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Comrades! I Need Your Vote!

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My dear Comrades and sycophants, it is with a humble spirit and confidence that I "request" your vote for your's truly as Mother Russia's All Time Hero!

Of course, this should be an easy contest, and back in my day, it would have been a foregone conclusion. However, I have to deal with these young people who never lived under the safety, wealth, and progressive prosperity that I and I alone provided. Nor do they appreciate the way I singlehandedly turned back the Nazi tide in europe and made the world safe for socialism.

This is why I need your help comrades! I am currently running at 12th, but rising!

Thank you for your support, and of course we will know who voted and how so we can send the appropriate certificate of appreciation.

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Uncle Iosef! It is wonderful to see you again! How is retirement suiting you? As you know, we won a great victory here in the USSA recently that would not have been possible were it not for your guidance.

You can be certain that I have submitted my vote for you, and of course instructed all under my command to do so.

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Uncle Stalin! My all time hero! Congratulations on your recent victory here in the United States!

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Yes Uncle Joe: so good to see you again. The disguise is very good. Will you take it off after the 19th of January?

Uncle Joe! I hear your command and submit my vote for you, Great Leader! Shall I begin preparing the trenchpit for your Victory reprisalsBBQ??

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Ah, yes, dear Joe. So glad to see you. Won't you come to the Rancho de Rio Grande? I'll let you have your choice of the impaling spikes. You'll like that a great deal, won't you? After all, you need to keep your hand in.

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Red Star wrote:Yes Uncle Joe: so good to see you again. The disguise is very good. Will you take it off after the 19th of January?

Disguise? No Comrade, no need as I am working very closely advising your new presidential team on how to implement change. As you know, I have some small experience in bringing change about on a national basis. I still have a lot of work to do though. Someone actually let slip publicly that things will get worse before they get better. Of course this is true, but that will become obvious very soon. Instead it should be looked on as an opportunity to show the world how progressive we are by announcing various plans to be fulfilled to make life even better than they are now. I do have to credit the Obama crew for their stated plans to "create millions of jobs" working on the infrastructure. I actually wish I had come up with that instead of call my plans for collectivization of unruly kulaks under the bland term "New Economic Policy." Clearly, the State does not need to build highways or other public works just anywhere the people live, so it will be necessary to "relocate" millions to where the jobs are needed....according to the State. This will work wonders in breaking up those areas still populated by mostly non-progressive rethuglicans.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ah, yes, dear Joe. So glad to see you. Won't you come to the Rancho de Rio Grande? I'll let you have your choice of the impaling spikes. You'll like that a great deal, won't you? After all, you need to keep your hand in.

Thank you for that fine invitation Commissar. However, I feel like I must decline at the moment. At least, well, in all truth, the last time I was there the Empress seemed to be making moves on me that sent shivers up the spine of even an old revolutionary such as I. On the other hand, I understand she is now in some secretarial pool and having to brush up on her office skills, so perhaps a visit may be on order. There are few things more relaxing than a good old fashioned impaling party to lift one's spirits da? Would the Chairman be there? He is always a source of amusement, even if one does have to keep a close eye on their Faberge Eggs when he is about.

My nephew, Marshal Pupovich, has assured me that his command has completed cleaning up the recent "collateral damage" to your home and appropriate blame passed on.

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Joe, do not worry about our Many Titted Empress. I have recently put in 660v three-phase power for the Hildo Turbo Hydra and she will be quite occupied for some while. I've put it in a room which it tectonically isolated so it will not disturb your sleep.

And you ought to come in the first week of January. I'll have returned from my year-end vacation by then and all the proles whom I have not impaled will need to be impaled. The mouthy ones, you know-- the ones who do not think that His O'liness walks on water and can snap his finger and square the circle. These people need to be impaled.

And I most urgently hope that the Rancho de Rio Grande has indeed been cleaned up from the talent-shitting birds. Or I'll have to unplug the 660v three-phase power and let Our Many Titted Empress roam the halls, scratching at bedroom doors.

It's not a pretty sight. Those are the days that I have to sleep in Bruno's room for he's the only one whom she won't molest. And talk about a horror....

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Greetings and Salutations, Uncle Josif,

Long time, no see, comrade. I most certainly will vote in the Motherland's poll for you, and with my Uber-Commissar status, that means at least 50 more votes!

And as far as the canonization, now that is an honor most deserved and certain to happen, very soon. Stop by the new Lucretia Borgia People's Restaurant (whenever it finally opens) and we'll toss back a few Stoli's and talk of your views of Stalinism (in this 21st century), views which I have always admired, and adhered to. Again, welcome back, Sir. The collective, direly needs your input!

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Che, regarding the Lucrezia Borgia People's Restaurant. I think that we will need to schedule the opening to find how how many people His O'liness will have to throw under the bus to survive the Governor Blago scandal. It is entirely possible that our first customer will be Rahm Emanuel.

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This is the funniest thing that I can possibly think of. And perhaps the only time, if it happens, that a leftist gets what's coming to him. If it happens.


 
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