[/highlight] she takes off her bra and refuse to take it out of [highlight=#ffff00]your[/highlight] mouth!

Pamalinsky wrote:Yeah, man, that's unfair! That's how we deal our crack! Free enterprise, that's what we want. Yeah, that's the ticket. Low pants=free enterprise! There ya go, honky! YOU deal with it.

You frontin'!? 'Cuz it be soundin' like yo ass ain't believin the ghetto's rules wit' all yo heart. Step up yo reeducation game or imma bust a gulag in yo ass.

Bump.

Red Square wrote:Bump.

You gotta be careful with those bumps. You'll blow out the suspension. Plus, what if you happen to bump Comrade Chedoh's car? He might then accuse you of a fender-bender and be sent to the Gulag for insubordination. Is that what you want? He's a star reporter; Part of our A-Team! Excuse me if I sound disrespectful Comrade Director, but all I'm saying is that you can't just go and be bumping everything in sight. Soon you'll be bumping the Kubes, your throne, the Laika Transmission equipment, and you might even bump the power cord to the People's Kube server! Then what will we do? How will we instigate revolution without your leadership which is more equal than our leadership?

Tell us, O wise Soviet leader, what shall we do if you are gone? Shall we continue on? Shall we instigate revolution to avenge your death? Shall we buy the entire stock of Kubes and make your wonderful widow filthy rich? Tell us, wise ruler, for we are merely humble farm workers and miners, we know nothing of government. We know nothing of kingship, of management, of money. The only thing we know how to do is to serve the Motherland with our gifts of labor and faith for a bright red future! We know nothing. That is our kollektive's cry, our cheer of pride and hope, but if we must know SOMETHING, let it be your last will and testament for your army of Kubists ready to be activated at a moment's notice. Tell us, Commodore of Communism, Leader of Lemmings, Pontiff of Propaganda, Imam of Irrationality, what are we to do once the last heartbeat of Kommunist Red Blood courses through thine veins and ceases to brighten thy divine countenance?

[OFF]

I couldn't help myself.

Komrade Stierlitz,

That rant was quite impressive. It brought a tear to my eye. Yes, it did.
Keep it up! Sometimes ya gotta cry to keep from laughin'.

Edit: Changed the last line.

Comrades,

It is my unhappy duty to denounce the following "former" comrades for mocking our ghetto brothers in a hurtful, spoofing, and non-supportive manner - namely, I denounce Jimmy Fallon and the entire staff of MSNBC for the Jan 23, 2010 outrage illustrated below:

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Pamalinsky wrote:Yeah, man, that's unfair! That's how we deal our crack! Free enterprise, that's what we want. Yeah, that's the ticket. Low pants=free enterprise! There ya go, honky! YOU deal with it.

You frontin'!? 'Cuz it be soundin' like yo ass ain't believin the ghetto's rules wit' all yo heart. Step up yo reeducation game or imma bust a gulag in yo ass.

Hey brutha! Why you be dissin' me like that? We be usin' taqqiya like we learned from our bruthas in prison. Try to keep up. Peace!