Image

Comrade Baldwin's Question Answered

User avatar
Image

While you were indeed a valued Party Member Comrade Alec in your heyday, you tend to "shoot from the hip" to excess. This isn't the first time your mouth has written a check that your ass can't cash now is it? You've been warned, short of a formal Party denouncement, of speaking in non-politically correct verbiage.
This however, was the last straw. Your insensitive comments towards a member of the sacrosanct Gay & Lesbian Collective was the reason you were ordered terminated from your influential program on MSNBC by MiniTrue. You are hereby DENOUNCED and all Party Honors stripped from you!

However, in recognition of your long past Service To The Party, you deserve an answer to your question; Comrade Bashir spoke in a MiniTrue authorized diatribe against the People's Enemy Number One, Palin. She is a despicable waste of anti-revolutionary human flesh & we all know it. She needed to be humiliated for the Good Of The Party. He was merely expressing The Collective's view on her & her ridiculous posturing.

Comrade Bashir is a loyal lackey True Believer broadcasting The Party Line. In fact, he will be awarded The Order of Obama (3rd Class) in a private People's Dacha ceremony next Tuesday for his Party Faithfulness. Yes, Comrade Bashir did "apologize" (snicker snicker), but The Politburo has proclaimed it was done to publicly placate minor outrage by some of our more moderate *spit* semi-reactionary Outer Party Members. They are being rounded up now & will soon take the long train ride, along with you, Comrade Alec.

User avatar
Comrade Che' Ramie, I am in awe of your relentless and brutal summation of our Comrade Alec Baldwin. AK-47s coming from your mouth! I truly appreciate your entry.

I wish I could extrapolate upon your post but, I am presently gobsmacked and have nothing to say, yet. Stunning post.

User avatar
Pamalinsky wrote:Comrade Che' Ramie, I am in awe of your relentless and brutal summation of our Comrade Alec Baldwin. AK-47s coming from your mouth! I truly appreciate your entry.

I wish I could extrapolate upon your post but, I am presently gobsmacked and have nothing to say, yet. Stunning post.
Dear Resolute Comradess Pamalinsky; It was my honor to serve as the mouthpiece for The Party in this instance. I exist only to Serve The State & it's apparatchiks, both Inner & Outer Parties & of course, the humble Proles. When errant Party Members show their ass, you can be certain as the USSA is a benevolent Workers Paradise, that I will expose them with all the fury of 1,000 wild beasts! Forward!

User avatar
I told Alec to lose the wig, but nooooooo...

Queen Alec .jpg

User avatar
All Alec Baldwin needs is a to start using a teleprompter and don't leave home without it. If Obama can do it, anyone can.


User avatar
Yes Comrade Colonel..do you know of anyone who has not?

User avatar
Whatever happened to comrade Keith Olbermann? I haven't paid attention, but if my records are up to date, that comrade has been walked outside the building and promptly shot (in the knee). Other party members are recycled, after the retraining camps.

Enemies of the party are hated forever.

User avatar
Colonel Lukianov wrote:Whatever happened to comrade Keith Olbermann? I haven't paid attention, but if my records are up to date, that comrade has been walked outside the building and promptly shot (in the knee). Other party members are recycled, after the retraining camps.

Enemies of the party are hated forever.

Colonel,

I am considering your avatar...and, yes! I will bring this up at the next Central Party meeting on Tuesday - you deserve an upgrade to 100 x 50 pixels! No doubt about it. You are in danger of disappearing into a jpg artifact - or worse! I will see what I can do.

User avatar
Captain Craptek wrote:I told Alec to lose the wig, but nooooooo...

Queen Alec .jpg

Wow, Comrade Craptek,

This pic of Alec Baldwin reminds me SO MUCH of Father Prog Theocritus' "Bruno." Really, I do see a resemblance. I can't help but wonder if there is a connection.

I tried unsuccessfully to find a pic of Bruno in the archives to compare. (Sigh) The archives are a snake pit of unresolved (at times) issues.

User avatar
Dear Pami,

Comrade Baldwin's plastic-like features may take the appearance of any stranger or object. His head also. His countenance, such as it is, resembles that of whatever container it inhabits - much as does a measure of silly putty. This is a necessary quality of all great actors. His intemperate outbursts are the result of a pent up emotional fervor the likes of which few will ever possess, and fewer experience. In layman's terms, he's an a-hole.

You must ask for Dear Leader's guidance in resolving the Bruno archive debacle. I am too old now to begin a search.

Yours Truly,

Captain Craptek
(former wonder squirrel)

User avatar
I second your motion Comrade Squirrel reference allowing good Colonel Lukianov to increase his avatar size, as long as it remains in the Party Approved Format. The Colonel is proving his worth to The Party, besides he listens in on all our phone conversations & knows where all the bodies are buried..so to speak..literally of course.

User avatar
Captain Craptek wrote:
Colonel Lukianov wrote:Whatever happened to comrade Keith Olbermann? I haven't paid attention, but if my records are up to date, that comrade has been walked outside the building and promptly shot (in the knee). Other party members are recycled, after the retraining camps.

Enemies of the party are hated forever.

Colonel,

I am considering your avatar...and, yes! I will bring this up at the next Central Party meeting on Tuesday - you deserve an upgrade to 100 x 50 pixels! No doubt about it. You are in danger of disappearing into a jpg artifact - or worse! I will see what I can do.
Comrade Craptek,

I believe Grand Commissar Red Square has addressed this issue. It is my guess, Comrade Lukianov is simply helping the Collective by not using all of his allotted pixels and leaving the left overs for Dear Leader (PBUH) to apply to his interwebs minor adjustments? If we all could be as giving as The Colonel, I am certain Comrade Obama would have even placated The Rethuglikkkans with his most perfect and smoothly running site. Prior to the Colonel's gracious maneuver, the ACA site could only handle 3 people at once. 6 people on Obamacare site at once is plenty. Who are we to demand anything more than this?

FORWARD

User avatar
Comrades, thank you for your voices of trust in my efforts in carrying the flame of revolution and the Party ideals through my faithful execution of assigned duties. As we set the Impossible for our Goals, we can only reach them through Collective efforts, Groupthink and Agitprop (sometimes soft, other times hard!). As the faithful party apartchik running Special Programs at Truth Secretariat, I can be only successful with your support, and good quality supply of empty recording tapes. I thank you and I give you my support back, and confidential surveillance.

And if I gain permit for additional 30m2 living space for the second bedroom in my flat (not really mine, but issued by the party housing association), I promise to return 100x50 pixels of avatar, back to the collective inter-webs. After all, if you have an avatar, return your signature attachment.

Signed
Colonel Lukianov

User avatar
Indeed, comrades, Comrade Colonel's magnanimous choice to use less pixels not only contributes to a smaller carbon footprint but allows more universal bandwidth availability in order that - at some point - as many as seven (7) people may eventually be able to be signed on to our glorious healthcare.gov website simultaneously.

A selfless gesture, fellow travelers, and one which - while, indeed, risking potential slippage into becoming a mere .jpg artifact - demonstrates a dedication to Party Resources which we could all stand to emulate.

Huzzah - huzzah, I say! - for Comrade Colonel Lukianov's most equal generosity!

User avatar
So am I to understand that size no longer matters? The Amerikkan Military used to say of the military of the Soviet Union (remember them?) that QUANTITY has a QUALITY all its own...

User avatar
Remember, Dear Leader has said that everyone is better off when we spread the pixels around.

Image And if you spread enough of this stuff around, the crops will really grow.

User avatar
Comrades,

I would like to propose a new government agency to be known as the Comrades Collective for Conserving Pixels (CCCP) (has a nice ring, yes)

Conserving pixels is important damn it! Just look at this single red pixel directly below X:
{X}
1 pixel.jpg

1 pixel detail 1.JPG
Now consider this:
1 pixel detail 2.JPG














Question before the CCCP: Does Colonel Lukianov deserve the additional (precious) pixels needed to prevent his avatar from becoming mired in jpg artifacts? Yes or no?

User avatar
CCCP? I already have a shirt from those guys.

I say he gets pixels according to his needs, and we take them from those according to thier abiliities. (I thought that up just now...)

User avatar
Comrades at CCCP

I would like to apply for additional pixels, for the purpose of truthful trade for the 30 square meters of living space expansion in the apartment assigned to me by the Party organs 18 years ago. Below is the math:

30m² = 465003⁄32in² Note: Fractional results are rounded to the nearest 1/64.
1x1 pixel = 72dpi. Therefore 465003 cubic pixels converts to 43,639,160,156 square pixels, or 208,889x 208,889 pixels.

With the permission from CCCP, I would trade this pixel footprint, for the building permit of the additional bedroom roughly sized of 300 sqft room. Of course, I would take the standard mortgage from the Party, and payoff pixels by the time my grandchildren's children reach their adjusted retirement.

With gratitude, and eagerness to serve the Party,

Colonel Lukianov
Special Programs Kommissar
Truth Secretariat

User avatar
You know, it's getting close to Marxmas again. The workers may not get a bonus this year because of the drought...

(I heard nothing about liters of vodka or bushels of beets.)

Your request is still under review from my department.

User avatar
Bear in mind, Comrade Colonel that, unless you filed this request in quadruplicate with ALL the appropriate departments, it could take decades to be fully processed.

As long as all filing requirements are met, however, the Party's decision will be delivered to you in no more than 3-5 years.

Would you like to buy a CCCP T-Shirt while you wait?

User avatar
Comrade Colonel,

Let me know if The Party approves your request for the additional 30 sq M. The boys and I have the sledgehammers ready. All we ask of you during the destruction construction phase is to man the collective's bullhorn personally autographed my Dear Leader himself! May I suggest parroting Comrade Chris Matthews or maybe Comrade Bashir on the hour, every hour, while the shabby construction occurs? This will bring joy and extraordinary motivation to the guest workers skilled tradesmen while we smash down your neighbor's flat. Now that I think about it, this thread is all about Alec Baldwin......maybe you can shout mf%@r a few times combined with a few C%@ksu^$ers and we'll be good to go.

User avatar
Comrade Red Walrus,

thank you for the great news! The issues of personal matter are getting in order, after kilometers of paperwork, so that I can put my mind back to the urgent issues for the good of society.

Playing Comrade Soft Balls, or that Comrade Pigleeir while tearing down the walls of my apartment building? Very good suggestions. They will do great for the morale of frontline workers, and for the efficiency as well. Who would want to listen those two every hour, ha ha.

A note to my secretary: obtain us multiple copies of closed-loop program by MSSTD hosts. We will use them in our "interviews" at the basement of the Ministry of Truth.

...and should ugly winds take off, we can bring Mr. Alec Baldwin for an interview, and leave him tied to the chair & 20hours of MSSTD programing by his BFF comrade Pigleeir! He would be the best same-sex wedding planner after our "interviews"....


PS. The home expansion is rejuvenating my zeal to defend the Party and revolution. Years in the waiting, years, decades...

User avatar
Colonel Lukianov wrote:Comrades at CCCP

I would like to apply for additional pixels, for the purpose of truthful trade for the 30 square meters of living space expansion in the apartment assigned to me by the Party organs 18 years ago. Below is the math:

30m² = 465003⁄32in² Note: Fractional results are rounded to the nearest 1/64.
1x1 pixel = 72dpi. Therefore 465003 cubic pixels converts to 43,639,160,156 square pixels, or 208,889x 208,889 pixels.

With the permission from CCCP, I would trade this pixel footprint, for the [highlight=#ffff00]building permit of the additional bedroom roughly sized of 300 sqft [/highlight]room. Of course, I would take the standard mortgage from the Party, and payoff pixels by the time my grandchildren's children reach their adjusted retirement.

With gratitude, and eagerness to serve the Party,

Colonel Lukianov
Special Programs Kommissar
Truth Secretariat

Comrade,

At 12 sq. ft. of sleeping space per comrade, a room of 300 sq. ft. can easily accommodate 25 bodies people. (note: stepping on sleeping comrades is required permitted) How many additional comrades are to occupy this "bedroom"? Will rent be charged? How much? What other activities are planned for this new space? e.g., pudding wrestling, song and dance festivals, mining activities, etc. Also, watershed regulations must be followed. Therefore, any damp areas in the new construction zone must be retained and protected for wildlife. And getting back to rent...where will the monthly proceeds be placed for safe keeping? Some answers are required, comrade, before CCCP can issue the permit.

Captain Craptek
CCCP Building Inspector

User avatar
Captain Craptek wrote: Comrade,

At 12 sq. ft. of sleeping space per comrade, a room of 300 sq. ft. can easily accommodate 25 bodies people...

Captain Craptek
CCCP Building Inspector
Indeed, Comrade Squirrel - yet another example of the good Colonel's generosity!

User avatar
I'm late to the Party but this is shocking news indeed! And here I thought Alec Baldwin was a principled advocate for the oppressed and subjugated living under the capitalist jackboot and not some egocentric blowhard with anger issues who hasn't had an original idea in his life.

User avatar
Comrade Colonel,

It looks like we have made a clerical error. We thought you said 30 sq meters and went ahead and got started on the demolition of your neighbor's flat room addition. Now I understand why all the screaming and gnashing of teeth from the friendly neighbor person. Pedro and the other illegal aliens skilled tradesmen burrowed directly into the wife's closet with our sledge hammers which caused a mild clash of minds. Seeing the errors of our ways, (after we completely tore down every wall in the flat), we untied the bewildered couple and retreated back to The Cube for additional guidance. As you can see from the photograph, your end of the housing unit is in great shape. Would you mind sending the nice couple our deepest regrets? We can fix it really quick, all we need is a bit of tub and tile caulk....shouldn't take more than a few hours.

Image

User avatar
If this is what happens when the Colonel deals with multiple agencies, what goes on when common folk submit requests? Perhaps, we should revisit the reasons behind Alec Baldwin's rants. Or Charlie Sheen's for the same matter.

Comrade Craptek,

for the purpose of permit hearing at CCCP, I am going to resubmit my original paperwork. I need a utility truck and schouffer to haul them to your desk. Keep in mind, they go the way back to 16 years ago, when the request was originally made. There have been some life changes since then, which were also filed as supplemental forms, which has in turned prolonged the processing. Having that in mind, for the 26th time:


The originally sized residence is 27m2, inhibited by following:

1. Lieutenant I, Captain, CaptianI, Lt Colonel, Colonel Lukianov - myself, on rare occasions when I decide to show up at home
2. wife (not the same one as in the original application)
3. first son - ONG doctor at the Military Clinic
4. first son wife - nurse, and high ranking party member at the same clinic
5. first son's son - two year old
6. first son's daughter - newborn
7. first daughter - self employed musician, who often practices with her band in the kitchen
8. first daughter's boyfriend - poses as subversive element, but in fact he is our informant
9. second daughter - a teenager
10. ex-wife's sister - recovering alcoholic
11. ex-wife's cousin from the countryside - he lived with us longer than 10 years, so he earned occupancy rights, he is a good plumber
12. wife's brother - job title classified, heavy smoker
13. wife's brother's wife - a schoolteacher
14. wife's brother's daughter - pre-teen
15. wife's brother's son - fourth grader
16. my cousin - often referred as the funny uncle, Militia officer
17. wife's mother - with us during summer time, but it seems like she never leaves
18-19. wife's grandparents - [in ashes, on the shelf, but for the purpose of this application they still live with us]. Regular voters in every election.and last but not least
20. my personal secretary - trusted aide, sometimes we work long hours, so she stays over, and makes best coffee in the morning.

If you look other apartments in the building, they all have been already modified, without permits if you will. I however, as mid-high level dignitary of Truth Secretariat have decided to expand our living quarters following legal route. Some in the family have argued that we could have been better off imitating the others in building, but it is my duty to set positive example. Therefore, the request paperwork needs to be hauled in two trucks.


Comrade Walrus - when are your people bringing back the wrecking ball? My daughter wants to know so that she coordinates practice hours with her band.

Rock The USSA - how much is the CCCP shirt in pixels? The little one wants to wear it for the May parade.

User avatar
Comrade, catch on. Redistribution of beets and vodka will lubricate your application otherwise, we can assign homeless families to share your already spacious lodgings.

User avatar
Comrade Colonel,

Our restoration to the original unit is complete with a few negligible modifications, the little one can now go back to practicing national anthem of USSA. Once Comrade Squirrel at The CCCP gets his kickback paperwork from you, we may be back next week. In the meantime, enjoy the modifications and please tell the other tenants we will be back.


Image

User avatar
Tovarichi wrote:Comrade, catch on. Redistribution of beets and vodka will lubricate your application otherwise, we can assign homeless families to share your already spacious lodgings.

Comrade Tovarichi,

Yes, the Colonel is new to our ways and has actually taken the time to complete an application! Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Application, DENIED! Re-submission is required! (this time...NO photocopies. All originals!)

Image
Colonel,

Alternative to the above: You could simply drop me a note requesting the addition. Just attach it firmly to a case of vintage beet vodka and I'll get the permit in the mail ASAP.

BTW: Will Comrade Baldwin be staying in the new quarters?

User avatar
Yes, I comrades Adam or Stephen are welcome. Others, not so much...

Comrate Craptek,

domestic made vodkas out of all organic-crap material are on the way. Be sure to dilute them before consumption, as sometimes they allegedly cause temporary blindness, or ulcers. Red bottles with an envelope are for Comrade Walrus.

User avatar
Colonel Lukianov wrote:Yes, I comrades Adam or Stephen are welcome. Others, not so much...

Comrate Craptek,

domestic made vodkas out of all organic-crap material are on the way. Be sure to dilute them before consumption, as sometimes they allegedly cause temporary blindness, or ulcers. Red bottles with an envelope are for Comrade Walrus.
Enjoy your new digs, comrade!

User avatar
The much missed [color=#C0392B]Colonel Lukianov[/color] wrote:[highlight=#ffff00]Whatever happened to comrade Keith Olbermann?[/highlight] I haven't paid attention, but if my records are up to date, that comrade has been walked outside the building and promptly shot (in the knee). Other party members are recycled, after the retraining camps.

Enemies of the party are hated forever.
.
Still batshit crazy!
.


.
When Keith is not bloviating in videos... his new job at Fox News!
.

Image .
Where will Sad Keith be cleaning up next?
.

Image

User avatar
... and I thought that Keith O vanished - poofff! - a few years ago.

Here, he appears even more a loon than ever.
He is a bipedal, breathing definition of "leftish loon".
Or maybe just yet another hologram of those Russkie hackers.


 
POST REPLY