Comrades! How could our think tanks have missed this? Or was it felt to be too disturbing to allow the masses to hear? Either way, apparently one of our operatives have broken the news: We are losing daylight!!!!

This comes from a letter to the editor at the AmericanThinker.com.

Dear editor: "I don't know if anyone else hasnoticed, but I have detected a new crisis that I have named 'the daylight change crisis.' I first noticed it sometime around the end ofJune this year. I started paying attention and created computer models and sure enough I was right! We are losing daylight at an astonishing rate. Each day we are losing approximately 2 minutes of daylight and my computer models predict total darkness by next July. I have been able to detect this phenomenon around the entire Northern Hemisphere. And here is the scary part: the day light appears to be leaking to the Southern Hemisphere. I thought I should bring it to the attention of great scientists like Al Gore so he can help solve this new crisis."

My dear Marshall,

We have found the missing daylight. We will begin adding it back in two minute increments, starting Monday. The southern hemisphere will not succeed in their diabolical plot!

I cannot express my undying gratitude for you diligence in your support of the cause. I must go as there are some climate scientist who are now attempting to cast doubt on Comrade Gore.

Comrades,

This has happened every year that the Bu$Hitler/Cheney regime has been in power!
Their thefts of the People's property are well documented. Have no fear, after His coronation, our Dear Leader will take corrective action and restore the USSA onto the path of Progressive government.

Praise be onto the Obama!! May He anoint every loyal Party member with cash and every patriotic citizen with more taxes!!

Comrades, I always suspected that "Daylight savings time" was a vile capitalist plot to hoard daylight stolen from the workers while giving the idle rich more light than they deserve.

Reiuxcat wrote:My dear Marshall,

We have found the missing daylight. We will begin adding it back in two minute increments, starting Monday. The southern hemisphere will not succeed in their diabolical plot!

I cannot express my undying gratitude for you diligence in your support of the cause. I must go as there are some climate scientist who are now attempting to cast doubt on Comrade Gore.

But look at all we have lost in the meantime Comrade! We can never make up for that. Damn that Bush and his "Big Light" grubbing friends!

Let's demand action from Congress immediately! Call them back from the bars into session and tell them they must pass an emergency windfall light tax! All states with excess light must put it into a pool whereby states with less light can draw from, thus providing equal illumination throughout the country. Let's get bright before it's too late!

You bring up an excellent point Comrade Opiate that I failed to consider. Is there any question that a state, shall we say the collective of Commissar Theocritus, receives more light per square foot on the ground than say a more forested state such as my collective? I demand that all collectives be allocated equal light per square foot on the ground or that we be compensated accordingly. We should also start Light Awareness weeks and classes in the schools.

Save our rationed energy now! If we don't, we will get caught with our fly open at the worst possible time.

We brought this on ourselves people! Way to stop the earth.

(off)

How stupid is this guy?! (Don't answer that last one)

Comrades, have you failed to notice, in your entirely justified rage at the theft of daylight, that it is <i>also theft of solar power generation?</i> Because of this theft a billion barrels of oil a day are being uselessly consumed. Every two minutes of felched daylight is equal to the entire output of the Middle East for ten years.

Heads must roll.

We need to put the sun in the dock for not coming up when it should. Or failing that tell the earth to suck it up and just rotate right. After all, if Laurie David can drive a hybrid car, the earth can stop felching daylight.

Really. The nerve of some people.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrades, have you failed to notice, in your entirely justified rage at the theft of daylight, that it is <i>also theft of solar power generation?</i> Because of this theft a billion barrels of oil a day are being uselessly consumed. Every two minutes of felched daylight is equal to the entire output of the Middle East for ten years.

An excellent point, Commissar! The FCC charges fees to broadcasters for using "the public airwaves" but are not these same airwaves being used to transmit free light, heat and now electric power from the sun? Why is not the public being compensated for use of its airwaves for private gain? Huge taxes and fees should be levied which could be applied to doing the greater good, like giving senators wives high-paying do-nothing jobs at public hospitals, for instance. Or raising the salaries of our excellent representatives in Congress at a time when the rest of us are going broke. This is unjust and must change! No justice, no peas!

Opiate, I like the way that you think. The FCC charges broadcasters for the information that is broadcast. If the broadcaster broadcasts nothing, then there is still a charge for the bandwidth.

As we know, light is just electromagnetic radiation but of a higher frequency than radio or television waves.

The sun is FIOS without the fiber optics. And therefore everyone who uses the sun should be charged a fee for the data transmission possible, even if there is no data transmission needed.

I see a sliding scale: $100 for an hour's suntan to be collected, and taxed, under the Goracle's telephony charges. For what is light but bandwidth?

And bandwidth should be taxed. For the Common Good™.

I smell a "Solar Fairness Doctrine" and lots of OPM..... and the smell of tinkle.....

Pup!

Bush has pulled the old "switcheroo" on you!, Just today I noticed the sun rose a couple of minutes EARLIER!
Somebody tell Andrew!

Laika! Hush! He's so involved with the talent shitting that he hasn't noticed the extra couple of minutes.

You know I love Pupovich like a brother, the one that I didn't turn into the STASI of course, but don't let him get excited. Since Meow's absence I have to have someone to pick on.

For I'm a Progressive. A nasty sneering thieving rat-bastard of a son of a bitch.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrades, have you failed to notice, in your entirely justified rage at the theft of daylight, that it is <i>also theft of solar power generation?</i> Because of this theft a billion barrels of oil a day are being uselessly consumed. Every two minutes of felched daylight is equal to the entire output of the Middle East for ten years.

Heads must roll.

We need to put the sun in the dock for not coming up when it should. Or failing that tell the earth to suck it up and just rotate right. After all, if Laurie David can drive a hybrid car, the earth can stop felching daylight.

Really. The nerve of some people.

I agree, we need to get the sun in its proper place, or we need to work on the wind.

Once while at the Rancho de Rio Grande our Many Titted Empress wanted a few more minutes' beauty sleep--like <i>that</i> would help, but the sun came up. She swore a mighty oath: "By the weeping sores and lesions of Chairman Meowsevich, I curse the sun!" But it still came up.

To quiet her we had to put a handful of Ludes into a half pound of raw meat and offer it to her on a silver salver, telling her it was Republican Virgin thigh.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Once while at the Rancho de Rio Grande our Many Titted Empress wanted a few more minutes' beauty sleep--like <i>that</i> would help, but the sun came up. She swore a mighty oath: "By the weeping sores and lesions of Chairman Meowsevich, I curse the sun!" But it still came up.

To quiet her we had to put a handful of Ludes into a half pound of raw meat and offer it to her on a silver salver, telling her it was Republican Virgin thigh.

Hahaha. . . did it knock her out?

Comrades,

I am late to this penultimate scientific matter of our time, but there is an easy answer: Officially change the meaning of "daylight" to "time that one is contributing or benefiting to/from the public good." Problem solved. No night, no problem.

This solution also means the liberation of property that most often happens at what was formerly known as "night" will now happen in daylight and thus free the liberators from the reactionary stigma that unequally praises daylight liberation but condemns night liberation.

Regardless, now looks about the right time to load up on solar stocks. Comrade Obama will be sure to demand every public building be roofed with them, let alone vast tracts of public lands in AZ, CA, NM, and TX. In addition to creating installation jobs, if placed high enough, the solar panels will shelter from the Sun the illegal aliens undocumented workers braving the currently dangerous border crossings. In fact, the panels could be arranged to steer the incomers directly to ACORN offices along the southern border.

And that, comrades, is how democracy must work.

Elliott, yes, it did quiet her. You know of course that Ludes are the elephant tranquilizer.

Tovarich, I do take your point, but I'm beginning to think that ACORN has too much power. After all, I get to vote the wets, not ACORN. Why should they get to say what happens?

Sircomrade Theocritus, my question is, since the Obamasiah is now our president (president-elect technically), doesn't he run ACORN? As such, the only power they can not supersede is the One's power?

I remember there was a Calvin and Hobbes comic about this very thing....

Betty, Calvin and Hobbes are my two cats. As long as they have food and are petted and their box is cleaner than the Senate, they're happy.

Elliott, now that is O'liness is poised to become primus inter pares, all power will be concentrated there. Elections will soon be a thing of the past for they are <i>so</i> inefficient.

Thank you sircomrade, it all makes sense now .

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Pup!

Bush has pulled the old "switcheroo" on you!, Just today I noticed the sun rose a couple of minutes EARLIER!
Somebody tell Andrew!

Comrade Hero Space Dog, I am astonished that it is I that must now transmit the Current Truth to you. Of course it has reversed! But not from any repentance or sense of fair play from the Bushitler. No, but once the drain was noticed, the Party took immediate action issuing a revolutionary 180 Day Plan that will gradually reestablish the proper Party approved, day.

Oh Hail to the Party, Lenin bless the State from whom all goodness flows.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Pupovich. You think I didn't have a hand in it? I <i>told</i> the sun that it was to show up a little bit earlier and flashed my Progressive Badge it it. It belched, and sun spots rippled over its surface, and it did what it ought to do.

By the way, here I am in Las Vegas eating everything on the strip and loving it. But it's not good for my waistline. I think that I, as a party member in good standing, will have to nullify the law of gravity. Anyone with me on this?

I'm not, while I hate gravity as much as the next guy, it at least serves its function of keeping us here for Party worshiping glorification.

Elliott, when you are longer in the party you will learn that groveling is for the lesser party members. Look at Pupovich. He started off groveling and now he teaches birds to do talent shitting on my house. Now that's progress.

I'll get him for this progress of course.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Elliott, when you are longer in the party you will learn that groveling is for the lesser party members. Look at Pupovich. He started off groveling and now he teaches birds to do talent shitting on my house. Now that's progress.

I'll get him for this progress of course.

Commissar, do you not know how much these unsubstantiated rumors of my responsibility for the unfortunate mishap at your home disturbs my chi? Why, sometimes the only thing that can relieve my discomfort is to confiscate some Hummels, or dispatch some orphans to my Camp for a little rehab, or raise user fees.....there, that is better. More and more I can relate to the Chairman and the way unsubstantiated accusations flow toward him like OPM to the Empress, and the more I am strengthened by his example.

Ah, Pupovich, you are catching onto what dear Frederick N said, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Well, it doesn't work for the kamikaze talent-shitting birds, of course, and we won't talk about the proles, but as far as you go, I consider you one of my least untrustworthy comrades here on the Cube, and that's high praise.

Pupovich, I'd turn my back on you for <i>three full seconds</i>. That's how I esteem and love you.

But stop with the birds, okay? I'm in Vegas now having eaten well and just seen Le Rêve by Cirque de Soleil. Advice to male party members: if you don't want people to think that you're on a gay date, take your wife not a friend. The single most homoerotic thing I've seen without being actually dirty. Pretentious, kitschy, very French, an absolutely stunning. Spring for the back row of seats--lots of leg room, chocolate-covered strawberries, good champagne. In fact it's a setup out of <i>Brideshead Revisited</i>. But easily worth it.

And when I get back to the Rancho de Rio Grande, Pupovich, if I find that my house is covered with white bird shit I'm a'coming for you, Marshal. Even sucking up to our Many Titted Empress, nauseating thought that might be in thought, won't save you. Better hope that those bird-brained birds have the IQ of Bruno and went somewhere else.

Three full seconds Commissar? That is high praise indeed, or lack of respect for my confiscation skills....either way, I appreciate that.

Commissar, further investigation into that incident did reveal that your house was indeed victimized, but it was in your defense. As it turns out. a routine patrol detected a gang of Mexican midgets apparently sneaking out of your ranch carrying some Hummels and a stash of pills and fine wines. So an attack was called in and they ran. The initial attack only served to have them running back toward the shelter of your home and so it was struck in order to deny them sanctuary. From there they were bombed into submission, and sadly, did not survive. I am also sorry to say that none of their ill gotten gain survived as well.

While you are in Vegas, I ordered a crack team into the area to clean out er... make sure your ranch was clean of all bomb related damage. In addition, while the strike team did follow procedures to the letter, they were sent off to the KMRC to make sure such incidents do not occur again, at least without proper authorization. New Rules of Engagement were also put into place, so that should you suffer from any bird talents again, you can be sure, it was done by some gang independent of my forces.

Again, my apologies.

Note to self - check on latest bids for the Hummel's.

I see now the obscene price increases in tortillas was not because of some so called food to fuel scam, but by a brazen attempt to rid Mexico of it's Mexicans! And then claim it as a cover to raid the Commissars' ranch to cover up the original intent of the attack! This is outrageous! As if NAFTA wasn't enough!


And quit ingenious too. Not bad for a dog.

As it turns out, there was one item that my defense forces were able to recover from the raid on the Commissars Ranch.... an item that fortunately was not deemed as anything we would wish to confiscate. We managed to save, or rather forced it back to the Commissar's ranch, this strange unisex creature that apparently serves as entertainment for the Empress and Chairman when they are at the ranch (thus explaining the creatures desperate pleas to be freed).

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Pupovich, I think that you have found something. This is a peyote dream of Our Many Titted Empress--have you noticed the ass on the thing? It's the coloring I think after she's had two gallons of bloody marys using real Republican blood. It always makes her color high.

But I could be imagining things. I'm at <a href="https://thelondonwesthollywood.com">The London West Hollywood</a> now, and it's a half block off Sunset Boulevard. I thought that I saw Norma Desmond, but it couldn't have been. I followed, and it was our Many Titted Empress, so drunk that she was clutching the lampposts, bawling, "I shouldn't have to steal the White House humidor like I did in 2001, it should be <i>mine</i>! I don't want to be SoS, I want to sit in the Oval Office." Every few steps she'd stop and cry and shudder and blow her nose, and the sight was such that it may have affected my reason. For good.

And yes, Reiuxcat, that was a good one for Pupovich. After all, what good is a Progressive if he can't instigate a famine? Remember Mao and Stalin. Pupovich is next.

But it's all to power Algore's yacht you know.

I believe it is the headless feature of that creature that makes it oh so enticing... no head, no face, no chance of a disturbing, though rare, remnant of human compassion for your partner, only the pure satiation of your need.

So you are on some sort of journey for the Party Commissar? You seem to be going out of your way to see how the common folk live and work. I for one never cared for such things as the Cirque de Soleil nor saw much art to seeing how many ways a human body can be twisted and orchestrated. If you really wish to see that all you need do is place a Hummel or even a blind man's cup full of change inside a sealed bulletproof glass room so it is too heavy to lift, with a few openings cut into it that are almost, but not quite, large enough for the Chairman to slip through. Oh, the gymnastics that you will see! But be careful, for he does bring body grease with him to help him slip into and out of tight spots.

I am sure you also must see quite a bit of body twisting and squirming when you impale some prole that has offended your sensibility, you just must find a way to slow the process down some or at least give them the illusion that there is a possibility of escape.

Pupovich, I watched Cirque du Soleil because it is the one thing in which the French have not dropped something--like rifles.

I have quit worrying about Meow. I haven't heard from him lately and I suspect he's sleeping off a really big bender.

Or I wonder. He's not been his usual vociferous self. I wonder if he's been watching Faux News.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pupovich, I watched Cirque du Soleil because it is the one thing in which the French have not dropped something--like rifles.

Sorry, free association is a serious problem of mine.

From "Flushed Away".

(Use a french accent when reading - from me)

<aLe Frog:To action!
Henchfrogs:We surrender!<br>Le Frog:Not that action, you idiots! The kung-fu thing!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pupovich, I watched Cirque du Soleil because it is the one thing in which the French have not dropped something--like rifles.

For sale MAS36 French WWII surplus rifles. Like new condition. Never fired, dropped once.

Commissar Theocritus wrote: I have quit worrying about Meow. I haven't heard from him lately and I suspect he's sleeping off a really big bender.

Or I wonder. He's not been his usual vociferous self. I wonder if he's been watching Faux News.

As you know, I am not one to repeat gossip, so listen up.... I have heard rumors he was arrested in Maine for impersonating a Kennedy. Seems he was trying for that Senate seat of the Empress.

Pupovich, I really have quit worrying about Meow. If he wants to be a bit shot here he has to show up and prove that he's the larcenous fellow that we so admire. After all, stealing is work, as you and I both know. Talent shitting is work too but not for us.

And as far as the French--I'm told by a reliable commissar that they're not odious outside Paris. Ben Stein said he went to Normandy to the American cemetery there and a Frenchman asked, in halting English, "Are you American?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

The problem, comrades, is Paris.

You are correct Commissar, the Chairman is quickly fading from memory given his unauthorized absence and failures to bring in more OPM for the Party. Yet he gives me that feeling like one gets when one feels like he simply must pass some gas, but you fear that if you were to do so, the result would put a weekend with Nancy pale in comparison.

Oh, Pupovich, dear Marshal Pupovich. I've done the weekend with Nansky, and you don't want to do the weekend with Nansky. She's so stupid that pictures fall off the walls and water crawls up out of the toilet. She makes the physical laws of nature turn backwards in a reality-distortion field.

There's nothing like a weekend with Nansky. When Nansky is here I wish for Our Many Titted Empress.

Truly, I do. Our MTE is mean and nasty and power-mad, like any good socialist, but we at least know that the laws of physics will hold.

And think of the weekend when Nansky and Harry Reid were here--it was like a really bad LSD trip. The walls bled, and changed form...

My Dear Commissar Theocritis,

Did you test the water? Bleeding walls? My Lenin, what you put up with, for the good of the Party! You should appoint a peon to help with your numerous hosting duties. No one person, no matter how strong their constitution, should have to undergo such torture. I guess you should be thankful that you don't have to host "that bunch" for New Year's Eve. BTW Happy New Year to you!


DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Comrade Che, your groveling at the feet of Commissar Theocritus brings tears to my eyes. Have you gone through the past posts to see my own dealings with the Chairman? Watching you makes me feel like I am back, worshiping the very instep of the Chairman.

Pupovich, I wish you a happy New Year too. [off]Really. How are you doing? Inquiring minds want to know. Even my little tiny mind.[on]

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00][HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]Che, I have been thinking about the Lucrezia Borgia Restaurant. Isn't that a lot of trouble? [/HIGHLIGHT][/HIGHLIGHT]I'm now nearing the end of a 2.5-week vacation in the West, and ate at a Red Robbin in Los Angeles today, and then tonight a seven-course dinner at the U. S. Grant Hotel (horrible for a Texan) in San Diego.

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff][HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00][HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]All in all I think that your services would be better used in a nationwide chain[/HIGHLIGHT][/HIGHLIGHT]. You could of course put the Deadly Nightshade in each course of a five-star restaurant, or you could make all the burgers poisono[/HIGHLIGHT]us. Your thoughts on this?

I personally think that we ought to feed people something which will make them line up--for the impaling. For all reactionaries need impaling. His O'liness has no use for reactionaries because we are marching, in lock-step, goose-step, into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pupovich, I wish you a happy New Year too. [off]Really. How are you doing? Inquiring minds want to know. Even my little tiny mind.[on]

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00][HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff][HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Che, I have been thinking about the Lucrezia Borgia Restaurant. Isn't that a lot of trouble? [/HIGHLIGHT][/HIGHLIGHT][/HIGHLIGHT]I'm now nearing the end of a 2.5-week vacation in the West, and ate at a Red Robbin in Los Angeles today, and then tonight a seven-course dinner at the U. S. Grant Hotel (horrible for a Texan) in San Diego.

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff][HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00][HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]All in all [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]I think that your services would be better used [/HIGHLIGHT]in a nationwide chain[/HIGHLIGHT][/HIGHLIGHT]. You could of course put the Deadly Nightshade in each course of a five-star restaurant, or you could make all the burgers poisono[/HIGHLIGHT]us. Your thoughts on this?

I personally think that we ought to feed people something which will make them line up--for the impaling. For all reactionaries need impaling. His O'liness has no use for reactionaries because we are marching, in lock-step, goose-step, into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.

My Dear, much loved Commissar Theo,

Of course, a fine dining establishment is always a lot of trouble, and alas, hard to profit from as well. I can sympathize with your misgivings (especially in this rotten economy, thank you Congress), but I respectfully submit for your wise consideration, perhaps an upscale Cafe'of the Pompous Intellectual Superiors would be in order! As for the Deadly Nightshade of the genus: Solanum, it is my personal strain (Belladonna) that makes everything consumed taste so delightful (causing you to not realize what hit you, as you expire quite suddenly LOL See, my dear Theo, I can be compassionate too, and I learned that from you!))

Your shameless promotion to Impale for the Common Good is most commendable, but a two-fold death(poison and impaling) does not merit the State's trouble or expense.

As for the use of my services, a "hamburger joint" is definitely way below my pay grade.!!....(what a magnificent pompous, money grabbing charlatan our Commissar is)

Yes! Way below!
Burgers are for the unwashed proles. Besides, meat is murder and McBorgias doesn't have that catchy ring.

I think a simple Lucretia's would suffice for a name (Like Sardi's}. The service is outstanding and the food is to die for....literally...LOL.
Try the Datura Salad. It will drive you CRAZY with delight!
I would also suggest trying the Stuffed Amanita Mushrooms with Poke Berries.

All right, people, let's start the nut-cutting. What is our function here? It's to ooze unction and pull in the suckers while offing as many of them as possible.

Che, I have, and I thank you, your foie gras recipe. But do we really need to sucker in people with fine dining? Shovel a little arsenic into the lard. I am the Commissar of Impaling of course, but impaling is only one solution. The final solution is of course killing off every single thinking creature in an orgy of self-hatred, which is every Progressive's desire.

Laika, I have taken under consideration your suggestion that we have a single-word restaurant. What about Lucrezia! The bang mark will serve us well among the chattering classes. And Che can shovel in some strychnine or belladonna or hemlock--his preference--to make sure that mankind no longer pollutes the earth and so leaves it to the polar bears and the furbish louseworts and the Concho Valley snakes and the spotted owls.

Ahh...My Most Venerated One,

You say that fine dining is not a good vehicle in which to lure the kulaks with the bucks? (can't he ever make up his mind?) I also like the shortened version of Lucretia's. I have so been looking forward to reveling the bourgeoise with my especial talents.

Would you dash my hopes, dear Commissar? I have been in a state of frenzy for weeks to insure your impaling BBQ....err...I mean Inaugural Party is perfection itself.

Would you toss me under the bus because you are in a bloodlust, oh heartless one, when it comes to impaling hapless proles, that I might add, fear and, at the same time, worship you so.

Although I remain your most loyal servant, I do believe that as a member of the Party in good standing, regulating me to feeding "lard" to the masses is hardly worthy of my current position and definately, not a step up for my career Grrr......why does he have to be such a cabron?..scratches his head..drags on his Cuban cigar.... and spits on floor....

Che, Che, Che. No one respects you more than I do. I fully intend for you to prepare meals for the elite. But the proles? Off with them. I have stakes; you have strychnine.

You will never be tossed under the bus because first I wouldn't do that and second because the bus' tires are fully committed by his O'liness.

Please do not take offense. The restaurant Lucrezia! will open as planned.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Che, Che, Che. No one respects you more than I do. I fully intend for you to prepare meals for the elite. But the proles? Off with them. I have stakes; you have strychnine.

You will never be tossed under the bus because first I wouldn't do that and second because the bus' tires are fully committed by his O'liness.

Please do not take offense. The restaurant Lucrezia! will open as planned.

No offense taken, Commissar. Must start the New Year out with compassion,..eh?

I am hoping that we will get Lucretia! open in time for January 20th. I've told Grigori to channel Comradess Lucretia to see if she can make the Grand Opening. Haven't heard back, yet.

Any ideas as to the decor for the restaurant? It must have RED as its' dominant color, I presume? Is Bruno also an Interior Decorator?

PS: I will hold you to your promise not to throw me under the bus, Commissar LOL

If I may chime in....I support Commissar Theocritus 100% in his desire for both poisoning and impaling. While it was suggested by Che Gourmet that "Your shameless promotion to Impale for the Common Good is most commendable, but a two-fold death(poison and impaling) does not merit the State's trouble or expense" seems like a reasoned argument, clearly the chef was not present that night when we had to "entertain" a certain peasant priest by the name of Rasputin. One simply can not go too far in entertaining certain guests of the State.

Ah yes, Pupovich, you do remember Rasputin. But some time before you joined the Cube our Many Titted Empress was at the Rancho and Bruno hit her on the head with a silver salver--Salome would have been jealous. I poured a liter of belladonna down her throat as she was snoring, passed out. Bruno even stabbed her with all his nail files and all she did was snort and halfway wake, and leave bits of green blood all over the floor.

The only thing that got that goddamned thieving mean bitch Our Dear and Generous Empress out of the front door was waving a copy of <i>The Fountainhead</i> at her, and she squealed like a little girl and ran, blind, through the french windows.

Che, we might want to reconsider red as theme color for Lucrezia. About a week ago I was at the opening of Steve Wynn's Encore in Las Vegas. The rooms are nice and understated but everything else is in red. EVERYTHING else is in red, except for the butterflies set in tile in the floor. After a while you don't see it but you just get...antsy. I even have a cranberry bedroom in the Rancho, which I did myself, but after that stay I just may have it painted something else.

Perhaps a darker color. Do you remember <i>Manhunter</i>? The first appearance of Hannibal Lecter? He says that blood in the moonlight looks black...meaning that if we use red we'll have to wash the walls as often as we would if they were say green.

Except of course if it's the Empress' blood, which is bright emerald green.

Commissar Theocritis,

Since we must adhere to governmental regulations in regards to the restaurant, I have been researching "green building" or "sustainable space" methods.

I have an example of green building below. Isn't it marvelous that the Chinese can trump the Japanese, even in an economic crisis! (The Shanghai Tower is now open, after many years of construction)

Financial apocalypse be damned! The Shanghai Tower, set to reach a whopping 632 meters by the time it's completed, broke ground over the weekend. With its zenith a full 140 meters higher than the Mori Building (currently the world's highest observatory), it'll grab the honors of the tallest building in China.
The Shanghai Tower is organized as nine cylindrical buildings stacked one on top of the other with a double-skinned layer on the outside. The outside layer is triangular shaped and swivels as it reaches upwards. Designed by San Francisco-firm Gensler, the tower plans on accommodating offices, a luxury hotel, nine sky-gardens and various retail and cultural venues, as well as a new Shanghai Metro stop.<br>A lot of folks over here are saying that no matter how bad the current economic situation might get, the chances of this project losing funding is very slim. Ironically, this is probably due to the Mori Building, whose own construction was halted in its tracks by the Asian Financial Crisis—even if The Shanghai Tower turns out to be a money loser, there's no way the Chinese would've stood for having a Japanese building dominate their soil. [The Design Blog]
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I know that Lucretia will not be as big or grand in size as the Shanghai Tower, but I was making a point that we shall need to build or renovate as "green" as possible. So, the colors of the restaurant shall be green to show our commitment to the new technology that our Obamessiah is perpetrating on the USSA!

Che Gourmet wrote: I know that Lucretia will not be as big or grand in size as the Shanghai Tower, but I was making a point that we shall need to build or renovate as "green" as possible. So, the colors of the restaurant shall be green to show our commitment to the new technology that our Obamessiah is perpetrating on the USSA!

Might I suggest that your new restaurant is treated with my patented Talent Shitting™ technology? In this manner you would be giving tribute to your sponsor, Commissar Theocritus, and let's face it, there is nothing more "green" than this all natural, bio-friendly coating....and it won't cost you anything to boot!

Pupovich, I'll let you in on a secret. Che Gourmet and I were considering using your Talent Shitting™ techniques, not as coating, but as the dessert, as it were, of an outdoor banquet which we will give for Rethuglicans.

Che, have you considered the best use of government-subsidized cheese and other dairy? And I'd think that a Welsh Rabbit, or Rarebit, could be made with even the worst cheese, a really nasty beer like Coors light, or horse piss, if you want to nice to the proles, and throw in some casinghead gas.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pupovich, I'll let you in on a secret. Che Gourmet and I were considering using your Talent Shitting™ techniques, not as coating, but as the dessert, as it were, of an outdoor banquet which we will give for Rethuglicans. .

This sounds like a situation where we can get 2 birds for the price of one....a desert for the outdoor banquet while at the same time. coating your new restaurant in an all natural covering.

No, Marshal, I believe that the Commissar meant dessert for the end of the meal.....ugh!.....that even grosses me out!

You can keep your "natural coating"! Who would want to eat at a restaurant covered in birdshit? Although I've heard that birdshit can take the paint off of your vehicle, or almost any other metal, and it is bio-degradable as well.

Comrades, comrades! Cease and desist! It's all a matter of marketing. Have you read the Saki story "Filboid Studge"? (I highly recommend a volume of his short stories; keep you entertained for months and kept me (relatively) sane in college, reading over and over.)

The Kellogg of Britain invented a breakfast cereal with healthful virtues, which he marketed. It tasted horrible and no matter how much they boomed its virtues, people wouldn't buy it. He was going broke.

His daughter wanted to marry an intelligent young man, who would now (this was 100 years ago) be a marketer. He suggested changing the advertising campaign for Filboid Studge from health to one in which there were drawings of shadowy figures in flames, reaching for a box of it, with the caption, "They can't get it now." The drawings were recognizable as the prime minister and other people of the day.

Women instantly started buying it and stuffing it down their children's mouths even though it tasted like cardboard. Health, be damned. It was the marketing.

The man's business grew rich, so rich that he wouldn't let his daughter marry the poor man who saved it.

So as far as bird shit goes, we just don't call it bird shit. I'd suggest <i>crème de merde des oiseaux</i>. This is of course for Che's dessert.

For the coating of the restaurant, All Natural Stucco would work, I think.

My Great and Wise Commissar,

It's still birdshit, regardless of what you call it! I'm sure you must have an old family recipe for this strange dessert? Oh, yes I almost forgot......I found a peculiar picture of one of Pup's talented brigade: Looks like he is into his work, Si?

Che, must I remind you that Professor Kurgman is paid for what is called thought but which nothing but delusion and rage?

Michael Moore is called a film maker but he's a tendentious liar with a video camera.

Hillary is called Empress.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Che, must I remind you that Professor Kurgman is paid for what is called thought but which nothing but delusion and rage?

Michael Moore is called a film maker but he's a tendentious liar with a video camera.

Hillary is called Empress.

OK MY Confusing Commissar,

Clarification of the above statement, please?
I do understand that you are talking about the opposite of what is perceived as reality, but I don't see your reality in this case???? Even the great Chef Che' cannot turn birdshit into creme brulee!
Why do you make me cook this crap? I was under the impression that you wanted Lucretia's to succeed, but I now believe that you have been stringing me along, playing a game with ol' Che'. Is that the real story Commissar? Just amusing yourself, at my expense? You make my head explode and my eyes bleed, Commissar! I am embarrassed to be held up before all the collective, alas, as your... amusement!

I must ponder what to do next. So for now, Adios! I must think....yes, I said think..go ahead, denounce me..I shall never cook birdshit...

Che, I <i>never</i> want you to cook birdshit. Let's go over this one more time.

Lucrezia's will be a five-star eatery. A white-tablecloth restaurant, with good service. With salt and pepper like this, at the Ventana in Tucson

These are <i>good</i> trolls.

The birdshit is for proles and for party members who are being re-educated. Lucrezia's is for the Party Elect. You know, the people who encrust Bollinger bottles with Swarovski crystals spelling out greetings. Where every dish has its own waiter to serve it. Where the waiters have jackets, the busboys vests, the maitre d' a suit. Tails optional.

You won't cook the birdshit. You will oversee the proles ladling it into prison-style cafeteria trays, which will be labeled with appetizing names. Or not.

See? You will have your fine-dining restaurant. </i>Foie gras</i> all you want. Kobe beef with tomato-miso aioli. <i>Poulet en vessie</i>.

Chocolate sorbet with coarse salt and a thyme shortbread. The sky's the limit.

But not for the proles, whose dinners you will only supervise. And that from a distance.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:The birdshit is for proles and for party members who are being re-educated. Lucrezia's is for the Party Elect. You know, the people who encrust Bollinger bottles with Swarovski crystals spelling out greetings. Where every dish has its own waiter to serve it. Where the waiters have jackets, the busboys vests, the maitre d' a suit. Tails optional.

As the Chairman so wisely pointed out, we the Elect, must sacrifice our desires to the needs of the People.