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Bill Ayers suspected for Chicago mail box bombings

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CHICAGO, IL - Bill Ayers, educator, former Weather Underground activist, and presidential confidant, was hospitalized in the early hours of the morning when a small homemade explosive accidentally detonated in his basement while he was fabricating it. A neighbor who was getting home from a night shift was the first on scene.

"Just as I pulled into my driveway I heard a muffled bang come from Bill's house," said Randy Layhe, Ayers's next door neighbor. "I walked over in the dim, early morning light to hear Bill groaning loudly out of a newly broken cellar window with some smoke coming out of it. I yelled for him to hold on as I dialed 911 and then busted down his back door to get to his basement so I could help him."

"When I got down there, he was laying on his back stunned, his clothes and face covered in soot and the room reeking of sulfur. I helped him up, and as soon as he could stand, he said that we needed to find his glasses. We just couldn't find them before the authorities and paramedics got there," the neighbor said.

Soon after paramedics and police arrived, they walked Ayers out to the back of the ambulance, where he was treated for second-degree burns on his hands and for ruptured eardrums.

A paramedic was reportedly overheard saying that if Ayers hadn't been wearing his glasses, which were apparently destroyed in the explosion, he could have lost his eyesight.

Inside the former Weather Underground leader's basement, police discovered a small-scale bomb factory where Ayers was apparently creating high grade explosives, roughly the size of a quarter stick of dynamite.

The explosives in Ayers' basement also happened to be of the same chemical composition as fragments found around sabotaged mail boxes of known NRA members and Trump supporters in the Chicago area suburbs. Matching up the evidence may finally enable police to close an ongoing investigation of vandalism that goes back several months.

Ayers's peers at the University of Chicago said that for the past year Ayers spoke frequently and quite nostalgically of the late 1960s and early 1970s when he and his Weather Underground comrades organized bombings of police stations. This could possibly explain the motives behind Ayers's more recent petty vandalism, which up until now police investigators blamed on juvenile delinquents.

Soon after the local police obtained evidence, however, they were ordered to hand it over to the FBI, as the White House ordered federal authorities to take over the investigation.

While Bill Ayers is being treated for minor injuries, his current location is being withheld on the orders from the Department of Justice.

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Gosh, I hope this little "mishap" won't interfere with Bill's upcoming lecture series, "FBI: Special Agent Bomb Technicians",... will it?

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Damn those Islamophobic, homophobic, transphobic, misogynist, patriarchal purveyors of hatred on the Religious Right for creating the climate of fear and hatred that caused this horrible accident! This is exactly what happens when transgender people can't use the bathroom of their choice! Ban all guns!

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We live in a litigious society. Hopefully Mr Ayers is a "public enough" figure to immunize a well intentioned satirist against vindictive recriminations. But we commies are a forgiving group, unless provoked. And besides, it's all in the family.
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