Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Now, as much as I'd love to stay and discuss this further, I need to go down to the government office and wait in line to fill out a form which, if approved, will allow me to stand in another line and collect some free Obama money. I was down there all day yesterday only to find out they'd run out of forms hours earlier (it took a while for word to trickle back through the line), but they said if I came back today and got in line again, they just might have some more.

I'm off to see if they do! Ta-ta!

Comrades,

The other day I was waiting in line to apply for welfare, and I found myself grumbling, and then I said to myself: "Leninka, shame on you. Comrade Pinkie would never grumble like this!" I believe we all have something to learn from Comrade Pinkie's exemplary actions in being the model welfare recipient.

Every day, she goes from line to line, fills out form after form, and never complains. In other words, she is the Quintessential Welfare Queen, and we all need to make Dear Leader proud and model our behavior after Comrade Pinkie.

Comrade Pinkie knows the ins and outs of being on welfare like no other comrade at the Cube. She shames us all. Day in and day out, she figures out ways to scam the system get her fair share of all redistribution programs. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it.

Let's all make Dear Leader and Nanski Peloski proud, as the day nears when all of us will spend our days waiting in one line or another for one handout or another, and hold up Pinkie's vibrant and joyful attitude about receiving welfare as the Gold Standard of the Welfare State of the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.

Bless her swollen, inflamed heart. It takes real fortitude and thick ankles to stand in line day after day filling out forms on top of forms. But I hear it beats working for a living.

Fortunately Pinkie has a secret weapon, a suitcase full of rubber stamps with all her personal particulars. Name, address, age, gender, names of dependent children, health problems, drugs she's addicted to or has abused, and perhaps her most important stamps, a copy of her Democrat voter registration card and ACORN membership card.

The best part is that all these stamps mount directly to her shovel handle. One mighty swing of that soil shifter/attitude adjuster and "poof" another form perfectly filled out in the blink of an eye.

Comrade Leninka, this is so inspiring. The other day there was a program in my area to redistribute government cheese and I did not go down because the cheese they usually redistribute here still has the rats attached and I didn't feel like waiting in line for rats. But now I am so ashamed of myself for not taking what I am entitled to, especially after my great leaders went to all the trouble to take these things from the people who made them and hire gruff impolite bureaucrats to hand them out to me. I don't deserve to be a prog and accept things I don't deserve.

But thanks to your missive, I am going to turn over a new leaf. From now on, whenever the government offers free stuff, I am going to go and fill out the forms and wait in line for it, whether I need (or want) it or not. And even if I know I am not entitled to whatever it is, I will go down and lie on the forms like a good prog. It's the Left thing to do! It's for The Children^TM. And if I don't take it, somebody who really needs it might and a trend like that will ruin it for everybody.

Comrade Whoopie,

How is it that you know about Pinkie's stamp collection? Hmm? Is she stamping for you? I wonder.

Comrade Opiate,

Government cheese? I love government cheese. There's nothing better. And the powdered milk is to die for. But I do wish they would just deliver it straight to my house. Oops, there I go again, grumbling. I should be glad to have a line to wait in. And without government cheese, what would I put on my organic nacho chips?

The best part is that all these stamps mount directly to her shovel handle. One mighty swing of that soil shifter/attitude adjuster and "poof" another form perfectly filled out in the blink of an eye.

No only that, she's her own notary with no expiration on her shovel emboss although many have expired when they have been properly...ahem..."notarized" with her golden shovel.

Why, thank you, Leninka, for honoring me in this way. It certainly beats a denouncement and show trial, doesn't it? Dare I hope there's FINALLY a promotion for me? For no one makes a bigger issue out of everything, or raises more awareness of how much I care, than I do.

I'll have you know that at this very moment, I'm waiting in line at the welfare office for my next check from Obama, and that I'm texting this on my brand new iPhone. Pushing the tiny buttons are easy, thanks to the long, sharp tips of my brand new deluxe acrylic nails. How do you like these sparkly rhinestones my manicurist applied?

Which brings up an important point: Just because times are tough, doesn't mean we have to look as though things are tough for us. That's why it's so important not to give up those regular visits to the manicurist, hair stylist, botox specialist, et al. When you look good, you feel good, and when you look and feel good, you'll find there's less stigma to being poor and disadvantaged, and when something has less stigma, guess what? It becomes more acceptable!

Hold on a sec, I have a message coming in on my iPhone. An update: Oh yes. We are no longer poor or disadvantaged or at risk. Instead, we are now “with Hope.” Don't you just love that term, comrades? It's like being a new and improved product: “Now with more Hope!” (Let's see what someone like Superkommissar Maksim does with that! I smell another Beet of the Week!)

My number hasn't been called yet—they're now serving B104, and my ticket says B468—so that gives me a few extra moments to raise awareness about a very important issue. I'm talking about food pantries.

Comrades, yesterday I drove my Lexus to not one but several food pantries all over town. Many people with Hope, just like me, are compelled to do that now because donations are down not just in quantity but quality. Why can't I find Orville Redenbacher popcorn? If you won't eat Jiffy Pop that's three years past its expiration date, then why should those with Hope? Why do you think they have Hope? It's because they're Hoping for better things. Something better than old Balloon Boy Jiffy Crap that you can't even microwave.

Comrades, surely you don't want me to have to give up my cell phone plan with my circle of 732 friends, or my cable smartbox with premium porn on-demand, because it's the only way I can afford to shop for basic necessities at some grocery store that's (a) part of a corporate chain (b) doesn't even allow its employees to form a union, and (c) where the cashier gives me “that look” when she sees I'm swiping an EBT card. That card was supposed to stop people from giving me “that look” but by now those cashiers know what the card looks like, so they always know when to give “that look.” And all because I'd rather have Hershey's kisses, a carton of Pall Malls, and that new Cover Girl Purple Plush Mascara than another lousy can of Sloppy Joe.

That's why I'm asking you now: Instead of cleaning out your cupboards of old stuff and fobbing it off on the food pantries, why not donate brand new groceries? It won't cost you a whole lot. For just one day, give up that White Russian Mocha Latte, or that lunch at Olive Garden. Need to use the restroom but all they have are pay toilets? Hold it in and use those coins to buy something special for your local food pantry. Just remember—next year, it could be YOU having to visit the food pantry, only to bring home Jiffy Crap Popcorn for dinner!

Give a comrade some Hope . . . and he'll have Hope for a day.

Teach him how to Hope . . . and he'll Hope for the rest of his life.

I'm glad to see you damn commies are enjoying the crumbs of trickle down economics. It sounds to me that the Capitalist class is trickling down too much. It's difficult to know just how much welfare we should hand out in order to placate you stinking ground-down oppressed masses and stave off the Revolution. At the next meeting of the 3rd Capitalist Cabal Internationale I think I'll instruct our new puppet Obama to ratchet up the Hope a little more and give you damn commies something to really Hope for before the next round of Hope costs me more Hope than I want to spend on you swine.

Opiate, I am utterly shocked that you didn't want the cheese with the rats still attached. You do know, don't you, that those rats are already stuffed with cheese and so you can make fried rat on a stick poppers? Nothing better, you know, nothing better.

Pinkie, do quit complaining about promotions, won't you? You and I are both stuck in the commissariat. It's where we do our best work. After all, the biggest title whore is Pupovich, you know, and when you get to be a Marshall you start making things like nano Jimmy Carter rabbits. Do you really want that?

And as far as people with Hope... Well, I prefer to think of myself as being underserviced.

That's a new one. The Junior League of Midland, Texas, has gotten a government grant to feed children over the weekend, so that they remain nourished, at taxpayer expense, just as they do at school. Lest it interfere with their learning.

I didn't know that these children had no parents at all to feed them. When I was growing up my parents worked to feed me. I guess I wasn't underserviced. Or is it possible to be underserviced only if you're underserviced by the government? Inquiring minds want to know.

These children got the money because they were underserviced.

I thought that underserviced was our Many Titted Empress when Monica was about.

$.$. Halliburton wrote:I'm glad to see you damn commies are enjoying the crumbs of trickle down economics. It sounds to me that the Capitalist class is trickling down too much. It's difficult to know just how much welfare we should hand out in order to placate you stinking ground-down oppressed masses and stave off the Revolution. At the next meeting of the 3rd Capitalist Cabal Internationale I think I'll instruct our new puppet Obama to ratchet up the Hope a little more and give you damn commies something to really Hope for before the next round of Hope costs me more Hope than I want to spend on you swine.

Comrade Halliburton,

It's never enough. We want more. I won't be happy until the government pays me to indoctrinate children from my laptop while I rest comfortably in bed.

You can see from Pinkie's experiences that they can't so much as maintain a good stock of Orville Redenbacher Popcorn at the food back. We have a long way to go. You think your taxes are high now? Well, you just wait and see how high they're going to go.

That senate election going on in Massachussetts? Fugetaboutit. He who counts the votes wins Those DFLers up in Minnesota were able to rig the Franken/Cole election, and they are pikers compared to Bostonians. And I just love it that the Conservatives are splitting off from the Rethuglicans, not to mention the Libertarians. I don't think we're going to lose the House or the Senate. They (the Rethuglicans and Conservatives) can't even get together on limited government, low taxation and personal freedom. Ha Ha.

Someone should create a welfare app for comrade pinkie's Iphone. The process of earning a welfare living must become less stressful...I think pinkie has become so use to standing in lines that she doesn't realize the stress she is putting herself through. I think a welfare app would go a long way in helping upstanding comrades such as pinkie obtain their earnings easier.

Sea-Bass, what a wonderful idea. I too have an iPhone--actually my fourth one--and the apps are wonderful. I think that Google Earth should be incorporated to show welfare offices. Around Me, which shows the closest restaurants, hotels, hospitals &c., should also show welfare offices. As the first listing.

Since iPhones now have GPS, we should have turn-by-turn directions for getting to wherever we are to the nearest welfare office.

Then we could have an app which shows the cash value of what we have received. And the calorie content of what we have received, and also calculate the calories expended by standing in line to receive them.

Only if we receive more calories than we expend are we not underserviced.

Inspiring! Truly inspiring!! Let all of us swollen ankles, puffy footed Frauleins join in a big "hooraisky" for Pinkie!

I wholeheartedly agree with the idea of welfare apps. I'd also like to add all my favorite government agencies to my cell phone plan's “circle of friends.” All of this I'd like to put into a book tentatively titled How to Get More Out of Your Government.

But give up having to wait in line for government goods and services? Sea-Bass, bite your tongue! Haven't you heard that old saying, “The very best is always worth the longest wait?” Or “Good things come to those who wait?” Or even, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you finally find your prince?” Now granted, you don't really have to kiss any frogs while waiting to speak to a government representative, nor do you find a genuine prince at the end; it's more of a metaphor—you may face many setbacks while waiting, e.g., they run out of forms or vaccine or money before it's your turn, and you have to come back the next day. This happens more often than not—these are the lot of frogs you have to kiss—but in the end you get that sweet prince in the form of a government check or some other benefit.

Not to mention, most people with Hope don't mind waiting in line, because they have faith their Hope will be rewarded in the end, and at no cost to them except their own time. And what the hell else do you expect them to do with that time? Look for some dead end, unrewarding, thankless job in the private sector like our poor comrade Gollum was forced to do—only to work his ass off for nothing? No, I say if you're going to work your ass off for nothing, then it's so much better to wait for the government to give you a shovel-ready job that will serve not the greedy private sector, but the more noble, selfless, and benevolent public sector.

Besides, waiting in line can be lots of fun, and open up a whole new world of social networking for you! You'll get to meet hundreds of people just like you! People with whom you'll share more common interests and goals than you would if you did like poor Gollum and got a job in the evil, greedy private sector. You might even find a baby daddy or baby mama. And for the ultimate testimonial, our very own Comrade Mulva found true love at his local government office—and now he's living happily ever after pursuing his lifelong dream of being a political pundit on You Tube!

Meanwhile, your kids will find other kids to play with, and instead of using playground swings and slides and sandboxes that do nothing to stimulate their imaginations or calm their hyperactivity, they'll have such fun chasing each other around the rows and rows of chairs, and jumping on and off chairs, and pulling down vertical blinds, and splashing in the drinking fountain, and pulling out all the “Take a Number” tickets from the dispenser.

Plus, they always have TV's in the waiting areas so you don't have to miss your favorite soaps. And there's always at least one person in line who thinks to bring his boom box, so you can enjoy music and sing-a-longs and karaoke and oh, waiting in line can be ever so much fun!

In fact, we Progressives have made so much Progress that there's almost nothing you can't do while waiting in line, that you can just as easily do elsewhere—only why would you want to do it anywhere else? Come on down to your nearest government agency, and see—and smell—for yourself.

The line: It's now THE place to be—for waiting . . . and everything else.

Pinkie, your description of waiting in line for spare Change(tm) and Hope(tm) was so enthralling and beautiful that it brought a tear to this old socialist's eye, and that's a rheum thing indeed.

There is one additional benefit. Think of the head lice that you can get waiting in line. Then to combat the head lice you get to wait in <i>another</i> line, and this is a rural health clinic. Where you can get Barq or Rid. You meet so many other nice people when you are having your head shaved to get rid of the head lice.

And while waiting you can have the crab-lice Olympics. Did you know that I've met some dedicated waiters-in-line who have actually <i>trained</i> their crabs? I myself have done it. I have flash cards. One of Ronald Reagan, which makes the crabs scuttle away, and one of Bill Clinton, which draws them like, well Bill Clinton draws crab lice.

I've made ever so many friends with crab lice waiting in line. And there is one other good thing. If you are a man and you get enough crab lice then the shaving required means that when you get your next EKG there will be no pain in pulling off the pads for the electrodes.

BTW, I got a phone call from Nanski yesterday telling me that the Democrat party was going to be even more transparent. It is going to change its symbol from the donkey to the crab louse.

It fastens onto the body politic, lays eggs all over it, sucks blood, and makes it itch.

[TABLE][TR][TD] [/TD][TD] I will never stand in line! This thread cuts to the very core of the modern Left's choice - to continue trying to work within the corrupt capitalist system in order to bring about a fair and just society for the workers or to face the fact that this wins us only pyrrhic victories and that only revolution and strong communism will triumph and give us the beautiful promise of Next Tuesday.

Reform or Revolution: How real change is won

“If we don't give the people reform, they will give us revolution”.
~ British Tory Quintin Hogg

Yes. Yes we will. Yes we can.[/TD][/TR][/TABLE]

Uh, Otis, Pinkie and I were just cheerleading. You know, to encourage people. I myself intend to drive up in my Bentley or fly there in my G5 and just take what I want.

And yes, the only cure for a liberal democracy is strong communism. Erich Honecker, where are you when we need you?

Comrades Pinkie and Theocritus,

Your ideas are most inspiring. Of course, as the Cube's most prominent Welfare Titans, what else would we expect?

There are so many things that can be done while waiting in lines: group therapy sessions, catching up on gossip, checking out the latest fashions and hairdos, drug exchanges. The possibilities are endless.

As for Comrade Pinkie's book, I believe we need to write our congressional representatives to make sure that Pinkie is exempt from having to pay taxes on any proceeds she receives from the sale of her book How to Get More Out of Your Government. After all, anything that contributes to the Greater Good^TM, ought not to be taxed.

Comrade Theocritus, your ideas about lice and crabs are so sensitive to the needs of those who wait in lines. This is a long ignored issue, and it's about time we brought it to the forefront.

Comrade Otis,

Your dear words have touched my heart and brought a tear to eye. Let's all have a tear for "change" and revolution.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
That's why I'm asking you now: Instead of cleaning out your cupboards of old stuff and fobbing it off on the food pantries, why not donate brand new groceries? It won't cost you a whole lot. For just one day, give up that White Russian Mocha Latte, or that lunch at Olive Garden. Need to use the restroom but all they have are pay toilets? Hold it in and use those coins to buy something special for your local food pantry. Just remember—next year, it could be YOU having to visit the food pantry, only to bring home Jiffy Crap Popcorn for dinner!

Give a comrade some Hope . . . and he'll have Hope for a day.

Teach him how to Hope . . . and he'll Hope for the rest of his life.

Pinkie, I'm surpised at you! New groceries are out of the question. The self- righteous thing to do is to donate top-of-the-line name-brand new groceries! A lousy six-pack of Colt .45 will not give much hope to me the downtrodden, but a fifth of Johnny Walker black will perk me up the most depressed oppressed "with hope" comrade! And leave the lousy bag of Hershey kisses for next Halloween, if you want to bring me hope and change donate a two pound box of Godiva.

And, to spread the good progressive feeling of giving, let the store owner chip in on the donation - tell him about it if he catches you in the act. If he's recalcitrant, show him YOUR Colt .45 convince him it's for The Common Good^TM.

I must be off now. I have to talk to a bank manager about making a donation to give additional hope to me The Children^TM.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Opiate, I am utterly shocked that you didn't want the cheese with the rats still attached. You do know, don't you, that those rats are already stuffed with cheese and so you can make fried rat on a stick poppers? Nothing better, you know, nothing better.

Once again I find myself shamed by comrades pointing out my failures. I should be used to this by now since I really sucked at group therapy. When it was my turn to challenge another member to reveal his true feelings, I was secretly listening to baseball. More than once I pointed at a comrade in the midst of a catharsis and screamed, "And how DARE you bunt with two men on in the bottom of the ninth????"

Ooops, sorry about the digression. Yes, Commissar, I am truly ashamed for eschewing the Party's redistributed rats (such as my congressman, who's been sitting in that seat for so long he had a toilet built into it so he could purge himself of incorrect tacos without having to miss any of the "debates".) But I was truly having a crisis of conscience about the rats. On the one hand, they are animals and thus deserving of my worship as a part of Gaia. On the other hand, they are kind of the Rethuglicans of the animal kingdom and thus deserving of my contempt and hatred and thus worthy to be eaten by progressives after being fried on sticks. Like Obama on Afghanistan, I have been going back and forth on this one. Perhaps I can call my congressman on the toilet and ask him to decide for me. After all, that is why we keep electing him to sit on that elite toilet, so he might as well earn his keep. And, if he is qualified to decide the rest of my future, he certainly is qualified to decide if I should eat rats.

I've got a project that's been going on for some time. It's almost ready for launch. I was thinking May Day, but after reading about our Dear Commissarka standing in lines when she could be doing what she does best. That being the quintessential Progressive who we all know and love.........well:

Introducing the AVAPROG. The prototype is ready and I'll be shipping it to Commissarka Pinkie (pay no attetion to the nuclear warning signs Pinkie, the radiation is only temporary). No more standing in lines for her! Just send the AVAPROG!



Special Note: Prototype shown in blue, but after Prog-Avatar interface is established the color can be changed on the fly.

I really think this is going to be THE product of the 21st Century. We, the Elite of the Party will never have to leave the comfort of our homes.

Special thanks to Marshal Pupovich whose breakthroughs in nano-technology made the assembly a snap. Also utilized was his design on the Mini-Pup fusion reactor to power the thing. All it needs is a beet a month.

Comrade Grigori,

I think it is you who see yourself above standing in lines, and that is why you wish it for Comrade Pinkie. Of course those who are in love with the Progressive Welfare State World of Next Tuesday never imagine themselves standing in lines, but that is how things are redistributed in our glorious system, don't you know? We all must stand in one line, or another. Just ask the Many Titted Empress. She bided her time, and waited, and waited, and waited, until her turn came.

In the glorious Soviet Union, war veterans were sent to the front of every line. All they need do was wear all their medals before heading out to shop. It is therefor critical that the Party bestow as many medals and awards on us as possible so we have something to wear on our jackets. Something that will distinguish us as first's among equals.

Opiate, not to worry about missing the fried-rat-on-a-stick-popper thing. Only my extensive consultation with Red Star at the Hemlock Hospitality Inns and Che Gourmet at Lucrezia's has made me sensitive to such gourmet progressive viands.

But also I've been lucky to have had some personal teachers. Nanski was over at the Rancho and saw a normal, garden-variety Norwegian blue rat, and with a caw right out of <i>Jurassic Park</i> swept down on it and ate it on one bite. Well, not quite; she pulled the tail out of her mouth and threw it on the floor. Then she leapt on top of the couch and perched there, like a parrot, incidentally shredding my expensive leather couch with her talons. What I do for that dear Progressive.

I am <i>very</i> sensitive to rats. That's why I know what Harry Reid will do before he does it.

Grigori E.R. wrote:Introducing the AVAPROG. The prototype is ready and I'll be shipping it to Commissarka Pinkie (pay no attetion to the nuclear warning signs Pinkie, the radiation is only temporary). No more standing in lines for her! Just send the AVAPROG!

Oooh, Grigori, I like this! I like it a lot! Just think--not only could we send something like this to stand in line, but think of all the votes!

For this you have earned Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award:

And for your mother:

Plus, you get a free pie from Casserole Czar, a gift certificate to Pup's Party Pleasure Palace, and your own parking space (Reserved for Beet of the Week) in front of Party headquarters!

Leninka: Time to give up that parking space, and don't forget to clean up the oil stains!

All I need now is a shovel in 3D! That'll put the fear of Marx into all the proles!

I want to know why Pinkie gets to give out all the awards. I mean, I'm the one who has to host our Many Titted Empress. The walls of the Rancho will never be the same after Nanski's visits. Do you know what I suffered from Janet Reno?

Why do I have to play host to all the most revolting and disgusting people on the face of the earth Party nobility and Pinkie gets to hand out all the awards?

It's not fair! It's not fair, I tell you. She sits there in Georgia, in the lap of proletarian luxury, and I have to listen to Nanski caw and watch our MTE dig her trotters into my floors.

I realize that Pinkie is a most equal comrade, but have I not trashed Rethuglicans as much as she has? Have I not schemed and envied with the best of them? Have I not been the nastiest bastard on earth?

<b>Am I not the single most self-righteous member of the Kollective?</b>

Yes. Yes. Yes. Then why does that Obama Ho get to give out all the goodies?

Pardon me. I'm going to put my head under my pillow and sob. After all the hard work that I've done. And I've run out of fried rat on a stick too.

Comrade Pinkie,

Fine, I'll give up my parking space. You want to be an apparatchik and not have to wait in line with the rest of us? Well, that's just fine. I knew it. I knew you always wanted to be part of the elite.

I'll tell you why, Theocritus. It's because of this crazy idea you have that I'm in Georgia, which clearly signals to me that you have me confused with another Pinkie, a phony bizarro Pinkie who loves Chihuahuas and Dom DeLuise.

THAT PINKIE IS NOT ME!!!

Hard to believe there could be two, isn't it? Well, I'm the Pinkie who lives in FLORIDA, and I'm the real deal. Lest you have any doubts--

WHACK!!!

Pretty good considering the shovel's not even 3D.

And you, Leninka: I had no idea you were really Yelling Yelena, or perhaps you're channeling her, for you are clearly not reading my posts. What have I done on this thread but rave on and on about how much I enjoy waiting in line? And you just skim over my posts because they're too long and wordy and not what you want to hear, and then you accuse me of doing the opposite of what I just asserted.

WHACK!!!

That wasn't for you, Leninka. It was for Yelling Yelena. Call it Progressive Exorcism.

Now both of you pick up your teeth before I sell them to Steinway & Sons for piano keys.

Georgia, Florida, what's the difference? Neither of you will secede if Lord O starts gun grabbing. That's like saying that you're a member of the People's Front of Judea or the Judean People's Front. Or the Democrat Party or a Communist. Or Barbara Boxer and a particularly stupid piece of rock.

In fact once I was vexed and went out into the desert and started yelling, at random, at a boulder in the Davis Mountains. I was hurling imprecations at it, and called it Senator Boxer, and the rock itself spoke to me. "Theocritus, I may be three billion years old and have never done anything but lie here, but if you call me Barbara Boxer again, I'll roll over you."

Ouch! Yelling Yelena and I both felt that! As for your accusation of me not reading your posts. What! With all the down time I have while waiting in lines? What do you think I read as a substitute for having to go out and buy cheap romance novels? Hmm?

Leninka: Zing! I'll have to give you another Beet of the Week for that.

And another bumpersticker for your parental unit:

And the pie from Casserole Czar, and the gift certificate to Pup's Party Pleasure Palace (non-transferable), and, of course, the parking space "Reserved for Beet of the Week" in front of Party headquarters.

All this, right after you finished cleaning up that oilstain to make way for Grigori E.R.!

Comrades, enjoy my wild mood swings while you can. I only have one case of vodka left, and then it's back to the lines to get my ration cards renewed.

Pinkie, I thought that you were distilling the vodka yourself. Do you need lessons on how to do it? I myself have dedicated a few acres of the Rancho to solar stills just for the distillation of Putinka.

Since you live in Florida you also have sun and can use that for your own distillation.

The Holy Gore is pleased that we are using solar power to distill our moonshine; he has christened, er, Marxened, the Rancho the Bio-Solar-Still I.

I'll send you the diagrams.

Nice....I like AVAPROG

Grigori...
Could you take Obama's 21st century swastika and change it from an "O" to a "Q"?

Queue
Because That's Where The People Belong.

OMO (Oh My Obama). Just came up from the lab. Been putting the finishing touches on the AVAPROG for the past 24 hours and WOW! Beet of the Week???? Moi? Never in my wildest dreams. I shall treasure it forever............

Commissarka Pinkie,
Thank you so very much. I've included a little something from my private collection for you. Clutched in the Left hand of the AVAPROG is the:

1898 Lilies of the Valley Egg
Made in Saint Petersburg
It was a gift from Nicholas II to Alexandra Fyodorovna. I was there when he gave it o her. It's one of my fondest memories of the Royal Family........

Rasputin, I'm still amazed that they couldn't kill you. And here you are, in Year One Obama, still kicking.

Why don't you give a pint of blood to Martha Coakley? She might then win in Taxachusetts and give the Chosen People a veto-proof majority so that they can shove anything they want up the public's ass enact progressive legislation to lead us to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday(tm).

Thank you Pinkie for the Beet of the Week. I can see new and exciting things coming out of AVAProg. We all ought to have at least two personalities to rely on, depending on the occasion.

Ohh . . . ohh . . . Grigori! A genuine Faberge egg, just for me! Thank you, comrade.

Omelets for breakfast tomorrow!

Now why can't Red Rooster lay these things for me? Is that so much to ask?

Theocritus: I most certainly do not distill my own vodka. The very idea! The government does it for me, just as the government does everything for me. As it should.

Comrades,
Good news. Word of the AVAPROG got out and I've got 600 emails requesting the next one. 200 from Dear Leader Kim and a blank check! I'm but a humble servant of the Cube Collective and the Children. Out of my league here with a price point and could use some recommendations as to price. I was thinking $1 Billion in gold (each) to be deposited in the Inner Circle's vaults bank account for redistribution to the collective and the masses.

Laika,
[HIGHLIGHT=#d8d8d8]"Could you take Obama's 21st century swastika and change it from an "O" to a "Q"?"[/HIGHLIGHT]
As in the O flag? I'll get to work on it.

Pinkie, of course you <i>shouldn't</i> have to distill your own vodka but do you want to go blind, girl? If not, you'd better distill your own. And if you want enough. The gummint vodka, if you can get it, is pure poison and not fit for a commissarka of your ranking. In fact it's not fit for Nanski Peloski and how could you tell if she'd been poisoned? So I distill my own vodka. Out of self-preservation. And I take the gummint alcohol and use it to disinfect the floors after our MTE has been here.

Rasputin, I think that if the unions could get $60B to buy them off, you ought to get at least $10B for Avaprog. Or more. Could this be the mysterious Prog Who Could? The Prog Who Came in from the Cold? What about the self-replicating Prog? The value of that is incalculable, you know--we talk about never having more elections but a self-replicating Prog is something that's only dreamed of in science-fiction tales. If you have a self-replicating Prog, you are the richest person in history.

But then if it's self-replicating, all you need is a dollar and you can work that up to being the richest person in history.