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Behind the Shiny Steely Chi Com Curtain

Greetings Glorious Comrades!

I have just returned from the glorious Shiny Steely Curtain of Red Red Red China and have much good censored news to report! Our oppressive and unproductive communist dogma is alive and well with the Chi Coms, but now we have an interesting and twisted version of big brotherness with fake capitalism never seen before.

Upon entry to the red mecca, the thoughtful and sensitive Chi Coms are thinking only of your heath and well being when you are forced to pass through a human (yet inhumane) temperature detector upon airport arrival to determine if you have a fever or any other undesired abnormality upon entry to the glorious state. If you are not weeded out at the point of entry you will experience the ride of your life in a seatbelt-less Taxi averaging over 140 mph which affirms that life is cheap but emergency response services and decent medical care scarce and expensive. The glorious city of Shanghai is a shining symbol and testament to all that a corrupt government can buy with printed currency combined with forced and unsustainable economic development. This spectacular house of cards brought tears to my central planning eyes to see millions of impoverished and unwashed masses huddled in ram shackled landless cubes in the shadows of these icons to communist strength and power.
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Carefully censored newspapers bring us stories that could only be spun in the communist heavens! Reading how our comrade brothers in Russia single handedly won the second World War by themselves was a tribute to the correctness of history that other nations could only aspire to! The declaration that Russia and China will develop the NEW WORLD ORDER in public print was like my mother singing state sponsored lullabies when I was but a wee baby in the motherland.

But I digress, for some evil is abound in the Peoples Republic of China. Newspaper and media censorship seems to have filtered out the State Run Media reporting from the Imperialist-Capitalist- Zionist mecca of the United States which has left them in the dark about the self inflicted hate and loathing of their own Western Culture. Comrades, it pains me to tell you that the citizenry-masses of Red China still love all things western and are completely unaware of the propaganda to discredit anything that has to do with freedom and human rights. They pine for abhorrent things like freedom, money, profit, property rights, education and heath care.

It is with grave warning that I must inform you that if the Chi Coms should ever invade the evil capitalist black hole itself, they will likely head straight for the immigration office to become legal citizens. I fear that they would be embraced for their work ethic, profit motive and willingness to comply with rational laws in return for said freedom and human rights.

Oh yes and they really do throw baby girls away in the trash. If you dare to have more than one child you will pay 40K (USD equivalent) or the government will take it from you and throw it in the trash for you. What a wonderful way to raise funds for more government waste and fraud. Comrades, we must implement this policy now!

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Thanks for that report comrade. Some time back the Party received a communique from another one of our agents living in the glorious People's Republic. I post it now for all to read.

HALLELUJAH!!! Despite the sleet it's a beautiful day in Urumqi!
The new governor of Xinjiang must aim to please, because sometime
after midnight Thursday night/Friday pre-dawn May 13th/14th the
Internet quietly returned.
Everyone was/is texting each other the wonderful news. No text
have yet been received from the government officially announcing the
return of the Internet . Since texting resumed in January this year
we receive text messages from the government on a daily or weekly
basis enlightening us on the weather, holidays, ethnic harmony and
asinine news. However, none to announce the return of the Internet.
Maybe it's a test on how fast word can spread through common citizens'
texts. I've already received 10 texts from friends.
I know this should be the dawn of me sending pictures and regular
communication, but I have 9 months of news to catch up on! (and my
camera was stolen last week) So I promise to try my best, but I might
be too busy scanning and reading. I would love to hear what everyone
has been up to. And feel free to send me any news from the previous 9
months as it will make my sifting work a little lighter.
No one really believed the Internet would be back on before
August at least, so this is a pleasant surprise. There have been
rumors of it returning every month since it was suddenly shut off in
July last year, but hope had ceased for most long ago.
Even for folks who don't use the Internet regularly (me) or at
all, the information gathered through the Internet disseminates word
of mouth and access to it really alters your sense of possibility in
ways that we in the connected world have forgotten.
With the travel restrictions on most people here and the
restrictions from accessing
the net in other parts of China, not being able to legally access the
Internet here has really been hardest on those with the least means
(as big businesses who can pay got it months ago) it has really been
costly and challenging, though not always impossible, even for the
most ingenious. People cope by willfully and unconsciously forgetting
about everything they're missing.
I can't really communicate today's joy and the remaining
frustration that even the Internet can't change the other difficulties
locals face here.

Comrade Woopie..yes it is very unfortunate the internet was turned back on in our beloved China.

Deep Red China is a shining example of not only what is good with the world, but how its done. Communication, much like a drug, is over rated as it leads to engagement, criminal thought exchange and sickening happiness. The people will eventually learn that we are here to make sure they are protected from such hurtful concepts.

My tour guide in China told me that once outside the confines of our tour car that were we not to speak about the government. It filled me heart with joy to see that obedience is observed and recommended for all who visit.

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Carefully censored newspapers bring us stories that could only be spun in the communist heavens!

But of course, this is a Obamoa necessity to keep the peoples from being confused by too much information. Papa Bama knows best, does he not?! (what a glorious title for a government controlled PBS show!


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and welcome new comrade!


 
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