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Carpe Per Diem: A Rant for a Better Today

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I am really ashamed of this collective. I come back to check on the People's Cube -- the Party's premier organ for screwing the American people -- only to find a collection of conscionable commissars and two-bit soft European socialist. Bah! Even the academics who visit the People's Cube are so dizzy with ideology that they have lost all semblance of what we are all here for -- shakedowns, Comrades! Shakedowns! Carpe Per Diem! Seize your payments, Comrades! Seize them like I have! Do not take the soft socialism of the Obama administration as a sign of utopia on Earth! No such thing is here, Comrades. Obama is just not socialist enough.

Stimulus money abounds; BP is the administrations personal ATM; and the Treasury department is nothing more than a clearinghouse for filthy, filthy lucre as printing presses run off hot sheets of papery happiness. Washington is flush with other people's money and you scabs are sitting here waxing-poetic of a glorious Tuesday to come! Comrades, the glorious Tuesday has come and November is but a short trip away! The People in all of their mindless racist ignorance is turning on the First African-American President ™ in the name of fiscal discipline, hard-work, and good ole' fashion American values -- values, mind you, that would signal a screeching halt of the gravy train! Where are our best agitators? Where are our victims to parade about? Where is my single mother who has to choose between a gourmet Chef Michael's Dog Food dinner or having enough money for her prescription medication? Where is our transient Malaysian prostitutes who are forced to live a life of crime due to Arizona's new racist immigration law? Just what the hell has happened to the People's Cube and why aren't you people milking every last human being for the Party's gain!? Laziness and a clear departure from Marxist-Leninism is to blame for this sorry state of affairs!

I am disgusted, Comrades. The last time I was this disgusted was when Sally Quinn's New Years party was crashed upon by a drunken and self-loathing Chris Matthews who ran about, crying, all with his tiny pecker hanging out of his second-rate trousers. Yes, I am that disgusted, Comrades! The Party was once known for something more than ad hominem attacks on the opposition. Not too long ago we were known for convincing the masses of the economic progress of Venezuela. We were known for implicating government officials for imaginary crimes against humanity that would grace the front pages of the New York Times, the Washington Post, and Ezra Klein's fanny when he was passed around a Journolist "love-for-all". Yes, we were on top of the world riding the waves of change in all our compassionate glory -- compassion, mind you, that would see to it that all would have Chef Michael's Dog Food and his or her sexual stimulates for that week!

But what have we become? Empty, unimaginative and on the verge of electoral defeat is what we have become, Comrades. We have lost our way since the 1990s. I remember a time when the Lincoln bedroom and an intern of your choice could be rented out to loyal Party members for the right price. I remember a time where the loud-mouth masseuse could have been either bought off or taken for a ride to Fort Marcy Park. I remember a time of crack pipe Solstice decorations and "lezzing out" with Hillary and the gang. Remember those times, Comrades?

Comrades, the only thing that sniffs my crotch now at the White House is Bo the dog. What use to be a classy set of crooks occupying the White House has now given way to amateurs more interested in photo-ops and teleprompters than sharing the wealth with loyal apparatchiks. You know how hard it is to ask these Chicago types for a little something-something? I asked Valerie Jarrett for a couple hundred thousand dollars and you would think I was asking for her last tampon, that old cow! She looked me up and down and went on and on about how that money was for Chicago friends and not low-life's like me who threw their lot in with the Clintons. What chutzpah! Tim Kaine won't even return my calls for fear that he will have to sit next to Biden at the next Party fundraiser. My beak is not wet enough and already that idiot is pissing it all away to the Republicans! I'm pissed, Comrades! I'm pissed, I'm poor, and this administration is full of soft European socialist!

The People's Cube is the only outlet for true and tested Progressives yearning for a pure totalitarianism and not the soft socialism cooked up in some fancy Chicago PR office. Washington is flush with cash and they're pissing it all away on the SEIU and other idiots. The useful idiots are getting their fill but we aren't! Where is Hillary? Where is Chelsea? Where is Bill!? Where is my public option! I want my public public option. I want it all! Carpe Per Diem! Seize your payments, Comrades! Seize them before it is all too late! The time has come for us to come together in a mighty and renewed collective armed with the doctrines of Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao and Rachel Maddow. Take up your pantsuits, Comrades! Men folk: Smear on pink lipstick and march in lockstep as you fondle livestock! Women folk: throw your toddlers into a large pile and demand CHOICE! until your throats grow hoarse and sore! We have a world to win and soft socialism and declarations from the NAACP will not give us the utopia we deserve. I was promised hope and change, dammit, and all I got was this crummy T-Shirt!

MY NAME IS MEOWSEVICH S. PUNCHENKO, AND I WANT MY MONEY AND I WANT IT NOW!


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Komrade Turboski wrote:..toga.. toga! TOGA! TOGA!! TOGA!! TOGA!!
The Pantsuit, Comrade, is the appropriate dress for any and all Comrades. This "toga" you speak of reeks in patriarchal oppression, Western decadence, and a time period in human history that is best forgotten or completely revised to highlight progressive living and communal harmony. If anything your willing desire to don this "toga" is the clue that you internally harbor sexist and racist feelings that could only indicate that you are indeed a Mama grizzly-loving Teabagger. Your incorrect thinking, Comrade Turboski, is just the kind of thinking that plants the poisonous seeds of political incorrectness which in turn bloom into weeds which choke our beautiful garden of pure ideological consistency. Yes, a toga is nothing more than a white sheet minus the pointy hat, Comrade Turboski. I want you to write a letter of apology to all the Peoples of Color you have offended. Start with, "Dear Morally Superior People I have offended..."

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It's good to see you Chairman. The Cube has been missing your ideological purity. I myself returned recently to check out the collective and I have to admit that I was caught up in this wishy-washy lib ideology infecting the Cube. I'm even guilty of forgetting what real socialism is about; the redistribution of resources from the People to the Party elite (us). I've been thinking more about ideology that I should. Who needs to think about ideology anyway? This is all pretty clear. We want their stuff. Marx even said that us getting their stuff was inevitable. Or was it Hegel? Who cares.

It's been months since I've had vodka redistributed to me from the People. I haven't had any cigars given to me either. I've had to FUCKING PAY FOR ALL MY STUFF IN MONTHS LIKE A FUCKING RIGHT-WING TAXPAYER MAGGOT WHO WORKS FOR A LIVING.

FUCK THAT SHIT!!

I'm thinking about denouncing myself for my failure as a socialist. Maybe I have regressed to useful idiot status.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Where is our transient Malaysian prostitutes
Surely you meant transsexual Malaysian prostitutes.

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Yes Chairman Meow!
I agree with you 142%!!
I was unfortunately not in my right mind!
After the election, I was interred in a special camp for my backing of Glorious Uber Comrade Hillary!
The kleig lights, the waterboarding, the endless listening to Yanni....
I broke comrade Chairman!
I broke like Glorious Uber Comrade HRC's donkey!

But your words have set my mind right! I can see clearly now!
Yes!
Its not about the people's healthcare! It's about OUR healthcare and how we shouldn't have to pay for clearing up those nasty little rashes that you get from one of the Clinton's private parties! We need that healthcare on demand for US! And if the proles can slip in when we are not using it, then good for them.
WE need the stimulus!! We have mansions, er humble dachas, that need to be built and cleaned and landscaped and stocked with hookers and booze, er assistants and health drinks!
Chairman Meow is right comrades! Our time is now!! The Lightbringer Obama has set the stage but now it is up to us to claim what is ours!!

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SOME OF US HAVE BEEN TOILING AWAY DOING OUR COLLECTIVE JOB OF BLACKMAILING TO GAIN O.P.M. (other peoples money)

I will not point fingers at all of you who have not (but I believe it is obvious)

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Welcome back Punchenko and not a minute too soon. I myself have commented that I've grown weary waiting by the mailbox for my check from Obama's stash. Obviously the only way to get my share is to take it.

To that end I've instructed my accountant to claim every last deduction possible (and then some) while I wait eagerly for the start of ObamaCare. If I can't cry poverty and get a gov. subsidy to buy health coverage then I intend to pay the IRS penalty until I get sick. I'll buy coverage from my hospital bed and once I'm cured and the bills are all paid I intend to drop my coverage and go back to paying the penalty. What better way to punish the rich fatcat insurance industry.

I've also purchased shares in a mutual fund that invests heavily in comrade Soros' Petrobras racket. And I'm thinking of renting a post office box down in New Orleans and claiming that the BP oil spill has dashed my lifelong dream of becoming a commercial fisherman so I can collect some swill from that trough.

My accountant says that I should start a phony "green energy" company and apply for a gov. subsidy to manufacture a cheap gizmo that prevents people from plugging energy wasting appliances into unused wall outlets. Naturally I'll have them manufactured in China by prison labor for a few cents each and sell them on TV for $19.95 (and if you order in the next ten minutes we'll double your order).

Comrades, there is no end to what we can rake in if we put our minds to it.

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and here is more proof of my hard work for the Peoples Cube Redistributive Fund ™ . . . please note nasty, greed oil company on my personal government mandated collective phony, so I can most easily call and harass them on a daily bases, to send money to the peoples they have harmed with . . . whatever it is they've done.
I demand a full apology to myself.

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I am good Mooslime wife of second in command to Usama Been Laidon.... need I be of saying more?

And why does the fish have anything to do with the rant?

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Hey hey hey, I've been arguing for immediate totalitarian reign for a while now, why just the other day, I was on a soapbox screaming for it.

Oh, and if you want your money, and need it now, talk to these guys.
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Or if you aren't into opera, talk to this dog.
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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:SOME OF US HAVE BEEN TOILING AWAY DOING OUR COLLECTIVE JOB OF BLACKMAILING TO GAIN O.P.M. (other peoples money)
You down with O.P.P. (Other People's Property)? Yeah, you know me! Thanks, Comrade Fraulein for reminding of that great socialist anthem.

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I think we are going to need to reorient ourselves to what our brand of Socialism really entails, Comrades. We live in a wonderful day and age when we can have both the blessings of material gain (for a select few), the glittery glamor of Hollywood, and the totalitarianism of a former Eastern bloc nation -- all without the harshness of barbwire fencing, jackbooted guards, and the occasional visit from state security services.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:all without the harshness of barbwire fencing, jackbooted guards, and the occasional visit from state security services.

Party™ pooper!

Where's the fun in that?

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El Presidente wrote:
Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:SOME OF US HAVE BEEN TOILING AWAY DOING OUR COLLECTIVE JOB OF BLACKMAILING TO GAIN O.P.M. (other peoples money)
You down with O.P.P. (Other People's Property)? Yeah, you know me! Thanks, Comrade Fraulein for reminding of that great socialist anthem.

Yes indeedy, Comrade El Presidente - "what's yours in mine; what's mine is mine". Long live socialism.

Imageoooh, this always works for all the unions!

I must find agreement with Comrade Whoopie - there is no fun without cattle prods, waterboarding and a little screaming. After a hard days work in the beet field, there is nothing like OPS. (other people screaming)

(and our sigh of collective relief that INM - ' it's not me')

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote: -- all without the harshness of barbwire fencing, jackbooted guards, and the occasional visit from state security services.
But those are the thing I imagine when I think "Eastern Bloc". We have an image to maintain! How can we incite fear into the populace without such things?

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Instead of hanging out with the kittens tonight, I am working the neighborhood for protection shakedowns and whatever hopenchange will fit in my coffers. Of course, I will share a taste with you, Chairman.

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Good to see you back in the collective, Chairman Meow, kicking collective butt.

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It's been a while since we've heard from the Marshal. Last I can recall off the top of my head was about 2006. He'll probably pop on here saying "I'm still here Elliott. You unobservant goof" or something along those lines.

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I am too disgusted with soft socialism! We've been always trying to cure it with hard communism, but that sometimes leads to resignations of high officials and scandals in the Obama administration.

So to be less confrontational, I suggest we name our brand SHAKEDOWN SOCIALISM.

I already have a logo:

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Actually, in our defense, we weren't entirely idle.
https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... t5684.html

94 People's Cube Operatives Charged in Medicare Scams

Nobody - I repeat, NOBODY - has the right to be caught red-handed prematurely - except Chairman Punchenko, who has proven through tedious litigation that stealing from other people and from the government fulfills his BASIC NEED, and that questioning his need constitutes hate speech.

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Commissar_Elliott wrote:It's been a while since we've heard from the Marshal. Last I can recall off the top of my head was about 2006. He'll probably pop on here saying "I'm still here Elliott. You unobservant goof" or something along those lines.

Alas, where has the Pup gone? I just returned from the shakedown run, and while I made better time (I walk by all the light poles and fire hydrants, he has to sniff-n-pee at every one) it was not nearly as gratifying an experience. Where, oh where, has our Pupovich gone?

Anybody here, seen my old friend Pupovich?
Can you tell me where he's go-ooone?
He survived a lot of show trials, and he pulled many a fast one,
I just looked around and he was gone...

Anybody here, seen my old friend Pupovich?
Can you tell me where he's go-ooone?
He bribed a lot of stooges, and he schoozed like Meow does,
I just looked around and he was gone...

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Regarding that Socialist logo, are those ice cream cones on the sides?

(we all scream for ice cream)

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