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Cuban Toilet Paper Crisis 2009

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https://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090807/lf_nm_life/us_cuba_crisis_toiletpaper_1

What depraved enemy of the revolution has sabotaged TP production?!? This is an atrocity against humanity perpetrated in part by the Charmin Corporation no doubt with conspiratorial assistance from the Brotherhood!

Capitalist interlopers will obviously cross any line in their counter revolutionary mania.

Pravda must get a comment from our Dear Leader! If he will comment on a racist police action in Cambridge, Mass. surely the Cuban Toilet Paper Crisis demands His attention.

No Communist Ass UnwipedTM

In order to ease the burden the counter revolutionary crisis has put on the People miniplenty has dropped prices for mayonnaise, barbecue sauce and canned squid.

Out of character: Read the article. Even the canned squid price reduction is true. Unreal.

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A foul plot to wipe out crap-it-alism. I'm sure somewhere in China they have a warehouse full of Mao's Little Red Books. Just watch out for the staples.

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Atrocity of outrageous proportions! This is like the crapitalist filth I found in my bathroom bymy backwards neighboors not too long ago.
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Now if you will excuse me, I need to drop an A-bomb in my toilet.

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Comrades,

It seems to me that Comrade Bill Clinton proved that cigars can be good for absorbing liquids of varying viscosity. Cuba produces cigars for export, so they merely need redistribute them domestically.

Toilet paper is unclean, which is why our Muslim brethren use their own left hands and/or hoses. The Koran allows sand for those in geographical straits. Accordingly, I think toilet paper should simply be banned as both offensive to Muslims and a capitalist luxury, like life.

Were Cuba to introduce cholera, it would solve the probably of stubborn fecal stains that make people assume toilet paper is needed. Leaves work, the Party paper Granma works, and sharing is caring, which makes cholera a heroic progressive People's disease. Find some volunteer Stakhanovites in the camps, give them cholera and a release, and you're all set!

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This is an outrage! I am officially de-nounceing whoever is responsible for preventing our comrades in arms from cleaning their personal areas! This stinks of an imperialist conspiracy (amongst other things).

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Comrades, I believe we have a <a href="https://attackcartoons.com/article.php? ... ">solution to the Cuban toilet paper shortage</a>.


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UPDATE:

Comrades,

Our Progressive Utopia may be coming to fruition in the Great Progressive City of New York

NYC rationing toilet paper at Coney Island


The city is so hard up for cash that it's rationing toilet paper in women's public restrooms -- to the point where bathroom attendants are doling out a few measly squares per patron -- along the world-famous Coney Island boardwalk.
The Post witnessed stone-faced Parks Department employees leave toilet-paper dispensers empty last week and instead force astonished female beachgoers to form "ration lines" in the bathrooms.

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Neotrotsky wrote:UPDATE:

Comrades,

Our Progressive Utopia may be coming to fruition in the Great Progressive City of New York

NYC rationing toilet paper at Coney Island


The city is so hard up for cash that it's rationing toilet paper in women's public restrooms -- to the point where bathroom attendants are doling out a few measly squares per patron -- along the world-famous Coney Island boardwalk.
The Post witnessed stone-faced Parks Department employees leave toilet-paper dispensers empty last week and instead force astonished female beachgoers to form "ration lines" in the bathrooms.

Our plans for elimination of TP are underway. Soon, we'll be crapping in the woods like bears.


 
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