Berkantilism:

A progressive ideology, or youth movement, combining the so-called “slacker” ethos of the prolier-than-thou hipster, with Berkeley radicalism and the zero-sum economic beliefs of mercantilism.

Berkantilism's origins, as a systematic school of thought, remain cloudy, but certain scholars argue that an incipient strain fueled the New Left counterculture of the late-1960s, which produced such revolutionary wonders as the Woodstock music festival. Further refined with a sharpened, anti-capitalist focus over the ensuing decades, the ideology was fully articulated by the time of al-Qaeda's strikes on the United States on September 11, 2001.

When the reactionary Bush administration responded militarily, Berkantilists heroically opposed the president's war-mongering, staging successful protest marches in multiple American cities, engaging in countless acts of civil disobedience, and winning the hearts and minds of millions.

Today, a comrade, searching for Berkantilism on full display, need look no further than the OCCUPY [insert place name here] tent-cities that have flowered across the U.S. like red poppies in a fallow field.

Berkantilists integrate a “cannot-do” attitude with a naturalist's passion for camping, i.e., if that naturalist happens to enjoy camping with unwashed strangers, en masse, in public, urban spaces. Getting back to nature is imperative and what better place to enjoy pristine ecosystems than the inner city? Some, of course, have a health excuse and need to be in the vicinity of the closest medical-marijuana dispensary.

Being conscientious consumers, Berkantilists really love a bargain and nothing says bargain like: FREE! A free ride, a free lunch, a free sleeping bag, a free tent, a free body piercing, a free mocha latte, a free ironic t-shirt, a free trust fund, a free i-anything, a free all-expenses-paid trip to somewhere “not boring” – that's all good! But, as sophisticated postmodernists, they understand how the “ruling class” corrupts language to create a hegemonic narrative that marginalizes the proletariat – the fascists simply add a few letters to a word and completely change its meaning. Take FREEDOM, for instance. To Berkantilists, this word obviously means free to be DOMinated, and they will have no part of that sordid business.

Berkantilists are incredibly creative and resourceful. They produce fabulous works of art, depicting the cruelties of capitalism, from recycled materials pulled out of dumpsters. Waste is anathema to their very core – unless it's human waste, which they feel free to deposit on police cars and other emblems of their disenfranchisement. Ever-inventive, they develop catchy slogans, such as “Down with the Meanies of Production”, to boost their collective morale as they engage in their tireless struggle against Zionist stockjobbers.

Their anti-capitalist street theater is as colorful as it is masterful; and, because many of them are on their feet for more than two hours a day, they wear comfortable shoes – a choice that has prompted their narrow-minded detractors to label them “Birkentilists” or "Birkcan'tilists".

The proponents of Berkantilism are peaceful people, who rarely resort to violence, unless provoked by the henchmen of their 1% oppressors. Many of them are also exceedingly family-oriented, preferring to live at home with their parents to reduce their carbon footprint, rather than be part of the immoral pillaging of earth's precious resources.

Here's to the 99%!

Outstanding as always, Herr Doktor. Raving, drooling, incoherent, and chock full of weapons-grade illogic. This is what we exepct from the hallowed halls of academe!

Dr. Pal,

Daddies been teaching "Art Appreciation" at Berkeley for years. Imagine the number of Berkantilists he's given the precious lifetime gift of really appreciating “GOOD” art. Not to mention the countless hours he has saved them from looking at art that is simply not worth looking at. The capacity Daddy has for understanding the psychology behind each and every nuance of art is truly astounding. He can pinpoint the sublime meaning in a blink of an eye and explain it in great detail. All any student needs to do is accept and memorize his lectures as fact. He makes education so easy. Their is really no thinking involved. And for extra credit just hold onto and tirelessly defend his correct truths regarding politics and religion.

Chow for now.

Am I to take it that the author of this noteworthy thread is no less than the legendary

Dr. W.S. Palimpsest of The People's Cube ?

I've heard many a tale ......... and by the look of things, most of them appear to be true.

Crystal Moon wrote:The capacity Daddy has for understanding the psychology behind each and every nuance of art is truly astounding. He can pinpoint the sublime meaning in a blink of an eye and explain it in great detail.

I trust that he also has an appreciation for the interpretation of chiaroscuro? Capitalist profiteers are always hiding in the shadows, waiting to seduce starving artists into selling their inner comrades to the corporate Meanies of Production! Never sell out comrades! One day, our collective farms will feed all artists worth their daily ration.

Krasnodar wrote:Am I to take it that the author of this noteworthy thread is no less than the legendary

Dr. W.S. Palimpsest of The People's Cube ?

I've heard many a tale ......... and by the look of things, most of them appear to be true.

Dear Comrade: Yes, the prodigal prof has resurfaced, geo-energized as ever! Nothing gets the radical juices flowing and inspires direct action more than a full-throttle, in-your-face Berkantilist protest. Please tell me that you're transmitting from an Occupy event somewhere in this corrupt land, appropriating some one-percenter's wifi signal for the Common Good? Yours in Berkantilism, Dr. P

Calling all Comrades! Urgent dispatch from the Front!

Mere hours ago the Council of Occupy Oakland voted to reconvene at Berkeley. As you all know, the mother rejected her child and rejected Berkantilism - our proud Warriors of Equality were unjustly removed from their site of peaceful protest. The once proud halls of Berkeley hang their head in collective shame. They once sheltered the world's most groundbreaking revolutionaries, but now they play unwilling host to a hoard of casual iconoclasts and crypto-capitalists.
But fear not, Comrades! Look to history and take heart! We know that the darkest Hour is always before the Glorious Red Dawn. Look to Comrade Stalin and his Illustrious City. She let neither the cold of winter nor the sabotage of fascists slow the production of Her factories. Perseverance, watered with the blood of Patriotic sons and daughters, blossomed and the tide of fascism was stemmed.
So, too, must we stem the slow creep of capitalism that threatens the bastion of Birkantilism. Tonight Occupy retakes Berkely! Tonight we free our Comrades from the dual yolk of Income Disparity and Oppression! The generous Party has made it possible to send these victims to the Glorious Karl Marx Reeducation Camp.

To arms, Comrades, to arms! We must Occupy if we are to save our brothers and sisters at Berkeley!

Za Marx! Za Socialism!

Pava PatrioticheskayaSent from my iPad.

Comrade Pava the Patriot,

You are exactly right! The Berkeley administrators must be reeducated at a Karl Marx Treatment Center (Franchises Now Available!!! Inquire below.). They've obviously been corrupted by the Teabaggers and have turned into fascist enablers.

Long live The Struggle™! We must defeat the Meanies of Production.

The Art Department apologizes for the delay -- its tent was redistributed to the proletarian homeless and the artists were forced to work in the street. Even while toiling happily under adverse conditions, the Art Department has managed to exceed last year's production standard. We at Berkeley Collective are proud to present:

Inspired work, Comrade Pava!

Too bad that so many self-professed "radicals" are no more than sheep in wolves clothing. They dress, and, sometimes, act the part; but, when it's time for direct action, they bail -- like hipsters deserting a bar that has become popular among actual paying customers. All howl and no bite!