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Castro is Now But a Proletarian, Happily Lives in Small Flat

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Now that Fidel Castro has ceded his constitutional powers to his brother he has stepped down. In solidarity with his communist countrymen, as a good communist who believes in equality, he has taken up residence in a small rat infested flat outside Habana where he sweeps the streets at night and picks up garbage during the day. However, like the ex-president of United States Jimmy Carter he has his opinions on world events, and recently opined:

Bush's Lies and Cons

Digital Granma Internationale wrote:I don't like the idea of seeming to be a vengeful person, someone wishful to relentlessly pursue an adversary. I had promised myself to wait a bit and see how the contradictions between Bush and his European allies would unfold on the vital subject of climate change. But George W. Bush went too far when he made a declaration that we read in an AP piece last Friday. The President of the United States stated that he would go to the Vatican "with a very open mind and…ready to listen" to the Pope, and he assured that they share a "common respect for human life and human dignity" and freedom.

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I weep every time I read the courageous and honest pages of Granma. I weep knowing that little Elian is alright and safe within the Cuban Workers' Paradise. It is my only hope in this life that Fidel Castro and Raul Castro will live forever to serve the Cuban people. Hopefully someday soon we can turn Amerika into the kind of paradise that Cuba and North Korea currently enjoy.

-- Mr. Reno

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Mr. Reno, as always you are much too kind to Amerika. I don't see this kindness as a flaw, but simply as an open-minded liberal graciousness. Very sophisticated.

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You're too kind, comrade Otis. The American people (who will suffer for all eternity for their crimes) have embraced me after starring in a series of Apple ads.

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I'm the one on the left.

Because of your kindness and prole virtue, I will ensure that the ATF passes by your publicly owned lifestyle dwelling on the Day of Reckoning (be sure to paint the door post with the blood of kittens and cute cuddly puppies).

-- Mr. Reno

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Janet, I am taken by your makeover. You look fabulous! I had no idea your jaw was that big and that coat. Did you take it from a dead Cossack?

Have you ever thought of licensing your Waco story to the makers of Doom to make a really good PS3 game? Just think with the Blu-ray technology and the HDMI 1.3(!) technology we could see in 48-bit color, 1080p, with eight 24-bit channels of uncompressed audio the cries and screams of children being burned to death!

And to think if you'd just had your makeover, you might now be in the White House instead of in, well, Florida, and you could be commanding the entire Air Force to shower the countryside with bombs instead of that piss-ant ATF. After all, who needs a few cowboys with popguns when you've got nukes.

Hill, isn't that right, darling? Oh. Sorry. I forget that you're only interested in money.

Nansky? Isn't that right? Oh, I forgot that when you had your face lift the palsied surgeon gave you a lobotomy.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote: Have you ever thought of licensing your Waco story to the makers of Doom to make a really good PS3 game?

OH! Make a PSP version too! PLEASE!!!

--

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Yes. Deep color! Deep color! The red! The color of the red of the children's blood! The red licking flames! The red! The red!

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STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU! I feel burning sensations in my nether regions whenever someone mentions Waco. Commissar Theocritus, I will remind you that I had a desire, a burning power hungry desire, to become Governor of Florida one time. Just the thought of having that kind of power, the power to deport every Cuban who arrives on a raft to flee the Cuban Workers' Paradise! Ohhh! I have green saliva oozing from my mouth now. Excuse me while I freshen up.

A video game depicting Waco, you say? Fine. Video games depicting anything else (shoot'em up war games in particular) BANNED! We can't have the children engaging in the renactments of shooting peoples of the Third World... especially the Viet Nam games. Intolerant, completely and immorally intolerant. Shooting up Christians in America is an enitrely different thing.

Nancy? Can you call your friends up at Sony and get me a works in the making? I also wish to be buff in this video game, kind of like Rambo... chest and all with a cool red beret on. Yeah! I like that.

-- Rembo

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Theocritus wrote:Nansky? Isn't that right? Oh, I forgot that when you had your face lift the palsied surgeon gave you a lobotomy.


<drooling> ....... Huh? Wha? Nuclear war? Yes, nuclear war is good. So long as we are the target. Nancy has to go over here now.

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Nancy wrote:
Theocritus wrote:Nansky? Isn't that right? Oh, I forgot that when you had your face lift the palsied surgeon gave you a lobotomy.


<drooling> ....... Huh? Wha? Nuclear war? Yes, nuclear war is good. So long as we are the target. Nancy has to go over here now.

You can hide in my bunker in Moscow while the capitalist dogs fry in the US, Nancy!

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I knew building those palatial Dachas all over the world would come in handy some time. Now I just need to chose which one I should stay in while the nukes are falling. Decisions, decisions....


 
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