|The Log Jam|
One spring day, years ago before we were aware that logging was an evil capitalist plot to destroy the planet. The oppressed logging workers on the Wisconsin River discovered a huge log jam, the biggest they'd ever seen. The logs were piled about two hundred feet high and the jam went upriver for a mile or more. Those loggers chopped and hauled at the jam, but it wouldn't budge an inch. So they called for Barack Obama to give them a hand.
Barack Obama and Babe the Blue State Ox sized up the log jam. Then Barack told the loggers to stand back. He put Babe in the river in front of the log jam and began shooting his registered shotgun which he purchased after a full background check, and a 3 day waiting period, peppering the Blue State Ox with shot. Babe thought he was being bothered by a particularly nasty breed of fly, so he began swishing his tail back and forth.
Well, that stirred things up a bit in the river. It got so agitated that the water began to flow upstream, taking the logs with it. Bit by bit, the log jam broke apart. Finally, Barack pulled Babe out of the water, and the river and logs began to float downstream again the way they should.
|Steel Driving Man|
Now Barack Obama is a mighty man, yes sir. He went to work as a steel-driver for the Chesapeake & Ohio Railroad, don't ya know. Because of the Bush economy there were only two career choices for poor minorities, join the military and kill innocent people around the world, or backbreaking manual labor. Now Barack Obama was the strongest, the most powerful man working the rails for the capitalist oppressors.
Barack Obama, he would spend his day's drilling holes by hitting thick steel spikes into rocks with his faithful shaker crouching close to the hole, turning the drill after each mighty blow. There was no one who could match him, though many tried.
Well, the new railroad was moving along right quick, thanks in no little part to the mighty Barack Obama. But looming right smack in its path was a mighty Big Bend Mountain. Now the big bad bosses at the C&O Railroad decided that they couldn't go around the mile and a quarter thick mountain.
No sir, the evil masters of the C&O were determined to go through it - drilling right into the heart of the mountain. Regardless of the damage it would inflict on the eco-system and the workers. A million men would lose their lives before the great mountain was conquered for no other reason then to fill the pockets of greedy wealthy Big Rail. It took three long years, and before it was done the ground outside the mountain was filled with makeshift, sandy graves.
The new tunnels were filled with smoke and dust. Ya couldn't see no-how and could hardly breathe. But Barack Obama, he worked tirelessly, drilling with a 14-pound hammer, and going 10 to 12 feet in one workday. No one else could match him.
Then one day a salesman came along to the camp. He had a hydro-carbon powered drill and claimed it could out-drill any man. Well, they set up a contest then and there between Barack Obama and that there drill. The foreman ran that newfangled polluting drill. Barack Obama, he just pulled out two 20-pound hammers, one in each hand. They drilled and drilled, dust rising everywhere. The men were howling and cheering. At the end of 35 minutes, Barack Obama had drilled two seven foot holes - a total of fourteen feet, while the polluting hydro-carbon drill had only drilled one nine-foot hole. Barack Obama held up his hammers in triumph and shouted, Yes We Can!
One man, rising above the KKKapitalist system of oppression and exploitation to show the power of Progressive ideals. This will be required curriculum for The Children™ in the Public skool system.
I hope there's an episode of the Mighty Barack Obama defeating the Dragon that is Hillary. And maybe one with "Mr. Obama goes to Washington" too.
I wonder how he is with a shovel . . . ?
Premier BettyA true people’s hero and a much better folk hero than Hillary.
Commissarka PinkieHm, he wears a red shirt.
I wonder how he is with a shovel . . . ?
Oooooo... some Comrade's got a cruuu-uuush!
Yes, we can!
Actually, this is clearly a great endorsement!
Komrade Zarkofa true man of the people, who is sympathetic to the needs of his fellow man.
Yes. A true... man(?) who is not afraid to receive a blowjob in exchange for cocaine.
What's a fine Progressive leader to do but get a blow(job) when he's doing some blow. In his nose and out his hose. HOPE for more DOPE. YES HE CAN!!
I wouldn't be surprised to find out this proles limo is a 63 Rambler. He is no doubt, an agent for Hillary.
Here are some of B. Hussein Obama's folks just being themselves.
Commissar PupovichBut he does have a red shirt on.... Oh Dear Lenin, I hope Commissarka Pinkie doesn't notice that. Of course, he could well be a Hillary plant, she has quite a green thumb.
Oh, do give me some credit, Pupovich. You may find this hard to believe, but even I have standards.
Besides, if I lusted and slobbered and swooned after every man who wears a red shirt, then no man would wear a red shirt.
This guy doesn't look (or even sound) like someone who hangs out in "upscale lounges" where he picks up state reps only to take them for a ride in his "limo."
Finally, what's the deal with wearing a baseball cap indoors? Who among you can explain that great mystery to me? I see it here, I see it in good restaurants. Is it supposed to be the baby boomer/Gen X equivalent of the equally tacky "comb-over", or what?
I say just tattoo the word LOSER across your forehead, and be done with it.
MaksimNext episode: Barack Obama Rides a Tornado
Oh, oh, oh!
Here's an idea for an episode: Svengali Obama the hypnotist, er I mean - hopenotist. He mesmerizes the circus crowd at the Democratic Party three ring circus with hopenotism, making volunteers do all kinds of silly things in front of the world audience.
If it's to hide the LOSER tattoo on their forehead, they're merely being redundant.
You guys are evading my question! It's not as if I'm asking for details of your brilliant plan to end poverty, fix Social Security, provide health care, or bring the troops home without damaging the Iraqi infrastructure.
Allow me to elaborate using facts and figures that I completely made up just now:
- Nearly 30 million men suffer from Obssesive Baseball Cap Disorder (OBCD) and are currently without quality, affordable health insurance.
- Of that 30 million men, nearly 20 million have to choose between wearing their baseball cap or paying for their prescription medications.
- Some of those within the 20 million (roughly 13 million) have to choose between their baseball cap, prescription medications AND their groceries.
- Nearly 90% of men who suffer from OBCD will develop premature balding
- Nearly 50% of men who suffer from OBCD will have their entire head consumed by their baseball cap if a simple procedure is not conducted.
Now allow me to share a story with you about a guy who I completely just made up:
Now then, I knew a man named Ted who suffered from OBCD who did indeed have his entire head swallowed by his baseball cap. Ted has had this condition his whole life and it could have been fixed if Ted recieved a basic medical procedure that would have corrected his OBCD.
Guess what - Ted didn't have any health insurance and has lived with a baseball cap swallowing his head for 53 YEARS!
What kind of world are we living in when my friend Ted here walked around this country - the richest country in the world - with a baseball cap engulfing his entire head? What kind of country are we living in when Ted cannot be provided with quality, affordable healthcare to correct this most simple of problems? All it would have taken is a simple trip to the hospital to have a team of surgeons lift the cap off his head.
But no, there are those in this country that want to keep access to quality, affordable healthcare to the rich few. They don't want to let the government give people like Ted the same access to top-knotch surgeons as they get to take advatange of on a daily basis. Oh no! They want to keep healthcare *profitable* and *competitive* so that good, hard working people like Ted will be denied time and time again the same rights that they get to mockingly rub in our faces and take for granted.
Friends, it is time we give people like Ted and the countless others out there with OBCD our time, respect and, most importantly, OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY! Never again will another person be forced to walk around with a baseball cap gobbling up their head! NEVER AGAIN WILL WE BE DENIED OUR RIGHT TO OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY!
Thank you! Thank you! And remember: I come from a small mill village.
The real question we should be looking into is does Obama have the "onions" to be the ruthless, bloodthirsty, power grabbing, black hearted (ok, technically perhaps) leader the Party needs? Say what you will, the Empress was certainly qualified in this. Of course I support Hope and Change, I always have.
What "Change" Really Means: Unstoppable Obama
(The link on their front page is "What "Change" Really Means" which links to "Unstoppable Obama." Make of that what you will.)
The Nation explains what Obama means by "Change":
Quote:Let's take seriously what he offers, which is "change." The promise of "change" is what drives the Obama juggernaut, and "change" means wanting out of wherever you are now. It can even mean wanting out so badly that you don't much care, as in the case of the Ron Paul voters cited above, exactly what that change will be. In reality, there's no mystery about the direction in which Obama might take us: he's written a breathtakingly honest autobiography; he has a long legislative history, and now, a meaty economic program. But no one checks the weather before leaping out of a burning building.
Quote:So yes, there's a powerful emotional component to Obama-mania, and not just because he's a far more inspiring speaker than his rival. We, perhaps white people especially, look to him for atonement and redemption. All of us, of whatever race, want a fresh start. That's what "change" means right now: Get us out of here!
Get us out of here! The new Democratic slogan.
Go Larry Go!
Thank God for Texans for The Truth!
Next episode: Barack Obama Rides a Tornado (as created by Bush to punish middle America for voting Democrat)
Commissarka PinkieAll I know is, I haven't seen a picture of Obama wearing a baseball cap indoors--and that makes him seem less of a loser to me.
How about this then?
The Nation in brilliant and masterful eloquenceConsider our present situation. Thanks to Iraq and water-boarding, Abu Ghraib and the "rendering" of terror suspects, we've achieved the moral status of a pariah nation. The seas are rising. The dollar is sinking. A growing proportion of Americans have no access to health care; an estimated 18,000 die every year for lack of health insurance. Now, as the economy staggers into recession, the financial analysts are wondering only whether the rest of the world is sufficiently "de-coupled" from the US economy to survive our demise.
Mmmmm mmmm that is some good misery!
When the KKKapitalist system fails the common people, they will look for someone to fill the void of leadership. We will be ready with the New Messiah™ of Change and Hope. With Barack Hussein Obama, we will show the proletariat the path to the Paradise of a Progressive Utopia.
HOPE and CHANGE!! YES WE CAN!!
The whole exchange between Pinkie and the Chairman can be easily redone into a TV comedy skit parodying a Democrat election ad. Start with a scene in a bar and Pinkie "tattoo" comments on someone's baseball hat indoors. The pronouncer's deep voice in the background says, "how many times have you heard the word "loser" while trying to pick up a date in a bar?" Then feature some suffering baseball cap wearers, and conclude with the Chairman's speech with numbers and concrete life examples. Finish with a candidate's picture who may look like Edwards.
Commissar MaksimNext episode: Barack Obama Rides a Tornado
Episode 2354: Barack Obama Fries a Tomato