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Calling Comrade O'Brien....

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Comrade O'Brien, it has been too long since we last met. I still have fond memories (and a few incidental scars) from those days when I first shared my most innermost thoughts with you. How can I forget, or make up for all the time and effort you spent with me, teaching me that two plus two can equal five, and that it always has, that and many other thoughts, nightmares, and scars that I still carry with me to this day. It is because of your patient efforts with me that I can now say that I am the uber progressive socialist, a People's Pup, a Dialectic Doggie if you will, and have always been so. Of course you know of my most unlikely, meteoric rise since you left me to spend out my days at the Chestnut Tree Café. Why, I can still hear that song I used to hum through my broken teeth:


Under the spreading chestnut tree
I sold you and you sold me—


Then the day came along that I shall never forget. I had just stalemated myself in yet another of an endless string of chess games, sipping on the free Victory Gin. The Two Minutes Hate had just ended when Comrade Red Square burst into the Chestnut Tree Cafe. I glanced up and looked into his eyes.... his eyes.... They bore into what remained of my pitiful soul in the same way Big Brother did before I became a non-person. He apparently saw something left in me that he could put to use building the World of Next Tuesday.

Oleg beer.jpg

So after changing his flat tire and I commented on the collection of Hummel's he had in his Zil, Comrade Red Square took me under his wing so to speak, and began to restore me to serve him and the Party. The rest is history....

However, that is not why I am calling for you Comrade O'Brien. A few months back I found myself collecting contributions and seeking a bit of relaxation from my arduous duties at the Whistle Stop Re-Education Center and Coffee Shop in the collective in which I reside. I went out onto the porch to enjoy my gold leaf latte and read some People's Reports and watch the "passenger box cars" come in - always a heartening sight for a Progressive as I am sure you understand. I was dressed in my People's uniform and no sooner did I walk out I noticed a prole get suddenly nervous and try to leave without my noticing. Of course I immediately began to interrogate him to see whether he was attempting to flee or had unreported contributions. Needless to say, he became extremely nervous upon seeing my uniform and he started trying to extricate himself from the situation. It was then that he started referring to his roommate whom he claimed was also a Comrade at the People's Cube. At first he was too nervous to even come up with the name, then he said "it's the name of one of the protagonists in 1984." When I asked whether he was referring to OI'Brien, he cried out "Yes, that's him!" (No doubt he was hoping by name dropping he might be spared from further interrogation or make me forget to collect a contribution from him. Needless to say, he was able to come up with a contribution which saved him from further inquiry.)

Needles to say, this opened up further questions for me. I let the poor prole go on his way, but it was then I knew that there were still questions I must have answered. Why Comrade O'Brien have you not filed your papers to register the fact that you reside in my collective? Surely there must be some filing error. I know I have checked and not been able to find where you have turned in any contributions nor even a single denouncements to the local office. I am sure there is a simple explanation correct?

But aside from these minor administrative details, we simply must get together soon at the Whistle Stop Re-Education and Coffee Shop soon. I am so pleased to see the man who taught me that 2+2=5 and so many other insights, is residing in my home collective! Who would've thunk it? I can not wait to meet you Comrade!

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PROG OFF

OK, is O'Brien the made-up anti-Big Brother guy, or the simpering co-worker of Winston Smith? It's been awhile....

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Царевна wrote:PROG OFF

OK, is O'Brien the made-up anti-Big Brother guy, or the simpering co-worker of Winston Smith? It's been awhile....

The "simpering" co-worker of Winston Smith?"

Great Stalin's Ghost! Well, you tell me whether O'Brien simpers when you meet him in that room in the Ministry of Love where there will be no day nor night, where you will confront your greatest fear, where you will learn to Love Big Brother. You try and explain to O'Brien that 2+2=4.....yes, stick with your story for as long as you can. O'Brien was a loyal Party Comrade long before I was brought to the life here at the PC.

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maybe he's having too much fun in room 101 and can't leave?

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:Great Stalin's Ghost! Well, you tell me whether O'Brien simpers when you meet him in that room in the Ministry of Love where there will be no day nor night, where you will confront your greatest fear.....
No! No! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Not another remake of Mony Mony!!!!
justin.JPG
aaaaaaggggghhhhhhhh....the pain! the pain!!!

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Red Menace wrote:maybe he's having too much fun in room 101 and can't leave?

I expect the reason he has not reported as of yet is that O'Brien is making sure that the appropriate papers have been "postdated" and other documents either destroyed, created, or revised as needed, to reflect that he had always resided in my collective, and that all his credentials and contributions recorded.

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Царевна wrote:
Marshal Pupovich wrote:Great Stalin's Ghost! Well, you tell me whether O'Brien simpers when you meet him in that room in the Ministry of Love where there will be no day nor night, where you will confront your greatest fear.....
No! No! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Not another remake of Mony Mony!!!!

aaaaaaggggghhhhhhhh....the pain! the pain!!!

What an unusual fear to report Comrade.... but of course, we all have our class struggles to confess da? While I don't dare to describe mine fully here, I will allow that it involves images of my self dressed in some sort of sequined spandex boxers while wearing a Bush mask while I gyrate on stage at some conservative fund raiser. I keep seeing Donald Rumsfeld sticking contributions under my waist band, yet as I try to pull them out, my arms start getting shorter. Then, from off stage, comes running....er....Nyet! I cannot go any further! It is just too much for me to confess! My mind is going blank.....

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I once worked for a crisis clinic in Kalamazoo, and was scheduled to train a group of volunteers there many years ago (in the 80s) when the brand new chief administrator learned what everyone else I worked with knew for months (because I told them): I had taken a mental health leave after the suicide of a patient about a year earlier. He told me I couldn't train the group, which was pretty annoying, and asked me if I was suicidal. I told him that I thought the only circumstance that would make me suicidal is if another remake of "Mony Mony" was made. By that time I had survived Billy Idol's, but barely.

Perhaps the kollektive could keep in mind to either commit me to the Karl Marx Reedukation Mental Health Treatment Center for the Politically Incorrect Suicidal if Justin Bieber does decide to record this malifecent excuse for a song. ..or send me a dose of cyanide.


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Now that is a dedicated Comrade no doubt about it. I can only imagine the contributions she could make for the Party. I know I would be first in line to honor this comrade with some People's medal.... I am sure I have some available somewhere.

But where is Comrade O'Brien? I am most disappointed that he has not been able to free himself from his Mini-Love duties to report in.

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Comrade Marshal Pupovich,


I'm trying to figure out how to break this to you gently. You keep wishing Comrade O'Brien would appear. Why has he not? Obama's Razor provides the answer: You are Comrade O'Brien, and your current identity as Marshal Pupovich is the one created for you by Big Bro' Obama.

But look on the bright side. Surely Comrade O'Brien would never have had opportunities for romantic picnics amidst the splendor of a rain-forest with a goddess of nature (I dare not mention her name).


So, go look in the mirror. There you will see Comrade O'Brien transmogrified by the pshchiatric powers of Big Bro' Obama into the loveable and obedient Marshal Pupovich dearly loved by all other members of the Collective here at the Cube.


Indeed, in a strange way, we all are Comrade O'Briens just as in that world of tea-party misfits, everyone is Spartacus.


--KOOK


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KOOK wrote:Comrade Marshal Pupovich,


I'm trying to figure out how to break this to you gently. You keep wishing Comrade O'Brien would appear. Why has he not? Obama's Razor provides the answer: You are Comrade O'Brien, and your current identity as Marshal Pupovich is the one created for you by Big Bro' Obama.

--KOOK

That is a good try Comrade Kook, and I must admit I like the idea that we are all Comrade O'Brien! In fact, that would be a good Party movement to counteract that recent film promotion of the damnable Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged with their "I am John Galt." This makes me sick to my socialist stomach comrades! Yes, we should with one voice say "I am Comrade O'Brien!"

However, in fact, there is indeed a Comrade O'Brien. If you were not such a lazy, data poor prole you would have looked him up in the Party log book. You will see that he even predated myself. I can also state in all truth that I have met his room mate at the very real Whistle Stop Re-Education Camp and Coffee Shop. In fact, that is where I am going to right now.

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KOOK, I admit that your immense talent as a prog has escaped me heretofore. "Obama's Razor?" Brilliant. Just brilliant. "Who gives a haircut to the American taxpayer? I do!"

No one has shaved the American public more of pride and pocketbook more than Community Organizer Obama.

And let's reduce it to the horrible maxim of the original William, the mad monk. Never multiply possibilities endlessly, or always choose the simplest explanation that fits the facts.

Screw the facts. We're progs. We do what we want. We're progs. Reality comes out our ass.

That's Obama's Razor. And do pardon me if I've stepped on your copyright, although here in the People's Republic of AmeriKKKa, there is no private property.

As long as I can find it.

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I've been eye-ing some property in Florida myself, or is that Caulifowerhornia? All the properties look the same to me.
No matter who's razor is used, one thing I've noticed to be a constant when the apple falls from the tree;
" For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction"

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:KOOK, I admit that your immense talent as a prog has escaped me heretofore. "Obama's Razor?" Brilliant. Just brilliant. "Who gives a haircut to the American taxpayer? I do!"

No one has shaved the American public more of pride and pocketbook more than Community Organizer Obama.

Ah...Comm....er....Comrade Father Prog, I too would be on the verge of saying that Comrade Kook's Obama's Razor was brilliant as well, were it not this sinking feeling that I have heard another comrade use that term before. Then again, I may be suffering from a People's Hangover. You know how this year's potato vodka production fell a bit short of meeting the Five Year Plan in terms of quality and commonly recognized health and safety standards. Never the less, I do agree that we best keep a close watch on this up and coming progressive Comrade Kook... a close watch indeed.

Speaking of a close watch....you know Comrade O'Brien better than our new crop of progressives. In fact, I have not been completely forthcoming on all that I know about Comrade O'Brien in this thread. I am starting to think that perhaps he is holding out for his own Show Trial. He certainly needs to be watched closely as well. In fact, I am starting to wonder if he doesn't have some talent-shitting pigeons in his near future as well. Not that I have any control over them of course, but then you have more experience dealing with them than I.....

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Simper!!??!!

I do not simper common prole!!

I have been very busy comrades!! The dawn of the glorious workers paradise of Amerika is at hand! There is no time for common sentiments or any other such nonsense! It is within our reach! It is so close I can taste it!
It is now or never we will seize control and cram our collective paradise (for us not them) down their oblivious throats! Even if front man...er...glorious Lightbringer Obama loses the next election we will forcibly seize control for it is too late!!!

HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

The Glorious Worldwide Communist Revolution is at hand!!!!

Rejoice comrades!!!

NOW BACK TO WORK!!!!

O'Brien
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War is Peace
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[highlight=#ffffff]Freedom is Slavery
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[highlight=#ffffff]Ignorance is Strength[/highlight]

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Comrade O'Brien! It is wonderful to see you again. As you know, I have been looking for you at the Whistle Stop Re-Education Center and Coffee Shop. We must get together again and share some Victory Gin and talk of the good times we had in Room 101. Not to worry, I haven't had any regrets about that slut Julia. No, I am too busy doing the work of the People, doing whatever it takes to bring a little equality to this world. Good to see you again.

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Yes I see there are a lot of upstarts that are new to the collective since I have last been around. I think I need to stop by a little more frequently....

*sniff* *sniff*

Do I smell a purge?

Perhaps do some digging to see who are true believers and who are merely paying us lip service to get on the more equal distribution system!

How have you been Pup? Things been going smoothly with indoctrination? Any subversives that need some quality time with my rats?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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Yes, O'Brien, I am glad to see you. I had thought that you were on assignment in some far-off prefecture of the Kollective, either supervising the construction of a model new SuperMax Gulag or perhaps buried here in America, as one of Dear Obozo's Czars. I know that it's the logical place for you, for as a Made Prog, you loathe AmeriKKKa as much as Dear Obimbo does.

But since you're sniffing about a purge, have you returned to initiate one? There are many members here who have not had the pleasure of a purge, and we'd be honored if you'd show them how it's done.

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Keep in mind when inquiring whom to purge, what are the risks of a show trial? After all, look at the meteoric rise I experienced here after my great Show Trials. I know even now, there are those who question the wisdom of this. Dear Lenin, if I even mention a show trial or something like that, Commissarka Pinkie will immediately try and accuse me of trying to get another promotion. So whoever you wish to bring into the pure party light, be sure it is someone who can prove worthy.

Of course if there is anyone we can trust to uncover the true Inner Comrade of a person, it is Comrade O'Brien and Room 101.

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I know there are those among us that need a good purging!!!

Tis merely a matter of finding out who are the capitalist infiltrators!

I shall be poking about and examining each and every one of those poking about our business comrades! If they do not denounce capitalism with enough zeal or if they denounce it with too much zeal I will know that they are infiltrator spys and shall be dealt with accordingly!!!

And yes Comrade Theo, I have been in the process of building a new supermax Gulag, it hasn't begun construction yet, but I have been studying our Comrade Kim Jung Il's methods which have proven very effective. And of course a quick few months stay in Thailand meeting with my *ahem* consultants who showed me things with ping pong balls, and they have this sling that they can sit in over you and........Huh what? Nevermind!

Back to work!!

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH


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Comrades,

I couldn't help but notice the reference to Justin(e) Briber Bieberski earlier in the thread. I cannot bring myself to believe it is simply coincidence that Kanadistan's most profitable export (yes... I know... Shame!)... should be drawn into an interchange concerning the geographic redistribution of comrades in AmeriKKKA on the same day that it is announced here in the north that Target superstores will not only be entering the Kanadistanjian marketplace shortly, but will also be re-leasing a number of the stores they are leasing from the corrupt Kanadistanjian corporate empire known as "Zellers" (it sounds Jewish to me also) to the evil Walmart... so not only have we traded one of our own evil corporate empires for one of yours, but we are doubly damned in that they will be facilitating the spread of the the herpetic happy-faced empire of the vest (though one must admire their ability to render their employees faceless simulacrum of some master-design)...

I have no idea of the meaning underlying the synchronicity of introducing our national hermaphroditic singing robot export into the discussion thread, and the public announcement that we are to now, nationally, to be doubly put at risk by the corrupting influences of both the introduction of Target to Kanadistan for the first time AND the increase in the number of Walmart Cult-of-Venality Centres that are taking over our verdant glorious communal Elysian society, but there must be some connection... I leave it to more perspicacious minds who are higher up in The Party™ than I, as to try to unravel such a knot of bewildering influences would only lead me astray doctrinally, and land me in hot water, whereas they would be more likely to land in a nice bubble bath or a big hot tub. So while it is certainly good to know that two fellow Cubists may find one and other in the geographic vastness of the Mississippi wilds, something is amiss in Kandistan, and it is most definitely leaving me feeling an uncertainty that I'm not used to, having cleaved to the protective influence of the Party's™ bosom for as long as I have, relying on its steadying influence to drive away all fear and confusion.

herpeticsmiley01.gif
"Honest Honey... It's only a little cold sore... " (recently noted changes to Kandistanjian Walmart Smilies... Thank Stalin we have universal healthcare 'up here'!)

My meds must be wearing off,

Sister Massively Opiated

Kommissar of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection ... Limo service, and as it is less than two years until that important date, I expect that when any Cubist, Party elite or prole, drunk on Victory Vodka rations, hits someone with their tractor (those new faster models that some yahoos have taken to modifying the governors on so they may exceed 10 km/hr... you know who you are), they will call the 'clean-up hotline' so I can once again begin to rebuild our electorate of necro-proxies via my proprietary Preservationista skills... I have been honing and refining these last 2 1/2 years... I cannot wait for you to see just how life-like they are. Perhaps it is time to once again pit my skills in a test against Meow's ability to tell if his partners are dead or not... I believe he is still keeping an elderly couple, formerly known as the Johnsons, in his den to keep him company when the long winter nights make him lonely for the childhood comfort of his grandparents, and his ability to keep beating them at Wist also keeps his spirits raised, though he has yet to beat necro-proxy Mr. Johnson at chess and we often sneak a pot of (aahhh crap... I forgot about that little sub-routine that inserts self-deprecating remarks when one attempts to post the name of trademarked pharmaceuticals... let's just call then soporifics and note that I am not an 'idiot spammer') laden cocoa into his apartments and leave it quietly on his reading table when he doses off, leading him to believe that Mrs. Johnson has a grandmotherly soft spot for him and has done this herself... Please don't tell him the soft spot is from the time she tumbled from her armchair when he came home one night, trashed on a combination of alcohol, GBH and ketamine, and tripped over her, knocking her head into the edge of the stone fireplace hearth... the illusion must be preserved, as well as the proxies themselves, and I cannot face the thought of Meow depressed, as I'm sure most of the Party cannot... but I digress... adios comrades... stay strong, SMO.

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O'Brien wrote:........Huh what? Nevermind!

O'Brien... you're stealing my lines... and it's, "Huh?... What!?!... nevermind.... " At least get it right! Housekeeping is not above short-sheeting the beds of even the almost-highest Party-members...

Mwa!
Sis

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote:...national hermaphroditic singing robot export
I just learned that his name is not Beaver. I had thought that he was merely an updated version of that old early-60s B&W television show. You know, the one with the dirtiest line ever on television: "Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?"

Bear in mind though that soon Mr. Bieberski will be joining the Party Elite™ as he pronounces Korrect Opinions force-fed into his head.

You realize, of course, that that's the reason for that mop of hair: even though we have made tremendous advances with the Superheterodyne, Phased-antenna-array, Phase-locked-loop Tin-Foil Hat, it is, at present, impossible to disguise on a male's head, unless it's under a mop of hair. Like a Kennedy. Or like Damien in The Omen.

Do you not also have in Kanadiastan Celine Dionne? Let's not forget Peter Jennings--the worms haven't.

But bear in mind, although you are the Land Pumping Out Progs, still we have Lord Obozo, who by this time has collected around himself a coterie of progressives so untouched by reality that they could be germs living in tetracycline in a hospital drain.

So when it comes to driving a nation off the cliff, despite your illustrious countrypersons, we still have the Gold Standard.

Or the Shit Standard, and it is your choice.

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote:
O'Brien wrote:........Huh what? Nevermind!

O'Brien... you're stealing my lines... and it's, "Huh?... What!?!... nevermind.... " At least get it right! Housekeeping is not above short-sheeting the beds of even the almost-highest Party-members...

Mwa!
Sis

No sooner than I lovingly read your post and felt that warm trickle down my leg having not heard from you in so long, that I then discovered your follow up posting. That is a classic! Shortsheeting the Party Elite... for their own good no doubt. Well done Sister Housekeeper of the Party!

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote:
O'Brien wrote:........Huh what? Nevermind!

O'Brien... you're stealing my lines... and it's, "Huh?... What!?!... nevermind.... " At least get it right! Housekeeping is not above short-sheeting the beds of even the almost-highest Party-members...

Mwa!
Sis

Comrade SMO!

Truely it warms my cold black heart to see you again after so long! Having been away studying Dear Leader Kim Jong Il's methods of dealing with dissidents it is good to see familiar faces again!

But I must correct you. I did not steal your lines. As you are a very worthy member of the collective, you have no lines of your own. All lines flow from Glorious Uber Comrade Obama and are merely redistributed amongst us lesser beings for our enrichment. Much as GUC Obama causes the sun to rise and to warm our imperfect bodies so that we may toil in his name, striving for the perfect peoples society. GUC Obama also provides the air we breathe, the scraps we eat, the rags we wear, and shovels with which we dig. Through his benevolence we came into being and from his mercy we are sent to Workers Camp No. 46 to live out the rest of our miserable lives, laying rails for his high speed rail project that will save America, bring world peace, and cure herpes.

So how have you been SMO? Denounce anyone lately? Stuck the hot poker of collective justice into someones eye of late?

If you might do me a favor too, could you send some of your minions to clean up Dear Leaders Dancing and Acting School No 12, located just outside of Pyongyang. We had quite a...um..... 'strategy session' with the lovely students there just before my return and theres quite a lot of....um.... stuff lets say that needs some mopping up.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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O'Brien wrote:....But I must correct you. I did not steal your lines. As you are a very worthy member of the collective, you have no lines of your own. All lines flow from Glorious Uber Comrade Obama and are merely redistributed amongst us lesser beings for our enrichment.

Hmmmm, worthy point indeed....after all, all that is belongs to the Party to be distributed according to need. However, I suggest that as SMO is the Party Housekeeper, it is generally accepted that anything left behind for the housekeeper to clean up, it is up to the housekeeper to determine what is and what is not acceptable to leave behind after clean up, and no one generally questions the right for the housekeeper to keep what they collect and more than we question the right of the garbage person to keep what was thrown away. That being said, and the tenuous spot I could find myself should find myself in should Comrade SMO decide my place needs to be cleaned up, I find I must back the Housekeeper....that is unless that would cause you to determine that a visit to Room 101 would do be good as well. Dear Stalin.....which way do I go? Forget I even broached the subject Comrades....forget.....

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O'Brian, GUC Obama? Glorious Uber Comrade? Surely we can expand that to perhaps Glorious Uber Comrade Clintonism International? In other words, Gucci Bommy. This is a fitting successor to Gucci Gorby, as that monster Pat Novak used to say, before he was called to the infernal regions which all conservatives are sentenced, on birth, to.

And I help them along the way.

Pupovich, what is that babbling about a housekeeper? Are you trying to defend your complicity in stealing Meow's Hummels from the Rancho? I know you were in it up to your elbows--there is drool, Pupovich drool, all over the house, ALONG with new evidence of your talent-shitting pigeons, which have graced my garage door--the Acura and the Trabi--for the last few months.

The more I know you, dear comrade, the less I trust you, and as a good prog I love that.

But as one wanting what's mine, or what I managed to get and hold on to, I want you to return what I stole and couldn't hold on to.

Don't tell Andy Stern of my failings.

[ off ]How are you, old friend? Drop me a message.

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Now Comrade Father Prog, you do not seriously think that I would have an complicity with the removal of those 32 Meow Hummels that was located in the display cabinet located in the third level of your underground party complex do you? How would I know of such a thing? I can assure you that my drool was not there, no, not a drop that you can prove. As for the other mess that you allege was found, I can assure you that there was no possibility that my talent shitting pigeons were anywhere near. Now of course I am referring back to that time. I did have them perform a celebratory "fly by" of the Ranchero the day I announced my good news about receiving some OPM from disability retirement. But I am sure that they left no accidental discharges.

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The Hummels belonged to Chairman Meow?

cat hummel.jpg

Well, I found this one at the flea market! Yeah. that's it, at the Flea Market off Cicero in Alsip.

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Pupovich, I realized that you could have had no connection with the disappearance of Meow's Hummels even though you spouted perfectly where I was hiding, er, storing them for Meow, my dear friend.

Now my interest is just how you found out where they were. I am missing a few essential documents from the Rancho now, oh, a map or too about where things are kept, and I've turned things upside down searching.

I've even gone through Bruno's drag closet looking. Sometimes in an excess of sexually confused zeal he takes things back to his drag closet, like a tumble bug, but it wasn't there.

Please do check your suitcases, old friend. If I do not have them returned, I do not know what I will do.

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Reiuxcat, the ownership of Meow's Hummels is as problematic as the ownership of Government Motors' bonds. I had thought that people who paid for them keep the priority of redemption the same but I find that people who had enough money, private money, to buy something, were utterly screwed.

Which is what it should be. The idea of people making their own decisions is wrong. We make their decisions. That's why we must muzzle the fascist Rush, shut down Faux Noise News, because people learning things is dangerous.

Then they might realize that Debbie Blabbermouth Schultz is turning in Saturn on her bridgework.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Pupovich, I realized that you could have had no connection with the disappearance of Meow's Hummels even though you spouted perfectly where I was hiding, er, storing them for Meow, my dear friend.

Now my interest is just how you found out where they were. I am missing a few essential documents from the Rancho now, oh, a map or too about where things are kept, and I've turned things upside down searching.

I've even gone through Bruno's drag closet looking. Sometimes in an excess of sexually confused zeal he takes things back to his drag closet, like a tumble bug, but it wasn't there.

Please do check your suitcases, old friend. If I do not have them returned, I do not know what I will do.

Comrade Father Theocritus, Good News! At least I believe so. As these things happen, I just happened to be at the same Flea Market that Reluxicat attended, I must have just missed her. It was there that I er...purchased what appeared to me to be a treasure map and some other documents. However, they appeared to me to be written in some ancient language, one that I did not recognize at all. But then I figured, for the small cost it was to me (and I can assure you, it was a very small cost if you get my drift), then how could I go wrong?

Now mind you, I was unable to decipher these symbols myself, so I scanned them and fed the data into some of my Jimmy Carter nano-rabbitbots and also to a squadron of my talent shitting pigeons, just in the off chance that they could locate any alleged treasure. Lo and behold, you could have knocked me over with a Pelosi earmark when suddenly some treasures did indeed start trickling in!

Of course, I still can not be sure that I have the documents that you refer to, but when I saw your plight, I took another look at what I thought was my un-decipherable treasure map, but then I turned the map 90 degrees and what do you know? I found that what I thought were ancient symbols were actually all in ordinary english! Silly me! I feel so embarrassed! So with true People's apologies, I have returned these documents to you just in case they are yours. Of course, I did make a copy for my records just in case I get audited by the IRS.

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Pupovich, I am so very glad that you're sending me back my incunabula. I need those pieces of paper. And of course as soon as I get one certain vellum one, I'll make sure that it's obsolete in twelve hours. The proles' backs will bleed from the flogging but there's nothing else for it.

Because, dear Comrade, as much as I love you, I know that you have a prog's true virtue: sticky fingers and a meddlesome mind. You think that there's nothing bigger than your will, and I love that in a prog. That's the definition of a prog.

But in your case, you're wrong. I'm bigger than you.

Expect an attack of Bruno Dancing Queens.

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Father Prog, that is so nice of you to offer me the opportunity (There is opportunity in every risk as you know....) to witness the famed Bruno Dancing Queens. I am looking forward to obtaining some dna from them so I can incorporate it into my Jimmy Carter nano-rabbitbots. I am sure the results will be most....most "effective."

PS.
I am also returning some Bush for President buttons and canceled donation checks to some organization with the initials RNC that bear your name. Now I would not dare to suppose how this would have come into your possession Comrade Father Prog, but one should be more careful about what one "collects". One never knows into what hands these items might fall. I will of course look through my recent haul to make sure I have not overlooked any other items that might have come into my possession by error at either the Flea Market or my nano-rabbitbots endeavors.

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Pupovich, accusing me of contributing to the Bu$hitler is the basest calumny that I can imagine. I will have you know that I never give to a candidate who loves America. That's not the prog way. We're post American. We're PROGS, damnit, and we're bigger than America.

Now to help the UN proceed with destroying the world economy by taking it back to the stone age.

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Father Prog, please forgive me for an apparent misunderstanding. It is not hard to imagine why one such as yourself might have old Bush Re-election buttons. I for one used them for target practice and training tools for my talent shitting pigeons, and I can well imagine the sort of tortures that they could have been used by the Many Titted Empress and Comrade Nanski during some of their drunken orgies at your place.

However, I can see how I should have provided more detail when I mentioned cancelled checks made out to the RNC, I just assumed that we all would understand I was referring to the Revolution Now Committee. They were of course a George Soros sponsored committee in the days before Obama's ascension and the relizaton of the United Socialist States of America.

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Pupovich, that is base objurgation to accuse me of making checks to RethugliKKKans. I never write checks. If I have to, I pay with cash. I cannot deposit this money, can I? That might alert people. No, no way.

And I take comfort from the words of the excellent Leland Stanford. "If it's not nailed down, it's mine. If I can get it, it wasn't nailed down." Just before he founded that bastion of prog attitude in California.

So there is no way that I would have checks for anything, much less to any so-called RNC.

This leads me to believe that you are projecting your own feelings on me.

Just how much have you given to the RNC?

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Why Father Prog, I have given my life's blood and OPM to the RNC....which as I averred stands for the Revolution Now Committee. Of course, that was really of little cost to me seeing as how I am on the board of the RNC,

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Oh. My. God.You've come out of the closet as a RethugliKKKan! This intolerable. Give me a prog until he's through college, having listened to utter rubbish which was also expensive, and he'll never think again.

Are you not a red-diaper baby? That's a requirement for the Inner Circle, you know, just as we learned in Goodfellows and other mob movies that even if you're as corrupt as the Mafia, you still have to be Sicilian to be a Made Man.

And all the time I thought that you were a Made Prog. I appreciate the people who come to progitude late in life, like David Brooks or Andrew Sullivan, or who have anvils dropped on their heads. It seems that you are an impostor.

What happened, old friend? Do you need daily sessions at Jiffy-Lobo™? I know there's a price to be paid--forgetting where you live, incontinence, being even more subject to Meow's malice and theft, but if you're starting to be an RNC sugar daddy, it is the only way.

Pupovich, dear old friend, I pray that you submit yourself to my personal attention at the head Jiffy-Lobo™ office where I shall personally oversee our treatment in a twelve-step plan.

Then you can be returned to your plinth as a True Prog.

BTW, one of the advanced treatments that we offer in our Flagship Service is dealing with the whole prog, not just the difficult thoughts. You'll never have honesty and healing like this again.

So be sure to write down your bank account userIDs and passwords.

For safekeeping.

We are 100% bonded by the full faith and credit of the United Socialist States of America.

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Comrade Father Prog.....Relax....Breathe slowly and deeply....Have a drink....

Actually, I had assumed you would have seen through my scheme by now. Yes, I did admit to contributing to the Revolution Now Committee (RNC)....even being on the board of the RNC. What I did not say, and I had hoped you would have understood, I am also the one and only member of the Revolution Now Committee. Now is it my fault if some people, actually quite a few, do not bother to verify the address when they send contributions to the "RNC?" Needless to say, this has been a rather productive "Four Year Plan" for me....and so by extension...The People!

On the other paw....just who is this "God" that you exclaimed to? Be careful Comrade, one could be offended by such speech, even if it was done by accident.

BTW, I absolutely adored the fine portrait of Bruno you sent me! He/She/It was actually quite a bit less frightening than I had expected. Perhaps it was because that photo did not have the Carmen Miranda fruit hat. Now the bottom half made him appear to be some sort of Centaur perhaps?

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Comrades, I must confess to sharing a portrait of Bruno with the scheming Marshall. Just a little, er, encouragement to keep his paws to himself. I know Pupovich and I know him well. Like all prog revolutionaries, he's one sick, thieving bastard.

You know, Pupovich, you might have a good idea. Theft? Eh. So what. It's the air that I breathe. But the idea of phishing for checks is a good one. A very good one.

There are times that I think that John McCain may have pioneered this one, posing as a RethugliKKKan.

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Comrade Father Prog, what can I say? You know me all too well. One would think that you have even had access to my initial re-education records when I first learned to be a comrade, or even the occasional Jiffy-Lobo™ refreshers I have delighted in. But I do not believe that is the source at all, no, I believe that we are both made progressives, and we can just look at each other in the eye so to speak, and know what lies deep in our collective hearts.

Speaking of this, not that I would ever presume to imagine that you would ever have need of such a product, just for informational purposes I wanted to make sure you had heard of a wonderful new medication, capecitabine, sold in the USA as Xeloda. This medication is typically used for certain cancers. However, it is also known that in a small number of patients, one of it's side effects is that it has made fingerprints disappear! Just for fun, you may wish to check to see if you might be one of those, but be careful, this has caused some problems with the TSA at airports.

Again, many thanks for the Bruno portrait. I have since discovered that I had a greater population of roaches and other pests than I had imagined. They are falling out all over my hovel.

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Pupovich, I knew that when I sent you the picture of Bruno in his latest incarnation
Image
you could use it to drive vermin, that is other vermin, out of your house. I promise you that there are no roaches in the Rancho de Rio Grande except for the ones which came from Our Many Titted Empress. Her collops have managed to make entire ecosystems, just as volcanic vents 10,000 feet below the sea do, for organisms to evolve and thrive.

Once when our MTE was passed out on the floor--how I moan my missing terrazzo floors--I saw a movement and her collops flapped. A horde of roaches left and scuttled into the baseboards. At first I was flattered, to think that our MTE's vermin would like it here at the Rancho, but then I remembered that bit about rats and a sinking ship. This was just before our MTE lost the Democrat nomination for Dear Leader to, well, dear Oleader.

I sent you this picture for another reason though. I have had another infestation of the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits, and the talent-shitting pigeons, and if you do not want an infestation of your own Bruno Dancing Queens, cease and desist.

Oh, and being a Made Prog, I need money. I'll tell you my bank accounts for a wire. Much better what way. An ACH wire will be returned; a Fed wire accepted. Then I'll call of the invasion of the Bruno Dancing Queens.

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Comrade Father Prog, as painful as this is for me to say, I would like to quote one of those cultish superstitious so called "prophet" who though clearly insane, did have a way with words when he said "Come now, let us reason together..." As made progs, more equal members of the Party elite, too often, we are used as role models for up and coming progressives. So with that being said, I think it is perhaps time for us to be such a model at this moment. Needless to say, if I were to claim that I had anything to do with your current infestation of the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits, and the talent-shitting pigeons, that would imply that I had not told you the whole truth in prior statements. Obviously, I cannot attest that I know any thing about this unfortunate development. However, in true progressive brotherhood, I will make every effort to ascertain whether by chance, some of my experimental self replicating nano Jimmy Carter rabbibots have not been accounted for while in addition, determine if there are any talent shitting pigeons that may have lost course or otherwise went beyond their normal patrols and duties.

It is my sincere hope that these efforts will meet for your approval. I would hope that the fact that I was able to return those valuable documents to you that were missing, that I just happened to come across at a Flea Market, is evidence of my sincerity. I do this because I CareMore™ than the typical party stooge.

I am most pleased that you chose to share your portrait of Bruno with the People. As a matter of fact, I was quite grateful for some more opportunity to extract more DNA from Bruno. Strange as it may seem, I have been having problems with my Jimmy Carter nanoRabbitbots rejecting the Bruno genome. Seems even Jimmy Carter's genetic make up can not tolerate Bruno. But rest assured, we will solve this problem soon. especially if our beloved Obama (PBUH) succeeds with a new stimulus package.

I have also taken it upon myself to consult with my legal beagles, and while we simply cannot take any responsibility with your recent infestation, we will, because we CareMore™, send you a reasonable compensation in the traditional method. In other words Father Prog, your check is in the mail.

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Pupovich, I just realized that I'd sent you the picture of Bruno with you sitting to his left.

You already had that.

I do appreciate your stated intention to return my papers but so far, you're all hat and no cattle. Where ARE the papers? Do you expect me to play Indiana Jones for you? I don't have time for that: there are proles to beat, ballot boxes to stuff, the Constitution to shred. You can see how tired I am at the end of the day. I vow I shall not rest until the first and second amendments are treated with scorn. That's hard.

And please. This CareMore™ birdlime is great for the credulous who watch the Communist News Network or PMSNBC, just to see a tingle run up Chris Matthews' leg, but here, in camera, I know that you don't give any more of a shit than I do.

So stop with your moral narcism. That's for public consumption, because the sheeple think that we care about THEM.

Pardon me. I was laughing so hard that I knocked my Mac off my lap.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:...I do appreciate your stated intention to return my papers but so far, you're all hat and no cattle.

Ah, Comrade Father, you have no idea how much I enjoy classic cowboy/wretched unwashed prole sayings such as this! I will certainly add that to my collection along side my recent favorite "she's finer than a frog hair split four ways!"

I am most distressed that you report that you as of yet have not received those papers. I have, at my own expense mind you, had my ex-prole lackey in charge of mail examined by Comrade O'Brien in Room 101. Much to my surprise, his initial screams of innocence that he had indeed mailed these items were verified upon full examination. Alas, it was too late for him to be of any more use to me.

I assume that you are aware that the Chairman broods constantly about the whereabouts of his Hummels, and even more so when he is sober. That being said, I of course took great pains to send these documents disguised as an AARP mail out as I was sure that you must read these to see what the latest policy is being pursued, or to ensure they are toeing the Party line. It was even marked "Your immediate attention is requested" or something like that.

However, I would note that regardless of whether you received this mail or not, clearly I had GoodIntentions™ and GoodIntentions™ is all that is required of true Progressives such as you and I. Why? Because I CareMore™!

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Yes, yes, yes, Pupovich. GoodIntentions™ are the prog's bread and butter. After all, without GoodIntentions™, Dear Oleader would be nothing more than a mentally bankrupt, half-bright law professor who couldn't have gotten where he is except that his skin color makes him electable. And he's not bright enough to see that he's a tool for progressive tools.

So we must give full faith and credit to GoodIntentions™.

In fact, GoodIntentions™ can be reified. I wish well, therefore reality follows.

This is called Progressive Psychosis, and is actually the single presenting symptom which diagnoses the True Progressive.

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Truly Comrade, GoodIntentions™ is our life blood, for where would we be without them? Less than rethuglicans I dare say!

Some lowly proles may complain about our Dear Leader, but show me a president to date that has more and higher placed GoodIntentions™ than our Obama (PBUH)! Yet he must suffer the slings and arrows cast at him by slugs who are so narrow minded that they can only worship the false idols of "Reality" and "Reason!" Just yesterday I was reading how Obama was being attacked for a 20 million dollars creating 14 jobs in Seattle. Allegedly the problem lies in the fact that the government in it's wisdom, insisted on the workers being paid a measly 21 dollars and hour with full benefits, when other proles in the area start at a poverty inducing $12 an hour! That and the fact that it would take 30 years for the savings in fuel cost to equal the cost with even the generous subsidies included. What more do they want???

I do thank Stalin and the gods of GoodIntentions™ for at least sending that hurricane to give cover for the president, at least he can point to that storm as a reason for his GoodIntentions™ not paying off as quickly as he would like.

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When the Mall has been removed of the excrescences of the Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln Memorials, and a memorial is erected to the One True Leader (PBUH), we shall erect the world's largest obelisk which has engraved on it the GoodIntentions™ of Dear Oleader.

And let's remember that since 7.62 is Commissar of Time, we can attribute his GoodIntentions™ to him any time that we want to. Why, before his parents even met, he had Karmic GoodIntentions™, and the Progressives all went onto a mountaintop to wait for the Socialist Savior, who was yeah born until us in Hawaii.

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Ah Comrade Father Prog Theocritus, it is always such a pleasure to hear from you! No, no...I am not trying to lull you into dropping your guard in order for me....or should I say, some unexplained situation develop that one might with even GoodIntentions™, could reasonably cause one to suspect a Comrade such as I, as trying to gain an unauthorized contribution from you. No, far be it from me! Rather it is the fact that I rarely fail to become more enlightened when conversing with an immensely erudite comrade such as you! For instance. your last post used the term "excrescences" which is a word I have never heard before, and yet, upon research, has a meaning that I came pretty close to knowing just from the sound and spelling of the word! The mere sound of the word just conjures up it's definition.

Reading your missives reminds me of when I was a young, unwashed prole. Now I am reasonably sure that you did not have to suffer the indignities of a common prole upbringing such as I, but reading your posts reminds me of when I was but a young pup, reading my mother's Reader's Digest, and on those days I was really stuck in the bathroom for a long time, would find myself reading the monthly "Increase Your Vocabulary" feature.

As another example, how many times have I heard you use the term "in camera?" I had never heard that term to my knowledge till I saw you use it, and so discovered it's usage. Since that time, I have heard it several times. mostly on Law and Order shows, but I then realized that I had probably heard it used many times over the years, but never noticed it because I didn't know what it meant! But thanks to you Comrade, I can now pass myself off as a bit more of an elitist snob when around the many common proles I still must deal with in my collective.

BTW, in regard to a proper memorial to the Oleader, I agree that his GoodIntentions™ must be prominently displayed. However, I am not sure whether an obelisk should be used. We already have the phallic symbol of the racist slaveholder Washington memorial, and you can be sure that the Clinton memorial will also be a phallic tribute. Oh, in case you have not heard, it has been decided that the Clinton phallic monment will be dedicated to both Bill and the MTE. After all is said and done, I think we can all agree that a phallic symbol applies to the MTE as much as it does Bill. In fact, I think it is fair to say that Bill and Hillary were in a sense, the first legally recognized man and man marriage?


 
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