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Dear Leader Upgrades My Tractor Farm

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Comrades! I am delighted beyond words to announce the latest shipment of GM EcoTractors™ to my humble tractor farm. The new EcoTractor™ is environmentally friendly – just see how it blends in so naturally – is gas efficient, comes in People's Glorious Red™, and best of all, you paid for it.

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Now some cynics who would question the judgment of Dear Leader are quick to point out that it has no motor, no loader, no wheels, etc. Some would even dare to say that's like Dear Leader's economic policies which leave us with no incentives, no savings, and no options, but that's just typical of the riffraff that are against Hope™ and Change™ and would try to confuse us with Back and Forth.

But enough of this negativity, let's talk about the EcoTractor™. It is so brilliantly engineered that one gallon of diesel fuel will last the lifetime of the vehicle which is estimated at indefinite by the new designers at GM. It even comes with a real gas can (see picture). It is reliable like no other piece of machinery you can imagine. If you park it someplace today, it will be there tomorrow. You can set your watch by it. It expends virtually no earth destroying fumes, and will expend none at all as soon as I can afford the cap to the gas can. A provision in Dear Leader's brilliant economic plan allows me to exchange ownership of my farm, all my possessions, and my family for the cap on the gas can. It's called Cap and Trade. We are so fortunate to have our decisions guided by Dear Leader.

So comrades, come and see it for yourselves. Since visiting my tractor farm is important state business, you can stay in a hotel, listen to motivational speeches, and be entertained with dancers at no expense to you. But please make reservations so Mrs. Blogunov and I will know how many times to slice the beet so all will be equally served.

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I DENOUNCE BLOGUNOV FOR HAVING A PERSONAL TRACTOR! TRACTORS BELONG TO THE COLLECTIVE. AS IT HAS BEEN, SO MUST IT ALWAYS BE!

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Dear Leader is most generous! Dear Leader is most accommodating!

Comrade Fidel (of course, I don't question his reasons, as he is the leader of all Dear Leaders), took all tractors away at the beginning of his revolution. He told the farmers that he needed them for the revolution.

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The farm subsidy bill of 2008, passed by a two thirds majority (because the evil Bushhitler vetoed it--he said it was too much for the farmers), simply wasn't enough.

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We also propose that all proles who make reservations to visit Kommissar Blogunuv's Tractor Farm receive a free People's Scythe™ and a Peoples Cloak™.

We got Peoples Fields™ to clear Comrades!

And we want to do it Just like Dear Leader!

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Ivan Betinov wrote:I DENOUNCE BLOGUNOV FOR HAVING A PERSONAL TRACTOR! TRACTORS BELONG TO THE COLLECTIVE. AS IT HAS BEEN, SO MUST IT ALWAYS BE!
Remember, cerebellum under glass, that it's a GM EcoTractorTM and that it was "given" to me by Dear Leader. In fact, a new provision in the People's Farm Bill makes it illegal to buy your own personal tractor once you receive an EcoTractorTM from our benevolent government. We are so fortunate to have a government that protects us from making choices.

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Most Glorius Kommissar Blogunuv, that will go peachy with HR 875 the "Food Safety Modernization Act" which already has holistic people who love their Organic Food, and Small Farmers in an uproar! Squirm proles squirm, Monsanto and His O'liness have a plan!




or

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epXNJNjYBvw

or


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I think comrade Jeff Foxworthy is laughing right now.

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Comrades! I think we are being played here. Not two days ago, purely in the interests of the Common Good(TM) and risking my life and good name, I infiltrated Facebook and contacted Comrade Blogunov, pretending to answer his ad about selling a talking tractor. Turns out, it's not made by GM but is a "a fine example of reliable, Soviet era technology." Judge for yourselves:

Red Square: Hi, Red Square here. Answering your ad about selling a talking tractor. In what language is it talking and does it use profanities? My backhoe can be very sensitive sometimes.

Blogunov: It speaks in heavily accented English, usually the pseudo East European accent common among villains in the original Mission Impossible series. Nevertheless, it avoids profanities and is considerate of other machinery. However, it is prone to tiresome blathering about how "in its day" it accomplished 5 year plans in only 3 1/2 years. Other than that, it's a fine example of reliable, Soviet era technology.

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Either we are talking about the heroic Boris the Talking Tractorhere, or I don't know anything about tractors.

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Comrade Red Square,

You got me all weepy and nostalgic. Here is a picture of my father-in-law's tractor from 1948 (or thereabouts)--as if I was even born at that time.

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Comrades! I can't believe my eyes! I am rejoicing in such a great fashion; finding and joining such a group of true followers! Surely, we can all have such tractors. Surely our dear leader will finally tell us to plant real vegetables in our front yards, rather than this unproductive chemical laced grass which causes the great heat engulfing us. Oh how I agree. To have such a tractor such as this will help me as I bring my potatoes to the leaders market. So green, so great.

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Red Square wrote:Comrades! I think we are being played here. Not two days ago, purely in the interests of the Common Good(TM) and risking my life and good name, I infiltrated Facebook and contacted Comrade Blogunov, pretending to answer his ad about selling a talking tractor. Turns out, it's not made by GM but is a "a fine example of reliable, Soviet era technology." Judge for yourselves:

Red Square: Hi, Red Square here. Answering your ad about selling a talking tractor. In what language is it talking and does it use profanities? My backhoe can be very sensitive sometimes.

Blogunov: It speaks in heavily accented English, usually the pseudo East European accent common among villains in the original Mission Impossible series. Nevertheless, it avoids profanities and is considerate of other machinery. However, it is prone to tiresome blathering about how "in its day" it accomplished 5 year plans in only 3 1/2 years. Other than that, it's a fine example of reliable, Soviet era technology.

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Either we are talking about the heroic Boris the Talking Tractorhere, or I don't know anything about tractors.
There is no problem here. The GM EcoTractorTM is a reconditioned Soviet era tractor. It's part of the planet saving recycling agreement Dear Leader reached with Medvedev.


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MarxMan wrote:Comrades! I can't believe my eyes! I am rejoicing in such a great fashion; finding and joining such a group of true followers! Surely, we can all have such tractors. Surely our dear leader will finally tell us to plant real vegetables in our front yards, rather than this unproductive chemical laced grass which causes the great heat engulfing us. Oh how I agree. To have such a tractor such as this will help me as I bring my potatoes to the leaders market. So green, so great.

Welcome Comrade MarxMan,

Now that you are in the gulag, you will no longer have to think for yourself, and nothing will be your fault. Of course, once you are issued a shovel and a People's RifleTM by Colonel 7.62, you will receive irregular, no, that's wrong, regular beet rations, and an occasional swig of the People's VodkaTM. In order to cleanse yourself of all Capitalist brainwashing, it is best to get yourself to a JiffiLoboTM center as soon as possible. Any of these terms can be learned about in bits and pieces by typing them into an "Illegal search" at the top of the page.

Comrade Leninka
Hirsute, Progressive female comrade of the Progressive World of Next TuesdayTM

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Comrades,

I think I am beginning to understand government competition. I thought mainly John Deere and CAT made such farm gear but now: GM is growing into new markets! Unions work!

Moreover, I think we should applaud the new 0 mpg fuel efficiency. It has all the markings of the omniscience of Comrade-President 0bama himself. I've read with tears in my eyes the superhuman accomplishments of SuperDuper Leader Kim Il-Sung, yet not even he came up with a 0 mpg engine.

I am turning toward DC to prostrate myself, or at least waggle my prostate in deference.

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Leninka wrote:
MarxMan wrote:Comrades! I can't believe my eyes! I am rejoicing in such a great fashion; finding and joining such a group of true followers! Surely, we can all have such tractors. Surely our dear leader will finally tell us to plant real vegetables in our front yards, rather than this unproductive chemical laced grass which causes the great heat engulfing us. Oh how I agree. To have such a tractor such as this will help me as I bring my potatoes to the leaders market. So green, so great.

Welcome Comrade MarxMan,

Now that you are in the gulag, you will no longer have to think for yourself, and nothing will be your fault. Of course, once you are issued a shovel and a People's RifleTM by Colonel 7.62, you will receive irregular, no, that's wrong, regular beet rations, and an occasional swig of the People's VodkaTM. In order to cleanse yourself of all Capitalist brainwashing, it is best to get yourself to a JiffiLoboTM center as soon as possible. Any of these terms can be learned about in bits and pieces by typing them into an "Illegal search" at the top of the page.

Comrade Leninka
Hirsute, Progressive female comrade of the Progressive World of Next TuesdayTM

Actually the vodka rations are more regular than the beet rations. Keeping a prole buzzed is of course more important that keeping them fed. Buzzed proles just look for their next fix , which the state happily provides.

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We agree Colonel, MORE VODKA RATIONS!

If it worked for Stalin, it works for The Party™.

While vodkanated we suggest a full comprehensive Peoples Glossary Tour...and a prolonged visit to the KMTC.

Hail Che!

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MarxMan wrote:Comrades! I can't believe my eyes! I am rejoicing in such a great fashion; finding and joining such a group of true followers! Surely, we can all have such tractors. Surely our dear leader will finally tell us to plant real vegetables in our front yards, rather than this unproductive chemical laced grass which causes the great heat engulfing us. Oh how I agree. To have such a tractor such as this will help me as I bring my potatoes to the leaders market. So green, so great.
Indeed you are right, Comrade MarxMan. Dear Leader says that if we wish to keep our grass, we may. We just have to pay an additional 8% of our income tax for the privilege - Dear Leader is so generous and thoughtful. Later on, we'll all be directed to grow Party approved vegetables only in our front yards, but this is another example of Dear Leader making wiser choices than we could ever make on our own.

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Komissar Blogunov wrote:.....that it's a GM EcoTractorTM and that it was "given" to me by Dear Leader. In fact, a new provision in the People's Farm Bill makes it illegal to buy your own personal tractor once you receive an EcoTractorTM from our benevolent government. We are so fortunate to have a government that protects us from making choices.

Now wait just a Leningrad minute here....just what "Dear Leader" are you referring to Kommissar? Do you mean our very own beloved Leader, Red Square? Or that 2nd rate imitation Song? And if it is a gift, then I know you will not mind showing us the correct mandatory permit allowing this into our joint collective, or the processing fee?

Finally, just what sort of bill are you backing that only makes it illegal to buy your own tractor AFTER you have been provided a State Approved EcoTractor™? No, that could lead to some surge in proles trying to buy new personal tractors NOW, before they actually receive these tractors... a delay no doubt caused by "wreckers" which I will track down and bring to the PeopleJustice™ unit.

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I do not have grand award such as tractor from Dear Leader but I was given new work as school bus driver for primary indocrination school while awaiting my new assignment in Turkey. To celebrate having a job in present economy I am taking my students to many cultural events where they can find hope and change.


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