As widely reported, on December 15 the Chinese Navy seized an underwater research drone in full view of the American ship USNS Bowditch, which had deployed it in the South China Sea near the Philippines. The Chinese government has since promised to return the drone in the form of scraps of metal and a bag of wires that may or may not have been part of the device.
Despite some overzealous commentators declaring the Chinese seizure an act of war, the explanation is far less dramatic.
Sources in U.S. intelligence community believe the drone grab might be part of a secret Chinese program that translates roughly as Operation Piece of Tail.
"Chinese fishermen have discovered," unnamed CIA sources said, "that the high-pitched noises emitted by mermaids – illustrated by Daryl Hannah in the movie Splash – were scaring the fish, lowering the daily catch, and impacting the amount of tax and bribes the government can collect from them – the fishermen, not the fish."
Other U.S. intelligence agencies have confirmed that the Chinese fishermen got fed up with the mermaids and managed to convince their government to take action. However, Beijing’s whiz kids were stymied how to implement Operation Piece of Tail because they lacked the technical capability of operating under water. After submarines proved impractical, their technology experts hit on the idea of grabbing one of U.S. drones in the hope to reverse-engineer it.
As part of the program, the Chinese government contacted the producers of Splash to find out how Daryl Hannah made those high-pitched noises in the movie. A hard-core environmentalist, Hannah refused to reveal this information. Whether this will ultimately sink Operation Piece of Tail is unclear.
"Chinese plans to kidnap and reverse-engineer Daryl Hannah were thwarted by the election of Donald Trump," CIA source said. "They wouldn't dare do it on U.S. territory, and unfortunately for them, Daryl Hannah is not one of the Hollywood celebrities who promised to leave the country if Trump is elected."
"Miley Cyrus is one of them, but her braying is not high-pitched enough," the source said. "Cher and Whoopi are hopeless. Al Sharpton and Samuel L. Jackson are expert whiners but not falsetto caliber. Jon Stewart’s vocal chords are out of shape. With the aid of a voice coach, maybe Hillary can push her screeching a couple of octaves higher. Obama will be available after January 20th but probably wants to stick to golf."
A mutually beneficial resolution of this conflict is still possible, say Democratic politicians, reminding us that a universal solution to any problem in the world is higher taxes. Now that they have a lot more free time on their hands, a group of Congressional Democrats have volunteered to go over to China and teach their communist colleagues how to tax creatures of the sea in a way that would silence them for good.
And I can use the remaining oils in my lamps to provide the light to eat it by.
MinitrueI see no reason why these mermaids should not toil on the beet fields like the rest of us... The new man (or mermaid) of Next Tuesday does not need water to work!
Legs, however, would be good. We do not need to have workers capacities diminished by getting hurt slipping on the trail
Potential Comrade Reader of roots in East Asia ‒ no offense.
We are True Internationalists.
Vee haff vays ‒ poking fun, first of all, at our own roots. Say, KrautSpeak.
They come in two options, however.
I'll take the other one.
But, last time The One pivoted in Air Force One to China, didn't He make it perfectly clear to His hosts that there are His red lines around sub-drones, each sub-drone, as well as around His U. S. elections?
... oh, on the other hand, haven't they - the hosts - forced him, once he landed (in Hangzhou), and no doubt very deliberately, to exit the aircraft - as ChinMan calls it - "through its arse"?
( documented, aptly described, and to see :
Lena has, in a rare act of mercy, pixilated her breasts to show her solidarity with China. This selfless act is worthy of notice.
FlaviusJosephusI'm sorry to say this (NOT!) but she looks like a beached Whale not a mermaid!
NO, NO, NO, Comrade FlaviusJosephus, she is in no way affiliated with Save The Whales!