On the morning of Democrat primaries in six states including the key state of California, the Associated Press told voters to stay home and not bother because Hillary Clinton had already been elected President of United States.

"We needed to protect President Hillary Clinton from further embarrassing defeats in today's primaries," said an AP spokesperson. "At first we were just going to say she had enough superdelegates to win the Democrat Party nomination. But then we thought, why stop there?"

In order to maintain journalistic integrity, the AP did not report that President Hillary Clinton had also won reelection to a second term in the 2020 race.

Hillary Clinton Clinches the Nomination. Will Bernie Sanders Fight On?

Imagine how excited the media is. They just can't hold it another second. This may be the biggest premature ejaculation of all time.

RigorMortisForHim

All Hail the Golden Goddess of Light.

Comrade Biffinaditch wrote:All Hail the Golden Goddess of Light.

How Hillary Let Russia Buy 20% of U.S. Uranium

"She didn't build that!..."

Can we just go ahead and let AP announce her victory in November now and save the trouble of actually holding an election?

Ivan Betinov wrote:Can we just go ahead and let AP announce her victory in November now and save the trouble of actually holding an election?

But would this not trample upon the voting rights of the dead, the undocumented, the multiple-balloted and the justice-involved?

Ivan Betinov wrote:Can we just go ahead and let AP announce her victory in November now and save the trouble of actually holding an election?

It would be sexist to deny the Masses™ the spectacle and pageantry of the Greatest Show on Earth.